FKA Twigs details how Shia LaBeouf groomed her, then began terrorizing her

Celebrities leave The Burberry London Fashion Week 2019 show!

FKA Twigs sued Shia LaBeouf for sexual battery, assault and emotional distress about six weeks ago, in mid-December. Twigs dated Shia for about a year, and she is still dealing with the trauma from that relationship. I tend to believe her lawsuit was mostly about forcing Shia to face who he is and perhaps force him to get help. So far, all we’ve heard is that he is looking for a place which might help him, like a rehab for abusers, only nothing has really come of it. So the lawsuit goes on, and Twigs continues to tell her story. She spoke with Louis Theroux for his series, Grounded. The BBC had a breakdown of the discussion, and here are some highlights:

The honeymoon period before the abuse began: “[There is] an intense honeymoon period at the beginning, which is a signifier of how brilliant things can be. It sets the benchmark for if you behave well. And if you fulfil all of the requirements and meet the rules, and all these things of the abuser, it can… be great.”

After the honeymoon period, Shia began to exert control over her: “The grooming, the pushing of your emotional and spiritual boundaries.” She says Shia would become jealous if she spoke to anyone else, “Being nice to a waiter, or being polite to somebody, that could be seen as me flirting or wanting to engage in some sort of relationship with somebody else, when I’m literally just ordering pasta… I was told that I knew what he was like and if I loved him, I wouldn’t look men in the eye. That was my reality for a good four months.”

Shia counted the number of kisses she gave him: “I had a quota I had to meet, that would change. It was like touches or looks or kisses… His previous partner apparently met this number very well, so I was inadequate compared to a previous partner of his. And I had to get the touches and the kisses correct. But I never… knew what the number exactly was.” If she didn’t hit the quota, “he would start an argument with me, berate me for hours, make me feel like the worst person ever.” He so convinced her that she was a terrible girlfriend that she would ring ex-partners to ask if she was horrible.

He would wake her up in the middle of the night: “…to accuse me of all sorts of things. He accused me of staring at the ceiling and thinking about ways to leave him… Accused me of not wanting to be with him. Accused me of wanting to be with somebody else. It would be always… between like four and seven in the morning.” She says throughout lockdown she has been, “trying not to wake up between three and seven [am] in a panic attack. I am there now, just, but for a long time anything that woke me up in the night, even if it was just my dog or a noise outside or needing to go to the bathroom, it would trigger an intense panic attack, because I was left with PTSD.” She reiterates wanting to talk about this because, “I don’t think we really talk about, as a society, the healing of leaving and how much work then has to be done to recover and get back to the person you were before.”

Why she didn’t leave: “That, ‘Why didn’t you leave?’ conversation is something I really want to tackle,” says twigs. “People often ask the victim or survivor, ‘Why didn’t you leave?’ instead of asking the abuser, ‘Why are you holding someone hostage through abusive behaviour?’ It’s a fair question for you to ask me, but it puts a lot on me. It puts a lot on victims and survivors.” She says that leaving, “genuinely felt impossible. I felt so controlled and I felt so confused and I felt so low, beneath myself, that the fear of leaving and knowing I had all this work to do to get back to just feeling OK, it was completely overwhelming.”

Growing up biracial in the UK: “I remember all the kids having to hold hands, like two-by-two, and [a girl] wouldn’t hold my hand in case the colour came off. I was probably about four and I’d never realised I was a different colour. It was the first time I’d ever, ever realised.”

Dealing with racism when she dated Robert Pattinson. “I think they considered that he should definitely be with someone white and blonde.” She says people on social media would compare her to monkeys, which deeply hurt her confidence for a long time. “But just for everyone to know, I now love how I look and I’m very confident.”

[From BBC]

I remember that Pattinson era and his fans – and Kristen Stewart fans – were unspeakably racist to Twigs. I also remember that Rob never said much about it in defense of Twigs and that kind of pissed me off too. I wonder if it pissed her off. As for her detailing of the abuse she suffered from Shia… Jesus. I found her descriptions of how the gaslighting and grooming began really striking – I’m guessing many girls and women will relate to that and begin to question what they put up with, the emotional and psychological abuse they’ve suffered at the hands of intimate partners. Shia is so disgusting, my God.

Shia LaBeouf out for his morning run as ex-girlfriend FKA Twigs sues him for sexual assault

FKA Twigs attending the  NME Awards 2020 at the O2 Academy Brixton, London

Photos courtesy of Backgrid, WENN.

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74 Responses to “FKA Twigs details how Shia LaBeouf groomed her, then began terrorizing her”

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  1. Sojaschnitzel says:

    I for one am definitely grateful that she speaks up about this publicly. I haven’t had an experience as horrible as hers, but it did make me question one or two or more things that my ex did, which in hindsight seem quite manipulative. Sharing these things is important, and beneficial to all of us.

    • DaffiestPlot says:

      I have, and her explanation for why she didn’t leave is spot on: “I felt so controlled and I felt so confused and I felt so low, beneath myself, that the fear of leaving and knowing I had all this work to do to get back to just feeling OK, it was completely overwhelming.”

      If people knew this is what goes through a victim’s head — the shame and the confusion and the fear of judgment — they wouldn’t ask that question.

      • Drea says:

        It’s been a long time, but I’ve been in a similar situation, and it was bad. I don’t know if I ever personally felt low and beaten down (I always fought back and thought that meant I was strong *hard eye roll*), but I did feel like I was ultimately responsible for his welfare, and so I was controlled in that way. If I left, he might kill himself, and it would be my fault.

        Abusers have a keen eye on weaponizing people’s strengths (compassion, responsibility, caretaking, etc) against their victims. And you don’t know it when you’re in it.

      • Wiglet Watcher says:

        I love this part of the whole great article.

      • Sandra says:

        Yep. That was part of my fear of leaving my abusive ex too. I was already in a really low and vulnerable place emotionally (that’s why he chose me – abusers seek out vulnerable, hurt people that they can prey on). I was so scared of being at ground zero and having to build myself up again. I was so thankful that it turned out that I felt so, so, sooo much better after I left him for good. It wasn’t ground zero at all.
        And I can relate to what Drea said. If i tried to leave, he’d threaten to kill himself or hurt someone else by driving around drunk, and if that happened it would be my fault. I had to get to a place where I realized it wasn’t my fault at all – it was all him.

      • julieJ says:

        I wish someone would put this on a t-shirt. It takes victims of abuse 7-8 tries to leave. And for all of the reasons she stated. It would end the “why didn’t you leave if it was so bad?” conversation immediately. He’s toxic. He’s not getting hired anytime soon.

      • Delilah says:

        @ Drea. Spot on. It took me years to learn this. I hate to see anyone suffer and always want to help. I prioritized my partner’s health/safety/well-being over my own happiness. Whenever he would engage in some dysfunctional behavior like manorexia, alcoholism or even nose bleeds because each was so nuanced at the point of occurrence I would set aside my needs and kick into savior gear—reaching out to facilities, therapies and even his sister for a intervention. All of it was done to control me. I know now, but I didn’t know while it was happening.

    • GraceB says:

      I’m so happy to hear her addressing the ‘why didn’t you leave’ question in particular.
      As someone who’s been in an abusive relationship, that question leaves me feeling ashamed every time, like it was my fault. Thats a mental battle that the abuser created in the first place. More people need to know that this can happen to anyone. It isn’t because you’re a weak person and it isn’t as simple as just leaving.

      • paranormalgirl says:

        some of the strongest people I’ve encountered have been in abusive relationships. They sneak up on you and by the time you realize it, you’re in too deep to even fathom HOW to get out.

      • Mariposa says:

        Yes, and they often manipulate you to think that the strongest thing you could do would be to stay in the relationship, and you’d be weak if you left! It is like upside down world.

        I was unlucky to be overseas and isolated from friends and family when I met someone who tried to do this to me, but lucky to have a sister who was able to talk me into getting on a plane and just leaving the country (without telling the guy). I was telling her, ‘I can cope, I can deal with this,’ and she said, ‘You’re not coping and you shouldn’t have to. Don’t even think about it, book the ticket, fly to me, and you can process it all later when he’s on a different continent.’ Best advice ever.

      • Drea says:

        Omg, Mariposa, yes. Exactly.

        I was so convinced that I had to save him from drowning, that I couldn’t see that I was drowning myself. I wasn’t pulling him up, he was pulling me right down with him. Turns out, as soon as I stopped trying, I was out of the water and he was still exactly the same, trying to make me as miserable as he was, all to feel a bit better about himself, or something. I still don’t understand the motivation. He was (still is?) a deeply troubled person.

      • Delilah says:

        @ Mariposa, I love your sister! I can’t imagine how daunting that must have been for you. Glad you got on that plane and left your abuser in the rearview.

        I unfortunately was entrenched in or with a circle of women socialized to tolerate abuse so they couldn’t recognize mine and let my cries for help go unheard. From the outside they thought I had it good compared to them despite how transparent I was about my experience in my relationship.

        Now I’ve taken great pains to evaluate my network/support system to ensure I have the right back up. Not that I need to be rescued. Above all else I vow to listen to my voice and follow my instincts because they were right.

    • Eni says:

      Yes, she’s very articulate here as well. This type of high profile explanation can also help potential abusers to check their behaviour -they need to be a minimum self aware for this obviously, but will think “hang on, I’ve talked of a kissing quota to my ex, maybe it wasn’t normal after all”.
      So applauding twig for being so eloquent, and detailed with concrete examples of what emotional abuse and manipulation actually is.

    • LillyfromLilooet says:

      THIS

  2. jbyrdku says:

    I remember wayyyyyyyyy back in the Project Greenlight Days, when he was really starting to transition out of the “child” roles yet was still firmly in kid territory. He seemed like a really great kid. I also remember seeing one of those “making of” documentaries about struggling actors/actresses a few years later, and he was in the footage.

    One of the extras from the iRobot (I liked that movie!) set was talking to him. She said something completely innocuous, and Shia snapped back something to the effect of “yeah, but I’m the talent.” That surprised me at the time. It’s such a jerk thing to say anyway, but the way he popped it off really made me think he was a total d-bag.

  3. Jane says:

    My heart hurts for her.

    • Twin falls says:

      +1

      She’s very gifted at conveying ideas and feelings through words. Not all victims are able to do that for themselves. Hearing/seeing those words convey theses things that are so rarely acknowledged but too frequently experienced is important and hopefully healing and empowering for other people still in or finally out of an abusive situation.

  4. Jordana says:

    Being woken up in the middle of the night to listen to accusations and demands for my email password. I didn’t call it abuse at the time, I just thought he was feeling very insecure, and that was just who he was. And maybe it was my fault and in some way I had caused him to feel insecure. I was accused constantly of cheating, and of desiring the husbands of our couple-friends, and I was questioned on my whereabouts constantly. I knew it wasn’t normal or healthy, but I didn’t feel like it was enough for a reason to leave. And also thought if I could just calm all his fears, his behaviour would eventually stop.
    Don’t ask why she didn’t just leave.

    • Nina Simone says:

      Sending love! 🧡

    • Embee says:

      Jordana I am so sorry. I had this as well, and it is absolutely horrible. You could not have fixed him and I sincerely hope that you are in a better place now. Sending hugs. Also, agreed: stop asking why she didn’t leave. Of every woman

      • Jordana says:

        @nina @nembee
        Thank you! 😊 I’m in a much better place now, divorced 3 years ago. Sometimes stories like this cause memories to resurface for me.

    • kelleybelle says:

      Oh, I’ve been there too! Profound insecurity on his part. It’s not about you, it’s about him.

    • Sandra says:

      *Hugs, hugs and more hugs*
      I’d have to deal with texts and calls at all hours of the night after I left my abusive ex: “who are you dating now?” “I know you must have left me for someone else, who is it?” “You never cared about me, admit it.” “I’m gonna do it – I’m going to kill myself.” “I’m driving around drunk right now and I don’t care who I hurt and it’s your fault.” That was at a time when cell phones didn’t necessarily have the technology to block numbers. Mine didn’t. It was awful. I lied to him and said I was about to block his number and I wouldn’t be receiving any more texts from him. He then switched to instant message (blocked himi), email (blocked him), Social media (blocked him), writing letters! (never responded). When that didn’t work he started calling my coworkers AT WORK and grilling them about who I was dating.
      I did eventually leave for good once I opened up to my family and they HAD. MY. BACK. Not everyone has a family who loves them like that.

      • Jordana says:

        @Sandra that is terrifying! I’m glad you got away. You are safe now?
        It’s been 3 years for me. He was cheating, and he had spent years accusing me of cheating which made me very defensive and sad. He was making accusations to deflect attention from his own activities, I can see that now. He has and continues to harass me about who I’m dating now. And harassing the man I’m dating. The audacity of these men.

  5. GreenBunny says:

    Years and years ago, I dated someone similar to what she’s describing and holy hell, I can feel everything she’s describing. I was in college at the time and was assigned by my prof into a group, so I had no say in it. The fight we got into was insane. I will add that another reason it’s hard to leave is they isolate you so much. In the lovebombing phase, they have you cut off friends for reasons like, they aren’t good enough, they make up stories, or they love you so much that they just want to be with you. Then once the abuse starts, you also become isolated from family and suddenly you’re alone with this one person and it’s that much harder to escape. For me, I was in Texas, and my entire family was in PA, so it was really easy to isolate me. I ended up having my brother fly to me and we left the next day to drive to PA. There’s stuff still in Texas that I left just to get away and that was almost 20 years ago. I understand exactly what she went through and I’m glad she’s safe and has the confidence to speak up and hold him accountable to his actions. No one should be treated like that.

    • Unicorn Realist says:

      Your story is mine in Jan 2018. My brother and Father had to fly from CA to come get me and drive me and my dog back. I left everything behind. Learned later that my ex fiance pulled a loaded gun on his then wife. Leaving him in Texas best thing I did. Took 3 years to feel safe. Hugs.

  6. duchess of hazard says:

    I hate using the word ‘strong’ for black women (because, really with that adjective we aren’t seen as worthy of protection as white women are) but damn it, there’s no other word for Twigs at the moment. For her to not only file but show up and talk about this so openly without shirking is really brass ovaries.

    • Embee says:

      I agree: she is bold and innovative, just like her art. I loved what she said about “tackling this conversation about ‘why didn’t she leave’ v ‘why are you holding your loved one hostage via abuse?’” THAT is exactly the right question to ask!

    • lucy2 says:

      She’s incredibly brave. Not only to get herself away from him, not only to file the papers, but to be willing to talk about this publicly, knowing how society treats victims, how it treats women, and especially how it treats Black women. And she still stood up and spoke the truth.

  7. Darla says:

    Abusers are reallly realllly good at normalizing their behavior.

  8. BC says:

    Wow she’s been through a lot. I hope genuine love comes her way. I hope Shia is … CANCELLED FOREVER. I know, to me, he is.

    • Teresa says:

      I agree on canceling him, but also I want there to be more accountability on people like him. Like sex offenders having to register same for domestic abusers. I hope she recovers from this and he flits off into oblivion never to be seen or heard from again.

    • February-Pisces says:

      Yep, I hope Armie Hammer is making room in the bin for Shia.

  9. Stacy Dresden says:

    Accusations, insinuations, constant criticism, alienating and eliminating friends, selecting out clothing and accessories, public undermining, humiliation. These are the things abusers do. I’ve been there. I am so sorry she experienced this trauma. These conversations need to be had and as loudly as we can.

    • I am Mimi says:

      Me, too. My husband ripped up my leggings because they were too tight (I was going to the gym).

  10. Miranda says:

    I almost typed “this poor woman,” but then I thought better of it, because that seems almost insulting to her. It makes her sound pitiful, and Twigs is definitely not that. It takes so much strength and courage to talk about this, especially because our culture is total garbage and is still much too willing to give horrible men a pass while savagely tearing apart the women those men terrorize. I would love for this to absolutely destroy Shia, personally and professionally, but realistically? I don’t know. I hope Twigs realizes that, even if her legal case doesn’t go anywhere, if she helps just one woman recognize a dangerous relationship and get the hell away from that, it was worth it to put her story out in the open.

  11. Lucas says:

    That’s sad. My respect for her just shot up immensely. Props for speaking out.

  12. Anname says:

    The worst of the racism came from ex Twilight fans who couldn’t let go of Edward and Bella, and some South American Pattinson fans who were constantly barraging twigs social media with vile comments. From my experience in the fandom, the great majority of Pattinson fans were horrified by it.

    Rob did speak of it during a long interview with Howard Stern. It was not just a callous choice not to defend her. From what he said, they agonized over a strategy to deal with it. He said trying to fight back was like uselessly punching at reflections and shadows, and that merely acknowledging these “demons” online just gives them more power. It was a conscious decision not to engage so as not to empower the demons. He clearly spoke of how real the impact was on them, the frustrating powerlessness he felt to protect her from it, and the guilt he carries knowing he brought that into her life. No question it contributed to their break up. I was really disappointed when they split,.

    Her interviews are always a good read, and it’s nice to hear she’s in a much better place now. Shia can join Armie Hammer and never be heard from again.

    • February-Pisces says:

      The racism she received was disgusting. I think some of those ‘stans’ couldn’t handle seeing their white dashing heartthrob with a non white woman. I guess so many women are threatened of the idea that a handsome white man, who can have his pick of any beautiful white woman would turn that down for a woman of colour. I loved them together, and I liked seeing rob with someone edgy rather than some generic glamorous trophy girl like dicaprio goes for.

    • Midnightatthemuseum says:

      Thanks Anname I was just going to make exactly the same response. There has been massive support for twigs from the vast majority of fans. It’s just this evil tiny majority, and yes they do come from countries where racism is endemic, which reflects badly on the fandom. The Howard Stern interview was extremely interesting, the only time that RP has spoken so openly. I do hope people will listen to the whole Louis Theroux podcast with twigs which is on BBC Sounds.

    • lincolngirl says:

      True Rob fans rooted for the relationship – many became fans of twigs in her own right. A lot of us were disappointed when they broke up. The thing with Shia pissed some of us too considering Rob was promoting a film with Mia Goth while twigs was with Shia – I wonder if Shia created that situation intentionally. He’s a sick f*ck. I do wish Rob would’ve been more vocal in supporting her, but I always got the sense that he felt it would just bring more negative attention her way.

  13. lucy2 says:

    I am so sorry that he put her through all that, but glad she got away. I can’t imagine how bad it was when she actually left him. I’m in awe of her bravery speaking about this publicly, and I do hope it helps others.
    I hope Margaret really did break things off with him, because that was likely heading down the same path. He’s an abuser and likely won’t ever change.

  14. damejudi says:

    Yes, ask the abuser why they’re holding their partner hostage via abusive behavior! She turns the victim blaming back where it belongs-on the abuser.

    It’s a little long to be emblazoned on a t-shirt, but I’m struck by her crystal clear logic. She’s come through this with such wisdom and purpose.

    • Doodle says:

      I was kept naked in his bedroom while he accused me of cheating because my vagina “felt different” when he had the sex I didn’t want to have that morning. His parents were in the next room over and didn’t bother to do anything. I almost lost my job because I didn’t show up. I had already tried breaking up with him and he just wouldn’t go away, he would talk circles around me until he’d convince me to give him another chance. But being basically held hostage for three hours, naked and terrified, is what finally did it for me. That was 20 years ago and I still hear his voice in my head despite being married to someone else. It never really goes away. I had tried to talk to my parents about him but they were charmed by him and thought I was being over dramatic.

  15. Eenie Googles says:

    I don’t think Pattinson was “not defending” her—I took it as him refusing to acknowledge it, refusing to give it power, refusing to bring these really hurtful things even more into the headlines.

    I’m sure they discussed it. Maybe she didn’t *want* him to talk about it.

  16. Exactly says:

    Never let anyone silence you. Especially when you know what they did was wrong. She is saving someone’s life right now and I’m so glad she has spoken up. She is giving me strength. Rise up FKA Twigs. I got you🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🤗🤗🤗♥️♥️♥️.

  17. outofthecloset says:

    She is tremendously talented and also tremendously brave for showing us her most vulnerable moments in the name of helping others. Somebody give her an award for advocacy already–she needs to know how much we love and support her, and how much her words are making a difference.

  18. Sumodo1 says:

    Shia is taking forever to seek help. He doesn’t see the need to change? What is he waiting for?

  19. Eleonor says:

    I hope she is on a better healthier place now.
    I don’t have words for him.

  20. Amelie says:

    When she was dating Robert Pattinson, Twigs basically went through exactly what Meghan Markle went through with the British media. It’s something the two of them can unfortunately “bond” over if they were ever to meet. They met the same level of unhinged rabid racist attacks. Above someone said Robert did talk about the racism Twigs experienced during their relationship during an interview with Howard Stern and that they agonized trying to figure out a way to address it. Well, we all remember Harry’s statement to the media defending Meghan and accusing the media of being racist to her a few months after they were dating. He spoke up against it and the general consensus from the British media was “how DARE he accuse US of racism?” It REALLY pissed them off and ever since the British media has had knives out for Meghan, encouraging the crazies on the Internet. So, it’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. It doesn’t necessarily make the situation better and I think Rob and Twigs both decided they didn’t want to feed into it to give those crazy people attention.

    As for the whole Shia thing, Twigs is a warrior and a survivor, that’s for sure. Also I can’t understand how any woman in their right mind now would get into a relationship with him. I know he will somehow get more girlfriends and they’ll all be the one to think they are different and can change him. But Twigs has put him on blast at least.

  21. Bibi says:

    She is growing on me by being such a good person, and it’s very generous to be revealing such personal traumatizing story.

  22. Cee says:

    My ex boyfriend was a piece of shit a la LaBeouf. He manipulated me, berated me and abused me in many different ways. He would always blame me for SOMETHING. If I didn’t message him every hour, I was a bad girlfriend and didn’t care about him. If I didn’t spend every waking moment with him, I was a bad girlfriend and perhaps I should be single as I was behaving like a single woman. If I had lunch with friends I was looking to cheat on him. And on and on and on.
    The honeymoon period was so nice that I didn’t see the change happen until it was very obvious and I was so gaslighted and abused I couldn’t leave him. I managed to do so one night when he accused me of something so ridiculous I just lost it and told him to leave me alone, he almost hit me. That was the breaking point for me and what made me realise “I don’t deserve this shit” so I basically escaped in my car and hoped to God he would leave me alone and not come after me.

    So yeah, it would be nice if “why didn’t you leave?” stopped being used. Abusers should be questioned, not their victims.

  23. Leigh says:

    He sounds exactly like my ex. He’d keep me awake all night for refusing sex or just to torment me and spew his negativity at me all night. He’d snatch my pillow and blanket, pour cold water on me, scream in my face, or turn the temperature way down in the winter or way up in the summer so I couldn’t go to sleep and force me to get out of bed to adjust the thermostat, then he’d promptly adjust it back if I tried to go back to bed. He’d punch me all over except my face because that somehow made it childlike “frogging” and not really punching me and therefore, in his mind, not abuse. In his twisted logic, he was only retaliating against some horrible thing I had done (which was almost always completely made up by him). If I managed to get him to leave, or if I moved out, he climbed through my windows in the middle of the night and the first things he grabbed were my car keys and phone. He was absolutely horrible, coerced me into doing things out of my character only to use it as blackmail to tell friends, family and my employer if I tried to leave. I finally had to just say f it and 10 years later I still hear lies he tells (through our kids :’( these days I know now that how he impregnated me is tantamount to rape but back then I was so powerless and inexperienced). It makes me so sick to read comments on social media giving Shia credit for “not denying it” or whatever other subtle (or not so subtle) ways of blaming the victim that’s so infuriatingly common in society in general. I love what she said about “why not ask the abuser why they’re holding someone hostage with abusive behavior” because that’s exactly what it felt like. I was a hostage waiting for a safe time to escape, which only came when he was finally arrested in a new county, the county we had been living in would never arrest him when neighbors or myself called 911 (recently, that county sheriff’s campaign manager walked away with no charges after beating his wife black and blue, making local newspapers and a 2 year restraining order barring him from seeing his kids it was such a brutal assault. Yet he escaped criminal charges and is still best friends with the Sheriff, all to say that I did not receive any help from that department for 5 years). And yet he still parades himself around preaching about Jesus and Christianity and pretends he wasn’t an absolute monster, the family court still deems it appropriate for him to have unsupervised visits because “he didn’t hurt the kids”, and if I ever opened my mouth about his abuse I know I’d be branded as bitter and can’t move on from the past. Yeah, sorry it doesn’t work like that. He still did all those things to me even if it was 10 years ago. We’d never expect a victim of attempted murder or rape to be friendly with their assailant yet mothers are asked to every day in family court or else be branded as a vengeful ex that’s uncooperative. Society itself is stacked against the victims and I’m so proud of her for making herself so vulnerable and open to more abuse for bringing HIS abhorrent behavior to light. I wish I could be so brave so publicly.

    • Darla says:

      I’m sorry Leigh. I think you’re brave for leaving him and getting through this.

    • February-Pisces says:

      @leigh reading your story and all the other stories on here has been eye opening. Abuse is something so many women have to endure in silence. That’s why I have so much admiration for FKA twigs and other women who were brave enough to speak out, cos I can only imaging how hard that must be. X

      • Delilah says:

        @ Leigh, I can’t imagine the strength it takes to sustain a relationship or maintain contact with your abuser because of kids. Please know that even if it’s virtual, you have my support. One of the worst parts of abuse IMO is not being believed especially if your abuser is connected or charms everyone else so that your credibility is undermined. I’m so mad when I think of all of us and what we’ve endured I could just spit! Take care.

  24. EllieK says:

    I wonder how she’s dealing with the herpes. Apparently, the first year is the worst. Did he actively TRY to give her an STD? Like was his end goal to ensure that she caught it from him? He’s nuts.

    • Veronica S. says:

      A lot of abusers, especially male ones, refuse to use barrier contraception under the pretense they don’t like it or are uncomfortable. It’s usually a way to control their victim, both as a form of emotional abuse (I don’t care about your sexual health, and you have to accept that/contraception is YOUR responsibility not mine) and as a form of biological control (STDs generate a sense of shame and embarrassment, pregnancy can be used to force them to undergo the trauma of a coerced abortion or a child can be used as a means of economic or hostage control).

  25. Miasys says:

    She is so resilient. I really admire her for speaking out and sharing her story. I loathe when a survivor is asked why they stayed in a relationship. It’s past time to redirect that question back and ask the abuser why they hurt someone they profess to love. Reasons to stay are complex and different for each survivor and no else needs to instert themselves in the narrative and pile on the survivor. Just because you want to understand it doesn’t mean you deserve to at the expense of the survivor. If you want to help, ask what you can do instead of offering up judgment. As a survivor i don’t feel compelled to make other people comfortable with my story, or my journey. ymmv.

  26. Izzy says:

    I don’t think there is a rehab that can fix this kind of thing. People like Shia LaBoeuf a fundamentally broken. They view other human beings as objects, and have zero remorse about abusing said objects.

    • Jenn says:

      DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) is really good at tackling this behavior spiral, and I wish more people knew it is an option. When someone experiences developmental trauma in childhood, they fail to learn the coping skills other people learned, and they have longstanding attachment disorders besides. DBT is a crash course in learning how to relate to other people — it was designed to treat BPD, which hitherto was stigmatized as “untreatable” — and, speaking from my personal experience, it’s good for interrupting/breaking the “shame cycle.” A two-year intensive course led by a therapist could really help young men with dysregulated emotions and impulse-control problems, such as Shia and Armie. (It would also probably be helpful to those young men’s victims, who in many cases are now left wrestling with their own anger and shame.)

  27. Elizabeth says:

    So many stories just like hers: my heart is broken. It reminds me of a really bad relationship I was in. He would scream at me in public and I would just freeze. Worse things too. Abuse is so common and so normalized. Really glad she is free now. Shia should be in court.

  28. Wiglet Watcher says:

    I dated a man for only a few months, but it took me almost a year to get away from him. He is an alcoholic and when he was sober had some personality issues. What she says about being berated for hours and woken up to be harassed on the night is all ringing true to me.

    They can attack you with words causing more damage than physical attacks. Eventually I saw the pattern I was in and knew anywhere was going to be better than here.

    • Myra says:

      That’s too true what you say about words. I think that’s the pattern that they start though – emotionally attack the person until they break down and are isolated from others. The physical abuse takes place after. It’s good you got away when you did.

  29. Ams says:

    I dated an emotional abuser a few years ago… It was a horrific experience, because the gas lighting and head fucking was so intense that I really did lose confidence in my ability to understand what was happening. He liked to talk about how his father was an abusive asshole… making me feel sorry for him, and compassionate for his pain. Bit then he would also use the same abuse tactics he’d suffered through on me. It was so confusing. He really saw himself as a victim, while victimizing me.

    I’m a outspoken successful entrepreneur… But somehow he had me convinced that I was weak and not strong enough for him? The head fucking was so intense.

    I never did figure out if his abuse was conscious or unconscious, but after a year I got the fuck out. It took me several years to mentally untangle from the situation though… And I still think about him more than anyone should think about some rando they dated for a year, back when Obama was still in office.

    • Delilah says:

      @ AMS playing the victim is so fundamental to these abusers. They always have a back story about mistreatment or abuse suffered at the hands of a toxic patriarch or matriarch. Since we are socialized to believe men don’t cry that—crying— is a delightful little tactic I’ve experienced. Crying and other theatrics. While you’re in deep it’s easy to interpret it as them having a wide emotional range. In reality it’s all manipulation.

  30. Veronica S. says:

    God, like f*cking ants crawling all over me reading that. So many flashbacks to my sister’s abusive ex-boyfriend and the kind of stuff he would say and do to her. It is so vital to start teaching these red flags in sex ed classes and the like so people can go in with some ability to recognize early warning signs. It won’t and can’t save everyone because abusers are really just that good at taking advantage of people’s better instincts, but it may help some avoid it. The cost that we’re seeing, that Twigs herself is personally paying, is so much worse if it’s allowed to get to the point of mental conditioning. Nobody should have to live that, and nobody should live with its pain after.

  31. emu says:

    I’m so glad she is bringing attention to this issue.

  32. L4frimaire says:

    I listened to the entire interview and it was really good. She details the racism she dealt with while dating Robert Pattinson, and how that affected her. It was quite a damaging experience and see parallels to Meghan and Harry there. It really stood out how difficult it was getting out of her relationship with LaBoeuf and how torn down she felt. You can hear the emotion in her voice. I’m love how she framed the “ why don’t you just leave “ question, and how it burdens survivors, instead of putting the responsibility where it belongs, on the abuser. It has rarely been framed that way and glad she pushed back on that narrative. You never hear it addressed this way and so glad she brought that up. Despite what she went through and still recovering from the trauma, and the lawsuit, she doesn’t seem to hold, maybe not exactly malice or hatred toward toward LaBoeuf, but does want accountability, responsibility, and for him to get help.