At some point, I just stopped covering Robin Thicke and April Love Geary, mostly because they weren’t really scandalous anymore. Sure, the age difference – she’s 26 years old, he’s 43. But after a few years together, they just settled down and stopped making news. She gets pap’d a lot out in LA, and there are updates about their family here and there, but this is the first time in a while that I’ve bothered to write about her. April gave birth to three children in three years’ time: her first was Mia Love (born February 2018), then Lola Alain (born February 2019) and her new baby is son Luca Patrick (born December 2020). Turns out, April had elective C-sections for each birth. Good for her, honestly.
April Love Geary is explaining why cesarean sections are her go-to. The mother-of-three, 26, did a round of Q&As on her Instagram Story Wednesday, answering fan questions that delved into motherhood and pregnancy. Geary shares three children with fiancé Robin Thicke: daughters Mia Love, 3 next month, and Lola Alain, 23 months, and son Luca Patrick, whom she welcomed in December.
When asked whether she is unable to have vaginal births, Geary explains that she’s chosen c-sections because of her aversion to natural birthing.
“I had an elective c-section all three times because I’m terrified of natural birth,” she says, adding with a smile, “So I just decided to have a major surgery instead.” Another follower agreed that she was “paranoid” about giving birth and asked whether it is “bad” to opt for a c-section out of fear, to which Geary says, “It’s your body.”
“I told my doctor, I was like, ‘Hey, I’m actually really scared to have a natural birth, can I do a c-section?’ And she was like, ‘Yeah, this is what you do, and this is what we’re gonna do with the c-section.’ Do what you want to do.”
Geary further elaborates to one fan that doctors reopened the same c-section incision line scar for each subsequent birth “like a zipper — open, close, open, close.”
Reflecting on her recovery time, Geary says “the actual surgery is the easiest part” for her, “it’s the recovery that’s a little tough.” Noting that everyone is different, she says her first go she was scared throughout recovery while not knowing what to expect, her second was a “breeze,” and No. 3 was “the most difficult recovery.”
Women can get incredibly judgy and mom-shamey about C-sections and birthing methods and whether or not to take the drugs. Personally, I feel the same as April – terrified of natural birth, terrified of pain. I would have wanted the drugs and the elective C-section too, if I gave a sh-t about having babies. I’m actually a bit surprised that April is so matter-of-fact about it, and I wonder if she’ll get any “backlash” from the mom squad about her elective C-sections. I agree with her completely though – it’s her body, her call, and I’m glad her OB-GYN took her seriously and they planned for the C-sections rather than her doctor trying to “convince” her to give natural birth a shot.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid.
Honestly C sections are not the easy way out. It is an invasive procedure and recuperation aint no joke. I think a lot of people have no idea.
The recovery from my emergency c section was the worst pain and annoyance ever for weeks. I would never sign up for it.
There’s a big difference between an emergency c section and a planned c section. I’ve had two that only happened after over 24 hours of labour and they both sucked. Worst of both worlds. But after 1 c-section, you are at risk of rupturing if you try to have a natural birth within a few years (mine were 6 years apart, so it was fine to try natural). She’s had 3 in 3. After the first one, the second two would have been very much on doctors recommendation.
I had a csection after failed induction. It took them *forever* to decide to do the c section, despite me never dilating past 3 centimers and nearly 48 hours of meds trying to get me to dilate. In hindsight, it was the worst of both worlds— because I was SO exhausted by the time they did the surgery, and then still had the longer recovery of a csection. A scheduled csection sounds infinitely better. My child was over 10 lbs.
I totally agree! My first went so fast that I didn’t have time to think too much, and my second was planned so I thought it would be easy. I had a panic attack while they were cauterizing me (that Smokey smell is ME!) and almost got sick on my new baby girl. I am ABSOLUTELY grateful that the method exists and that my 9.5lb babies had a way to come safely into this world, but I cringe when I see it referenced as an easy out.
I’ve had a vaginal birth and a c-section for a breach. I’d rather have a vaginal birth any day. C-sections are no joke and the recovery is rough!
I’m sorta not surprised to hear someone went all in w scheduled C section. I heard this is “smart” in places like NYC w unpredictable traffic? Personally tried a hippie home birth; at last minute, crunchy midwife suggested a “lotus birth”. Hubby & I had NEVER heard of it & she said “it’s where you birth the placenta, salt it, & let it fall off “naturally”. My 1st reaction was, “how would I accessorize that? w a ruffled white hat & victorian baby gown?”. Upon realizing whole absurdity, got out of birthing tub & demanded w go to “disco” (hospital) w bright lights & drugs. NO C section, but it was like studio 54- super happy w it ALL. Sorry not sorry, & NOT aspiring hippy anymore either.
I was the opposite-terrified of a C section. It seems like at least 50% of the friends I know that had them have had lasting complications and ongoing issues with them years or even decades later. Plus, it’s harder to get your tummy back because of the skin pouch with C sections. Nope. Not for me. I had vaginal birth, got stitched up, a couple weeks of painful pees and sitz baths, and that was that. My vag bounced back too with pelvic floor exercises and kegels. Things are shockingly elastic down there. I can’t imagine having multiple c sections! Seems so scary to me.
My sister-in-law had three too, though they were all planned. Her first one was positioned wrong for birth, so they scheduled the surgery, and then she just had it with the next two as well, basically for convenience. But yeah. the recovery wasn’t easy. I had a ten-pounder the second time and natural birth with her (no drugs, she came out fast and there was no time) was no picnic. Still, I would take it over a c section.
Thank you to everyone in this thread for sharing your experiences. I am pregnant and if all goes well with this one (lost my first 3 but I’ve made it out of the first trimester for the first time ever), I am nervous about birth as most women are, I’m sure. This helps me to make informed decisions. Right now, I like the idea of medicated vaginal birth as long as it’s safe and possible. Sometimes I do think about elective c-sections but your comments have helped me with getting more educated on that.
I am so sorry for all of your losses, and how exciting that you are out of the first trimester! Congratulations!
Congratulations! I made it out of the first trimester only one time after 5 losses and now have two beautiful 14 year olds. I will say a prayer for you and ask my good pal St. Jude to watch over you and your baby. I’m not super religious but my mom prayed to St. Jude to have me (only child!) and I did the same to have my twins. Not saying that that’s the only reason it happened….just know that a little help from whatever good force that’s out in the Universe is usually welcomed by people hoping to become parents. My cousin is also SURE St. Jude had a hand in sending her adopted son to her! I’d say he’s like a favorite Uncle in our family…..and you’re welcome to share!
I had both my boys delivered vaginally with an epidural. Like most women, I was nervous and couldn’t wrap my head around the whole idea of what was to come. I did my best to self educate, had a provider I trusted, and it went great! My only regret is that I stuck to natural labor as long as possible with my first. I was just so tired by the time I caved and got the epidural, it made for a long night after he was born. But I was progressing so dang slow with pain – like 18 hours and barely a 3-4”. Got an epidural, bam, easy peasy kid was born in a snap. My second was a cake walk. I progressed so quickly that I was fighting with my husband to let me get something from the vending machine on our way to L&D. “I’m hungry, I have to birth this kid, and they won’t let me eat back there.” He kept telling me my contractions were so close together, as he bought my damn snack, and I was like, “listen, he’s not crowning, I am pretty sure I would know if a baby were coming out of my vagina. Shove it and give me food.” I barely got the epidural in time to deliver. Anyways, all the to say: I was a nervous first time mom, same way, nervous and unsure how it would go… and then by the second kid I was like “I got this get me some pretzels”. It’s your body, trust it, trust yourself, and find a smart doctor who knows that too. Nothing wrong if you go another route. Moms by any means – birth, surgery, adoptive, foster, etc – are all badass and warriors.
Personally speaking, I highly recommend requesting Stadol for the early parts of labor. I was high as a kite and having a blast, and I had been terrified!
My doctor would not have allowed an elective C-section, but this was more than 20 years ago now. The main reason I remember was that the risk of complications was considered too great. Also, insurance might not cover it. Maybe things have changed. I was pretty terrified of childbirth too but the epidurals made my experiences pain-free.
My doctor would not either, and my kids were born in 2012 and 2014.
Mine wouldn’t consider an elective C-section, said it was major surgery and he does them only if vaginal birth is too risky.
I agree with him.
The fear rumour in my day was ALL births were C due to long labour w 1st baby? I was super afraid of the hospital & labored at home. Was so damn hard. I didn’t have the energy to “movie birth” ( LOUD screamy & sweaty). Instead just whimper birthed, but it worked out (haha) fine. NO C, which was vanity goal, cuz wanted to get ABS back for low rise jeans. (2000)
Heh–my OB (whose oldest child is now at least 30) chose elective C-sections with all her kids (she said she’d seen waaaaay too many natural births to want to go through that). I guess it just depends on the doctor! That said, my first two kids ended up being emergency C-sections, but I’d have wanted to try vaginal births if I’d had a choice. I wasn’t upset, though; I just cared about having healthy babies. 🙂 (And my recoveries were not difficult; by the time I had my third I didn’t even need pain meds afterwards (the nurses were not happy when I turned them down).)
Me too, LM. I had a c-section, and to my surprise didn’t need any pain meds. I had a really easy recovery too, but my doctor told me that getting moving ASAP was crucial to recovery. They had me going for short walks around the hospital the day after my son was born. I wonder if “getting moving” is key to healing, as my bestie and both my SIL’s have had c-sections and also had smooth recoveries.
I think women should have a choice. A doctor flat-out denying a woman elective c-section is wrong imo. My cousin wanted one because she had major problems with hemorrhoids and even tho it sounds “funny” it’s not. She had several surgeries for it and the first hospital she went to, didnt want to do a c-section.
My sister and I both had babies around the same time, I gave birth vaginally and she had a c section. My recovery was much easier and quicker and I didn’t need any help with the baby really, I could lift her and move around just fine. My sister on the other hand took a long time to get her strength back. Every woman is different and whatever they choose to do is perfectly OK. To have the choice is wonderful. I wouldn’t personally choose a section because the idea of being cut open is what scares me.
I agree! I had vaginal births with epidurals and it really wasn’t that bad. I would be terrified to be cut open and have my organs shoved around. But the really scary part is taking care of a newborn 😂
I am team C sections or whatever the heck you want done. Mummy shaming is awful and I don’t understand why this is even an issue.
It’s not mommy shaming most doctors are not supportive of elective c-sections. There are documented increased risks and complications with any surgery and c-sections are major surgeries. I mean there’s being supportive of mom choices and then there’s science. Guess which one most responsible doctors are going to follow. It’s great when these two concepts line up but sometimes they don’t. But the vast majority of doctors are going to reserve c sections for complications or or extremely specific circumstances.
Elizabeth Regina, I tend to agree with you. I brought up CS with my first (knowing big babies run on my husband’s side). My male OBGYN would not hear of it. My baby was a little over 10 pounds and it was a terrible time until 17 hours later the OBGYN said, let’s go. A mom knows best. And if a mom to be fears the pain, who are we to force her into vaginal child birth when we have alternatives.
I had a similar experience with my only daughter 3 years ago. I was a big baby and my daughter was almost 10 pounds. They knew this beforehand thanks to the ultrasounds and yet they tried hard for a natural birth. At some point I had a panic attack due to excruciating pain and the fact that they wanted to try something called “a vacuum” which sounded awful and my contractions basically stopped. 12 hrs later they mercifully authorized the C-section and I basically passed out of exhaustion during the surgery. I remember almost nothing of my daughter’s birth and had a terrible recovery thanks to have gone through a natural birth process and almost an emergency C-section. I feel guilty that my daughter had to experience such a long birth process and pray that she doesn’t have cognitive consequences later in life.
So kudos for her being able to defend her preferences and her doctors for supporting her.
My first was head down but face up which also complicated the matter. When I heard “forceps” I almost lost it. Not to mention the recovery time from having to endure 17 hours of labor and then having to “bounce back” to take care of a baby – was all a bit too much. I lament that it happened the way it did because I truly believe it hindered some of my bonding with him. My second was a scheduled C and while I was so scared I cried (how could he cut into me and I am awake and talking) it was so much easier on me and the baby as far as being able to bond and not have to go through hell of labor and then a CS.
I had csections for both my sons due to both were transverse and and both were complicated, high risk pregnancies. My recovery time was relatively quick. Someone advised me to get up and move around as much as possible, even if you feel yuck, because that gets the blood flowing more to where you recover quicker. Two weeks after, I was feeling pretty good. One month after, I was 100% myself again. It was a drawn out process, but I don’t regret not getting to have a vaginal birth. I was also pretty terrified of it, so it worked out pretty well.
I had vaginal with my son and not-quite emergency c-section with my twins – I was TERRIFIED of a c-section but honestly the recovery (for me) was so much faster and I didn’t have 17 hours of labor to go through. I’m happy I had the experience of a vaginal birth, but knowing what I know now…if I ever had another pregnancy (hahahahaha!!!!) I would not be mad about having a c-section. Whatever works for you and as long as your physician is on board *shrug*. There are no gold medals at the end of childbirth, I see nothing wrong with lessening stress where you can – both ways carry risk – but she’s right, it’s your body
I dont shame women for how they give birth (and one of my pet peeves is when people say that c-sections arent “giving birth” – and yes, some do say that) but I do think women need to understand what c-sections are actually like. I had two – one after 36 hours of labor – the actual surgery was quick but recovery was a nightmare – and one planned, and that one was hellacious (the surgery took an hour and a half, my brother is a surgeon and kept calling my mom going “what’s wrong? I could have removed a kidney by now!”) the recovery on that one was better but only somewhat – I felt recovered faster but then plateaued for longer (like I got up to feeling 75% normal and then just stalled there for two months.)
Anyway – I’m glad she acknowledges that c-sections are major surgery and that recovery can be really tough, I think women need to be more open about that. I’m in a lot of “mom groups” and the usual response is “planned c-sections are so much easier! you wont even need your pain meds!” and that is 100% NOT what happened for me.
I dont know who this person is though so I cant really comment on her beyond the c-sections LOL.
I had three c-sections after all three were breech at 38weeks. The Dr said I had a narrow pelvis and didn’t have enough room for the babies to flip. I didn’t have any pain with mine, but my abs and pelvis were super weak for months afterwards. Going from laying to sitting to standing, laughing, coughing…. those were all super hard and limited my movement. I hate hospitals (super loud, can’t sleep, they made me do ALL the baby care anyways, so I’d rather be home and comfortable) and told my OBs each time — tell me what I have to prove to you in order for you to discharge me. All three times the Dr said I had to be able to walk a lap around the nurses station independently, and that was my mission that day and the day after. I never spent more than 36 hours in hospital. Walking was a B, but I’m stubborn and did it. I never had pain, though, for which I am really thankful. I expected it, but it never came.
Becks, I agree with all you said (I typically do). I had 2 CS and they sucked. Painful and recovery was not easy, it is major surgery. I labored for 17/18 hours before I was told let’s go for CS. What sucked is I KNEW that baby was going to be big, but my doctor would not even discuss planned CS. What sucked even further, was having people say CS are not giving birth (with all that I had to deal with) and it got me down. After talking with my mom, I realized how absolutely stupid that thinking was. I had a healthy baby and delivery and I was mentally strong – what more can you hope for????
And the pain meds are most definitely, it’s major surgery. I needed all my meds.
Ugh, this. I had a sanctimommy “friend” (we had our babies a month apart, her first) that she wished she’d gotten to have a csection like me because it would’ve been so much easier. *eye roll*
I’ve never had a C-section, but have friends who have, for various reasons, done it both ways. They’ve said that if they’d had the choice, they’d have gone natural every time. They said the recovery is harder and so much longer. I remember that one friend got a bad infection and ended up in hospital for two weeks. I had a rough time immediately after the birth of my second one, but guess I was lucky not having to worry about all the pain, discomfort and risk of infection.
I realise it sounds shallow, but… Robin Thicke is weird-looking.
I remember mix his face w Simon Cowell. Can never undo this but who cares…
Medical choice is great. It’s the culture of fear around natural childbirth that is not good. People with money think a C-section is better because they can afford to pay someone to do the heavy lifting after birth. Fear (and no other medical reason) is a lame reason for choosing a c-section. Yes, it’s a judgmental statement but I wouldn’t take away anyone’s right to chose it.
You’re right. That was judgmental.
true, but I think the focus shouldn’t fall on the individual who is afraid. It should fall on the medical establishment to do a better freaking job so that individuals are not terrified of vaginal birth. IMO, clearly. I personally think the fear is entirely rational, due to my own experiences.
What a crappy comment EB. Why should your holier-than-thou opinion be held higher than others fear?
I live in Germany where choosing is the norm, I am petrified of pregnancy, always have been since I was small, so I ticked the C Section box every time – it was brilliant, I chose a birth date that we liked, I went out for dinner with my partner, then said goodbye and went into the hospital to stay the night, C Section in the morning, felt a bit crap for a day*, home a couple of days later, lifted my other kid and the baby no problem. Tiny scar. Brilliant.
I think anyone that shames us C Sectioners has issues somewhere else. Sort your own selves out before trying to make others feel bad about themselves. I’ll never understand mum-shamers, it’s weird.
* Germany is very holistic, so they gave me 20 tiny pin head chamomile extract tablets to ease the pain. WTF! My sis in law in London got opium, boy did she win out of that one!
Good God… 😟
I had exactly the same experience. Yes, I was terrified of tearing, physical trauma, incontinence and baby getting distressed. My c-section was discomfort, not even pain. And the women in my ward after natural birth didn’t seem in such a great condition immediately after birth. I don’t give a crap how other women birth their babies, ensure you are both safe and it’’s nobody else’s business. Birth, breastfeeding, and it only starts there – just leave mothers alone, bringing up kids is hard enough.
I also had an elective c-section, and it was a calm, beautiful experience. Recovery was easy. I was able to take care of my daughter perfectly well, and my husband and I never had any outside help.
I am not saying that a c-section is for everyone. But, for some people it is the right decision. The point is, everyone should be able to give birth in the manner they choose.
I had 3 elective CS in 4.5years, have never regretted it for a second. My kids are all very strong and healthy, with none of the health issues everyone tries to scare women about. I had excellent obstetricians who all stated plainly that they fully supported the mother’s choice. When hassled by midwives in the hospital the first time, my doctor furiously reminded them the decision is between the mother and her doctor. If your doctor is not open to all options, I’d suggest finding one more respectful of women having control of their own bodies (I get that USA is more litigious than other places so they’re into fear mongering). Other than that, when is the last time someone asked how you were born? Who cares?
Good thing that she didn’t need your approval on her birthing choices 😒
EB, you’re so right, I take the hate w you here on the thread. Let’s face it, the actual process of birthing a child helps develop their lungs. That was my prime reason for trying to birth our baby no matter my fears. And I had SO MANY FEARS> I was a mess. I wanted to labour at home so the docs wouldn’t rush the process. Our midwife was so crunchy tho, my husband liked her more than I did. I love hospitals, but the trend for awhile was C section, now it’s more about relaxing the mom w birthing rooms, etc. I birthed our baby w a combo of labour at home, birth at hospital w an epidural. Not “perfect” but my BEST effort for a healthy kiddo.
You are judgemental because a small percentage of women have vulvodynia and hence not recommended to have a natural birth. Also there is a risk of pudendal neuralgia and in my.family my mum still has incontinence from giving birth naturally. It is your right to choose what is best.for you.
Having had neither it sounds like there’s a chance either option can go sideways and if you’re lucky the kid will come out easily but that’s not a given. I’ve had conversations with friends a few days after an unplanned c-section (“they slice you open and send you home with PARACETAMOL Sarah”), or another telling me about how her stitches popped out as she carried an empty laundry basket up the stairs. Then there’s my friend with the vaginal birth who had to have reconstructive surgery afterwards so she could pee again. That was 7 years again and she occasionally still mentions the trauma (she had another two years after and they planned a c-section but he was too far on his way by the time she reached the hospital but luckily came out without the horror of the first).
It’s all a whole lot of yikes for me. No thanks.
Exactly. Either way sucks, just in different ways. No thanks for me too.
Oh God. Yeah, all manner of emergencies or trauma can happen, so any type of pregnancy and birth experience is a risk. I wish luck and freedom of choice to those who really want to become parents, but that has never been me. I love not being pregnant. LOVE IT.
I’ve heard so many stories of either going sideways tbh. But the ones with the c-sections usually didn’t have permanent problems with their downstairs area but the one’s with natural births did plus some had traumatic birth experiences. I wouldn’t shame any prgenant woman for wanting a c-section.
I have 3 kids, all vaginal delivery. I did have an epidural each time, and I also scheduled inductions for my 2nd and 3rd babies. Thing that I liked is I was only in the hospital for 24hrs, and could walk right away. But if you’d rather the c section, thats fine too! My sister has c sections instead. All I want is that babies are being born safely.
Miss Margo, yes! A safe delivery for mom and baby are the desired outcome and who cares about the noise others make.
If you are afraid of natural childbirth then get an epidural as soon as you get to the hospital. It changes everything. I went from barfing in pain to having to look at the monitor to know when I was having a contraction. Babies came out fine. Don’t cut your abdominal muscles in a c-section unless you have to. And if you have to, do it and be glad we have the means to save babies and mothers in distress where a hundred years ago it’d have been a grim result.
I tried to give birth naturally with my first, then gave up halfway through and asked for painkillers. Had an epidural with my second and it was wonderful! What a difference.
Yes to epidurals! I’m a big wuss with a low threshold for pain so I had them both times, but have to admit the experiences were night and day. The first time the epidural had worn off by the time I was actually delivering my son so I felt every bit of that; with my daughter they literally had to wake me up to let me know it was time and I was completely numb from the waist down and didn’t feel a thing. That was glorious lol
With my first I had a 12-hour labor, and halfway through I asked for the epidural. Well, the nurses told me to rethink it, that I was doing really well, etc. Turns out they did that because they knew the anesthesiologist on call was a major jerk. When he tried to do it I felt a little electric shock and reflexively moved a bit, and he yelled at me and my husband that he couldn’t do it if I moved. So we called it off. That made labor a lot more painful, obviously, but overall I did ok. I recovered from labor pretty quickly so for me a c-section would not have been a good call.
This is true. Had an epidural with my first, and while I still had back labour pains because the baby was occiput posterior, I was able to relax between contractions and the epi took away the angst of lying there with my bits out for all to see. It wasn’t a cake walk though, 2.5 hours of pushing and there was still pain.
Can’t judge anyone for going for a c-section, although there are benefits to the baby that come with vaginal birth, namely, fluids are squeezed out of the baby’s lungs and I believe their gut biome gets colonized better.
Well said, epidural was my studio 54. I was obsessed w kiddos lung development. I would have gone to the end of the earth to give him as good a start as possible. I was so very scared. I don’t know why? To many movies, too much fear. I was scared more about not having perfect abs than i was of dying. Gawd I was a vanity machine back then!!!
They don’t work for everyone plus some women have really bad problems with their downstairs area from ripping badly while giving birth naturally.
Maybe C-sections are less invasive, faster recovery time than they used to be? I know the way they cut made a huge difference in recovery. But is being scared a valid reason for going this route for 3 births? I say this because I was really scared as it got close for my first baby to be born. But didn’t have this fear for the 2nd. So I’m wondering if she had the 1st naturally, than would the next 2 have been c-sections? I don’t know. Regardless, I’m glad she got to choose what was best for her and that both mom and kids are healthy.
I had a vaginal birth, 47 hour labor, no epidural with my first.
An emergency CS ( water broke, no labor even after inducing ) , spinal anesthesia because of how quick it had to be done, where I was awake for the CS…with my second.
Given a choice, given my recovery, give the pain and other issues stemming from a vag birth, if I was given a choice, I will pick a CS every single time.
Every. Single. Time. ( YMMV )
Where do you live? I live in the U.S. and I’ve never heard of anyone being able to go under general anesthesia for a C-section (you said you were awake for yours).
Keep in mind, I’m pregnant and this will be my first baby if all works out, so I might just be naive as to how this works.
Your body, your choice. If a woman has a phobia of natural childbirth (so understandable), I can see the plan of an elective C section reducing overall stress & health throughout the pregnancy.
I did a non-surgical birth & then planned C section due to the position of my 2nd. The recovery, which also means the care of my newborn, was so much easier with my non-surgical birth. It was really difficult to not be able to pick up & care for my toddler for weeks while recovering as well. I have to wonder if people really get educated about what a C section entails…cuz it sure is not like opening & closing a zipper, but ignorance can be bliss.
oh, I promise you, a natural birth can be more difficult to recover from. I could not pick up and care for my baby for weeks either. In fact, I could not stand until 12 weeks pp, and my birth was entirely natural.
It’s totally natural to tear through your sphincter!
I had an excruciatingly traumatic experience with natural birth that I’ll never fully recover from. So when people go on and on about natural birth, I just want to remind them that nature DGAF about you. Natural selection doesn’t care whether you, the mother, survive. And with no medical interventions, maternal mortality rates are pretty astronomical. So…enjoy feeling empowered by your natural birth but let the rest of us have our c-sections.
That must have been incredibly traumatic. I can understand your stance about this, though I still feel that C-sections should be restricted to complications and emergencies.
Childbirth is no joke… I’m glad to be done with it.
This is the truest statement I’ve read in a long time! My vaginal birth recovery was horrific, so much so before I knew I was carrying twins I was like, NOPE! schedule me for that sweet c. Sure the recovery wasn’t a walk in the park but *for me* I was eternally grateful for medical advancements i would have opted for even if I had a singleton. You’re right, nature gives zero fu*ks, and childbirth in general carries risk…after that, do you when it comes to easing any of that aftermath.
Exactly. Being pro-choice includes women making the choice with their doctors on what’s best for them for birthing their child.
If you want to have a natural vaginal birth with no interventions, that’s great! If you choose a medicated vaginal birth, great! If you choose a c-section, great! No one is ever going to ask your kid at a job interview how they were birthed. They’re the same kid no matter how they came out.
My non-medical understanding is that c-sections weaken the uterus. I think most doctors will discourage more than 3 c-sections. I ended up having three c-sections and I also talked with my midwife about spacing them out so that my uterus had time to recover. Three c-sections in almost three years seems a lot to put it through but she is young and probably recovered faster than someone older like me.
at some point, you’ve gotta wonder whether medicine will ever sit back, take a look at itself, and think: maybe if women are so terrified of giving birth that they’ll opt for 3 c sections, we’re doing this wrong.
I think a combo of factors goes into the fear for women: 1.) the way we depict birth in the media is awful – we see dramatizations of women screaming, thrashing around, etc. We think that’s what birth is, when in reality, its not that way (most of the time!). 2.) We get told that birth “wrecks” our bodies – I have met women who try to get c-sections because they think vaginal birth will result in severe damage to their bodies, which is largely not true either (it does happen but it is not the norm).
We really do fail moms when it comes to birth – the way we depict it, the way we talk about it, etc.I do not blame April for her fear at all, I think its normal. But her doctor was really remiss if they just ok’ed repeated c-sections without trying to get to the root of what was troubling her.
@Sam the Pink
Well idk, the thing about typical is that it really is just the typical experience. I had one child, and my experience was extreme. It was far, far more dramatic than what you might see on TV, so I always find those scenes kind of amusing. Like “oh how cute, she can talk while labouring. I could not stop screaming for 6 hours straight.” I also do think that birth wrecks our bodies in the sense that it injures us, often permanently, and then we are told this is simply normal and we have to accept some injury that drastically impacts our quality of life simply because it was incurred in childbirth (whereas if it had been incurred in any other context, we wouldn’t accept it as normal at all).
But ITA that we really do fail moms when it comes to birth. We focus on the wrong things, we limit our discussion of the range of experiences you can have, we don’t treat the recover properly…and yeah, we should have our fears addressed more directly. Medicine needs to do so much more for women!
I agree with so much of what you said. I don’t think there’s enough explanation about the vaginal tearing and incontinence that’s possible w/a vaginal birth, or options for pain relief, or even making darn sure every woman gets stool softeners after birth, etc. etc. No woman screaming in pain should be told chirpily, “You’re too far along now, honey! It’d affect the baby!” without having had everything carefully explained beforehand. Don’t even get me started on support and pain relief after the birth. There’s so much unnecessary trauma.
I had an emergency c-section after 12 hours of labor with my first. That’s the hard part. If you go in knowing what to expect the next time (my c-section with full term twins was planned), it’s not bad at all. I had mine on a Friday and was driving them to their pediatrician by Tuesday. No issues at all.
Obviously, its her body, her choice. That’s not really the concern. I think from a medical perspective, though, its not really a great message to send. My cousin is an OB-GYN and she often has to point out to moms things that they don’t realize. Primarily, that a c-section is major surgery, and with each one, the risks rise. Each incision into the abdomen creates scar tissue, which is weaker than normal tissue. Each c-section, because they use same incision for each one, further weakens the tissue. So with each additional procedure, the risk of rupture rises, placing the mother and baby at risk. That is the primary reason why most doctors will discourage them if they can. She also laughs at the idea of having a c-section because you’re scared of pain – first, pain relief during labor has come a long way and now, the process is not what it used to be. There is a wide world between fully natural, no-meds birth and a c-section. Fear of pain during birth is a super common issue for most women, I think! And pain relief does exist – its not an either/or proposition. Did her doctor not have a conversation with her about these options? Did they not mention the additional risks the c-section involves, especially repeated ones?I’m not trying to cast aspersions on her, because she isn’t the party expected to know this stuff – but doctors DO have an obligation to give patients all the facts and risks – not to be “yes” men.
I’ve had both. The natural birth almost killed me (literally), so I’d choose c section every time. Do what’s best for you!! As long as you and the baby are healthy that’s all that matters.
Navigating women’s healthcare, especially reproductive healthcare, is a nightmare. So many studies have shown how medical workers discount and diminish the pain of women, especially women of color. Given that, I think women should do whatever it takes for them to feel comfortable, valued, and seen. Personally, I was happy enough with my epidural, but I was also deeply terrified of childbirth —not the pain of it—but the how vulnerable it would make me to poor healthcare.
My daughter just finished doula training and is trying to set up her business in NY. It isn’t easy due to the pandemic but she’s gotten the lactation consultant training and is now doing postpartum doula training, so she’ll have a lot of arrows in her quiver. She is very involved with womens health issues particularly surrounded childbirth.
Absolutely her choice. She’s had C sections before, so she knows the drill. I think it’s bizarre that women can be so judgmental about other women’s choices to do with their births. If you want a C section, you should have one I think. And I had a natural birth which was a wonderful experience for me, so I have no personal axe to grind.
In the UK the guidelines changed some time ago and now a woman can choose to have an elective C section. It should absolutely be a personal choice, and as long as a woman is well informed there should be no argument.
I had an emergency c-section and a scheduled one. Although the recovery from being cut in half is no joke, that scheduled c section was a breeze. The hardest part was getting the IV in my hand. My doctor got a personal best time for my scheduled c section (44 minutes total) and I got to stay awake the entire time, not the case with the emergency c.
I wouldn’t judge anyone for their birth choices, everyone has to do what is best for them.
My sister in law had the same experience as you. Her first was planned to be natural brith but it turned into an emergency c section and it was a nightmare (luckily my nephew was fine). They had drugged her up so much she doesn’t recall the first few days after giving birth.
Her second was a scheduled c section and she said it was a great experience. She was considering another child after that because it was so much better. She was also more careful of initial recovery to make sure healing got on track.
I follow someone on social media who was terrified of a natural birth because her mother had horrible complications for years after having her. She opted for a c-section to avoid that unnecessary anxiety. I see nothing wrong with that! We’re lucky we have options for different women’s needs.
I had my first child at 39. My mother was a labor and delivery nurse for her entire career. She taught me a lot about child birth, and she told me many stories of what can happen to a body during and after vaginal delivery and during and after c-section. I chose to have an elective c-section because I weighed the risks of each option. I discussed my concerns and choice with my doctor and he was completely on board. My insurance covered it at my doctor’s recommendation. My recovery was a piece of cake. I am not wealthy. I am not “fearful” of vaginal delivery. It was simply an informed choice I made about a medical procedure. I wish people would stop being so judge. Let women make decisions about their bodies. If allowing women more control over their body is normalized, maybe more doctors and the insurance companies would start to listen.
Thank you. This. I was 36 when I had my kid. I did a lot of research and came to an informed decision. When I first floated the idea of an elective C-section to my very experienced OB-GYN, she pointed out that it’s major surgery, but told me that she believes an elective C-section to be a medically reasonable choice.
So my daughter was born via elective C-section, and I have zero regrets. Everyone’s bodies are a little different, but for me the recovery wasn’t that bad—it was obviously hard to get in and out of the hospital bed without use of my abdominal muscles, but I figured it out. I was walking around and able to pick up my baby the day after surgery, and at home 36 hours later.
Well, you double your chances of dying when you have a C-section, but you be you.
https://www.medscape.com/answers/263424-184954/what-are-the-possible-morbidity-and-mortality-associated-with-cesarean-delivery-c-section
That’s why I don’t like the normalization of elective C-sections. C-sections can be great and have saved countless lives. I’m glad they exist.
But they are riskier overall and seem better suited to emergencies.
It doesn’t make sense to me to approach this issue with a “your body, your choice” attitude. It’s major surgery!
I feel like we allow, and we’ve normalized, completely elective, unnecessary, invasive, major cosmetic surgery for women, which can also be deadly and dangerous, just like any other major surgery, and that’s just so women can look “hotter” or feel better about themselves. We seem to, as a society, find that to be a completely valid thing for women to do if they want to. No one seems to be saying women should be banned from getting plastic surgery because it’s riskier than skin care, diet, exercise, or therapy.
So it seems only right that women should be allowed to choose a major surgery for the very valid and necessary reason of getting a baby out of their body. Birth is non-negotiable, the baby has to come out and you have to choose one of two options, and no one really ever knows which one would be the riskier option for each particular mom and baby ahead of time. With plastic surgery, you’re choosing between no surgery/no risk and surgery/risk so it seems like if we’re going to be very careful about minimizing the average woman’s average amount of risk by denying her an elective c-section even when she wants one, then why are we allowing women to choose risky, unnecessary cosmetic surgeries whenever they want one?
Breast implants, Butt implants, Brazilian butt lifts, liposuction, tummy tucks, cheek implants, chin shaving, cosmetic nose jobs—they’re all pretty major surgery that can go wrong, that involves some kind of anesthesia, that involves pain killers afterwards, that could cause infections, that can cause scarring, that can weaken the skin, muscles, and bones, implants can bursts, people can have allergic reactions to their implants, healing can be long and arduous, etc, etc. But cosmetic surgery is very much normalized as “your body, your choice” and most people wouldn’t even consider taking away the right to plastic surgery because they feel it’s the individual’s personal choice. But we want to dissuade women from c-sections? How many women walk into a plastic surgeon’s office and ask for a major completely elective surgery and then have the plastic surgeon try to dissuade them? Or just outright tell them “no, I don’t allow women to choose how they want to change their appearance”? Not a lot. Most surgeons are very “Yes, ma’am, we can do that and that and that.” They exist for the purpose of providing risky elective surgery for no medical reason. But we’re okay with laws or hospital rules that say women shouldn’t be allowed to choose how to give birth out of their own body—birth being something they absolutely have to do if they’re pregnant? That seems hypocritical to me.
Fear mongering like this is judgemental and triggering. Don’t judge other women’s choices. However a woman gives birth she needs to be in charge and in control of that. I am having an elective section in 5 weeks due to trauma from previous CSA. I also have generalised anxiety and PTSD so whilst yes I am ‘doing me’ I have not approached it in the cavalier manner you appear to suggest. Casually throwing statistics out as you have here is both problematic and unhelpful. My anxiety has increased as a direct result of your comment.
You may not be interested in returning to see more comments on this (understandably), however I’d like to point out that the linked article conflated emergency C-section stats with elective C-section stats. There was a reference to mortality being impacted by “conditions that may have led to needing to perform a cesarean delivery.” In the case of emergency C-sections, that means serious medical complications that led to the need for an unplanned C-section to save the mother’s or baby’s life. Complications that would have led to death without a C-section, and may still cause death despite the intervention.
This is very different from the circumstances in an elective C-section. I hope this provides some reassurance for you.
The more c-sections you have the more likely you are to develop placenta accreta, inccreta and percreta. Which is various stages of the placenta growing into the uterus. Unmonitored and it can lead to both mom and baby dying. Elective c-sections are being pushed aside by most ob-gyn doctors because of the increased risks during future births. VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) also has it’s own set of challenges. The hospital I work in has had to create a plan for these patients which we have called MAP patients or morbidly adherrent placenta, due to 3 mothers dying during childbirth in 18 months. One was 24. They are scheduled c-sections and almost always hysterectomy’s as well. And require quite a bit of blood on hand in case things go bad. I cringe when I see celebrities talk of elective c-sections. C-sections shouldn’t be a choice, it should be medically necessary. But then in the land of excess I guess anything goes.
If you weren’t such a judgmental idiot you would have seen that this study includes emergency c sections which are always far more risky because they are unplanned and often hours of labour have already taken place before the surgery happens, which is not the case for an elective c section because labour hasn’t commenced yet.
Seriously speak with a doctor for anyone who is making a decision. Don’t let dipshits tell you how to control your own body. Because that is what this process involves and as a society there are still some many people who want to control other women’s bodies.
I gave birth in April. YES to epidurals!! Made a big difference when I got one about 5-6 hours into labor (I went into labor in the evening so I was dozing mostly before then) A c section terrifies the hell out of me and I spent most of my pregnancy anxious that I would need one. It amazes me that other women prefer the idea of having someone slice open their stomach and pull the baby through a hole. Let’s say this— I don’t judge the choice but I definitely do not understand it or relate. also my husband is a general surgeon and he is routinely called by ob’s to scrub in and assist with surgery, c-sections included. Because obstetrics is not a specialty that is trained in surgery other than c-sections. They don’t do any general surgery training whatsoever. I wish more people knew that or at least considered that when making their decision. But I truly do not have! Whatever works for every woman, it is their body.
Every person and every birth is different. I had three vaginal births, one with an epidural, two without. I one hundred percent preferred no epidural – the recovery was much easier for me and the actual birthing process was easier; however, my experience is my own and no one else’s.
My opinion is to let each woman and her doctor decide the best option for her.
Exactly, it’s different for each person. I also had three births and the one without the epidural was the hardest and most traumatic for me.
If I ever have another I’ll go without the epidural, I had one and it took hours to recover and walk again and I had months of back pain from the injection site. My sister went drug free and she was zooming around the room within 10 minutes of giving birth, said she felt this euphoric high and had an insane amount of energy. It was beautiful and inspiring to see!
I’m due in March and am having an elective c section (UK). It isn’t at all an easy way out- personally speaking I have chosen this option because of previous CSA and the fear of examinations/being overcrowded/male midwives is extremely triggering for me. I have had to explain this in depth numerous times to medical professionals who have not wanted me to have the c section which again has been really traumatic. I also have a friend who’s fear of childbirth led to her having a section. At the end of the day it’s each woman’s personal choice and nobody should ever judge that.
Adi, you do you. You know yourself and if putting yourself in a situation that causes you trauma, you don’t need to deal with the trauma and the delivery at the same time. It is a toll on the mother emotionally, physically and mentally. And then you have to bounce back and be on your game to take care of your baby – who needs a strong mom. you do you and don’t listen to the noise around you.
What does CSA stand for?
I think the most important thing when giving birth is to feel as secure and at ease as (humanly) possible. Many women have horrible and traumatic experiences with giving birth, and that can add to an already exhausting situation, being a parent to a newborn. I really wish that aspect would be highlighted more. Being afraid will only heighten stress and work against you. So choose or do whatever makes you feel comfortable and safe. Where I live it is being regarded as the «best» way to give birth is vaginally without painkillers of any kind. You actually get better care in the hospital if you choose that. Also, breastfeeding is a religion here. So much pressure on doing things the «natural» way, natural is good, I suppose, but let people breath and choose otherwise, too.
Margie, exactly what I tried to say to Adi (above). Too much stress on a female while delivering, let alone having to deal with fear or past trauma. All that matters is that the mom and baby have a safe delivery. Plus, mommies need to be strong to take care of that baby that is reliant on mom. Why try to sabotage that by forcing moms to go against their comfort zone.
The world of medical ethics is a MINE FIELD, and there’s no easy answer. On a visceral, pro-choice front, my pro-choice beliefs extend to birth. Want to birth alone in your closet? That’s your right. Want to have an elective c-section? That’s your right.
But, because there’s always a but, c-sections DO have increased risks. Double the risk of death, higher risk of hemorrhage, higher risk of baby with breathing issues (they don’t get a good squeeze), and possible longer-term issues related to not getting colonized with vaginal bacteria.
All of those risks are worth it 10000x over when it’s a medical emergency. C-sections are lifesaving, and millions of birthing people and babies are alive because of them. Are those risks worth it when it’s not needed to save a life? Should patients be able to opt for medically unnecessary, more dangerous procedures/treatments? Again, as a pro-choice person, I’d argue in favor of total birth choice, but I understand why people (including a large portion of the medical field) are uncomfortable with it.
Vaginal birth is scary if you’ve never done it so I understand the fear, but I don’t understand being afraid of that but being totally ok with being sliced open while you’re wide awake?! I kind of feel like Robin is the type of douche bag who made jokes about how her vagina wouldn’t be the same after giving birth so he pushed her for a c section.
To each their own though! I had no idea she had two more kids, busy few years.
I get that this is every woman’s choice for what is best for her. For myself, I know that vaginal delivery gives the baby some health benefits that it will miss out on if delivered via c-section. There’s also some fear factor for c-sections. In addition to recovering from major surgery, I know someone whose doctor left a sponge inside her after an elective c-section. She was in excruciating pain for MONTHS before a different doctor figured out what was wrong, and ended up losing her uterus over it. She was a SAHM with plans for a big family, so it’s been devastating for her.
I sat in on vaginal births and C-sections during my clinicals for nursing school…never would I ever elect to have a C-section “just because”. The cut isn’t that bad but they literally grab both ends and RIP THE F**K OUT OF YOU the rest of the way; they don’t cut the muscle. It takes 6-months to a year to fully heal from that and she had three back to back c-sections not because she had to? Chileee I hope the next one is a surrogate 👀👀👀
I had a natural birth and it was intense for sure but c sections seem a lot harder to recover from (you literally are cut open!). Do whatever you want but I’ve never thought of c sections as easier and typically hear that you can’t lift things for a while which seems hard with a new baby. I had to get a few stitches in my vagina but likely that tissue is really stretchy and healed within a couple weeks. Personally a couple vagina stitches seem less scary that an incision but I guess everyone is different!
Ok so I just poked around her Instagram and in her recent stories she’s casually talking about her abortion, that alone makes me adore her! I do have thoughts on Robin but he’s a different issue. I love that she’s making abortions normal, millions of women go through them every year but are afraid to talk about it because the pro birth group will try to destroy them. Good for April for letting it all out there and letting other women know it’s ok to feel however you feel about it.
Re: the abortion comment. I don’t think I’ve ever heard about a “celebrity” talking about having one. I try to be open about mine in order to normalize it. 15 years later and I am still relieved I had safe, affordable access to this procedure.
I don’t appreciate that after she said she had C-sections she was asked if she couldn’t give birth vaginally. That’s no ones business!!
If you have a C section, you would have to wait 5 years to consider a vaginal birth . Your body does not heal fast enough so she would have to do another C section of it was so close to the last pregnancy.
I had a scheduled C section due to the fact that it was my first pregnancy and my baby was head up at 34 weeks. My recovery was very hard- I could not walk for about a month!
You don’t have to wait 5 years. I can’t remember the amount of time that it’s recommended for your body to heal, but I did not have to wait 5 years to have a VBAC.
I just wonder – extensive plastic surgeries are allowed and nobody will forbid you to do it or say that „you are not informed how risky that is”. When it comes to reproductive choices it’s completely different story.
I WOULD have had elective C-sections for both of my births because I’ve always been terrified of ripping/Episiotomy or the baby getting stuck and not being able to breathe. In the end, I had no choice as my OBGYN insisted on it anyways since first pregnancy was twin girls and she told me any subsequent pregnancies would “need” to also be c-sections.
I think it was the right choice for me as I seemed to recover very quickly both times. Definitely DONE with child birth though.
I HAD to have three C’s, and two of them had me laid out in unbearable pain for two to three weeks. The last one was a breeze and only painful for about a week. Every woman I’ve ever known who went through a vaginal birth recovered within 24 hours. At the most. So… If anyone thinks it’s better, they’re in for a surprise. Hopefully they don’t miss the shot in the back and have to reinsert. Hopefully, things are counted and accounted for. Hopefully both incisions, inside and out, are correctly cut and correctly sewn. I won’t go into mistakes I had to endure lol.
I mean look, if she’s rather have surgery than push, I really don’t care. It’s a trade off and motherhood is anxiety inducing enough so whatever makes mom feel better and doesn’t hurt baby, go ahead.
I was so scared to give birth via csection not because of stigma. Luckily I didn’t have to live through my fear. I was pumped a lot of epidural so I didn’t feel anything other than the ring of fire when the head was coming out. C section in my opinion was too invasive for me to handle. The fact that someone was going to cut me open. Guess who won’t be having plastic surgery.
I had three C-sections and always joked about “they should have just put a zipper in”. I had easy recoveries with all of them, up and about the same day and back home within 48 hours each time. Able to do a sit-up within 10 days. One was more painful than the others to recover from, but nothing that extra-strength Tylenol couldn’t take the edge off.
At the time, I did a ton of research into the statistics/research and risk of c-sections. In a nutshell, they are only very slightly more dangerous for moms (unless it is an emergency c-sections where the risk goes up) and they are slightly safer for babies (no birth injuries). My OB, who had had three babies of her own, supported my decision.
What isn’t mentioned in the article is you need a minimum of 18 months after a c-section before it is safe to attempt a vaginal birth. After two c-sections, vaginal births are discouraged. Sounds like this woman did not have much time between births, so really only her first c-section was elective.
I don’t know this woman and I’m guessing her husband is the Blurred Lines guy?—but I respect the H@&$ out of her for being open and honest about this. The mommy judgement brigade is brutal! Especially to famous people. Did I read up thread she had an abortion too? I think I might like this person for her honesty and bravery alone.
This is definitely one of those subjects that get the judgey Mum treatment where it’s really each to their own. I had to have a emergency c section with my first and when discussing birth options for my second, the fear of a regular birth did come into it. I had the VBAC explained and so I kind of blamed that.
My OB couldn’t/wouldn’t help me decide either way and I didn’t admit to her just how scared I was of trying. Afterwards she said it was a good decision in hindsight as the state of me (I guess my uterus) suggested my original c-section most likely would have ruptured during a regular birth and that might have been catastrophic. I could only have one more and it would obviously have to be a c-section. So while I have all that to fall back on, I really was terrified of labor and birth and I think a lot of women are. C-sections are harder all round – on your body, on the health system but it should always be your choice. First two were quick recoveries but omg the third! Geriatric recovery.
I had the most traumatic experience birthing a child. I was induced and after 8 cm dilated I felt the need to push, my cervix and all swelled. Ended up getting emergency C section and hysterectomy. I hemorrhaged and almost died. My Ob said never in her career had to do all they did to save my life.
I’m so sorry you went through all that, and I’m so extremely happy you survived. My niece also had a very terrifying labor, life threatening, and one child is all she ever wanted after that. It’s so hard sometimes to hear women crowing about how THEIR experience is best for all, but there is no “one size fits all” for childbirth.
I thought women really had to wait at least, at least 6 mos., a year, ideally 2, to let tissue heal from the surgery.
Three C-sections in three years? with all the stretching hat needs to happen?
Good thing that she is so young.
The lack of consideration for mental health in a lot of this conversation is sad.
Having severe anxiety around the process of being in labor and giving birth is a legitimate reason to have a planned c-section, and the fact that it’s a major abdominal surgery doesn’t negate that.
You bet. I was a victim of a sexual assault as a young teen, and it definitely affected my later terror of childbirth, the hideously awful feeling of being completely without control over pain and vaginal entry. Everyone doesn’t fit on the same actuarial table.
C-section is a pretty invasive surgical procedure with increased infection risk and recovery time, so I’m not sure she’s actually saving herself that much pain, though I get her fear. That shit is scary and people need to stop pretending otherwise because that’s how you get idiots acting like it’s no big deal to carry a child to term and birth it. There’s a reason maternal mortality rates from childbirth and post-partum complications were decently high before modern medicine.
This being said…I’m with her on nothing coming out of my vagina that’s as large as a baby. The exact moment I knew I’d never carry a human in me to term willingly was when I read an article revealing vaginal tears from birth can actually spread up the OPPOSITE direction and damage the clitoris. Like, friends, there is no amount of baby love that would be worth the completely destruction of my orgasmic potential. I will adopt.
I had an emergency c-section with my son 12 years ago and honestly the recovery was horrible. Given the choice if I ever have another child, I would definitely try a natural birth. I understand the fear of it, I was afraid too.
My sister in law had an emergency c section for her first and she also said it was awful. When she was pregnant with her second she ultimately decided with a scheduled c section and said that it was the best thing she ever did because she didn’t have to go through the hell of both labour and surgery, especially since she knew how bad it would get. And since the surgery is scheduled it is much less hectic.
I’ve had both. My first’s vaginal birth was a nightmare from start to finish with weeks of painful recovery and a 4th degree tear that later required surgery to repair. My 2nd was a planned c-section that was a dream come true. No pain, easy recovery. I would say to anyone that you just never know how your body will deal with childbirth. Some women have it easier than others no matter how they birth their babies. I say, good for her for being a strong advocate for what she felt was right.
Omg. Childfree woman in her mid/late 30s here. Reading all of these stories, it’s a wonder women even choose to reproduce! I’m kind of shocked since my social media feeds are very often full of baby pictures and happy parents, but none of this of course is ever mentioned. 😳😳😳
For my first child, she was transverse breech and didn’t turn head down so I was advised to have a scheduled c-section to avoid complications or issues for myself or my unborn daughter. I honestly healed like a dream and I was up walking within hours. For my second kid, I just elected to have a c-section with zero discussion of natural birth. I had one friend come for me when I said I was having a second c-section saying she “thought I was more of a warrior than that.” GFY. I gave birth and my first kid was safe, and I healed in my own way. Do your own thing. Nothing is better than any other way.
Ok based on the comments here I have to share only to say – childbirth should NOT baseline be terrifying or traumatic! I’m not negating the very real experience so many have had (or those with anxiety and past trauma) but I had two beautiful non-medicated births. I felt empowered and strong. The first in the hospital and second at home with a team of midwives in the most glorious female-focused moment of my life. I think a horrible consequence of our patriarchal society is that we are told to “trust the experts” and are actively undermined and give so little agency in and around childbirth – whatever form it takes!! Also there is so little education about our basic mammilian responses. Fear = adrenaline (fight or flight) which literally stops oxytocin, the hormone that both relaxes us and contracts your uterus. Basically the best place to give birth is the same as where you want to have sex – quiet, dark, private (so the opposite of modern hospitals!) So we are being set up to for trauma from the start when in fact we should be taught that birth is painful but beautiful, we should be supported, given appropriate (quiet, dark, uninterrupted ) places to birth that are near medical facilities for the small % of cases where we need to help mom & baby. F the patriarchy, rant over.
I guess it’s all about what you are afraid of the most. I am horrified by the idea of getting an injection in my back, so an epidural really felt out of questions for me. That’s also why I would’ve never opted for a c-section (anesthesia ist via epidural as well) unless absolutely medically necessary.
The way I feel about it, of course it is her choice and she should give birth in whatever way she wants. No judgment. That said, I personally can’t relate to choosing a C-section over vaginal birth unless it was necessary. Recovering from childbirth was a little difficult the first time but not the second, but Ive heard stories about very difficult recovery periods from C-sections and I wouldn’t have wanted to risk that.
I think the best and most diplomatic way to discuss this very personal issue is to thank goodness we live in an age where not only do we have choices, but we have the technology and medical expertise to accompany said choices. And that it will always be important for women to have choice and autonomy over their bodies no matter the procedure. And that the medical profession needs to keep apace with this changing dynamic both with the body and the mind.
I have had two kids, five years apart, both very different experiences. I had epidurals and natural births, and the experience and knowledge I took from the first helped so much with the second. I would never be able to go through a drug free birth, I have a very low threshold for pain. And I am so thankful that the medical profession developed a way to take the pain out of the experience, for those that seek that intervention.
My experience has shown me that birth is not a simple thing at all, and I think it amazing that most of human history women had to figure it out in the most extreme and painful situations. I can’t imagine it. Yet we did it.
I think all that participated in this discussion have valid reasons for their choices. And how lucky we all are that we had and have choices. Many parts of the world still do not. This reminded me that I am lucky (in Canada too, so part of our universal healthcare) that I live in a country and time where my child’s life and my wellbeing were always the priority and I had access to every intervention I needed when the time came.
Maternal mortality was so much higher in the days preceding c-sections, which is why I am thankful for this procedure. In the olden days I would have died.
I had to have 2 c-sections, because of medical reasons. I was given spinals and was awake for their births. In the end we just want our babies born healthy and mum to be healthy.
I won’t judge or side-eye her on this.
For an advanced nation the maternal death rate in this country is too high. It may be better than the olden days but isn’t good enough considering all the advances in medicine in the last 50 years. Too many women die during and after childbirth that shouldn’t. Soon if you live in a rural area you may have to go a long distance to give birth. They are fewer ob-gyn doctors, medical malpractice for them is insanely high. Small hospitals across the US are closing their labor and delivery units. Our legislators are too busy trying to tell us what we can and can’t do with our uterus when we need to be focusing on better health for all women. And education then maybe there wouldn’t be a fear of childbirth.
True we can always do better. It’s a journey to get there and it’s good to look at where we came from knowing we have so much further to go.
Stacy this is a valid point. But this is more than lack of education. I was extremely scared that something will be overlooked or my concerns would be dismissed easily during birth. You never know who will be on call during your birth and I heard too many cases of babies getting hurt because a doctor was waiting too long to react if sth was going wrong. So first we need to make sure that women are not treated like hysterics when they are telling that sth feels wrong and increase general trust to doctors and midwifes. After my csection I was I felt that I no longer mattered as a patient because I was no longer pregnant. Nobody would tel someone after appendix surgery that he should get out of bed and stop complaining about the pain but that’s usually the case after birth. I felt ok and could function quickly afer but the whole experience left me questioning the maternal care in comparison to other conditions requiring medical attention.
I am very thankful they exist because they save lives. I personally wouldn’t have chosen to get an elective one (and I didn’t), but if someone else wants to, I take no issue with it.
People would constantly ask me if I was afraid of labor. My answer was no, I’m more afraid of what comes after labor: being responsible for another human being. I was slightly afraid I might have to have a c-section but after 36 hours and an epidural 24 hours in I popped him out like a champagne cork.
I respect and value all the different stories being shared here, but my c-section was nothing like that lol It wasn’t hard to bounce back after it. It was a regular procedure to me.
I chose c-section because I am a ho and I couldn’t bear the thought of having my vag feel like a hallway afterwards 😉
Now I wonder if it’s even true… but I still don’t regret my choice.
Do what’s best for you and the hell with others expectations! Find a dr who listens and respects you. My babies were breech my dr was willing to do vaginal (honestly I think he’s preferred it even though I’d have to have a spinal ready and delivery in an OR pet hospital) if the higher up twin B was breech. I felt A flipping breech 2 days before was a sign from God/higher power and I was totally at peace with it (people pushed vaginal at me, my dr was the best and listened and calmed me).
My nephew John was stillborn, I cannot think of anything more tragic 2 years later and I still have trouble accepting there’s no why and that it happened. He was born halfway through my IVF high risk twin pregnancy. Maybe it was PTSD, but I was/am convinced that a vaginal birth would’ve lead to another tragedy. It was my only birth and I have two beautiful toddlers now. While there are higher risks with csections, I’m thankful we live in a time where it’s safe and possible if needed OR wanted – birth is traumatic allowing elective C-section is important. I get vaginal tends to be easier recovery and can at times be safer, but it sounds effing awful and terrifying to me tbh – get the baby out safely and quickly. Science medicine gave me my babies 2x – IVF & then Csections and I’m grateful. Best of luck momma wishing you the birthing experience you want!
I was terrified of a c-section! I am glad mine were natural! To each their own!
After reading all these comments, I think I would still take a few stitches in vag and some local anesthetic/the squirt bottle/frozen pads for a couple weeks, over being cut across the abdomen,; but whatever means a safe and secure birth-emotionally and physically for mom and baby is the most important.