Amy Winehouse says “pain makes me feel alive”


Boy Amy Winehouse’s issues really are just right on the surface. I’m sure there’s a lot of crazy going on below that too, but there’s so much crazy that she can’t hide it, even in her saner moments. She says that most often, she can’t remember any of the crazy things she does in her drug-fueled rampages, like running through the streets of London crying and bleeding, being photographed buying drugs, having huge fights with her do-nothing husband Blake Fielder-Civil, and getting arrested for pot possession.

Interviewed in Hamburg prior to a concert there last week, Winehouse found the German reporter staring at the scars on her arms. “Those are wounds, old wounds. You know. I wasn’t well in August,” she said. But when the reporter asked if she was now clean of drugs, she snapped: “That’s none of your business.” Just days later, the couple were arrested in Norway on Oct. 18 for alleged marijuana possession.

Winehouse also admitted the haze that life has become for her. “Lots of times I have no idea what I’m doing. Not until the next day do I have any memory,” she said. “Blake tells me later what happened. And then I’m infinitely ashamed.”

Winehouse said she she’s sometimes shocked at the situations she gets into. “I recently saw a picture of me when I got out of the hospital. I didn’t even recognize myself,” she said. But, she added, she feels she needs the excesses. “I believe that the pain makes me feel alive. Being willing to suffer for something means that I’m not just apathetic about them.”

[From People]

Well that sounds all around unhealthy to me, in about 10 different ways. Amy Winehouse is so far beyond messed up that I do really feel badly for her. She’s completely lost touch with reality and sanity. We haven’t heard from her parents in a while, though her husband’s parents are always more than willing to talk to the press about how messed up Amy is – though not how their son is just as messed up, and often supplies and encourages Amy in her drug habit.

Within the month [of Amy’s overdose], Winehouse’s in-laws opened up about the hospital dash, and their daughter’s [in-law’s] problems with substance abuse. “We are in hell,” Georgette Fielder-Civil told PEOPLE. He added “People who take drugs don’t care about other people [but only care about their next fix].”

[From People]

Amy, always Blake’s unconditional champion, said that Blake saved her life that night. Well he might have, in that he took her to the hospital and didn’t just leave her dying in the gutter. But he also tagged along with her to rehab afterwards, then encouraged her to leave because he didn’t enjoy it. Since Amy’s overdose, Blake has frequently been reported using drugs with her. So he saved her life that night, but it seems likely he’ll probably play at least an enabling role in ending it one night too.


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