You know how people are always debating: Time or Newsweek, which is better? Okay well people are in my home, but we’re a pretty lame bunch. I think the general consensus is that Time is much better and Newsweek is Newslite. But I’ve had a subscription since I was 13. I refuse to give in, and I’m pretty sure I now have concrete evidence that the people over at Time are prissy little wusses. You know why? In honor of Halloween, they decide to print a “Top 25 Horror Movies.” So you’re thinking slashers, maybe a few thrillers, something like that? Nope. Bambi. I kid you not. They can make a bit of an argument that those old Disney movies are creepy as hell, but they can’t make any reasonably intelligent person believe Bambi is in the top 25 ever. What a load of crap.
Amazing that the first movies parents took their tots to in the 30s and 40s were the early Disney features. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Pinocchio, Dumbo all exploited childhood traumas. Parents disappear or die; stepmothers plot the murder of their charges; a boy skips school and turns into a donkey. Kids were so frightened by these films that they wet themselves in terror. Bambi, directed by David Hand, has a primal shock that still haunts oldsters who saw it 40, 50, 65 years ago.
You know it’s funny; the same writers who wrote that also keep a nightlight and a security blanket in their cubicle, just to be safe. Their bosses keep the office kitchen stocked with warm milk in case they get uppity, and often have to burp them after meals. What the hell, you babies! Look I know you work for a powerful publishing conglomerate, but you need to see a top-of-the-line psychotherapist stat. Although if you mention Maleficent, there is a slight chance I’ll wet myself. But I’m smart enough not to tell the whole internet about it. Losers.
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