Memory loss, depression and brain fog are common in perimenopause, experts say

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The Washington Post had a recent health article I wanted to discuss. They quote doctors and women who talk about the very real effects of perimenopause on cognition and mood. As someone in my late 40s going through this, it rang true to me. It was somewhat reassuring that this happens to so many of us, but also kind of scary like what else is in store? I haven’t had hot flashes yet but know that’s coming. Here’s more on that. They say that they need to do more research because of course they do. Women’s issues are ignored and glossed over.

“I have patients complaining all the time about their brain function,” says Cindy Parnes, a gynecologist and founder of the New Jersey Women’s Wellness Center in Montvale. “They are worried. But I tell them there are many Hallmark cards about [midlife forgetfulness], and if Hallmark is making cards, it’s because a lot of people can relate to it.”

The Department of Health and Human Services’ Office on Women’s Health says up to two-thirds of women in perimenopause report cognitive problems, although estimates as to the extent of affected women differ among experts. It’s also still unclear what causes these deficits — hormones or other factors — and whether they continue postmenopause.

With all the uncertainties, however, scientists don’t doubt these problems exist, and can be disruptive.

“Growing evidence says this is real,” says Miriam Weber, associate professor of neurology and obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Rochester, whose research suggests that symptoms typically begin during perimenopause.

“Multiple studies have shown declines in memory and attention,” Weber says. “What we don’t know is whether it persists. So far it seems like it may be temporary, just through the transition” from perimenopause through menopause…

Pauline Maki, past president of NAMS and professor of psychiatry, psychology and obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Illinois at Chicago — and one of the study authors — estimates that 1 in 10 women will have “clinically significant” menopause-related cognitive changes, even into the postmenopause years. She says more research is needed into how long — and why — these symptoms can last.

“We need a better understanding of who is vulnerable to persistent menopause-related cognitive changes and why, so that we can personalize strategies for maintaining cognitive health into the postmenopause,” she says.

Researchers believe hormones are involved, although they aren’t sure how or to what extent.

“We think it does have to do with hormonal changes, but memory problems are also related to things like depression, sleep disturbances and hot flashes,” Weber says. “However, we know that even when we control for those, we still see these effects. So they aren’t the whole story.”

Studies find that hormone replacement therapy doesn’t prevent or improve cognition deficits in menopausal women. But research suggests that it can prevent the onset of depression upon entering perimenopause.

“I think it’s very clear that a subgroup of women do develop depression, for some for the first time in their lives, and there is evidence that declining estrogen contributes to its development,” says Peter Schmidt, chief of the behavioral endocrinology branch at the National Institute of Mental Health and one of the study authors. Replacing waning estrogen “does seem to be effective in improving mood,” he adds.

[From The Washington Post]

So what is the answer to this? I don’t want to take hormone replacement therapy because my mom is still getting hot flashes in her 70s as she tries to taper off hers. Plus I’ve gone on very low dose birth control and still had high blood pressure from it. However I’ve heard that you can just take estrogen and that may help. I’m trying to eat healthier (meaning less sugar) but also by just replacing snack food with fruits and vegetables. There’s no easy answer. I posted about this on Twitter and so many of you told me you’re going through it too. I also got some great suggestions and am grateful for that. I’m thinking of you and hoping we all get some relief.

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Photos credit: Alex Green, Ketut Subiyanto and Andres Ayrton on Pexels

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108 Responses to “Memory loss, depression and brain fog are common in perimenopause, experts say”

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  1. Seraphina says:

    Thank you for posting on this subject. It just keeps getting better for us ladies, doesn’t it (that was sarcasm).
    My doctor said I should stick to foods that have low estrogen levels (the opposite of what I thought it should be). But having teenagers in the house and cooking for them makes it so difficult. Add to it the COVID lifestyle – it’s just a mess.
    I too am trying more fruits and less gluten; more walking and stretching and maybe pilates. It just sucks.

    • Betsy says:

      Is the point of eating lower estrogen level foods to just get through menopause as fast as possible?

      • Seraphina says:

        Betsy, I am not sure but she said it would help and to also eat organic. My issue is that it’s not proven to help anything, thus I gave up. I have been trying to eat better and get more exercise.

      • (The OG) Jan90067 says:

        It also has to do with breast cancer danger. Higher levels of estrogen “encourage” growth of those ER-Positive breast cancer.

        When I was in the peri year just prior to going into menopause, I *definitely* saw the change in sleep, mood, and “brain fog”; after menopause it seemed to increase (add in the hot flashes as well). I couldn’t go on *any* HRT because my mom had breast cancer and I wasn’t willing to take that risk. I am now 10 yrs. post menopause, and while the hot flashes are much fewer and farther between, the sleep problems, mood/depression/anxiety, and brain fog/memory issues persist. It’s not “horrible”, but it’s definitely there. Add aging and the pandemic anxieties to this? Sigh… don’t know if it’s ever going to get “better”.

      • Wiglet Watcher says:

        Eating healthier foods and adopting healthier habits is very beneficial to overall wellness, but it’s often too closely associated as a cure to specific conditions. It leads the mind to believe there’s a direct link with that instead of general wellness and helping yourself body help itself. Which is true.

        It bothers me when people say some variation of “eat organic and these symptoms will stop” as people will interpret that as once the condition passes you can go back to eating processed foods.

    • SpankyB says:

      I’m estrogen dominant and have stayed away from high estrogen foods for the last 25 years, or so. Not 100%, but close, which includes sugars, even fruit. I sailed through menopause without a single hot flash. My periods ended almost to the day I turned 50 and that was it. So it is worth it if that is your main concern.

      It didn’t do much for memory loss. Or maybe it did and if I hadn’t changed my eating I would be a complete idiot now instead of just a partial one. haha

      • LeenaK says:

        Hi SpankyB,

        Can you elaborate a bit? How do you know you were estrogen dominant? What foods did you avoid? I’d love to sail through perimenopause & menopause and want to learn more and start preparing at age 46. I’m currently dealing with fibroids.

      • SpankyB says:

        @LeenaK – When I was in my mid-30’s I was suddenly losing my hair, like handfuls every day. My hairline was looking like my dads, like male pattern baldness. I was gaining weight fast and I was exhausted. I would get home from work and fall asleep on the sofa, eat dinner, go to bed. So I had a hormone panel done and it came back that my estrogen/progesterone ratio was way off. Way too much estrogen. I had to use progesterone cream for a bit to get things at the correct ratio, and within 24 hours of using the cream my hair stopped falling out.

        My periods stopped being painful and the flow decreased quite a bit. I had to use tampons AND thick pads before.

        The foods I avoided were all processed foods, they usually contain some sort of soy or soy by-product. Sugars, grains. Alcohol, which I didn’t give up wine 100%, but I really didn’t drink that much anyway. Anything with flax, or flax seeds.

        This is a higher maintenance way of eating, especially if you don’t like to cook, but I can’t imagine how poor my health would be if I hadn’t changed my diet. Or what medications I’d be on, I’m not on any meds and I’m almost 60. Perfect health and thick hair, which I still marvel at since I was so close to losing it all.

      • Seraphina says:

        @SpankyB, yes, thank you for that listing that was what my doc recommended for me. @Betsy, @SpankyB sums it up very well.

      • Ms. Lib says:

        You are lucky. I have many friends with similar experiences, yet there are also many who have had the issues described in the article. Research needs to be done. I am sure if men had half of these issues, there would be a pill!

    • Lenni says:

      I’m in the middle …. of a sentence and suddenly forget what I wanted to say. Just can’t think of the next word.

    • Moxylady says:

      Taking estrogen increasing your chance for a
      stroke by a significant significant percent. It’s not worth it.
      Had a stroke – non estrogen related – at 38. My neurologist sees so many young patients who had debilitating strokes because of estrogen bc.

      • Christine says:

        I really wish people would beat this drum hard, so young women know every time a man asks them to go on birth control so they can stop wearing condoms, there are VERY real heath effects, that will last for the rest of your life!

        I am now officially my Mom. She looked at me with death eyes when I asked to go buy my first bra. She was not wrong, that is one slippery slope.

      • Wiglet Watcher says:

        Any prescriber worth their salt knows someone who is high risk for stroke should not be put on hormone therapy. But it’s also up to the patient to know and weigh the risks as some people can take estrogen for menopause and be ok. It has everything to do with the individual and family history.

    • Seraphina says:

      Thank you ladies for contributing to this discussion so informative.

    • Agreatreckoning says:

      It’s so hard isn’t it. I knew something was going on with me when my cycle was out of whack. Went from a 3-4 day light cycle every 28 days almost on the dot to something (in my mind) was a horror movie. Bleeding for 3 weeks and feeling like I had no control over myself. Being someone who was diagnosed with a thyroid condition when a toddler, felt very lost, and a lot of women didn’t want to talk about it. Thank you, Oya. I’ve been done with it for a number of years now. Things that helped-increasing salmon and avocado in my diet. Cutting out most carbs or at least not having carbs after 2 pm (sugars, bread, white rice, pasta). Spending at least 15 minutes in the sun-where applicable-some excercise and lots of water. Did keep a wetted down wash cloth in the freezer for night hot flashes to put on my head like a cap. And, learning to laugh at the experience/myself helped diffuse my interactions with others. At least I think so…they might have a different perception.lol

      So, the double nickels is coming up for me and I realize that outside of the one prescription I have to take…what is the most effective cbd people have experience with? Thanks.
      **soy products are an issue with thyroid disease**

  2. D says:

    I’m 48 and the struggle is real. The mood swings, weird periods and brain fog are really difficult to deal with. I went on a low dose of Lexipro about 2 months ago and it has helped with the mood swings and the hot flashes. It hasn’t done anything for the brain fog or the weird periods though. I try to do brain teasers every morning and increased my exercise, which helps. The next option would be estrogen but I’m weary.

    • Jess says:

      I’m about to turn 48 and I went on the lowest dose of Lexapro almost two years ago because I was starting to get mild hot flashes and had a couple days of true depression (I’ve always had anxiety and situational depression, but never just depression for no reason and no interest in doing anything, which was terrifying). The Lexapro has helped with both of those but I definitely still have brain fog and I gained weight that, for the first time in my life I couldn’t get rid of with exercise. I’ve been on WW for the past year to deal with the weight, which was worked, but it also means I haven’t had much pasta, cheese, or sweets in a year, which I miss. I’m always tired now too and I don’t know if that’s a new effect of perimenopause or if that’s a long-term effect of Covid (which I had in January – I’m double vaxxed now but that hasn’t helped the fatigue). Meanwhile, one of my best friends is my age and says she hasn’t had a single perimenopause symptom! She’s never been pregnant so I’d be curious to know if pregnancies have an impact on later menopause-related issues.

      • D says:

        My doctor warned me about the weight gain and said to track it because it can creep up. I had already gained some from Covid so now I’m doing MyFitnessPal and keeping my calories in check as well as upping my workouts. I’m doing 6 days a week for an hour to an hour and a half. A mix of cardio, heavy weights and light weights. It’s helping but I don’t think I’ll ever get down to where I used to be. I guess it’s just something to accept and do the best we can. I have had 3 c-sections and I do wonder if that has an impact on the menopause issues.

  3. goofpuff says:

    Thank you for talking about this. I am going through the same thing (45 here) and its good to know other women out there experiencing the same thing. I have noticed not just memory but my agility getting affected (aka more clumsy). Definitely the depression and the weird periods.

    • Anna says:

      That’s interesting @goofpuff I’ve been noticing mobility weirdness, like I have grip things extra tightly and focus hard on what I’m doing, otherwise, I drop things or bang into things, misjudge distances, etc.

  4. Léna says:

    Now I understand why my mom has been forgetting the simpliest and smallest thing for the past 5 years lol damn it was so annoying! But I get it.

  5. mellie says:

    I just turned 50 and I’ve had hot flashes for years, but just started with all the other symptoms. I had no idea about the forgetfulness factor until I did some research. I had just said to my husband a few weeks ago, “my God, I can’t remember anything lately” and one morning I was googling (yeah, I know) symptoms of menopause and that was one of the main ones, and I was like WTF? It’s easily the worst one for me.
    I actually left the burner on the stove on the other day!! It’s terrible. My job deals with a lot of numbers so that helps keep my brain “sharp”, but I also am not used to having to write everything down, so it is pi$$ing me off that I’m having to do that regularly now!
    I exercise 8-9 times a week…strength training and running and it’s not helping with the fog like I thought it might.

  6. NotSoSocialButterfly says:

    55 and on the other side now…IT GETS BETTER! I think I’ve had hot flashes for about 10 years now and am down to a handful per 24 hours. I think a LOT of the memory/cognition issues are due to interrupted sleep. Poor sleep also helps create mood swings, IMO.

    The best thing I’ve found so far is a reputable CBD company (I like Charlotte’s Web- I take 25-60mg/day in1 or 2 doses). It has relaxed me so much that my blood pressure is now normal during doctor visits (my NP was shocked), my IBS-D is basically gone (yay! I can enjoy coffee again), I don’t have jaw muscle tension/don’t stress about things anymore. I stopped my antidepressant that I went on during early covid; I’m not teary anymore, and that is such a relief.

    Things for sleep: CBD or CBN, a ceiling fan (or bedside fan), a 40 oz stainless thermal jug for ice water. Anecdotally, I find that when I do not keep myself well hydrated during the day/evening, I have more nighttime hot flashes.

    Hang in there, everyone, it does get better (I was officially menopausal 3 years ago).

    • Yawnho says:

      Hi did you stop taking your anti depressant after your saw how well cbd worked for you? I am thinking of that as well instead of trying anti depressants. Thank you

      • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

        Yes! I really don’t think it’s placebo effect, either. I was so damn teary all the time with all the covid stress, always worrying that my MD spouse was going to contract it and die. He was very surprised by the benefits I’ve gained from CBD.
        Again, do your research into the company- their testing for contaminants and purity via third party independent labs, etc. You can find many articles online regarding what to look for.

    • goofpuff says:

      Thank you for this advice! I will have to try some of these things.

      • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

        The fan, hydrating, and having cold water to drink definitely made nights more comfortable.

    • DeeSea says:

      We’re living parallel menopause lives, apparently! I’m 54 and I’m finally on the other side of menopause. The fog is lifting. It really DOES get better, and I think it’s important for us to keep saying that out loud because otherwise it’s too easy for people to focus on the negative aspects of aging.

      It’s also important to remember that menopause is different for everyone (although there are some common themes). I never had one hot flash, for example. But I did have pretty severe brain fog (better now!), memory/focus issues (I now need to write down everything), disrupted sleep (the worst), and mood/anxiety issues (therapy has helped a lot).

      I’ll also sing the praises of CBD and reiterate the importance of buying from an impeccably reputable source. I love the Sunsoil brand (previously Green Mountain). I take 20-40 mg per day as a tincture or capsule. Magnesium supplements help with my sleep and anxiety as well.

      Those of us who are lucky to live long enough to go through menopause owe it to younger women (and one another) to talk about these things more openly, so I really commend Celebitchy for posting about this—and all of you wonderful commenters for continuing the conversation.

      • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

        @DeeSea,
        So glad to hear that you are feeling better, and I agree that we need to keep talking about this! Aging is a normal process and it is so important to keep that in mind and try to have a generally positive outlook. Of course this is easy to say on the other side of the transition!

      • WaterIsLife says:

        I completely agree about talking about all of the symptoms, yet speaking up about how it is on the other side. I did gain weight, have incredible brain fog (thought there was something wrong with me. It has gotten betten but I still have it), anxiety, and my depression increased (probably because of the anxiety I had over the brain fog). I feel so much better these days and have lost most of the weight gained during menopause. But it does a number on your body and mind while going through it.

  7. SlipperyPeople says:

    I am full on menopause, no period in over a year. The brain fog, weight gain and hot flashes, heightened sense of smell (I wish people knew how to apply perfume properly, gah) have been difficult. I keep two fans on my at night and take an antidepressant, which seems to help. I also have to constantly make lists for everything I do or I’ll forget 5 seconds later. I will say that I’ll take all this over having years of painful and heavy periods. I love the speech Kristin Scott Thomas gives about menopause in Fleabag. It put things in perspective for me.

    • Dee says:

      The heightened sense of smell is a thing! And not a blessing.

      • Anna says:

        Wow! I never knew that! I already have a very heightened sense of smell, all my life, but this last year, it’s starting to become something where I get nauseous. Weird. Like I smell everything, not just the good, but any little thing can make me feel sick. I chalked it all up to Covid since I’ve been so isolated and my diet has been really simple, not much variety, so I thought maybe my smell was heightened because I notice any small variation, being so cloistered and all.

  8. Ocho says:

    Dr Jen Gunter’s book “The Menopause Manifesto” just came out a couple days ago. I think I learned about Dr Gunter from Celebitchy! (Thanks!) I follow Dr Gunter on Twitter and love her new podcast “Body Talk” (science explained straightforwardly — she’s a good story-teller). I might ck out her new book.

    • lemontwist says:

      Ditto about getting turned on to Dr. Jen Gunter from this site! I’ve been looking forward to her new book; maybe it’s not a classic summer read but I’ll take it! ;D Thanks for the podcast rec, I’ve watched a couple of her ‘Jensplaining’ videos and really like her style so I’ll have to check that out.

  9. Becks1 says:

    Huh. This is interesting. I don’t know if I’m there yet, I assume I have some time (I’m 39) but I was just thinking last night that I should reach out to a therapist – I’m having significant memory and attention issues, and can’t focus on anything, even reading or a TV show, all of which I know can be associated with depression, but I don’t have any of the underlying anger/frustration/tears that I usually have when I’m going through a bout of depression, its just the memory and lack of focus (like the other day I was driving to track meet at a local high school and I just completely missed the road for it and had to do this whole detour to get back to it, it was weird.)

    I have no idea what age my mom would have gone through menopause bc she had a full hysterectomy around 35 so went through menopause then.

  10. K says:

    Oh thank God. I thought I was losing it and I have been a little scared. Going through ALL these symptoms. Has anyone tried Amberen or Neuriva?

  11. Brandy says:

    Thank you for posting this. I am almost 51, and I started with perimenopause probably 4-5 years ago. Apparently it can go on for a while before you hit menopause (12 months without a period, I think, is when it’s considered “done”?). I have entered the phase of total brain fog and literally feel like I am suffering from early onset dementia some days — not to make light; that’s something that runs in my family so I’m constantly awful-izing any memory issue as that. I have the occasional hot flash, but it’s nothing that ruins my day. I have the energy peaks and valleys and that DOES ruin my day — I wake with the best of intentions and end up dragging my tired ass around all day instead. This is then coupled with the feeling of failure, which leads to a crappy mood. My garden keeps me sane — something I never ever thought I’d ever hear come out of my mouth, but it’s the truth. I’m grateful for every day I can get outside and do a lot or a little — it clears my head and lifts my mood. This whole “change of life” is not for the faint of heart.

    I won’t do hormone replacement — my gyn had suggested an IUD, or low-dose birth control, but I would rather eat differently and also choose foods that contain estrogen. That seems like a no-brainer, right?

    • Anna says:

      I’m with you on that. The gyns were pushing IUD so hard! I was like, I said no, and I will continue to say no. Not sure what that was about but they really, really wanted me to one in. Nope. No foreign piece of metal in my womb, especially not vying for space with all the fibroids.

    • Vernie says:

      My brain fog and short-term memory loss since age 40 (I’m almost 45) were so profound that I got a brain CT scan with contrast dye and thorough cognitive testing (interviews, comprehensive skills/memory tests with clinicians, etc.). I also feared dementia and when the tests came back normal, it was a mixed bag. I’m relieved I don’t have dementia, a brain tumor, etc. but my cognition has profoundly changed. The doctor chalked it up to the “thoroughbred effect” – I have a doctorate, have worked in specialized fields, etc. – and he suggested that I was highly attuned to any nuance in my perceived functioning as a result. That felt like too simplistic of an explanation. I routinely flub words and sometimes struggle with homonyms now, and as a former journalist, it horrifies me. I broke down crying during my testing and sobbed that my brain had failed me. My family’s nickname for me growing up was “Elephant Brain” and now I feel like a shell of myself. It’s very disorienting.

      Celebitchy, thank you so much for this post. Your site is such a gift to your readers.

  12. Ann says:

    56-er here. This is a topic that needs to be addressed, thank you Washington Post and Celebitchy! I had minor hot flashes that would last a minute or two, no sweat, just HEAT from inside like a furnace. I remember thinking, “Oh, so THAT’S a hot flash!” Night sweats, I would wake up drenched (sometimes still do). Weepy days for no reason. A few wacky menstrual cycles and then the last one at age 53. What’s sad for me now is that I don’t really have a libido anymore, and I used to, big time. That’s the biggest bummer for me. Oh well.

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      I had Mona Lisa laser therapy for atrophy a couple years ago and that has made a huge and persistent difference. I have much more interest in sex now that I know it doesn’t hurt. Just a thought.

    • Sadie says:

      I’m 50 and went through menopause at 49. I feel great in general – sleeping well and my weight is steady. I did quit drinking about the same time just by coincidence, and I don’t eat junk or fast food really at all. Maybe that all helps. My only issue is lack of libido and painful sex. I’m trying wild yam cream as I don’t want to go on hormones. I used to love sex too and now I’m really not interested.

      • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

        If you can access MonaLisa Touch laser treatment, do so! It creates an enormous change in the vaginal mucosa.

  13. Angelica Schuyler says:

    I’m 50 also and have noticed a definite change in my memory along with the hot flashes and weird periods. I was trying to explain it to my husband and the best thing I could come up with was the similarity to the brain fog I had with each of my pregnancies. I have definitely begun to write everything down and find myself getting really offended, when people say to me, “Oh you don’t need to write this down…” I DO need to write it down…Five minutes later, I won’t remember any of what you told me….yet I can still remember the names of all the kids in my class from first grade….

    I wish we, as women, spoke more about these things so at least we’d know what to expect. I found the same “silence” surrounding pregnancy. I was one of the first of my friends to get married and start having kids and no one warned me about how difficult pregnancy could be. After having morning sickness through my entire first pregnancy along with other complications, I warned my friends that it wasn’t necessarily the most ‘beautiful wonderful’ experience for everyone. They were happy I warned them as their turns came around. I think we should communicate with each other about menopause as well.

  14. EviesMom says:

    Very interesting. I went through intense anxiety for about 18 months at 44. Now rounding 46 & the weight gain is starting & hot flashes are starting…. this is going to be awesome! 😫

  15. Christina says:

    I am 36 and nowhere near menopause, but my PMS has been getting more and more intense in the past 8 years or so and this month it has really killed me. When I think about even worse things coming, such as hot flashes and forgetfulness, I just get really sad. I’m so tired of this.

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      Both my daughter and I used to use B6 for pms. 25-50mg once or twice daily. It was really beneficial for both of us (B6 is a precursor to serotonin).

      • Flffgrrrlr says:

        I just started taking B vitamins recently and I feel unbelievably much better. I took them to try and improve my brain focus but actually have just improved my overall mood and anxiety. Obviously everyone should do what’s right for them – and listen to their Drs – but I have to say I’ve been really pleasantly surprised by something so simple. It can be worth a try.

    • Mandy P says:

      Christina, you could have PMDD. I know my symptoms really started ramping up in my mid twenties as well. It took me 10 years to finally be diagnosed. I hope it’s not the case for you but it’s worth looking into.

  16. Jennifer says:

    I’m 40 years old and I have pretty serious ADHD, which is often harder to treat for women because hormonal fluctuations greatly increase the symptoms of ADHD and effect how we metabolize our meds. (I take Adder@ll and definitely notice that it doesn’t work as well for a week or so before my period starts.) I’m dreading perimenopause and all that follows because I already have the executive dysfunction issues. I am not excited about them getting worse.

    **in case you’re curious, stable and “normal” estrogen levels help with executive function, which is why the first half of the menstrual cycle is usually the easier half for women. After ovulation, progesterone levels rise and estrogen levels fall, making us foggy, emotional, prone to memory lapse, etc. Those are all part of executive function. Just a little educational aside for ya.

    • Twin falls says:

      I was on estrogen for IVF and it was the best I’ve ever felt mentally and emotionally. It doesn’t seem fair that estrogen replacement comes with such high health risks.

  17. Roo says:

    It’s all the fun, isn’t it? Memory issues, weight gain, thinning hair, cramps like when I was a teen, hot flashes and just running hot all the time, and some acne. 😑.

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      Oh, the running hot all the time. I’ve used little more than a sheet at night for about two years now (we live in the upper midwest). I freeze out my poor spouse with the ceiling fan year round, but he’s a good sport.
      I have fun putting my hands on family members during a hot flash- my palms get so hot that they call me JackJack (the flaming baby from The Incredibles). Comes in handy when hub is cold from tiredness.

      • (The OG) Jan90067 says:

        I used to be the one turning up the heat all the time, just *freezing*! Since I went full meno, I’m HAVE to have the window open at night, or the a/c on (sometimes WITH a fan turned straight onto me as well!) to sleep comfortably.

        When I was a kid, my dad used to yell at us to leave the thermostat alone and “put on a sweater!” We used to joke that he would love to live in a meat freezer lol. Now, he lives with me, and HE’S always cold (he’s 93), so I put sweaters and blankets on *him*, and I’m in a tank top! lol

  18. Kathgal says:

    I started going through perimenopause in my early 40’s. I could time my hot flashes to the hour, and the sleep deprivation was horrible, and had a big effect on the brain fog and memory issues I was having. My OBGYN put me on a low dose birth control pill called Alesse and it took away the hot flashes which in turn helped with other things. I was on them for a year or so and then decided to see if the flashes and other symptoms had maybe eased off enough that I could stop taking them. Within a couple of weeks they were back. I had tried vitamins and altering diet, and other more holistic approaches, but the bc is what works for me. I think it is a cycle….hot flash-no sleep-memory issues-frustration-depression-and back again. It all feeds into each other. It is NOT FUN!

  19. Leah says:

    I’ve been going through it for five years. The brain fog was awful when I was finishing my degree and I tried everything to combat it.

    It’s gotten more difficult lately with the monthly horror which used to be timed perfectly. Now it’s like I’m in my 20’s again, with longer more painful periods. Waking up in the middle of the night with a volcano on my head and cramps down below, I’m 49 so this has to come to an end sometime right? Also, the depression, yes I hear ya.

    My friend who has six kids sailed through pre and menopause like a charm. My other friend with two kids had a hell of a time when the change came. Having no kids myself I’m in that hell of a time with pre and meno category too. I thought that was interesting.

  20. LaurenMichelle says:

    When I was in perimenopause, I left a 13 year relationship. I literally woke up, and decided I wasn’t going to tolerate my partners cheating and lying anymore. Everyone thought I was crazy.. I left everything behind, all I had was my clothing and photo albums of my young adult chlldren. My Ex held all my belongings hostage, hoping I would return. I never got them back. I had nothing. I am now married to a man I have known for over 46 years, and it was the best decision I ever made. Brain fog, depression, hot flashes are real. However, I gained immeasurable Wisdom & Strength during this change of life.

    • Dani says:

      Wow. Big hugs to you, LaurenMichelle. I am glad you finally found a partner that values you.

  21. salmonpuff says:

    I’ve been having menopause symptoms since I was 41 (49 now), but my memory tanked after I had my third kid and has never bounced back. Although I do get very mild hot flashes and have experienced perimenopausal weight gain, my symptoms have been relatively mild. The only time they get more pronounced is when I can’t exercise for some reason.

    I tried CBD from a pot shop (it’s legal here) for sleep for a while, but I didn’t notice any real difference at the time. The best thing for my sleep and mood swings was quitting drinking. Maybe I’ll try CBD again now that I’m off the hooch.

    Last year I went 11 months without a period and thought I was done, but nope. Soon, I hope.

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      Keep increasing your dose until you find what works for you. I take 25-60 mg daily. Some days seem to require more. And be sure it’s a third-party tested brand.

  22. nicegirl says:

    I had a hysterectomy (kept ovaries) in October and am struggling with several of these symptoms as well. I really appreciate this post. Thank you lady.

  23. ME says:

    I don’t understand why Perimenopause isn’t taught in health class? As a teen I just thought you get hot flashes and your period ends one day. Boy was I wrong. Perimenopause is hell…and it can last up to 10 years (or longer). If reincarnation is real I better be born a man in my next life. F*ck this sh*t.

    • Betsy says:

      They can barely teach kids the process of puberty. I can’t imagine teens holding on to the info about menopause until it’s needed.

  24. Topaz says:

    I am on the other side of the menopause and it does get better, except for the wrinkles and weight gain and no longer being able to eat dairy products and eggs that are not hardboiled. My approach was low-fat, plant-based gluten free diet, mostly organic when it makes sense. Yes, I cook everything from scratch and no take-away food. Reduced the sugar intake to bare minimum. Our body does need sugar but not a whole year worth in one day. Additionally, I replaced all the beauty product from lotion to body wash to shampoo to be sulfite free. And yes, exercise important factor but it has to be switched up, the body gets used to a schedule. Biking, walking, barre, and light weights. With this approach I did get a hot flash here and there, mostly after drinking a glass of wine with sulfite in it. As for memory loss and depression and not sleeping through the night, it seems only when I got totally stressed out will these factors get triggered.

    • Leah says:

      Yeah I figured my days of flying around the room fueled on pepsi and krispy kreme doughnuts was over when the pre meno kicked in. Lol. Sugar just makes me irritable now. The latest thing my body has rebelled against is fried foods, any fried foods. Acid reflux and other unmentionable issues have made me think twice about it. I’ve been trying to eat healthier, more fish and chicken and vegetables. Grains etc.

  25. tbg says:

    Yeah, turning into a fossil does bring on the depression big-time. The only med that ever helped me was Trintellix and I can’t take it anymore because it turned my intestines to stone. No amount of fiber touched the problem. It’s a wonderful med if you can tolerate it and afford it, since it’s also very expensive.

    I take Lexapro but it’s useless. So was Prozac. I can’t tolerate any of the other options out there so I’ve just accepted that depression will always be there in some way.

  26. Red headed step child says:

    I’ve been perimenopausal for 10 years now. I had become severely anemic from my heavy periods (had to get iron infusions) and the emotional toll of pms was starting to affect my marriage. About 5 years ago I spoke with my gyno and she put me on low dose birth control and it was the best thing to happen. My mood stabilized and my cycle regulated and I no longer needed the infusions. I haven’t had a period since September of 2017.
    Before the hormones I was trying everything, including eating a very clean, gluten/soy free diet. I know not everyone wants to take hormones (I didn’t) but it was a game changer for me.
    At my most recent check up my gyno said that when I turn 50 (47 now) she’ll take me off of them and see what my body does. Can’t wait…

  27. smee says:

    I’m glad it’s not being treated like “your shameful problem” as much as it was. I really had to seek out info on peri-meno and menopause – Christine Northrop’s book is helpful. I found IF and healthy Keto helped with the mid-section weight gain. Lifting weights is another beneficial thing to do. My biggest complaint now is my inability to concentrate on a book like I used to…hope that goes away.

    • Betsy says:

      Northrop is dead to me since I discovered she’s an anti-vaxxer. I will not support her in any way.

      • bre says:

        Yes, I liked her till I found that out as well!

      • lemontwist says:

        Wow, I didn’t know that about Northrup! I remember reading Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom in my early 20’s and liking it even though I did find it a little woo-woo. But holy moly, yup right on her website:

        “The CDC reports that brain inflammation and death are known “side effects” of every vaccine. (Remember, conditions such as ADHD, autism, and learning disabilities are manifestations of an inflamed brain.)”

        Ugh.

  28. bre says:

    Look up the Baroness Von Sketch Show: is it perimenopause (I think the clip is on FB). This is me right now! I’m 44 and anytime I feel weird, sweaty, sad, nervous, I think “is this it?”

    If this was something that happened to men we would have far better research on this topic. When I go to my women’s appointment I’m always asking if I’m in perimenopause yet and the answer is always “well maybe” and then I’m rushed through my appointment.

    • salmonpuff says:

      The doctors I’ve seen have been pretty useless, even my OB/GYN who now specializes in menopause. I always get the feeling that in her head she’s saying, “Yeah, yeah, I hear this every day. Get over yourself.”

      I forgot my favorite symptom: the rage flash. It doesn’t happen that often, but every once in a while, I just go off, like all the irritation has built up in my body and comes exploding out at once. I never had that problem even during the worst of my PMS days. It’s embarrassing.

      • olliesmom says:

        I used to have “rage flashes” too. It was like a flash fire out of nowhere. Now that I’m through menopause I’m very even keel and chill and I don’t get those anger flashes anymore.

      • salmonpuff says:

        Olliesmom, thank you for the reassurance. I’m hopeful that this isn’t a permanent part of my personality, since it never was before! 😬

  29. olliesmom says:

    I was a mess during perimenopause more than during actual menopause. I’m like a new woman now that I’m through with all of that crazy hormonal stuff. Now I’m dealing with the other side of menopause – changes in my body due to aging that I never expected and seem to be happening more rapidly. Like the appearance of crepey skin on my arms and legs that just seemed to appear overnight!

  30. Jojo says:

    Thank you for this article! I do have to say, though, we’re 100K years+ into our current existence as a species, and our medical establishment is just taking this topic seriously NOW? That’s incredibly sad.

    • olliesmom says:

      It is sad and it’s because it deals with women. If men went through the change like we do you can bet that it would have been taken care of right away. It’s like Viagra. Aren’t there more pressing medical issues out there than old men’s boners (or lack thereof) so that they can do it with women young enough to be their daughter?

  31. Amanda says:

    I had a full hysterectomy at 39 and all those symptoms are totally true! Got real freaked out teh day I went to Target to get something and stood in the middle of the aisle wondering “what did I come here for again?” I’ve been on an estrogen patch since then and it’s helped a lot, and I also stay away from white flour, that tends to cause hot flashes for me so I avoid pasta or white break when I can. It definitely does get better, just takes some time for your body to adjust to the new normal.

  32. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    What a ride right? My symptoms started many years ago. No hormones for me (mom died from breast cancer supposedly from taking hormones). Everything that could possibly be caused from menopause has happened. Hair loss, existing in the bowels of a volcano, anger, depression, forgetfulness, skin, migraines, muscle and back pain, stomach issues yada yada yada. I take a daily multivitamin, biotin, vitamin d, dim with bioperine, and ginger/turmeric/apple cider vinegar. I quit sodas and drink black tea throughout the day and enjoy a daily one or two cups of hibiscus tea. My fruit and veggie smoothies have a spoonful of something like ashwaganda, maqui, moringa, ginger, tumeric, nettle leaf, milk thistle… Each smoothie must have handfuls leafy greens and colorful vegetables for the polyphenols. And I don’t use my juicer because it separates the important stuff. I try to stay in a state of meditation so when I’m cooking, waiting for water to boil, waiting for the microwave or airfryer to finish, I’m doing squats, stretching, reaching and looking ridiculous lol. But it all helps.

  33. Holly says:

    48 here, I had a hysterectomy (still have one ovary…I think? Now I’m questioning that) at 39 and have been perimenopausal for years – it has impacted my life in unimaginable ways. Divorce, custody issues, etc because I really flipped my shit for about 5 years afterwards. Just really was not myself…and digging out of the mess has taken years. And I’ve suffered with depression, anxiety, insomnia, memory loss, and weight gain but honestly not one doctor has suggested it was related to the hysterectomy – but I’ve only made that association recently in the past 2 years, when my brain has calmed down from the dizzying trauma to realize it all started happening about a year after the hysterectomy. Oh, the hot flashes and heat intolerance are so bad, it’s really a shame that there isn’t more relief for women, or understanding. I haven’t ever tried HRT but I think I would if it was offered. I’d rather develop cancer than live a miserable long life. I take lexapro and remeron for the depression and insomnia. I’m sober so I can’t take anti-anxiety meds but I wish I could, the hot flashes feel similar to panic attacks initially so my mind really ramps up the anxiety when I start feeling hot and I get super anxious. My ex husband said in court I was a totally different person those years and yeah, I guess I was. It’s sad, my daughters think I just went kinda crazy but I don’t know, I’m pretty sure my body & mind just really suffered after the hysterectomy. The great news is research like this does make the problems women face more tangible and hopefully we can get help sooner. No one should suffer like this and now maybe people can be more forgiving of the women in their lives who are in this demographic. My daughters and I are on great terms now and I can’t wait to share this with them, so they know in the future what they might face too. Thank you for posting about this!

    • Darla says:

      Holly, I had a total hysterectomy in late 2016, and it began a downward trajectory for me that I just started turning around last year. They put me on an antidepressant because for the first time in my life I was feeling depressed, but also it was suppose to help my rage, which was also new. Instead, I started having suicidal thoughts and it took me SIX months to stop and think, wait a minute, since when do I think about suicide? I went to see my doctor and told him, I think these pills are making me suicidal. I had to be weaned off, slowly. That was a year. It was nearly three years before I could have an orgasm because I felt like my body wasn’t mine. It just started a four year downward spiral, and Trump didn’t help. I am finally myself again, but good God, they don’t tell you how traumatic a hysterectomy can be. They don’t tell you. Nobody tells you. Nobody.

  34. coffee_coffee_coffee says:

    Thank you for posting about this!
    Perimenopause was hell for me. Starting at 46, I thought I had dementia, I had night sweats, awake all night, I gained 40 lbs, and I was a moody so-and-so. First took Prometrium, then went on the pill continuously to avoid crazy periods. Added anti-depressant. Still hot mess emotionally.

    Doc took me off pills at 51, got 2 periods, then done. Switched to Effexor, which is anti-depressant that helps with hot flashes. It’s awesome. Totally recommend!!

    52 now, lost all that weight–but really didn’t change my routine, so must have been pill and my hormones.

    I feel 1,0000 times better than I did in my late 40s. Being done with all that has really agreed with my body. I hope it does with yours, too.

    • Golly Gee says:

      Prometrium helped me a lot. I was totally irritable and couldn’t sleep and a pharmacist at the compounding pharmacy that I went to suggested the Prometrium in the form of cream applied to the fatty part of the upper arms. The first time I used it I felt like I was a balloon filled with irritation that now had a slow leak and I could just feel the irritation draining away. It was wonderful. The other great thing about it is that it’s a natural form of progesterone. It comes from yams, I think.

      • Golly Gee says:

        For anyone who may still read this, I just wanted to add that Prometrium comes both in pill and cream form and it is not cheap. There is also a generic version which is probably a bit cheaper. It was totally worth it for me though. I also tried the less expensive synthetic progesterone but unfortunately it does not have the same effect.

  35. Jasmine Sanchez says:

    Thank you so much for following up on this article. This is literally the first time I’ve EVER seen an article on this subject unless I was seeking it out! I won’t get long winded but, I know without question Ive experienced perimenopause since age 30. I had a tubal ligation at 28. The information is so limited and like, no one wants to talk it about. I’ve had doctors TRY and diagnose me with all sorts of nonsense, but none would discuss perimenopause. So, thanks!!

  36. Canadi-Anne says:

    Thanks to everyone for providing such an informative discussion! I’m 44 and menopause is just around the corner. I’m so grateful that as a society we are finally talking about menopause openly. My heart breaks for the generations of women before us who not only had to suffer through their symptoms without support, but also experienced the double whammy of being called ‘crazy’ for having said symptoms. 🙁

  37. Jaded says:

    I had a total hysterectomy at age 42 and went on HRT for 20 years. It worked wonderfully well until, in 2016, I developed ER+ breast cancer and had to go off HRT immediately. What followed was several years of unmitigated hell. I’d have 30+ thermonuclear hot flashes daily, terrible insomnia, brain fog and an onset of osteoporosis. What I’ve discovered that helps:

    – Pueraria mirifica, a herb that is full of phytoestrogens and after a few months on it I was down to maybe 6 hot flashes a day.
    – MenoSense which also contains a variety of herbs which help mitigate hot flashes, night sweats and moodiness.
    – 5-HTP which helps boost serotonin levels and calm you into a proper sleep pattern.
    – Valerian, a herb which also calms and allows you to fall asleep naturally (beware, it stinks like old sweat socks and acts like catnip so if you have cats, they will be all over it).
    – Meditation and self hypnosis. I am a Reiki practitioner and teacher, and also an NGH certified hypnotist. I’ve developed my own meditation/self-hypnosis routine at bedtime which involves visualizing my brain as a room cluttered with words and musical notes. I sweep everything out of it with a broom so that it’s clean, empty and white. I then meditate on drifting down into a peaceful, deep blue, ocean-like environment and it works, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

    For those of you suffering through all the trials and tribulations of peri- and full-on menopause, do your research and if you must take HRT, take it for only a year or so then gradually taper off because you never want to hear the words “it’s breast cancer”.

  38. Jack says:

    I’m on the other side now. Had insomnia, memory fog, depression, mood swings, rage flashes. I only had hot flashes a few times and they were brief, but the internal furnace blazing was scary. I had gone through fertility treatments in my late 30s and had all of the night sweats with that. None of the doctors I saw seemed to be too interested in helping with anything – just said exercise and change diet. I took black cohosh to stave off hot flashes and that seemed to work because my mom had them really bad. I took valerian root to sleep. I now take melatonin and magnesium to sleep.

    Even though I’m on the other side, I can’t sleep through the night. I can’t lose the weight and I have very little libido. Thanks for all of the suggestions above. I will try some of those.

  39. Elle says:

    I can’t thank you enough for posting this.

  40. lemontwist says:

    Thank you so much for covering this and for all the commenters sharing your experiences. 💜 Having the space & the range for this kind of conversation is one of the things that makes this site so unique and special.

    It’s a little bittersweet, considering that it really *is* unique to see this topic in public discussion. I’m 42 now so this is all just around the corner for me and hearing other people’s stories is reassuring, even the rough stuff. It makes me want to have a conversation about this with my mom. She never talked to me about menopause when she was going through it and I wonder if it was because is was just ‘nbd’ for her or if she felt stigmatized or that it wasn’t something to bring up with someone in their 20’s.

    Lots of food for thought here, thanks for the great post!

  41. Michelle says:

    These comments are so helpful!
    I’m 48 and over the past 6 months am starting to experience irregular periods, have been feeling extra emotional with a shorter temper, etc

    I started taking the supplement I linked below about a month and a half ago and feel like it’s helping. (I found it through a fitness person I follow on Instagram) After not having a period for almost 3 months I got it after taking this for about a week, and it just started again today. I also feel more even keeled and less emotional overall.

    https://proteanutrition.com/product/baseline/

    I hope some of you see this comment-any thoughts or opinions on this supplement or anything similar that some of you may have experience with?

  42. aggie says:

    Really appreciating this comment thread. I’m 41 and suspect that I’m headed into perimenopause due to increased and odd PMS and heavier periods, weight gain, exhaustion, memory fog, etc. This thread is prompting me to schedule a doctors appointment to get my hormone levels checked.

  43. mel says:

    I know there are many posts already but as a 47yo nutritionist it’s less about specific foods and more about dialing in the basics:
    – adequate sleep
    – WATER (this is VERY important)
    – exercise (both cardio and weight bearing)
    – diet (ideally local/organic, focus on greens/veg, decrease sugar, adequate protein and lots of fibre)
    – reduce/eliminate caffeine/alcohol
    – stress reduction (whatever works for you…meditation, yoga, etc) – this is KEY because your adrenals are now needing to produce more oestrogen relative to before. So if it’s busy dealing with your stress, it is taxed and not able to support it’s newer role in oestrogen production support

    Supporting liver health (basically your hormone processing factory) is essential which is why water and fibre and reducing junk/toxins is essential.

    Personally I would make sure these are dialled in before taking any drug but that’s me. There are also herbal supports that can be really helpful.

  44. Emy says:

    I had developed many of these typical perimenopause symptoms and my gyno gave me some samples of Relizen, which is a natural, hormone-free and plant based supplement. I started taking it and I have definitely noticed a considerable reduction in hot flashes. They say it takes a few months to notice a difference, but I felt better in only a few weeks. I also feel like it’s helping with my moodiness. Definitely recommend giving it a try…

  45. A Fan says:

    Lots of great information here:

    larabriden.com

  46. Gia says:

    Does anyone have tips for my favorite perimenopause symptom: early morning insomnia. I have no trouble falling asleep but am up every morning between 4 and 5.

    • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

      Oh, jeez, that’s one of the big reasons I started taking CBN, but have found that a sufficient dose of good quality CBD is just about as good. I started going to bed earlier just to offset the early morning waking. I kept cannabinoids at bedside, but mostly (ha, since bing a cbd/cbn user), I just try to relax and not be stressed/mad about it. I had a sleep therapist tell me if I’m not falling asleep after 15-20 minutes, relocate (i.e. get out of your bed and sit somewhere out of your bedroom) and read until you start yawning. That works okay too- just know it won’t go on indefinitely. It still happens occasionally to me, but it isn’t as stress inducing. There are also good apps with music, stories and guided meditations on timers. Good luck!

  47. EM says:

    I’ll be 46 and I’m pretty sure I’m in perimenopause. It’s hell. Irritability, weight gain, hair loss, mood swings, brain fog, etc. I completely changed my lifestyle (stopped drinking alcohol, started eating better, and run 5-6 days a week PLUS I’m on two antidepressants and birth control just to manage all of my symptoms). IMO, doctors don’t take this seriously enough and more research needs to be done. I feel for every woman going through this.

  48. WannabeSith says:

    Here I am with nothing to compare menopause too. After my baby sister was born, my mom had a hysterectomy and also had her ovaries removed. I’m 51 and I’m am still not even Peri Menapausel. My Gyno has done labs every year since I was 45, still normal. I have horrible menstrual cycles, I WANT to go through menopause, but Mother Nature has other plans.

  49. Normades says:

    I always thought you got your period less and less until the day it stops completely. Nope! I used to have very long but regular cycles (31 days) but now I feel like I’m on the rag all the time. And it’s heavy and completely unpredictable.
    Night sweats are also the worst.