Chet Haze’s texts to his ex: ‘I watched my mom domineer and control my dad’

In Touch features Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson on the cover with the title “Rita Wilson: Wife from Hell, Inside Tom’s 33 Years of Abuse.” It’s not just conjecture on In Touch’s part, they have text messages which Rita and Tom’s son, who goes by Chet Haze, sent to his now ex girlfriend. That ex, Kiana, was granted a restraining order against him after he physically abused her when she was leaving him. Chet, 30, claims Kiana went after him with a knife and he is suing her in civil court “for assault and battery, theft and the return of money he said she stole from him.”

The texts which Chet sent Kiana about his mom seem to be his twisted way of justifying his abuse and mistreatment of her. Plus Kiana told In Touch that Chet often complained about his childhood, not recognizing how privileged and rich he was. When Chet’s parents cut him off for drugging and drinking, he had no idea how to get an apartment on his own and Kiana had to help him and sign off on a place for him. He sounds like an awful person who is blaming his childhood for his problems and mischaracterizing his parents’ relationship. I don’t blame InTouch for going with the angle they did, because they need to sell copies. You should buy it to support them and get more of this story, which is more about a narcissistic adult child of famous parents and less about Tom and Rita. Here are a few highlights:

Chet’s text to Kiana: I watched my mom domineer and control my dad for my entire life and he just sat there and took it. When I feel like I’m not being respected as a man it strikes a nerve with me because it makes me feel like I’m allowing the same thing to happen to me and I’m becoming what I hated most in my father.

Kiana’s response: So talking about me & pushing up on me make you feel more of a man.

Kiana tells In Touch she only wanted the best for Chet when they first started dating in 2019. He relied on her to organize his life when he encountered problems, especially after his famous parents “cut him off” because after years of sobriety, “he was smoking weed and drinking alcohol” again, she claims…

Chet blamed his parents and “his childhood” for his problems, says Kiana. He would complain to her “about how he was ignored as a child and just sad little things… From what he told me he had everything, but emotionally his childhood just wasn’t the best.”

She claims he also told Kiana he felt “emotionally” abandoned by Tom and Rita and that they subjected him to “mental” abuse. “He just wasn’t happy with both of them,” Kiana claims. “He actually told me that his grandmother [who’s since passed away] raised him and all of his good memories he would tell me would be about her,” not Tom and Rita.

[From In Touch, print edition, July 26, 2021]

I have heard that Rita Wilson can be bitchy, but women are often called that when they know their worth, especially in Hollywood. We’re often called bitchy when we have an equal relationship with a partner and make our opinion heard too. Chet Haze is an abusive POS who thinks being “the man” in a relationship means abusing and controlling his partner. According to his ex, whom I believe, he’s playing the victim and blaming his parents for his situation and his temper. All while he has access to wealth and opportunity that most people can only dream about. I wouldn’t trust anything he says about his parents. I like that Tom and Rita cut Chet off, I hadn’t heard that before, but who knows if it’s even true.

Tom and Rita have one additional child together, Truman, 25, who is very private. I wasn’t able to find out much about him so I’m guessing he turned out fine. Tom has two more children from his first marriage to Samantha Lewes: actor Colin, 43, and Elizabeth, 39.

Chet is doing Cameo to make money. He also makes rap music, which would not be possible with his lack of talent if his parents were not famous. Of course he goes by Chet Hanks on Instagram.

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76 Responses to “Chet Haze’s texts to his ex: ‘I watched my mom domineer and control my dad’”

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  1. Piratewench says:

    Many things can be true here. Chet can be a narcissistic abuser, and he also could have been emotionally neglected or abused while surrounded by great wealth and opportunity in his childhood.
    Tom can love and adore Rita and Rita can be a strong and assertive person, and Rita can also be controlling and abusive behind closed doors.
    Families are complicated as hell. It’s super trashy to air all this our publicly and Chet is an adult who needs to take responsibility for himself. I was abused but I’ll never ever abuse my kids, and when I found myself taking things out on my spouse early on in our marriage I went and got my ass in therapy and learned how to not do that anymore. There’s no excuse for Chet!

    • Otaku fairy says:

      True, but Tom himself hasn’t yet confirmed that his wife was emotionally abusive, and he’s the one Chet is claiming was the target. Plus the rest of Chet’s statement raises some red flags about his own worldview.

  2. Amanda Bennett says:

    I don’t understand, what did they think would happen when they named him Chet?

    • EnormousCoat says:

      Have you heard him rap? He’s been a running joke in my life for many years now. He’s been handed a lot and, imo, wants to manufacture a hard knock life to substantiate his own garbagehood. But the violence allegations and his White Boy Summer nonsense make the joke not funny. But yeah, he may be a poster child for the name. It’s a name one may need to overcome.

    • Nicole says:

      Not a big deal but his actual name is Chester. HE goes by Chet.

    • Mia4s says:

      His name is Chester. Chester Marlon Hanks. Chet is his….sigh….rapper name. 🙄

    • jules says:

      Yeah cause a crap name is definitely synonymous with someone growing up to being an a$$hat.

  3. Tanya says:

    Wow. Parents invest so much blood, sweat and tears into raising children and then THIS is how they turn out. What a f$&@ing disappointment.

    • Starkille says:

      I have a theory that some people are simply born *ssholes. Doesn’t matter how well they’re raised or how effective their parents were, they turn out *ssholes anyway, because they were just born that way. This guy is pretty clearly one of those.

      • NotSoSocialButterfly says:

        I have personal reasons to also embrace this theory. It’s simply how some people are wired.

      • Betsy says:

        My grandmother always said that the nicest people had the most horrible children, largely because they just couldn’t conceive of people being nasty and so just didn’t see it (and their kids are cagey enough not to be really bad in front of their parents). I don’t know what Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks are actually like, but I think Chet Haze just is who he is.

      • observer says:

        i also agree with this theory there are some people who are intrinsically broken from birth

        nurture can play a part in reshaping said brokenness, or trying to salvage it. but in most cases just fuck it up even more

    • Nomegusta says:

      He’s really upset that he has to get a job 😂

  4. Merricat says:

    We live in a society that tells women they’re too aggressive if they raise their voices. I have consistently been seen as threatening by men who don’t have my brains and don’t have my professional acumen. If I’d been a man, they’d have worshiped the ground I walk on. I automatically question any narrative that begins “She was domineering.” Eff that.

    • ClaireB says:

      Yes. That phrase is often their subconscious code for “she was smarter than I am and wasn’t deferential to me, and now my feelings are hurt and I’m afraid”.

    • Digital Unicorn says:

      Same with me – when i speak up and out I get accessed of being difficult, usually by men who are lazy and inept.

    • A says:

      Great points. I also question why we’re supposed to let In Touch get away with propagating a misogynist hit on a woman if the ‘interesting’ part of the story is about her son? I feel like we shouldn’t be glossing over that kind of framing any more.

      • StormsMama says:

        My first thought was: what a child he is.
        He can’t grasp that what his parents had WORKED FOR THEM.
        Also Tom is the big cheese ALL OVER THE WORLD
        he is respected as one of the most successful in his field
        Why wouldnt he take a back seat to Rita at home? She’s the boss at home sounds reasonable to me.
        But again that is something a child can’t grasp. So Chet sounds SEVERELY STUNTED
        And hurt- like a child acting out-
        Ultimately I’d say he needs therapy and a will to change his life and take control of his life—- but as others have noted
        A-holes and addicts are good at the blame game and you can’t make anyone have an Aha/come to Jesus moment.
        I can understand why they might cut him off too- unfettered access to drugs and material goods by said a-holes and addicts is a horrific recipe for disaster.
        He just needs to get humble. And that won’t happen while he’s busy pointing at his parents and lashing out psychically at others.

    • Jess says:

      I agree with you, Merricat. Anytime I hear anyone describe a woman as bossy, domineering, or a b&tch, I assume they’re just perpetuating the same ole misogyny. And I don’t care how interesting the InTouch article is about the d-bag that is Chet, I’m not giving money to a publication that uses such gross misogyny on its cover.

  5. Tanya says:

    My lens is dirty, but my sister also ran around telling people I was controlling and stuck up. Why? Because I refused to let her in my house after she stole from me, tried to get her into rehab, and then cut ties when she physically attacked me after I wouldn’t give her $50k. One thing I know about the brain suffering from drug addiction: there’s always someone else to blame.

    • Merricat says:

      I had virtually the same experience with my sister. Hat tip to you, Tanya.

    • Drea says:

      And the classic abusive mentality that the abuser is always the victim.

    • Dierski says:

      Very similar experiences with my dad and sister too, Tanya. I appreciate how you phrased that gently to avoid vilifying the whole person by saying “the brain suffering from drug addiction.” It is so true that addicts are suffering in ways unseen (and possibly unknown to themselves), and that drugs have the ability to change people and their brains, sometimes drastically, and the addict has difficulty seeing that they are to blame themselves for toxic encounters in their lives.

    • lucy2 says:

      Yes, I’m thinking this all has a lot to do with Tom and Rita finally cutting him off. Maybe Rita led the charge there, and he’s blaming her.

  6. Ariel says:

    I do wonder if he came out of the womb an a**hole.
    Like- was he always their “difficult” child?

    Of course, rich parents are known, in theory, to be neglectful, off to do their own things and leave the kids with nannies.

    Combination of less than stellar parenting and an adult child who is just- let’s face it- the worst.

    • Mia4s says:

      As I mentioned below, I’m not sure we have enough to judge the parenting as the other three kids turned out just fine. So I think it’s more complicated than we as outsiders could ever really understand.

    • teehee says:

      Its astounding how different siblings can be– even when they are raised in the same house. They may be raised together but they are DIFFERENT people as human beings and there is no guarantee they will all be similar to each other. They recall the same events of childhood very differently, for example.

      A child is really not a full reflection on the parents– even when they go overboard to help, sometimes a child just spites it all.

    • Jaded says:

      My sister basically came out of the womb an asshole. She was tempermental, deceitful and cruel from the get-go. My childhood was like walking through a field of landmines. When she finally moved out it was like we could all breathe a sigh of relief, so yes, some people are just born broken.

  7. OriginalLala says:

    Chet sounds awful, but I’ll believe that his childhood may have sucked – I went to school with uber-rich, uber-priviledged kids (I was the middle class kid on a scholarship to an exclusive private school) and many of them had fairly negligent parents and were raised by nannies. Lots of emotional acting-out, lack of boundaries, behavioral issues, and no consequences for their actions, ever. It made for some truly broken kids – it was eye opening for me.

  8. BusyLizzy says:

    My ex boyfriend went to Harvard Westlake where Chet went and said that he used to regularly drop the n word, act as if he was a thug, etc. I don’t know for how long he’s been abusing substances but he’s been messed up for a long time now (story dates back circa 2007/2088 I believe).

  9. Mia4s says:

    The younger son isn’t that young and definitely seems to have turned out fine. He’s 25, graduated from Stanford University, and works behind the scenes in movies. Camera crew, photography assistant, something like that.

    So yeah, Chet is kind of an outlier to say the least. Many families have them (including my own) so it’s hard to judge.

  10. Lena says:

    Sounds like he’s mad at his parents for cutting him off because of his choices and maybe it was Rita who instigated that so he’s most mad at her. I can’t get onboard with anyone airing personal family drama to a tabloid though, even if he is suing her.

    • Amy Too says:

      That’s what I’m thinking too. Mom was “domineering” because she was the one setting the parenting agenda, and dad was being “controlled” and “emasculated” by Mom because Dad supported Mom’s decisions when it came to Chet, rather than insist that Mom do what Chet wants/give in to Chet’s manipulations and demands.

  11. Canadian Becks says:

    COVID didn’t kill Tom Hanks…but this (the wanna-be-gangsta-rapping son, with multiple baby-mama dramas) just might.

  12. teehee says:

    100% sounds like a man who is refusing any accountability and is clearly feeling like trash, but thinking its everyone else’s fault, even the fault of the long dead ancient history, to make him what he is. Because he’s a guy and hes not supposed to be emotionally in charge of himself or fix things, he’s suppoed to be perfect– and he’s mad and disillusioned, that somehow, hes NOT perfect. And why isnt everyone else just fixing it all for him yet!!
    Surely that’s everyone else’s fault.

    How surprising.

    Grow up baby boy.

  13. HeatherC says:

    Who knows if any of this is accurate but it does seem like Chet considers his father abused and controlled because Tom isn’t throwing Rita up against walls to show her who’s boss or something.

  14. Sigmund says:

    Ugh. Nobody knows what people are like behind closed doors. That being said, the “being respected as a man” line set off some major alarm bells for me. That expression positively drips with misogyny.

    As an adult, Chet has to take responsibility for his own sh*t, and I say that as someone who experienced domestic violence as a kid. Whatever started it, he has some major issues with women that he needs to address.

    • Otaku fairy says:

      Yes. That read as someone trying to vent sexist beliefs in a way that’s meant to garner sympathy. Abuse a woman, then go off on a rant about what women need to avoid in order for there to be peace between the sexes.

    • Drea says:

      It’s manipulative abuser talk. You see, in his eyes, he’s not the perpetrator, he’s the victim. Look at what women make him do when he doesn’t feel respected! (sarcasm, obv)

  15. Meg says:

    I remember years ago a story of tom hanks and henry winkler fighting on set of turner and hooch assuming it was fake as they each have some of the nicest reputations in hollywood but henry winkler confirmed he was fired as director of turner and hooch after a couple days in production because tom hanks told producers he wanted him gone so they called a meeting asked henry do you need anything from set because youre gone

    • Coji says:

      That’s interesting. I like Tom Hanks. Both he and Winkler have reputations for being nice people but I’m inclined to believe Winkler. I suspect Hanks probably has a bit of an ego. That being said, I don’t blame him or Rita for their douche canoe son. There are 5 kids in my fam and our childhood wasn’t perfect but 4 of us are respectable adults and one is an abusive lying, manipulative creep.

      • StormsMama says:


        4 kids in my family
        Definitely not a perfect upbringing
        I’m the youngest
        Two of my older bros and I are functioning responsible adults
        But one of my brothers never grew up, is an addict, is obsessed with the idea that we all owe him…it’s straining on everyone and sad.

        But it’s common in many families I guess

    • Courtney B says:

      Ron Howard is close with both (winkler is godfather to at least one of his kids) and got dragged into it. I’ve been in the middle of two beefing friends and it ain’t fun.

    • tealily says:

      That’s a bummer. But I guess not everyone gets along, even if they’re nice people.

  16. Roo says:

    Sounds like maybe Rita was the one pushing for tough love and cutting him off financially, maybe Tom wasn’t convinced at first that that was the way to go, and so Chet sees her being domineering and abusive. 🙄

    How can he be so clueless about the world?

  17. Athyrmose says:

    Always mildly amusing when men that don’t even know how to take care of themselves expect to be the ‘leader’ in a relationship.

  18. Jayna says:

    I take what he says with a grain of salt. Chet’s younger brother went on Reddit one time years ago when he was in boarding school, which he loved and wanted to be in, and saw his parents I believe every weekend at the time, and was a well-adjusted teenager (at the time, adult now), talked lovingly of his parents, but joked he was going to be in trouble with his dad for doing the Reddit spur-of-the-moment, ask-me-anything post.. I read everything that kid said in his responses to questions, and came away with what a great kid he was and smart and had goals. So raised by the same parents as Chet. Chet is a real mess.

    He probably complains about his mom because she is the tough one dealing with Chet and his
    issues compared to Tom.

    • Courtney B says:

      Yeah three out of four of the kids seem well adjusted. And Colin is in the public eye—longer than Chet— plus his parents divorced (and blended families can have their own issues especially if one or more of those involved are a nightmare) and there haven’t ever been stories (as far as I know) of him being a dick or acting up or anything like Chet. He definitely seems the outlier.

  19. K says:

    As soon as I saw “when I feel disrespect as a man ” you all know some BULLLLSHITTT is about to be spouted. That is the type of crap an abuser talks. I feel sorry for his parents

    • teehee says:

      And isn’t that just setting himself up for being consistently ‘disrespected’ (whatever that even is)? I mean if your concept of yourself “as a man” literally depends on how other people are treating you– well welcome to one major disappointment after the other. No one is going to treat you the way you want them to. They’re gonna do, be, act, and think however they want, cos they are entitled to just be themselves.

  20. Wrin says:

    Go take a nap, bratboy.

  21. Alex says:

    He is exactly what an abuser says to the victim “YOU MADE ME DO IT”

  22. jferber says:

    In my humble opinion, I would NEVER take him to be a rich kid, but he is. That means he worked really hard to take on the persona of a white supremacist, misogynist, domestic abuser and January 6 Insurrectionist. That is a lot. And then the moaning about how hard he had it and that he’s the victim. I have NO idea how this can happen and frankly, I’d rather not know. What a poster said above, that people, despite nurture, can be born genetic assholes (including sociopaths and psychopaths) is surely true.

  23. LA says:

    Hmm. My Mom is a fiery, Italian Mom and my Dad was a super laid back, easygoing guy. My Mom often nagged my Dad, and it generally didn’t bother him much. My Mom was also ALWAYS the heavy and the bad guy, because my Dad wasn’t a natural disciplinarian in the way that she was. I offer this example because even though no family is perfect, ours was pretty functional. BUT. I could see if one of us had been spoiled/coddled and felt resentful about having to grow up, how we COULD have spun it as her being domineering etc. Rita is known for being a tough woman, which I am sure serves her and her family well in their brutal industry. My gut tells me that she was probably instrumental in telling him NO MAS on the slacker life and he’s throwing a big tantrum over it.

    • Joanna says:


    • detritus says:

      My dad basically forced my mom to be the ‘bad parent’ because he has issues with being popular.

      When I was a teen I could have said similar stuff about my parents and been absolutely completely wrong

  24. Joan Callamezzo says:

    I think this is a case of arrested development. Chet started doing drugs and/or drinking as a teenager stunting his emotional growth.

  25. jferber says:

    Oh, God, he has multiple baby mamas too? I just can’t.

  26. KNy says:

    I’ve heard a handful of not so great things about RW over the years (entitled kind of stories, nothing crazy) but I’m guessing that Chet was an extremely difficult child and RW was the one who attempted to discipline him/lay down the law and so she became the enemy while the busy, movie star father was more passive and subsequently seemed more weak. One of my friends is an acquaintance of Liz Hanks and says she’s “nice, normal, and quiet.” A colleague of mine grew up going skiing in the same area as Tom Hanks and his family and said he’s really as nice as you think.

    Chet is still clearly blaming his childhood for every bad decision he makes. Every parent makes mistakes, but at some point you need to take responsibility for yourself and your healing.

  27. The Recluse says:

    Looking at those pictures of him and it’s hard to see his parents there. Are we sure he isn’t a changeling as well as being generally problematic?

  28. Merricat says:

    He’s no changeling. He’s an addict. And whenever the addict is foiled in some way, prevented from access to money that buys the addict’s drug of choice, he or she acts as though they are the victim, and whoever stands in their way is the problem.

  29. Gail Hirst says:

    Thank you for posting the video. I won’t watch it after reading some of these comments, I don’t feel a need to hear his words. I’ve dealt with addiction with too many people for too much of my life to want to expose myself to unnecessary narcissism. Kind regards, gh

  30. Maria H says:

    Yeah, see, I have a substance-abusing family member who claims the same things, even though their sisters had a wildly different childhood experience. I’m not saying every child in a household experiences the same thing, but it smacks a bit of “I’m unhappy with the consequences of my choices, so I need it to be someone else’s fault.”