What would you do if you had $185 billion? What kind of sh-t would you splurge on? Multiple homes, obviously. Probably a yacht. Several personal chefs, of course. But even with those personal chefs, there would be some food items your chefs couldn’t quite recreate, right? Food items like… artisanal soft-serve ice cream from your favorite ice cream truck? This was Jeff Bezos’ issue, and wouldn’t you know, he found a way to get the luxury of soft-serve ice cream at home.
Look at where you came from, look at you now — eating unlimited soft-serve ice cream. Billionaire “space cowboy” Jeffrey Bezos has a new soft-serve ice cream machine in one of his homes, the CVT Soft Serve ice cream company revealed Tuesday.
The device looks like a tiny ice cream truck and is called the CVTeeny. It offers chocolate, vanilla and twist nozzles — and Bezos, 57, is the first customer to have one in his home, according to CVT’s Instagram.
“Thank you Jeff Bezos for being our first residential #CVTeeny client,” wrote founder Joe Nicchi on Instagram.
CVT Soft Serve has operated as an ice cream truck in Los Angeles for seven years. It’s not clear which of his many homes got the sweet machine, but since the company is based in Los Angeles, it could be in one of his three Beverly Hills houses. CVT Ice Cream was founded in 2014 when Nicchi found that soft-serve ice cream was difficult to find on the West Coast. Nicchi declined to provide further details about the transaction, but he did double down on his story’s authenticity on Instagram.
“I just did an ice cream delivery to a guy that now has CVT on tap in his house 24/7,” wrote Nicchi, who co-founded the company with his wife, Tyler Nicchi. “I don’t expect you to believe what I’m about to tell you, but it’s 100% true. I’m still trying to mentally process this,” he wrote.
I mean, if I had the money and I had people ready to maintain the ice cream machinery and the ice cream recipe, sure, I would do this. I think CVT built this “residential machine” just for Bezos, at his request, because money’s no object. What other branded-food items would you want “franchised” in your own home? I’d get a Frosty machine from Wendy’s. Burger King’s french fries are really f–king good, but I bet a personal chef could replicate that or even do it better. There are legitimately tons of really good soft-serve yogurt companies which could do residential installments. Right beside the Frosty machine and everything else.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Instagram.
Oh, EFF this guy!!
I respect this purchase way more than his giant penis in space for no reason.
I second in respect, I would totally have one of these if I were rich
Mmmm, yes please! I’d do that too if I were rich.
Also a slushee machine – cuz I’m rich and I deserve it.
I think Kim Kardashian has a frozen yogurt machine in her house. It’s a rich people thing I guess lol.
I know this is supposed to be a fun post about “oooh I would get mcD’s French fries, or my favorite trash pizza, etc” set up in my home…but I can’t with this guy. I’ve been watching a fundraiser on Instagram reach 6 mill$+ over the past few days to help evacuate Afghan people. Donations are by and large small 5-10-20$ amounts and I kept think Bezos and Gates and Zuck make this in interest in 30m and I get so filled with rage that none of them have done ANYTHING (publicly at least) to help. God I think I feel an aneurysm starting from rage.
Didn’t he give $100 million to World Central Kitchens a couple of weeks ago?
I’m with you. $1 billion is more than anyone can spend in a lifetime (hello compound interest!) and he has 185 of that. One. Hundred. And. Eighty. Five.
The money spent on his little penis space adventure could have solved homelessness in this country.
It just disgusts me, to be frank, that someone would hoard wealth like that.
I’m with you. And the line about “his many hones” including “three Beverly Hills houses” — who the hell needs 3 houses in Beverly Hills alone?? Send this mf back to space and fill them with homeless people.
Seriously f you Jeff Bezos/
If I were that rich, I’d buy a really great ice-maker and a nice house with a swimming pool and then I’d pay my workers and give them all the best possible healthcare and let them unionize and take actual bathroom breaks because I’m not an asshole.
+1 except I don’t really care about the quality of my ice, I’d just want my pool heated.
I’m with you on the ice maker, especially one that would make crushed ice. Not the sally ones you can get slapped on the front of your fridge with water lines that always look sketchy, but a real industrial one that could get a proper cleaning. I would drink just about everything with crushed ice.
Also would get a soft serve machine AND one of those instant ice cream machines they have on cooking shows so I could be all “this butterscotch pudding is good, but it would be SO much better as ice cream – BLAM ! POOF! – yup, it IS so much better as ice cream!” And heated lap and dip pools. Several of them. And a really nice telescope.
And also, not food related, but I would have custom shoes made – comfortable ones that actually fit my 7 1/2 slightly wide feet but are gorgeous and feminine and made from sustainable materials and DON’T look like they belong to a 90 year old man about to do another lap at the mall before it opens (why are so many of the styles made in non a-b widths SO clunky and orthopedic looking?)
But yeah, I’d also put a ton of money into vaccination programs and social and economic and environmental justice and paying off people’s mortgages and helping refugees. And yeah, paying my employees, support staff really well with great benefits including medical and other insurance as well as ample paid time off so they can actually have a life too,
Because there’s only so much ice cream and so many shoes and lap pools one person needs!
It sounds great, but it is high maintenance — the cleaning! I have a friend who owns an ice cream shop and she got rid of hers because it just took SO much time and effort. I suppose Jeff Bezos doesn’t care, but his cleaning staff will be swearing under their breath soon.
And Phyllis, agreed, between this and his space boondoggle, it really is a Marie Antoinette moment.
This is at least more relatable than going into “almost space” on a penis rocket. Ice cream is wonderful. I just have to agree with everyone else, having little charity in his heart and boredom at his life…he seems sort of empty and bored.
It’s funny how having everything can get meaningless when you 1) are incapable of enjoying anything; 2) just need to have everything.
Five guys, cafe rio, Boston market, soft serve w/toppings bar, and urbane cafe. I guess I need a whole food court!
I’d have real ice cream instead of soft serve, but yes, this is what I’d do if I had billions. Hell, I’d do it if I had a million.
That’s my idea of Heaven! But I have no self control when it comes to ice cream so it would turn out badly for me! ☺️
That’s the thing. You would need such self-control !!! I don’t eat soft serve ice cream because I have heard about how gross and dirty the machines can get. If I had one in my home and I knew it was clean, mannnnnnnn…
I would definitely have a custard machine, but I would also have a chef!!!
2025– Jeff Bezos shares his weight loss secrets: “well, first you need to get rid of your in-home soft serve ice cream machine…”
I love a soft serve, so I would absolutely have a soft serve machine in my home. Though I’ve felt a little iffy about my favorite treat ever since I heard Margaret Thatcher was involved in the creation of soft serve.
It seems to be an urban myth that Thatcher invented soft-serve. She was a chemist for a short while at a company that was trying to create a British version of soft-serve ice cream which had already been developed in the US about a decade before. She may have had something to do with figuring out how to add more air to the product, but the company ended up partnering with a US company and using the US process. Plus, there were lots of others all working on soft-serve at the time. So, I think it’s safe for you to enjoy soft serve without any political worries. 🙂
I did not know about this soft-serve Thatcher claim debate! Found The New Yorker’s article titled The Margaret Thatcher Soft-Serve Myth. This should help with any political worries too-from the story.
“An oft-told anecdote in British left circles associates Thatcher with the invention of soft ice cream, which added air, lowered quality and raised profits.” In other words, it wasn’t Thatcher’s supporters who spread the soft-serve myth; it was the left-wingers, who saw in it a suitable metaphor for her policies.”
I probably wouldn’t have an ice cream machine in my house. Too tempting. Will probably have my favorite medium mix soft-serve ice cream cone later today.
Jeff Bezos is the worst, full stop. HOWEVER. This is literally what I have told my husband I would splurge on if we ever win an enormous lottery jackpot or something. Not a car or a house or any of that. A soft serve machine that I can use whenever I want, but that a company would service for me so that I wouldn’t have to clean the damn thing. THAT (to me) is luxury, y’all.
And now I know a company that might be able to make that dream a reality, so, thanks Bezos! I guess!
Nice to see that he’s still in touch with the rest of society! /s.
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Smells like spam.
His wealth is an unreal number to me.
Why/How does anyone justify it? Even to themselves?
Billionaires are money and power hoarders. Period.
Bezos could donate millions a month and still never live long enough to spent all of it.
Bezos, Musk, Branson, Buffet, Gates, David Geffen, if they got organized they could literally fund major charity projects, health care, homelessness, cure cancer, etc., etc.
Why they don’t still baffles me.
Now, if I become wealthy, I plan to buy my own Taco John franchise and have my lunch delivered 365 days a year. All the males employed will be young Keanu Reeves look alikes, and I will design my own line of 100 cotton, comfy pjs. which will be the company dress code. I like comfy. lol
Then right after, I will start funding a charity foundation.
I donate quarterly to 2 charities that I know do good work, in my town, and the $$ gets to those in need, not admin.
Have a lovely weekend all.
You don’t need to be a billionaire to live this dream. Cuisinart makes a soft serve ice cream machine. It’s not a big commercial grade machine but you can have soft serve at home for less than $150. You can also buy the Dole whip mix that they serve at Disney facilities.
I’ve been interested in a home soft serve machine for many years. They are not too expensive like mixer prices. I haven’t bought one cause I’m always watching my weight