Ben Affleck appeared on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show this week to talk about The Tender Bar, alcoholism and relationships. As always, Stern was a great interviewer and Ben spoke a lot about why his first marriage broke down, how he hesitated before getting back together with J.Lo and how he worries about how his celebrity affects his kids. The biggest headlines are about the end of his marriage to Jennifer Garner though, and let’s just say that Affleck is gonna Affleck. Some quotes:
His brief hesitation: He did hesitate about rekindling a relationship with Jennifer Lopez. The reason: He knew media and paparazzi would kick into overdrive, and he worried about his children. “It crossed my mind for sure. My responsibility to my children is the highest responsibility. I don’t want to do anything that is painful or destructive to them if I can help it. Me and their mom are celebrities and that’s hard. Let’s not bulls–t each other, right? That’s a f–king cross to bear, that’s an albatross already … and then during the divorce, you know they printed horrible lies.”
His divorce from Jen Garner: “The truth was we took our time, we made the decision, we grew apart. We had a marriage that didn’t work. We tried because we had kids. We did not want it to be the model of marriage for the kids. We did our best. She’s somebody I love and respect, but to whom I shouldn’t be married any longer. I knew she was a good mom, and I hoped she knew I was a good dad. I had to get sober, and I acknowledge that.”
If he had stayed with Garner: “We probably would’ve ended up at each other’s throats. I probably still would’ve been drinking. Part of why I started drinking was because I was trapped. I was like, ‘I can’t leave because of my kids, but I’m not happy, what do I do?’ And what I did was [I] drank a bottle of scotch and fell asleep on the couch, which turned out not to be the solution.”
His rock bottom: “The cure for addiction is suffering. You suffer enough before something inside you goes, ‘That’s enough.’ It was my kids. I’m lucky because I hit that point before I lost the things that were most important. Not my career or money — it was my relationship with my kids, and when I felt as if it impacted them, I recognized it. Since that day, I swear to Christ, I have not wanted to drink once. I am not cured. I am not a preacher, but there is a happy ending if you can get there.”
This is basically the purest essence of Ben Affleck: “I probably still would’ve been drinking. Part of why I started drinking was because I was trapped.” While he takes more ownership of his sh-t nowadays, he’s still the guy who halfway (or completely) blames the woman for his problems. For years, he blamed J.Lo for the interest in his life, the paparazzi, and Hollywood’s failure to take him seriously. Then when the marriage to Jen Garner rehabilitated his image and his career, it’s her fault for trapping him and making him miserable, so miserable he had to hit the bottle. I know there’s more nuance to what he’s saying and these are only a handful of quotes from a much more extensive interview. But the lesson he never seems to learn is this: the problem is Ben, not his current girlfriends or his ex-girlfriends or his ex-wife.
Photos courtesy of Backgrid.
He should have stopped at “the marriage didn’t work we grew apart”.
I remember Jennifer Garner intervention.
Exactly. And it happened way after they split. I can’ stand this entitled pr..ck. and to think that he has three kids who WILL hear and read what he said.
+100
Welp! All that golden PR over the summer is gone, and we’re reminded what a prick Ben Affleck is
Tenfold.
It would not surprise me if JLo and Ben start getting bad press and having issues after this. She only likes it when the buzz is good.
And he’s a total jerk for these comments. By saying,” I couldn’t leave because of my kids” he’s basically blaming his children for keeping him in the marriage. That’s horrible for them to hear. And yes he had drinking issues before during and after his marriage to Jen Garner.
Thank you SO MUCH for including the photo of Jen driving him to rehab and getting him his f*ing happy meal or whatever in the drive through. He is so emotionally immature and it sucks to see him publicly disrespect her when she obviously played a key role in getting him help when he needed it (even after all that he put her through with the nanny!). What a schmuck.
Is he sober now? What a huge attack to the mother of his children and to his family, the innocent people who suffered a lot because of him. The perfect Christmas present for them. Shame!
He really is. I had forgotten he even groped Hilarie Burton. Not a good guy.
@Juju +1,000 “By saying, ‘I couldn’t leave because of my kids,’ he’s basically blaming his children for keeping him in the marriage. That’s horrible for them to hear.”
My parents never divorced, but my mom made it clear many, many, many times throughout my growing up years that she was incredibly unhappy. And she kept saying, ‘once you’re out of school, I’ll leave’ or ‘I can’t leave until you’re done with school.’ Guess what? I finished school and she still stayed. It took me a long time to realize that it wasn’t MY fault that she stayed in an unhappy marriage.
Fix your own sh*t, Ben. Your kids are watching and listening.
I said this here months ago–it was not a popular sentiment.
@ninotchka Same, same. i was among the few who cringed through their Bennifer reloaded campaign and hated every fake moment of their “love story”.
@JuJu @ Anne
I’m the adult child of a mom who ALWAYS used me as an excuse as to why she stayed in terrible relationships when I was a kid. Her intentions in telling me that were good, but I will always remember that she blamed me and it has absolutely impacted our adult relationship.
He spends so much time in this interview saying he’s a good dad, but this statement and his actions 100% prove otherwise.
The intervention seen around the world. Himself and Jennifer garner had been split for quite awhile at that point so is he blaming that one on lindsay or the nanny? AlL jokes aside, Ben needs to put on his big boy pants and take some responsibility for his own actions.
Yes! He was stumbling around drunk, multiple times, years after they got the divorce. So clearly being married wasn’t the reason he drank excessively, because he did it after the marriage was over.
As someone who has an alcoholic in my family who never used excuses and took full responsibility for their actions when they were struggling, his blaming of the woman angers me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. It’s just so deeply wrong. They were 100% his bad choices, not her’s.
Was not Ben drinking heavily BEFORE his marriage to Garner??????
+1000
YES and way after too.
BA will never change; he can’t. He simply doesn’t have the internal resources—‘a fearless and searching moral inventory’ is not for him. His problems will ever be someone else’s fault.
My opinion, but I think JG finally got over this guy a few years ago—it must really suck to have to keep dealing with this self-absorbed, whining man-baby because they have children. JLo or his brother can provide a rehab taxi next time.
Yes to all of this!
What this also makes clear is that he also doesn’t have the external resources. As in, a recovery program? A sponsor? If he were really working a program, no way he would be talking like this.
And where are the babysitter/nanny and the SNL gal and Bananna pap-strolling during the pandemic plus the other unnamed ladies in this rehash of those who have been loved and left? Well, we see the lengths to which Ben edits and shapes this narrative—storytelling doesn’t have to pay attention to being accountable or truthful.
Have we forgotten the NANNY? And the prostitutes and gambling and on and on since WAY before his marriage to JG and WAY after. I don’t like him and never have. He and Matt Damon are just clueless egotistical douchbros with good haircuts. And this is thoughtless and awful to do to Jen garner and especially his kids. He’s been showing who he is over and over and over and over and yet, here’s his latest “comeback”.
God grant me the grace shown to this asshole.
I wondered when Ben would start to self-destruct again. Here we are.
Ditto on all of this. But he also conveniently left out his affair with the damn nanny. Re-writing history. I am not here for it. Not at all.
👊🏽Tanguerita. I want us all to move on from narcissistic asshole white men.
Really. Because, what, MOC are never assholes? Are you kidding me with this? WTAF?!!
Um I didn’t say that? If you’re not familiar with the *particular* brand of toxicity exhibited by privileged cis straight white males a la Affleck, you’re lucky.
Seems Burnt Mosquito Affleck glam shamed JLo & went on to practical shoe Garner…
…when Garner wouldn’t let him strip club cigar booze…he mom shamed Garner & went back to permissive JLo.
Seems man babyBen just wants the most permissive parent to have custody
If I were JLo, at this point I’d be very wary of more committment to Ben. Sounds like he’s someone who’s unable to take responsibility for his own actions. Including becoming an alcoholic. Also, he went to rehab BEFORE he met & married Jennifer Garner. Wow. “I felt trapped”. How trite.
He doesn’t quite know how to own his sh*t. But he does make for a good gossipy soundbite.
Like, Ben? Hitting the bottle isn’t the answer to feeling trapped. Being an adult is.
Exactly. I was trapped in a miserable marriage and job, and trapped in a state I hated. I didn’t start abusing alcohol because of all of that – I figured out how to move, get a new job, and get out of the marriage. Ugh, JLo should watch out – if he has any problems when he’s with her, he’ll end up blaming her too. I’m normally not a big Garner cheerleader but right now I’m glad she’s getting all the props for dealing with his whiny self.
Ben is an asshole who thinks he’s a good guy.
nailed it
YES, this.
Completely, 100% this.
Even Brad Pitt hasn’t stooped this low. Yet.
Jennifer Garner is the mother of his children–and was a rock in trying to rescue him from his alcoholism–and for that reason he should exercise discretion. But no, that’s something he’s incapable of.
Yes. So true.
He’s an asshole and he’ll never change.
His EX-wife had to drive him to rehab after they were long over.
If he relapses again, he’ll blame JLo.
This. He’ll never change. He never takes much ownership for his sh*t. Definitely a matter of time before things come crashing down with JLo and his blame game yet again returns to her. SMDH.
What does JLo even see in this jerk?
I’ve known guys like this, and they can be a lot of fun – playful, romantic, sweet – right up until things get real. Then things go off the rails fast.
But I think JLo is also I to drama – it’s not just him.
a storyline (by this i don’t necessarily mean using for PR, i mean she seems the kind of person who likes to be the center of an intense, romantic, inner self-narrative that doesn’t have to align with reality)
i mean, though, that’s why the press is all over this. it’s a storyline.
also the commenter above me is right about ‘guys like this’, Ben is the perfect person currently to provide her with the supporting role for her projected fairytale drama.
She doesn’t seem to be ok unless she’s romantically attached to a guy. She leaves one today and within a few days or a short few(very) week’s she is shown on the arm of another guy. Within 6 months they are buying a house together and she has a new engagement ring on. Most of the time the wedding doesn’t happen but the kid’s are involved every time.
I agree with the comments above me. It seems that she can’t be single and Ben seems to be great at love-bombing.
And I’m sure she loves the media attention (as does Ben, but he’ll soon start bitching about it like he always does) and that people forgot about ARod.
@ Pat, JLo has some serious issues herself, yes!! She is extremely codependent and HAS to have a man at all times! She has some serious issues, I agree with you on that. And her pattern with men is always the same, she becomes completely intertwined with them, all while her children are brought in early and fully intertwined with her.
As for Ben, what a f’king douche bag!! Garner saved his ass so many times! He should be lucky she was there to pick him up off of the ground. And Ben has always been an alcoholic, his marriage and children had nothing to do with his disease. I hope his kids don’t hear this interview.
Ben you need to grow up and take responsibility for yourself, it’s no ones fault you drank, it’s YOUR fault, pr!ck!!
This Exactly! It is why I hated seeing him with JLo-or anyone. He doesn’t want a romantic partner, he wants a mother figure who will take care of him and clean up his messes. He is just sloppy, inside and out.
once an assh..e, always an assh..e. And as he keeps blaming other people for his addiction, it’s only a question of time till he starts drinking again.
But seriously, these two deserve each other.
Agree.
I saw a response to this yesterday that basically said men have an infinite capacity to turn their abuse of you into their own hero’s journey. That’s Ben is a nutshell.
Nothing more to say. {Bows to your eloquence}
Brilliant, absolutely on point.
On point and perfect on every level! I am going to screen grab this quote so I can refer back to it from time to time!!!
Exactly this!!
100% true
I hope his PR team has a big bottle of scotch handy.
Yup and he’s the poster child.
This statement thisstatement this s. t. a. t. e. meant.
OMFG the truth of that. I have a man in my life (a relative, of the parental sort) who is this in a nutshell. I’ve distanced myself from him, but he’s still out there having brief, insanely dysfunctional relationships with women, and he absolutely plays the victim card each and every time someone saves themself from his gaslighting.
Wow, that is a really powerful statement because it rings true.
And Ben went so far as to memorialize his “Hero’s Journey” with his ridiculous Phoenix back tattoo… which IIRC he first denied having and then blamed JG for causing him so much suffering he needed to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. Didn’t she slap back with some remark about that?
Yeah Ben, it’s entirely someone else’s fault you were passing out with a bottle of scotch every night while sneaking around with your
kids’ nanny… TFG!
I’m taking a picture of this quote so I never forget it. I’m afraid it’s exactly true.
Ben is such a fucking bum. JLo better run from this loser. He blamed her for their last breakup.
They both deserve each other.
Exactly. I don’t know why JLo keeps getting cast as a good cop in this scenario? she is just as superficious, fame-hungry and self-absorbed as he is.
I liked the comment in the article about how Ben knew that getting back with JLo would invite the paparazzi etc.
Maybe don’t plan a never ending pap stroll around Capri then? Just throwing that out there…..
They do. Superficial fantastic & her douchebag
He was unhappy in his marriage and he tried to stay for the kids and that triggered him into relapse I don’t think he’s trying to blame JG intentionally but it does come accross that way with the trapped comment.
That’s how I took it. He definitely should not have said it the way he did. But Ben has a way of saying things that tend to be misunderstood/misconstrued. (At least that’s what Matt has said over the years.) This will be interesting to see this play out on how people around him react to this.
If anyone remembers, Ben fired his PR team the last time he was with JL, 18 years ago. Signed up with Ken Sunshine’s team and has been with them since. I wonder if he’ll dump them now. History seems to repeat itself with him so much.
Yet this is the same man that that talk about having another kids with Jen G when one won his last Oscar and she shut that down real quick and said there will be no more. That doesn’t sound like somebody who was trapped in a bad marriage and only staying for the kids, if you want to add more kids to the situation.
That’s how I took it also. They weren’t a good fit. The thing to do here when asked this kind of question is just to say, “We loved each other but we weren’t a good fit for each other”.
Yeah that’s how I took it. He could have said it better. It sounds like he’s blaming JG. He needs to learn how to talk about this to place blame for his drinking only on himself. Two people contribute to the end of a marriage, but he’s the alcoholic, not her. He had a drinking problem long before he met her and it continued after the marriage. Hopefully part of his health journey is learning to accept responsibility and talk about it in a way that shows he’s done that.
Yes, he phrased it badly, but I didn’t take it like he was blaming her. It sounds like he thinks they were both trapped, which to me means the blame for that is shared by both parties Maybe I’m being too charitable, but I also say things that come out weird sometimes.
And just because you feel trapped, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s someone else’s doing. It’s like the golden handcuffs of a job that you don’t like, but pays well. I feel trapped in a job that pays well, but that I don’t like much anymore. It’s all my own doing though- I still have choices, I just don’t like any of them!
“We probably would’ve ended up at each other’s throats. I probably still would’ve been drinking. Part of why I started drinking was because I was trapped. I was like, ‘I can’t leave because of my kids, but I’m not happy, what do I do?’ And what I did was [I] drank a bottle of scotch and fell asleep on the couch, which turned out not to be the solution.”
This wasn’t just a poor choice of words. He is saying he felt trapped in his marriage and by his children, so he drank. He didn’t have to drink. It was a choice HE made. He could have sought out a therapist, gone to rehab, ANYTHING other than indulge in drinking. He has a victim mentality and cannot take responsibility for his own actions.
I think Ben’s comments are incredibly insensitive and as excerpted here show a lack of responsibility. BUT I disagree with saying his drinking was “a choice HE made” and that he “indulged in drinking.” He’s an addict. It’s not as simple as just making a choice and saying no. And addiction is not an “indulgence.”
@Kerfuffles This is a disagreement that comes up a lot. I will say this – Ben himself frames it as a choice. He states that when he saw what he was doing to his children, he made the choice to seek out help. Up until that point, then, he was making choices to further his own addiction.
He can’t be serious. If you read between the delicate sentences he’s basically throwing Jennifer Garner under the bus. This man was an alcoholic before he met either woman and still is today. This man is still drinking.
In what world are these sentences are “delicate”? He throws her under the bus, drives over her body, then put the bus in reverse.
@Tanguerita:
LOL! Ok, I know I shouldn’t be laughing but you pretty much took the words out of my mouth.
@ tanqueria…you win w/your brilliant comment
This guy is a total POS. Give it a year and he’ll be talking about how the pressures of being in a relationship with J-LO drove him to drink. It’s always someone else’s fault, he’s always the victim/hero. I will never watch him in anything, he’s a poor actor anyway and I won’t support his mediocre white bread ass.
Punto.
Ben is a tool, until he accepts that he is responsible for his behavior, he will continue the blame game.
Last time it was hookers he used to get out of the engagement with JLO, wonder what he will use this time.
What a loser
Ya, not this lantern jawed lump of marshmallow implying Jen is responsible for his alcohol dependency, as if we can’t pull up his Wikipedia page. You went to rehab before you ever married her, doofus!
“Like a compass needle that points north, a man’s accusing finger always finds a woman…”
@Purple Prankster as regards this “bro”, THIS, A Thousand Splendid Times!
He really should have said “part of why I started drinking AGAIN” because he has a history of alcohol abuse that goes back like a decade before he and Garner ever met and married.
The way he worded it in this interview, it’s as if he started drinking because of the bad marriage. Maybe the marriage was bad because one party is an alcoholic who can’t accept responsibility?
Not to mention he drank AFTER the marriage ended when he was with that blond woman. Garner took him to rehab long after they were done. Now, I guess you could argue the stress of the breakup contributed, but that’s not on Garner since he said he felt trapped and needed to get out. There is very little responsibility taking in these quotes.
“Maybe the marriage was bad because one party is an alcoholic who can’t accept responsibility?” – this right here.
These two people were never compatible. Jen is a sweetheart, who also loves going to church. Ben is (was) a saboteur with a drinking, and possibly gambling, problem. The hell he put her through and she still helped him out with his recovery. No good deed ever goes unpunished…
“ Maybe the marriage was bad because one party is an alcoholic who can’t accept responsibility?”
Yes!!!
Thank you, this. Saying “we worked on it” really rounds out the responsibility and makes it look like an all around bad marriage when it’s much more honest to say “I didn’t make any real effort, I just got drunk and acted like a victim of my life. She made a lot of effort and went to Al-Anon and tried to be as good of a partner to me as she could. If we had stayed together I never would have hit rock bottom because I wouldn’t have lost anything I cared about. I would have kept deluding myself that I was a good father because she carried all the parenting weight and I was *there also*. I’m afraid I would never have faced my own issues and done the work to get better as long as I had her as a crutch and a strawman to blame for my own unhappiness.”
Kate, that is an excellent summary of what he SHOULD have said, but unfortunately he’s too up his own ass to see that he’s not the victim of his own self-imposed drama.
What a rude asshole. He clearly learned nothing from rehab.
I know. I have read this a few times and I am angry on behalf of Jennifer Garner. She was always too good for him and the whole world knows it. I guess that can make a person feel “trapped.”
This is the absolute biggest thing that jumps out. Did he only do rehab?? This addict talk right there. No sponsor, or group or any number of resources will let you get away with this stuff.
A life-long, bad addict like him needs to be in treatment, in one form or another, FOREVER. This is why people go to AA for decades. Because you always gotta rein this shit in fast, or else you are going down relapse road. So all this tells me is that he’s not in treatment and not going to stay sober. Because if he’s thinking this way, it’s seconds before the hubris and entitlement start telling him he can have a drink.
And the size of his head continues to amaze me…o_O
It’s like twice the size of J.Lo’s!
He’s on a larger scale than her😅
if only he had a proper functioning brain to match the (empty) room…
What a disgusting sh***y thing to say which his children will no doubt read what he said. JL, I would run. If a man is going to say these things about their children’s mother, I would run for cover. He ain’t a real man in my book. Sorry, not sorry!!!!
He’s already said similar things about JLo after they broke up the first time, and she still took him back. It will happen again.
This is his MO with women. Self destruct and blame his partner.
+1
All I can think of at this point are JLo’s kids. Ben, in his 40s, still has a lot of hard lessons to learn. Jennifer Garner seems to have put up with a lot. Lopez…I don’t think she will. So when this hits the rocks, her kids will be introduced to yet another guy and probably create another make-believe family with the guys kids (if he has any)! Because we know that like Affleck, Lopez cannot be by herself! I wish them the best!
+1
PS: Affleck and Garner’s kids must by hurt be this too. They are at the age where they can read this on the internet and would most likely reach the conclusion that their dad blames their mum for his own gross behavior…regardless of whatever nuances! Just sad all around!
Ben, take responsibility, dude!
I hope JLo is listening to what her BF is saying. When he was with her, if I’m not mistaken, he blamed her for the break up. He said she wanted to change him and he was not comfortable with the way she wanted him to dress, he was under stress ect. I remember BA cheated on jlo with a club\bar worker. It’s a long time so I forget the story. While he was with JLo he was addicted to gambling, alcohol ect. and he cheated on her. After he left JG I remember him “drunk as a skunk” in NY with his girlfriend going into a hotel. I’m sure I’ve seen him looking like he was drunk with Anna, I remember he went to alcohol rehab several times. For him to blame JG for his weakness showed how weak of a man he is. JLo will be burned by him again, that’s my prediction.
Yes he did .
Because he’s also incapable of leaving a serious relationship (engagement, marriage) in a healthy manner and basically has to humiliate his partner in such public fashion to the point they break up with him. J.Lo and the strippers, Jen and the nanny. I don’t think de Armas was that serious (more PR than anything) so she ‘only’ got the cardboard dump into the trash.
I’m glad to see comments on here calling him out. I read about this last night and thought it was such a rude thing to say. Trying to hurt Jennifer and pin blame on her for some reason. He’s such a d@ck.
oh for the love of God. He was doing so well and then he had to insinuate even a modicum of guilt on the part of Jennifer Garner, totally unprompted. THIS AIN’T IT, BEN.
Good Gawd, this guy is gross. Really unpleasant. Apparently, Jlo needs this reminder of how he disparages his ex’s and blames them for his bad behavior.
I believe that Jen did her best; he did not. He had a history of alcoholism so should have still been associated with an aa group or sponsor to help himself. Not his kids or his wife’s responsibility to keep a grown man sober. He wanted to model a lasting marriage for his children? How about wanting to model a responsible man who takes accountability for his own actions? He quit when it impacted his children? He should have known based on his own childhood that it impacted his children LONG before he quit. So all this humble bragging about how he puts his children first is not impressive.
Also this. Seeing your dad passed out on the couch night after night, seeing dad turning into a different person when he drinks, sensing that he’s not present and not happy, knowing he is unpredictable and unreliable. This is now their kids’ trauma. He only made a change when HE felt threatened of losing them.
Convinces me more and more that pursuing JLO again was all about saving his ego after getting dumped by De Armas. We forget how embarrassing he looked at that point might as well have been Tom Hiddleston after getting dumped by Taylor Swift.
Ben had certainly seen how Brad Pitt had used Aniston to his advantage in his Oscar campaign. It worked in Ben’s favor that JLO was in her own point of embarrassment and desperate to change her own media story as well.
Way to go Ben!
JG once again has to speak to the children about the statements you made about their mother & will still make you out to be a good father for the sake of your children!
i thought he went on Howard Stern to promote The Tinder Bar? How did talking about dating JL result in bashing JG?
I think Ben Affleck showed what an ass he really is!!!
JL should get her head out of her ass & wake up! Ben will always blame the women in his life!!!
He’s had addiction issues his whole adult life. For someone who claims to put his children above all else-putting this on their mother is a really interesting choice.
My jaw fell open when I saw this headline, he will never change. He’s a selfish pos who will always blame someone else for his problems, he was an alcoholic before he met Jennifer and I guarantee it was a huge part of why they fought so much. He probably felt trapped because he couldn’t go out boozing and gambling like he wanted to, like he had no part in making babies and getting married. Alcohol destroys families in so many way, his children are old enough to read this, guess he doesn’t care so much about hurting them that way huh?
That picture of Jennifer hauling his ass off to rehab completely changed my view of her. She was the one who picked him up at his lowest point and he does this BS, ugh.
I wonder if he’s trying yo please JLO and make her feel better about how he walked away days before their wedding, like he wanted to go back to her but Jennifer trapped him.
I would be willing to bet you are right, that they “trapped“ feeling was not so much being unhappy in a marriage and staying for the kids, but being unhappy that he was forced to act like an adult, a partner, and a parent.
Gee Ben I wonder how Jen felt being married to you? I would imagine “trapped” would be the kindest word she could say.
Harla- YES! I was coming here to say the same. Does he think she didn’t feel trapped, being stuck with an overgrown, selfish child who wouldn’t get the help he needed for his addiction? What an utter asshole he is.
Quite frankly I don’t understand the outrage about this interview. People don’t wake up one morning and decide to become alcoholics. That’s usually an outlet for other issues. To me it didn’t sound like he blamed Jen Garner but more himself for not actully getting out of a relationship that wasn’t good for him just so he could keep on pretending to have this perfect life. I do hope he apologized to Jen Garner for making her life miserable by being a drunk fool and not getting out sooner if he was unhappy.
This.
You’re too generous. He says he was trapped, meaning held captive with no way out. He completely removes his own agency from the story and places blame on a situation where he pretends he has no control. Taking responsibility for your actions and choices is so important in sobriety, and he is absolutely in no way doing that here.
This is what happens when people read a few quotes instead of listening to the whole interview. It is basically clickbait. He is an addict, that is how he is wired. Jen did not trap him. He found himself in a marriage where they grew apart. He didn’t want to break up his family, so being an addict he started numbing with alcohol. Divorce is hard on kids and a lot of people try to stick it out and feel trapped by the situation. It is quite common.
Did you forget the part we’re he was sleeping with the nanny and carried on a affair with Lindsey for what was it years.
He’s definitely a loser. If I’m JLo there’s no way I’d want my kids around this bum. They should have kept it at a booty call.
It’s so funny you used the “McDonald’s on the way to rehab” pictures, I was just telling my bf about them this weekend, citing them as an example of why I can’t really watch him “act” anymore.
I don’t understand his timeline. We’ve seen him publicly relapse multiple times after he and Jen G broke up. Is he really trying to say the last time was the only time it affected his kids? Maybe it was the time his kids were old enough to say something, but I can guarantee the eleventybillion previous relapses affected them as well. Also I agree with everyone else- it’s clear he doesn’t take any responsibility and he is going to relapse again. What a waste.
I’m in the minority here but I’m reading this differently. He is using “I” statements when speaking about his alcoholism. I don’t interpret it as him blaming Jennifer Garner but more about discussing his triggers and sense of hopelessness due to “feeling trapped.” Ben and/or Ben and Jennifer (“we”) set up certain expectations about marriage and family that was not conducive to his sobriety and recovery. This added to his cycle of his addiction.
In recovery, it’s important to recognize and be honest about triggers, even if they hurt people’s feelings. It’s part of processing. Addiction and treatment have a stigma, hence, the anonymity. Slowly, the stigma is disappearing but there’s still a way to go. We appreciate people who are honest and open about their addiction and recovery but not too honest or open. I’m not judging his statements.
Yes, t is important to be honest & recognize triggers but not to the entire world & in front of your children! He claims to want to be private about his private life but yet he spills his guts out to Howard Stern for the entire world to hear?
I respectfully disagree. Addiction is an ugly mf-er but this helps people understand its complexity and chip away at the stigma. I’ve worked in the behavioral health realm for almost my entire professional career. I have several close family members who live with addiction. Maybe I’ve become desensitized some.
He’s using “I” statements but the blame is clearly on Jen G in his mind. And because he has relapsed while in multiple relationships, I guess as soon as he feels “trapped” he resorts to drinking, screwing around, gambling, etc? He sounds toxic af.
This.
I completely agree, and I’m sure I’m probably one of the only ones. He normally does nothing but praise Jen. Ben self-sabotages, he’s always done it, and he’s aware he does it.
I’ve been sober for 15 years. It’s a process you have to work every day. Addiction is one helluva disease. I relapsed when I was with an ex. Him and I were so incredibly toxic together. It was my fault I relapsed but when someone doesn’t tell you to stop that’s an issue. Being with an enabler is never good. I felt trapped in that relationship, not really because of him, but because I didn’t know what to do. I think that’s what he means. And for the record, I’m not saying Jen never told him to stop, but he drank (as he has said previously) for 7 years before it became a “problem” again. He was with Jen the entire time. She knew he was in treatment prior to being in a relationship with him. Again, I’m not blaming her at all. Just stating what was made public.
If you have to misquote someone in order to make your point…there is no point. He doesn’t say he FELT trapped. He says flat out he was trapped. I see so many people in the comments inserting the words “feeling” or “felt” and that is not what he said.
“Part of why I started drinking was because I was trapped.”
I have addiction in my family, and taking responsibility for your actions is such a massive part of sobriety. He’s laying blame here and playing the victim.
Exactly @Tiffany, he says “Part of why I started drinking was because I was trapped, I can’t leave because of my kids, but I’m not happy, what do I do?’
Where is the responsibility in that statement? He goes on to say he started drinking a bottle of scotch, which “turned out to be the wrong thing.” He doesn’t say, “it was the wrong thing for me to do”, or “the worst thing I could have done”, or, “a bad choice on my part” No, he separates himself from it. As long as he can deflect, he never has to take full responsibility for his actions. I understand wanting to see the best in him, but there are people like Ben who will always blame others for their problems.
Great points, stagaroni.
For as long as I’ve been into celeb gossip, him and Jen G have both been incredibly open with the kids. Like, obvious pap walks to fit whatever narrative they were pushing that particular week. He seems to like women who crave the fame and attention like he does, so I find it hard to believe that he wishes to protect the children from it. Anyway, I appreciate him reminding everyone that he’s an a*shole.
Not only does he put the blame on Garner for “trapping” him and driving him back to drinking, but equally concerning for me is the idea that his kids “saved” him and got him to stop drinking. That’s not what accountability looks like, and that’s also a lot of responsibility on his kids. Is it now up to them to “keep” him sober? If he relapses, is that their fault, too? This is a potentially damaging road to go down.
@Jay Exactly this! ☝️
His kids didn’t keep him from drinking. He was drinking while married to Jen G and after they split. Not to mention last month he said JLo “saved” him last year it was Ana who “saved”.
Yes, like John Mulaney, it is horrible to make your children feel that they are responsible for your sobriety, and therefore, your insobriety a well.
This douche. So was his long suffering wife was responsible for his drinking a bottle of scotch every night? Was she to blame for his dick falling into the nanny’s vagina too? All the rooting for Ben and JLo I don’t get it. He cheated on her the first time around, blamed her for his career frustrations and then cheated on his poor wife and blamed her.
I don’t get it either. Nor do I expect it to last. Gee, this could be over before Kim and Pete Davidson, lol.
I’m so glad you guys covered this story. Saw it last night and filmed. How dare Ben throw Jennifer under the bus when she’s never badmouthed him to the press! He’s an alcoholic. He’s been an alcoholic all his life! Not just during his marriage to JG, but before, during and after his marriage to her.
Team Jen all the way!!!! What an ass-hat and typical narcissist. We all watched as she took your crying ass to jack in the box 🤬
I get what he was trying to say but he could have couched in better language.
So flipping many better ways to say what he did. Clear warning for J Lo, though.
He went to rehab years before he met Garner way back in 2001 who does he blame for him drinking back then? And as others have mentioned he went to rehab after divorcing Garner.He will definitely blame Lopez if he goes to rehab again.
“He knew media and paparazzi would kick into overdrive, and he worried about his children.”
He knew this because it’s part of the PR contract with JLo to revamp his image lol. Not saying they’re not really a couple — I think they are — but the media frenzy is all in service to rehabbing him, helping with his Oscar campaign, etc.
I’ve always really liked Jennifer Garner. She seems like such a sweet woman who went ABOVE AND BEYOND for him — AFTER their marriage ended — for the sake of their kids having their dad around. What a jerk he is to talk like this.
Thoughtless comment and only a comment that could have come now that he is talking about the new great love of his life. His last PR go-around for his alcoholism movie had him praising Jennifer in a different way. First of all, for one reason only this comment was so hurtful: “felt trapped in the marriage” and so his drinking worsened. We all know Jennifer loved Ben more than anything and tried to save that marriage. After the left she called him the love of her life or soul mate or something. So it was Ben who wanted out and felt trapped. Why publicly say that about a woman that has been there for you for so many years after you left. He kept drinking after he left her. I think his worst drinking period was with Lindsay Shookus. Every photo showed a bloated hungover or drunk Ben, heavy. He was a mess. That went on for a long time. He had documented drinking issues until Jen Garner stepped up and took him to rehab years after their split-up and divorce. So when he says things like, I felt trapped and I would still be drinking if in that marriage, well, he was still drinking for years after that marriage, picking up random young things to date, photographed either drunk or bloated and hungover. He only seemed really on the road to recovery around the time of Anna, end of 2019 to 2020.
So why drag your wife — who stoically protected your children from all of your craziness and always tried to help protect your career for you — in this interview by giving this whole hurtful “felt trapped/would still be drinking” answer? It hurts someone who was in love with you, stood by you even after the divorce, and this will hurt your older girls reading it. Just my thoughts. Empathy goes a long way. Before uttering those words, you should have checked in with yourself: How would my ex-wife feel hearing this? After all that she has done for you, Ben, she will be hurt and angry. Guess what? You would never have the relationship you do today with your children if not for all of the effort your Ex Jen Garner put in during your drunk years to protect the children as much as possible, ensuring a relationship with you.
Exactly Jayna! Everything you said! I also thought about his older kids reading this and how they would feel.
exactly! When I saw this, the first thing I remembered was that he said that the divorce was the biggest regret in his life while promoting The Way Back! what an idiot he is
I agree his comment was insensitive and he shouldn’t have said it. Even though I’ve always thought he felt trapped in that marriage – and probably in most other relationships too. Either way, he drank and drinks because he’s an alcoholic – there doesn’t need to be a woman or a reason – and he’ll have to battle that all his life. That’s what he should have said.
To be clear about what he said about the divorce being his biggest regret, while he was promoting The Way Back, what he said is below (from HuffPo). He wasn’t saying he wished he could still be married to Garner. He was saying he didn’t want to be “a divorced person.” He never saw himself as a divorced person, and he didn’t want to leave/hurt his kids.
“I never thought I was going to get divorced,” he said. “I didn’t want to get divorced, I didn’t want to be a divorced person. I really didn’t want to be a split family with my children. It upset me because it meant I wasn’t who I thought I was and that was so painful and so disappointing … In myself.” He added: “I really don’t want my children to pay for my sins or to be afraid for me.”
Could he be more of a narcissistic ass? We all saw the Jack-in-the-box, drive to rehab photos. They weren’t together then, but she was still there for him. He was an alcoholic and went to rehab before he even met Jennifer Garner. Is he doing this for J-Lo’s PR ? Pushing the narrative that she’s always been “the one”.? Who’s he gong to blame if he relapses again?
Ugh. This is one of the (many) reasons I’m glad I never married. No matter what a wife does, she’s wrong, “too demanding,” oblivious, needy, and bad-bad-bad. As well, one would have thought this “argh, the old ball and chain has me trapped” shit was dead as a dodo. 🤮🤮 Did Garner force him to sign the marriage certificate or something?
What a shitty thing to say about the mother of your children. Maybe it’s the truth, but there’s no need to put it out there KNOWING it’s going to be quoted everything. Your kids are going to see it!
Bingo
Double bingo.
Well at this point Lopez can run if she wants to she just need to remind people of the alcohol and gambling issues Oh Ben! I was looking foward to the Oscars
Ben is a messed up dude, Jen Lopez is a messed up woman, and Jen Garner is a messed up person.
Jen Garner has her own baggage that she brought into her marriage with Ben. She was rumored to have cheated on Scott Foley with Michael Vartan and then left him for Ben.
It would be great if Ben took the step to see who he really is and take FULL responsibility for his faults and mistakes. It would probably go a long way to healing as well.
Scott Foley has stated that is not what happened.
…and it was 16-17 years ago. Why bring it up now?
So has Vartan regarding Ben.
Because it is part of the story and we are consistently bringing up peoples past in this space so…
only it’s not. It’s a part of a fake story that you use to push your equally false narrative. nice case of whataboutism, by the way.
Let me tell-phrase for him: Ben was unhappy in his life. He just happened to be married.
Classic alcoholic- Blame everyone else for your sh*t. I have so much respect for Jennifer garner
Sick and tired of whiny little twerps blaming all their problems on the women in their lives. Grow a pair and man the hell up. There’s nothing more unattractive than a whiny little man-baby.
Guess he ‘felt trapped’ with Bennifer 1. The SNL lady and Gwyneth also then…. *eyeroll*
Mate…… you’re an alcoholic. It wasn’t the relationships.
JLO…. get out now.
I wish Jennifer Garner would share her feelings about how she felt being in that marriage.
I have a feeling she will say nothing because she won’t want to do anything that would hurt her children.
That’s it exactly. All these people beating up on JG and blaming her for the issues in their marriage make me angry. She’s a good mother and held that family together for their kids’ sake.
Wow, just wow…
The worst part is that he’s not even saying he FELT trapped, he says “I WAS trapped”
Yes!!!!! So many people are adding the “felt” or “was feeling” trapped (understandable because you HOPE he would say that). But he didn’t say that. He said he WAS TRAPPED and that makes it out like he was a victim of his circumstances.
To all the people saying JLo should leave why?
After Bennifer 1 Ben spent 10 years blaming JLo for the slop in his career, his drinks, gambling, and his cheating on her with a stripper or prostitute. She was too media hungry and he was hopeless victim.
Dude has not changed he always blames the women in his life or his issues.
Don’t buy for a minute that he hasn’t already relapsed. He’s not sober. And, I think he’s still gambling…
He is. Him and Jlo mom went on a casino adventure in different countries in the summer
Someone on another post talk about Ben being at the opening of a Casino 🎰
I absolutely agree with you, he isn’t sober.
I’m not a fan of his, but he’s just telling his side of the story. And if he felt trapped in the relationship because of the children, then it’s okay. Others feel the same way. He doesn’t blame his wife. Adele also felt trapped in her relationship, makes an album about it and is celebrated by everyone for it. The double standard is just sad
Adele took ownership and ended her marriage. She didn’t drag it out for years cheat and humiliate her husband to force him to end a marriage. It’s not a double standard and if you can’t see the difference then that’s on you. Not to mention he’s blaming her for his drinking where did Adele do something similar to that.
The double standard refers to everyone beating up on him for allowing himself to say that he felt trapped in a relationship. As if this has never happened to other partners for example Adele?! Sure, he’s a broke existence. Jennifer was old enough that she could have left at any time. I wouldn’t have taken him at all if I were her. Everyone creates their own hell on earth.
Yes Jen G could have left, but she was not holding a gun to his head and keep him in the relationship. She is also is not the one saying she was trapped in the relationship.
As I said before Ben wanted a 4th baby and Jen made it clear that was not happening. He felt so trapped that he wanted more kids with her.
He is telling selected bits and pieces of his story. Honesty and introspection are foreign terms for this hero.
Bingo. Spot on. ” He is telling selected bits and pieces of his story. Honesty and introspection are foreign terms for this hero.” Funny, how these particular thoughts are coming out when he is now ramping up on his new true love reunion with Jennifer Lopez narrative.
Because after he and Garner split up, he continued to drink for years. In fact , it was even worse, He practically destroyed his career again after they split up because he was a drunken mess. It was just all so uncalled for to say how trapped he felt, that whole narrative. I hope Jennifer Garner goes down to the minimal contact with him. I saw a photo a few days ago where he was blowing off steam to her (probably about his movie being moved to streaming) and she just stood there patiently listening.
I was so disappointed and angry reading his comments. A lot of people rooting for Ben are so turned off by those comments, both men and women.
@Claudia, Ben didn’t say he “felt’ trapped, he said he WAS trapped. There is a BIG difference. He is making himself out to be a victim, as if his wife and children hog-tied him and kept him in the basement so he couldn’t divorce them. It is farcical.
He actually made it sound it was his kids’ fault he was trapped. Way to go when you say how it sucks to have famous parents – for just this reason that they all at 16, 13 and 10 can read for themselves and be hurt by his words.
This. I can’t cosign all of his comments but the aging wives are feeling pretty conspicuously attacked by what is just an honest statement. (Source: aging wife myself, don’t get what’s so threatening about what is an ugly but honest statement about a relationship that didn’t work for either party.)
Not an aging wife but I find it offensive that he doesn’t step up and say I have ALWAYS had this problem with control. Was it the “aging wife’s” fault that he did the nanny instead of being honest?
This really angered me. Blaming his wife for HIS drinking??? He was a drunk before the marriage and after it. Not only is he disrespecting the mother of his kids publicly, that woman he just dissed did everything in her power to help him. She basically helped him save his career. And don’t forget him cheating on her and partying while she took care of their kids. Also wasn’t the woman you’re with now the problem too in your first go around? I remember him blaming her too.
You can’t say out of one side of your mouth that you love and respect the mother of your children, then basically blame her for your misery and resultant excessive drinking out of the other, all while claiming to be concerned about your children’s emotional well being. Fkn asshole.
Any minute now, Ben walking around in Brentwood with his kids. Parading them like puppets so the world can see that everything is alright in his pathetic world. He is always using the father image picture to rehabilitate himself. He wants to get an award or two this season and I hope this damaged his chances. But it’s Hollywood!
What no one is willing to say is Jen Garner is another doormat who happily plays the game with him. You think she didn’t kno he wasn’t happy in that arrangement of a marriage by CAA like Pitt and Aniston. He spoke his truth but he was already an alcoholic.
Did she take him to rehab during their marriage because she knew them too. I don’t pity her I feel sorry for those kids who has a drunk coddled man for A dad.
Wow. Pitt and Affleck both threw their spouses under the bus, but sure, lets blame the women, or pretend the marriages weren’t real. Or let’s call them out for being big, whiney infants who cannot take responsibility for their own self-serving actions.
As a child of 2 alcoholics and the sister of one, I find your statement incredibly off base and offensive. Blaming her for his choices is misogynistic and incorrect.
I remember Jennifer Garner being asked several times about having a 4th baby after Sam was born and she replied that Ben was pushing for her to have another baby but that she was definitely not open to that.
Ben must not have felt too trapped in the marriage if he wanted to grow his family with her.
Did anyone think he felt trapped because Jennifer Garner got pregnant so soon into dating? That’s where my head went. I know this because I have a friend who pushed to marry a guy she got pregnant by after 6 months of dating and he married her, but started drinking so much he peed the bed. He also told her to abort the second child, which she refused because she desperately wanted her kid to have a sibling. He then got a vasectomy. They are still together, but pretty unhappy especially my friend. My thought was he felt trapped from the first kid.
This isn’t a dude you have kids with, but mess around with and move on. This is why I fear for JLo. He cheated once and threw her under the bus, he very much so is capable of doing so again. His ego is bigger than Jlo’s too and he needs constant coddling. Good luck! I left a guy after 3 years due to his alcoholism and never looked back. He still is a huge alcoholic 15 years later.
They weren’t dating, they were married, and they had known each other since 2000. And, if he didn’t want to get married, why did he propose? There is also something called condoms; he could have worn one.
What an asshole. Congratulations, JLo, real prize you got there!!
Part of the reason I feel like people like Elton John stay sober longer is being brutally honest with himself and I feel like Ben deflects because he responds to criticism or tough times by drinking. He thinks his worth is so fragile shallow and not having much depth like his last move isn’t a runaway hit so he questions everything. How much success does someone need to feel ‘enough’ ? 2 Oscars very famous-but he still can’t own up and take responsibility?
Jimmy Kimmel did a bit mocking his Batman saying he gave it a shot it didn’t work out but he’ll get them next time and I really thought that was a much healthier way to react. Yes just because this didn’t work out extremely well does that mean you’re worthless? Of course not but it’s clear Ben hasn’t really let that message sink in
I think the statement “Affleck is gonna Affleck” sums it up. It’s not at all surprising he said this and said it in this thoughtless way. I can believe he felt trapped, but not so much by his wife and by the expectations of being an A-list celebrity couple with the adorable perfect family. Heck, she might have felt trapped by it too. They’re both adults and that’s not a reason or excuse to stay in a marriage that isn’t working, or that is enabling an addict, but it’s human and it makes sense, to me.
I will say I admire Jen Garner for not talking publicly about this and for helping her ex to deal with his addiction, because that’s the best thing for the kids and they’re the ones who should matter. Which is why he should NOT be talking about them in an interview this way. He’s trying to say how much he cared about them, but it’s the wrong way to show it. Just zip it, Ben.
A new low…..even for him. He is a toxic man child. Jen Garner deserves a real man and her children a real stepfather.
Wallowing in self-pity again I see. What a whiny little brat. He behaved horribly and JG wasn’t the reason or the problem , the problem was always Ben. It appears he’s rehabilitated his relationship with his kids but not so long ago he was willing to wreck it by boozing, gambling and cheating. I have zero sympathy.
It’s an anonymous program for a reason and gets harder and harder in our everything on all the time culture. People who got sober in LA way back in the 70’s like Anthony Hopkins were able to actually go to meetings without cameras following them and people calling it in to a tabloid for cash. I’m not excusing Affleck’s bad judgement. It’s a part of the disease of alcoholism. A disease of the body, the spirit and the mind. He will struggle with it his entire life. He’s what we call a dual member or a “double winner” both an adult child of an alcoholic and an inherited the disease himself. And no. That does not confer wisdom and knowledge that helps you to not revisit on your own children the suffering you endured. Alanon is very very helpful for family members. I hope All the people who love Ben Affleck are acquainted with it.
There’ve been a number of celebrities who’ve gone to AA since the advent of cell phones and social media though. Gary Oldmsn, Russell brand, Naomi Campbell, Al Pacino (not back in the 70s despite his age), Kate moss and more. And tabloid journalism has been around forever with people ready to dime you out.
That’s not true. I know people in very strong AA groups in Los Angeles, and they help people at all levels of fame. Everyone is human no matter celeb status, and programs get this. There is a strong network of sober people, who prefer to be around others that are sober. Keep coming back it works if you work it.
LOL. I hope he doesn’t get an Oscar nom at all. What a trash human being. He doesn’t deserved to be celebrated. He’s a poster image of a man-child whose always blaming the woman in his life. I pity any woman who wants to be seen with this walking piece of trash. Him and J-Lo deserve each other. Both narcisstic messes who only care about their image and fame. Just disgusting. Those two deserve each other but won’t last. I don’t buy the 10 years reunited and soulmate PR crap. Just another way to reinvent their image and stay relevant. They’ll break up sooner or later and he’ll come crawling back to Garner for help. This is what men like him do. They’re not fixable. Stay away from men like him. Never waste your time on men like him.
He should have thought more carefully about how he said that. But I don’t think he meant it to blame JG for his issues – at all. He explains what he meant. He was unhappy in the marriage. So was she, I’m sure. He didn’t say he was unhappy “because of her.” He was unhappy in the marriage but didn’t know how to leave it, so he felt trapped. People feel trapped in their marriages all the time, every single day, because they don’t know how to leave. It doesn’t mean the other partner is at fault – it just means you don’t want to be married anymore but it’s hard and hurtful and not what anyone intends to have to divorce, so sometimes you stay and end up doing things that aren’t healthy because you can’t bring yourself to leave. Hey, I’ve done it, and I’ve seen most of my friends do it. But I knew his words would be twisted up like a pretzel, so he shouldn’t have said it because anything and everything he says is usually parsed and dissected into oblivion.
The only reason it’s resonating is because it’s what people have thought about their marriage for a long time.
Sorry I disagree He didn’t know how to end his relationship with, Gwyneth, JLO, Jennifer, Lindsay and other the others in between. He cheats on his ex’s forcing them to end the relationship and then blaming them. It’s a pattern that he’s been doing for over 20 years it’s an excuse.
You are inserting the words “felt trapped” and “feel trapped”, but that’s not what he said. He said he WAS trapped, meaning he had no power to change the situation, putting the onus on his spouse.
I’ve always been Team Jen. She stuck around even when he was a mess and she probably did it because she actually loved him. Ben doesn’t seem like he has much EQ and he loves playing the blame game. Guess what, if you’re feeling trapped it’s probably got to do with you, not just the other person.
He doesn’t seem to be capable of being alone. He and JLo are perfect for each other.
Ben sucks and always will suck. I can’t believe he is trying to blame his marriage on his drinking. He had been an alcoholic before he was married to her.
I wish JLo wasn’t with him. He will screw her over again. Love how he also made it sound like he was talked into the rekindling. What a massive d!ck.
He was drinking and gambling way before Jennifer Garner, whom he did not deserve. She’s been so solid this whole time.
When you’re young you can get away with externalizing issues. Maybe you don’t have the tools to deal or you’re not self-aware. But once you’re an adult, you should take responsibility for your own sh*t and own it. Therapy is accessible especially to people with means. He wants to be a bystander to his own life where issues are caused by others but his accomplishments are his own.
He distracts himself with work and relationships instead of facing and dealing with his demons. He can’t outrun them.
He’s one of those guys that ALWAYS blames the woman he’s with. She has to carry the emotional accountability in the relationship for HIS bad behavior. Men like him use their partner (PARTNER!!) as a crutch for their own emotional immaturity and lack of accountability, and it’s abusive. He’s nothing more than a selfish man-child who isn’t capable of respecting or appreciating his woman. She could pull him drowning out of a river and he’d still find a way to disparage her. Good riddance Ben, you’ve lost all good faith from me.
This! He’d blame her for letting him get close to water and for falling in.
He is a horrible person to say such a thing, when we saw his sloppy drunk butt waay before he married Jen. He continued to drink after being divorced, when he booed up w/that young chick.
He is full of it.
I hope Jennifer Garner is in Al-Anon and the older kids are in Alateen…..”Al-Anon Family Groups, founded in 1951, is a “worldwide fellowship that offers a program of recovery for the families and friends of alcoholics, whether or not the alcoholic recognizes the existence of a drinking problem or seeks help.” Alateen “is part of the Al-Anon fellowship designed for the younger relatives and friends of alcoholics through the teen years”.”
I was 12 (almost 13) when I went to my first Alateen meeting (alcoholic, chaotic mother) and then went back to Al-Anon when I fell in love with an addict who successfully hid his addiction from me for about 10 months. By then I was pregnant. He was gone from our son’s and my life before our son turned 2. I really hope the family is in some kind of counselling program because the addiction gene can run in families.
Thank you
But did Jen G fall in love with the cheating, gambling drunk Ben or the big movie star Ben?
A lot are saying that JLo should know better. And ITA. Bc he treated her poorly before.
But Jen G saw what went down between Ben and JLo and still decided to go for it.
So why is JLo getting so much hate (she is all drama which ok, it’s true);
Isn’t Jen G marrying Ben and bringing children into the dysfunction immediately in the marriage also a wee bit complicit? Doesn’t Jen G play the Amazing Amy media game too?
We hate JLo for thinking she can change him but Jen G likely thought the same thing and they both saw his behavior beforehand.
It’s just odd seeing how the two women are treated so very differently. That’s all.
FFS, stop blaming Jen Garner for Ben’s actions! His behavior isn’t the responsibility of either woman, and to try and deflect blame away from your fave by targeting Garner is wrong. Calling her “Amazing Amy” is directing ire at a woman in the situation instead of the man whose behavior is out of line.
Ben has a history of starting relationships when he is sober. It’s entirely possible that both women thought he had overcome his issues when their relationships began.
https://www.laineygossip.com/early-quotes-from-ben-affleck-interview-with-howard-stern-are-gossip-gold/69996
Hummm wonder what she’s afraid of? I listened to his Howard interview. He was hard to understand as he was slurring and talking a mile a minute (hummmm again) but although he tried to backtrack saying they always had love and respect yada yada he knew that his damage was done. There’s no way even a Big Ben stan like Lainey can try to spin this, although I’m sure she’ll try mightily.
Ben was being honest their marriage did not work and there was a source Garner was willing to stay in a dead end marriage. You could tell by their photos he looked dead inside. Honestly Garner has responsibility too …leave when she saw he wasn’t a great husband to her. I truly hope Garner moves on now. Not buying that fake narrative she is dating that no name guy.
Stop blaming her for his d!ckish behavior. And you have no idea about her private life cause unlike Bennifer she’s private and I’m sure her children appreciate that.
Some people have a strong commitment to trying to make their marriage work, despite very trying times, and I think Jen wanted her marriage to work, particularly when she’d left a marriage for Ben, and had children with him. I hardly think that qualifies for scorn and judgement. But ultimately she wanted out. I find your blaming her ignorant and/or despicable.
@Loca,
Ben told the NYT in 2020 that the end of their marriage was the “biggest regret of his life.” Now he is saying he was trapped. Yet, you find the fault with Jen Garner? Maybe she should have left sooner, but does that excuse him saying the thing he is saying about his family? Blaming them for his drinking? You know, he could have packed his bags and walked out the door long before he picked up that bottle of scotch.
I haven’t read the comments. I (hardly) can see what he is about. It is like the Brad pitt on the couch interview. They could not take action/ were too cowardly/ could not accept a failure. I blame their conservative or religious upbringing and maybe a huge ego part here. The knew they were unhappy, but could not take the failure, like when a boyfriend ghosts the girlfriend, they were probably waiting for the other partner to make the decision or until someone else appeared and became a motivation.
I totally blame him, but JGarner, (or Aniston) maybe felt the same with those addicted husbands and did not take action first either. Again, blame their upbringings.
Clearly Ben Affleck is not really sober, or working the steps of a proper sobriety program, because the language he uses is laughable. Recovering addicts/alcoholics take responsibility and accountability of their behavior and actions. That is the foundation of AA. And in turn, make amends to those they hurt, and continue to try to keep that balance. But addicts are notoriously manipulative and narcissistic lol! I know I was married to one. Until they truly get sober, they will try to blame everyone else for their problems (like Ben seems to be doing here). No one made him an alcoholic. Sure, there are genetic predispositions, and family dynamics that can be a huge factor in its development. Mental disorders/trauma other things can come into play too. But in the end, the addict must address his/her own fucking issues and stop throwing blame around. Affleck clearly CANNOT seem to do that.
I too hope Jennifer G and her kids are going to Al-Anon and other support groups to help them. It’s a horrific disease that affects every family member. If I were J.Lo I’d run, but she won’t LOL. Ben will be throwing her under the bus, when this ends though, no doubt. Mark my words. It will be “her” fault then. He is pitiful IMO.
There is a gigantic difference between being sober (doing the work) and being dry (not drinking, but not doing the work either). Took me far too long to understand the difference.
There is also a gigantic difference in how addiction ‘shows itself’. My mum was a constant drinker “it’s 5:00 p.m. somewhere in the world, so let’s start drinking”….and not stopping till she fell into bed. Hung over all day…till it was 5:00 p.m. ‘somewhere’.
My son’s father was dry….then binged. He’d binge for about 3 weeks, then go dry again.
I did not understand this as part of the addict’s encyclopedia, for all the time I spent in Alateen. As this was different from how my mum’s addiction presented, I did not recognize the behaviour as addiction. Also, my mum was addicted to alcohol and my son’s dad was addicted to cocaine. So another difference.
By some people’s thinking, I’m to blame for not understanding how my lover’s addiction presented itself? No. Once I understood, we were done. It took me a longer time than I would have liked, but that’s life, eh ~
@Surly Gale I completely understand what you are saying about your lovers’ addiction/and your mother’s as well. I was married to a drug addict (cocaine and heroin)/alcoholic. HOWEVER, I was ignorant and naive, and he lied and manipulated the narrative from the beginning. Years later, through his endless rehabs, and my attempts to salvage our marriage, I did I get a thorough course on addiction, co-dependency through counseling, and AA/Al-Alon meetings!! Ultimately, I became sick in the relationship later, trying to “save him” as I am sure Jennifer G has done with Affleck. You need to stop that, learn to establish boundaries, and realize that the addict must take responsibility for his/her sobriety. PERIOD. If they don’t, you can choose to leave. I did, ten years later. It was a brutally painful decision b/c we had our daughter together, and I truly did love my then husband, but I finally realized I wasn’t going down with this ship he created. It took years, but he is finally sober, and we co-parent my daughter fairly well. She is 21 now in college. So, my story has a much better ending, of sorts, than Affleck and his bullshit.
You are so accurate in the difference between actually being sober (working the steps of sobriety on a daily basis aka being accountable) versus just not drinking and being a dry drunk. The latter is just the addict/alcoholic not engaging in their self-destructive coping mechanism, but still behaving the same way! It is sometimes hard to see the difference, if you don’t truly understand sobriety. Many addicts know how to “talk the talk” – like Ben here. They just don’t “walk the walk” Big difference!!!
This is totally giving me Brad Pitt vibes. The lacking sensitivity chip vis a vis Jen A and the blaming others for his addiction/not taking responsibility with both his wives and the lack of caring what his children will see/hear/read regarding his marriage with Angie.
Good point!!!! – YES!!
THANK YOU for using the photo of Garner literally driving his drunk ass around like he’s a child to illustrate the article about an interview in which he blames his ex-wife and refuses to take responsibility for himself.
A narcissistic alcoholic always needs to return to stir the sh**. It is baked into their DNA.
I am so sorry for his children. Nobody deserves a narcissistic parent.
He didn’t say he felt trapped by Jennifer Garner, he said he felt trapped by his kids, which is a great thing to say when they’re your “highest responsibility”
He really should let JLo do his PR b/c he socks at it.
He dumps on Jen G. like this because he knows she’ll always take the high road, choosing to protect their kids over hitting back at him publicly. He’s so manipulative and I feel sorry for her.
That is one of the reasons I sometimes want to object when we always expect women to take the high road “for the kids sake”. More than a few times this is their reward. Or you take such a high road that dad looks like “fun” while you’re “unfun”. Maybe letting the kids see dads true colors isn’t always a bad plan. Of course Bens are all over the internet so it won’t take long for his kids to connect the dots.
Sounds like Ben needs to do some step work.
Alcoholism is for a lifetime. This interview sounds like ben was TOO relaxed.
No way this helped his award season campaign. No way it helped JLo. No way it helps his relationship with his ex and his children. No way it helps his public image.
Ben is awful. No woman he dates can fix him or his image because eventually he wonders out into the world without them and opens his mouth.
He was passing out drunk on the couch? With his kids in the house? Ben: you are NOT a good dad!
It is YOUR fault you are an alcoholic and you owe Jen and your kids an apology. Grow up.
Listen to what he said before you judge.
Yeah CJ I did and he sounded Pretty drunk and none of these outlets are making up his tone deaf idiotic quotes. He needs to sit down and shut up. And believe me there will be no nominations for this turd, not that I believed he deserved any anyway.
I listened and it was worse than then the quotes. He said it in a very non thoughtful way and he sounded impaired. Did you listen?
I have a soft spot for Garner because she’s a West Virginia girl (like my mom. 🙃🥰) She should rollup on Affleck and punch him out someday for pulling this mess. One could make a very good case that her career suffered because she had to take on not-great work to support her kids.
At the end of the day he should just keep his mouth shut about his marriage and his ex wife. He will always end up looking like an ass because he is an ass. Do yourself a favor Ben and keep that stuff private.
Oh look, another DB man blaming a good woman for his personal choices. Tale as old as time. *Yawn*
When, oh when, shall I ponder, will men take responsibility for their own damn lives and stop blaming women for their lack of…everything? Will I see that day in my lifetime? I doubt it.
Ben is a huge DB pr!ck. I mean, we knew that already and it’s nice for the reminder…
I listened to part of this and it sounded like he was slurring his words.
How nice to say he was trapped by Jennifer Garner, the mother of his kids. How very Thomas Markle of him.
I believe he was somehow impaired. I listened to the interview live and a second time. He absolutely was slurring. If this is how he talks IRL, then that’s news to me bc I haven’t noticed it before. And he was talking a mile a minute. I’m surprised more people haven’t mentioned that.
On the red carpet for his movie with Jen, yes, I noticed that his eyes sometimes seemed half closed and he kept licking his lips. That says to me dry mouth. I don’t think he’s drinking. Who knows? I think he’s replaced that with prescription pills that he’s taking more then the prescribed dose. He is self-medicating. Just maybe not with alcohol.
I don’t believe Ben is completely sober. Whether it’s alcohol or something else like pills is the question.
someone here mentioned once before he uses something for anxiety that makes him look a bit spacey and probably sound slurry?
Jennifer was trapped in a marriage with a man child, alcoholic, cheater.
He has some nerve.
I know most people are happy that him and J.Lo are back together, but I never have been. He’s terrible.
We all know Ben’s MO. He is going to take the next opportunity he can to be papped with Jen Garner and he will be very engaged with Jen, smiling, in the arranged pap photos. Don’t let him use you for his damage control over those comments, Jen. I say this as someone who always roots for Ben, but those comments never needed to be said in an interview.
Well this is a good exit point for Jlo. Before he becomes a big problem for her. The funny thing is: if she was patient she would have got a much better man. I remember when it was announced in April that she split from Alex. During that time some stan accounts were reporting the Chris Evans had started to follow her account, April 15. After they presenting together in 2019 there was a big article in Men’s health about him having a big crush on her. It was right after her 2019 engagement. She should of took that as a signal to dump cheating Arod and be patient. If she would of had some self-esteem and been patient she could of been dating or engaged to the hot, handsome and sober Chris Evans. That would of been a win and upgrade from Arod. Of course she would have still received irrational hate from certain crowd, but Chris would have been a much better match and Lupe would of been happy too.
I think that JLo is afraid of being alone, and so she never allows herself enough recoil time between relationships. We all know someone like that probably.
What a sad piece of garbage he is. He should kiss the floor Jen Garner walks on because she could have trashed him in the press many times by just telling the truth but she always chose not to.
Pft he worries about his children..but then he says this throwing them and their mom under the bus.
Wow. What a disrespectful asshole. Enjoy that, Jlo.
You know as others have posted. He had a drinking problem before and after he was married to her. I don’t really think he was trying to blame Gardner. But it’s just basically a stupid thing to say..
he did say “part of” the reason, not THE reason. but he could have put it better. Alcoholics have a hard time taking responsibility. but he’s not just an alcoholic, he’s an addict of various kinds.
As someone who drank a LOT, but couldn’t afford rehab, I had to do the work on my own. I blamed my lot in life, my family, my poverty, working 2 or 3 jobs, (don’t ask me how I drank that much and worked, i doubt I was often sober). I also had a kid on my own and I drank less when she came along and didn’t drink at all when pregnant but I am grateful she has no signs of fetal alcohol syndrome. I blamed everyone for my drinking. I had to hold the mirror up if I was going to make it to 60 and become a grandmother. I am now over 60 so made that milestone. I have relapses but nothing extended and the relapses arent super bad. I have someone I check in with each week.
i have a family member who is 70 but still blames his ex, his work, his money issues (which were also his fault) for his drinking. he’s now dying of heart problems and liver disease but it’s still not his fault. honestly, it’s like it’s hard wired or something.
Wow, that wasn’t an easy life, I admire your honesty and strength. Good on you for pulling yourself together, not many people can.
Funny how you say the blaming is hard-wired, it probably is in a way, denial and all.
To be fair, admitting one’s mistakes is never easy for anyone, that’s pretty human. Nobody likes thinking badly of themselves, it doesn’t surprise me people with addiction issues are even more afraid of admitting blame and facing their own demons. I mean there’s a reason why they turn to drink.
Ben still sounds like an a-hole though, lol.
I saw this funny tweet in response to Ben’s comments.
It was titled: “Jennifer Garner giving Ben Affleck his surprise Christmas gift.”
Ben is blindfolded, with his hands outstretched, walking forward. Ben says, “Are we close?”
Jen is behind him, directing him forward. “Almost there.”
The next frame is Ben upside down in a dumpster, with only his legs visible, sticking out of the top of the dumpster. And it shows Jen Garner walking away.
Yep.
Not saying Ben should be advertising these facts but I understand where he is coming from. My SIL’s husband told my husband a couple of years ago he planned on leaving his wife when their twins turned 18. He normally traveled every week and was only home on weekends. My SIL trapped him into living in her home town and working a job he didn’t want to work when he thought they were just there for him to get his doctorate. Once he graduated she was like we aren’t moving, they already had a kid and she wasn’t going back to work. His dad died pretty tragically and they eventually had twins. Turns out his kids have never known him sober until he got very sick last year and it was revealed he was an alcoholic. The pandemic made his situation worse because he couldn’t escape like he normally did. They are getting divorced ahead of schedule and their entire life has blown up.
He could have kept this to himself. Not only is it hurtful to Jen, his kids are old enough to read this.
I expect he will try to clean this up…
Ben’s clean up crew will be working as we speak. Bennifer cheerleader Lainey will be whitewashing every phrase and nuance until his halo is glowing Red Carpet bright.
What a pathetic asshole. He is not only a alcoholic but was alleged to have a much worse addiction in addition to alcohol and gambling. And also he had so many infidelities you have to wonder if he has a sex addiction too or just thinks he’s gods gift to women. If you back track through Ben’s history there is one black mark after another. The gossip sites are full of stories of his infidelities and questionable behaviour going back decades. He was good friends with Harvey Weinstein for Gods sake.
For years after he split with JLo he trashed her for ruining his image and for not being taken serious in Hollywood. Does she forget this? Surely her PR people must have informed her if she didn’t read/hear herself. Also Ben stated in his interview with Barbara Walters and in print that he and Jen G fell in love while making Dare Devil. He did not break up with JLo for sometime AFTER Dare Devil. So he fell for Jen while still with JLo.
As for drinking because he felt trapped – Why was he still drinking three years after he became untrapped from her? He wasn’t “trapped” when she took his sorry ass to rehab and saved him when she had no real reason to responsible for him.
Hard to tell your kids are “your highest priority” Ben when you trash their Mither and blame her and then for causing you to drink.
It’s all about JLo now. Please do not support this douche bag’s bid for an Oscar run by supporting his work. He doesn’t deserve any glory. Poor victim Ben!
Massive eye roll.
He is such an f boy. Jennifer deserved better and so does Jlo. I hope she dumps him.
He is a pathetic no character weakling. He blamed Jlo for the bad press he received the first fime. He couldn’t handle not being a media darling anymore. Terrible reason to breakup with someone you supposedly love. I’m sure he will stab Jlo in the back again.
This is a lot I feel sorry for the kids. Lopez and Garner don’t deserve being drag like this from Affleck. Stay tuned.
I feel like Ben is an easy target because of his past. I think he’s being honest but within context it looks bad because ppl want to say he dissed Jennifer Lopez in the past. But we don’t know what Ben discussed, for example, in his recovery, with a therapist and/or councilors. As has been mentioned before Garner was the women he thought he should be with, she was also pretty infatuated with him during “Five for Dinner” thing. I think he knows he was cowardly about the media and how he handled it during “Bennifer 1.0” He was flattered by Garner’s attention and was sabotaging left and right but it was only meant to be a hook-up. Once he blew up his engagement to J.Lo and media attention was leveled, let’s not pretend that Garner wasn’t still interested. He was then rewarded and praised for choosing the racially safe choice. Maybe he felt guilt over that on top of his demons. Shame contributes to addiction too.
Also, he and Garner did not finalize their divorce until 2018. Of course, his alcoholism was not under control. And didn’t they possible try to reconcile in 2016 or 2017? Her image is solid he probably felt he would be pilloried if he left her on top of concerns of being a failure and how he would hurt his kids. I think Garner had enough good qualities for him to care and respect her and even love her but it was not an organic relationship and she was always way more in love. I think he’s finally being honest but it looks like a guy who just disses women once he’s with them.
People want him to follow a narrative and till this day write things about how “they’ll make up” or “should make up” and that J.Lo is “fill in the blank”. He let his family, friends, the media and Garner’s crush dictate his choice for a long time. Just because they finalized their divorce in 2018 doesn’t mean the marriage didn’t leave him with scars. And no I’m not saying Garner is evil and trapped him but I’m sure it could feel that way and she had expectations and pressure on him and their marriage as well.
Lastly, I remember Garner rubbing it in that Ben “wooed her” with letters and purposefully made sure to mention when…I’m sure that must have hurt Lopez. Garner is not innocent herself and then turns around and acts ‘gosh, golly gee’ when that is not all to her image. She did want Ben and expected him to stay and she starred in that racist movie Peppermint. They have kids together and I admire that she put a lot of side to support his sobriety but I’m sure that in their individual and married counseling a lot came up and she has her issues to. She plays up (or the media) that fragile white womanhood thing and Ben is an easy target but I think he is finally being honest and sharing what he can about the shame, honesty and reckoning he had to go through.
Why doesn’t anyone post that Garner has said she drinks wine everyday? Everyday. And has wondered whether she drinks too much.
Good point cc28!
Trapped is being in the JLO vortex. Good luck with that.
I guess Ben believes he was a TRAPPED Phoenix rising from the ashes?
His children will pay the price for what he said-imagine in a school setting someone says to one of his kids-your father talked so much trash about your mother and hated that he had kids-thanks mr. affleck-you are damn near fifty-your children have a long way to go in life-you just made their burdens heavier-God bless and keep Garner and the kids safe.
“JoJo says:
December 15, 2021 at 11:26 pm
I agree his comment was insensitive and he shouldn’t have said it. Even though I’ve always thought he felt trapped in that marriage – and probably in most other relationships too. Either way, he drank and drinks because he’s an alcoholic – there doesn’t need to be a woman or a reason – and he’ll have to battle that all his life. That’s what he should have said.
To be clear about what he said about the divorce being his biggest regret, while he was promoting The Way Back, what he said is below (from HuffPo). He wasn’t saying he wished he could still be married to Garner. He was saying he didn’t want to be “a divorced person.” He never saw himself as a divorced person, and he didn’t want to leave/hurt his kids.”
Yeah, JoJo, when I referenced his mentioning of Jen and the marriage, I never got that he would have wanted to go back to her, but, true, that he regretted failing and ending up divorce because of his children. He was always respectful on his promo interviews of Jen. So, now being all loved up with J-Lo, I am shocked at how disrespectful he was in this interview with a couple of comments. He never had to go there. We all know he wanted out of the marriage. But we all also know his career was gold. He had years planned out. He talked about it. He sabotaged his career yet again. Not Jen’s fault. Nobody’s fault but Ben and his alcoholism. He has hurt his children a lot by how unstable he was for years after they separated. He just never needed to go there in this interview. Most people who want out of a marriage are not happy and want out. You don’t have to say you were trapped. That’s all. Have respect.
I will say on the red carpet interview I saw heavy eyes and he kept licking his lips. Dry mouth. I feel he’s not completely sober, whatever he’s doing. If he’s on medication, then he’s taking too much.
So I went to hear the Stern clip. I had only read it. Ben sounded off. I heard words slurred. The fast talking.
I’m sorry. Ben is doing better, but in some way (I’m not saying it’s alcohol), Ben is not completely sober. And J-Lo will present as the amazing couple and hide it. It’s show biz, folks. Someone up ahead said he wanted another mommy and now he has J-Lo. In some respects that’s true. He likes the structure of a relationship and the nurturing aspect to it. At some point, in a long-term relationship, though, Ben starts acting out, and then he resents the women and feels they are controlling. He balks even more. And then the downward spiral begins Is he very much in love with J-Lo? Absolutely. I hope it works out for both of them. They are both decent people. But we’ll see how it is in five years. Ben just has so many demons. I hope he doesn’t spiral again like he was doing in 2017, 2018, because it was close to rock bottom. It was sad. He is doing much better when you compare it to the photo of Jen G. driving him to rehab. He was trashed. So I hope he stays stable for the sake of his children.
Hmmm curious.
When man talk shit about woman
(Even when everyone know he is problematic with proof of his past action)
Somehow, it is the woman who is at fault.
When he said he is trap in a marriage, it is not garner fault. She done her part to make sure her children safe and love.
He can divorce her at anytime if he want too.
He drank and had affairs. No one FORCE him.
it does not matter that people are saying that Ben’s words were misconstrued during the Howard Stern’s interview. The fact is this man child spoke to Freaking Howard Stern about something so private between he & the mother of his children & the entire world! The damage is already done to the mother of his children & his 3 children! This is the same man that was too private to talk about celebrating JL’s mother’s birthday to ET’s Kevin Frazer…are you kidding me!!! i think in the past Howard Stern made a comment something like who could leave the gorgeous JG or something like that, does anyone remember that?
This little episode actually makes JL look bad that she would date someone so cruel to humilate the mother of his children to thecentire world…it makes her look pathetic & JL does not wantvto look pathetic….