Valerie Bertinelli has been through it. She’s 62 years old and going through her second divorce. Her first marriage and divorce was to the late Eddie Van Halen, who passed away in 2020. Valerie married her second husband Tom Vitale in 2011. He filed for divorce in May and he’s already requesting spousal support from Valerie AND he wants their prenup tossed out. Sounds like a real douche. So, as I said, Valerie has been through it and she’s still going through it. Valerie was on the Today Show this week and she started crying two seconds after walking out. She was asked if she still believes in love and if she’s still open to love and Valerie was like “f–k all of that.”
Valerie Bertinelli spoke with Hoda Kotb Thursday on the Today show and, in very blunt terms, said she’s done with love, hoping to live happily ever after as a divorcee. Bertinelli, who is in the middle of a contentious divorce with her estranged husband, Tom Vitale, didn’t hold back about where she sees her love life in the future.
“I am gonna be more than happy to be happily divorced and spend the rest of my life alone,” she said matter of factly. “I’ll be happy that way. Well, with my six cats and my dog and my son, and hopefully one day grandchildren.”
For what it’s worth, Bertinelli didn’t sound grim about it at all. In fact, Kotb continued to press, asking the Food Network star if she sees herself looking for love again, and Bertinelli doubled down.
“Oh god, no,” she responded. As for why, well, again, she’s in the middle of a tumultuous divorce, and that’s clearly weighing on her. “Because of the challenges that I’m going through right now, because divorce sucks. I can’t imagine ever trusting anyone again to let into my life. So I have some trust issues that I’m sure I’m going to have to get past.”
I mean, she sounds like she’s in the middle of a horribly contentious divorce with a man who is trying to squeeze every last cent from her. She sounds like a woman going through her second divorce. But I believe her too – I think she’s pretty much done. I don’t blame her! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend the rest of your life with your cats and dogs and no romantic partners.
Screencap courtesy of Today, additional photo courtesy of Avalon Red.
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- Valerie Bertinelli attends The 46th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards – Arrivals in Los Angeles on Sunday, May 5th, 2019Photograph: © PacificCoastNews. Los Angeles Office (PCN): +1 310.822.0419 UK Office (Avalon): +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 sales@pacificcoastnews.com,Image: 531656149, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: WORLD RIGHTS – Los Angeles Office (PCN): +1 310.822.0419 UK Office (Avalon): +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 sales@pacificcoastnews.com, Model Release: no, Credit line: PacificCoastNews / Avalon
I hope the prenup stands and she finds some peace in her life.
I say good for her. Society has this tendency to treat women like they need a man to be validated. The different connotations between ‘spinster’ and ‘bachelor’ reverberate.
I feel like marriage is a bonus for most men as they age, and a detriment for most women. If she eventually wants someone to be partners with, no need to marry for sure.
+1
+1000
Married women die sooner than unmarried women. Married men live longer than single men. Men are hazardous to our health. But, ladies, do you.
Society at large treats everyone like they need to have a partner to feel validated. For me obsessing about realationships and indulging in self pity, when I wasn’t in one, was ruining my life. Once I realised that and let it go I felt much better. I’ve now been single for ten years and I’m OK with it.
Oh dear. She’s going through and has gone through so much. I want to hug her.
Me too!! I have watched her grow up. Well, we have grown up together. I have always had a soft spot for her. She deserves so much!! I hope her soon to be ex gets nothing!!! Not a GD penny!!
This explains A LOT about her recent emotional state. I think EVH put her through the ringer back then too. I don’t blame her. You do you, girl! I’m in the middle of a divorce myself and felt the same way. I’m ever the optimist, however, and am giving things a try with someone (after doing a lot of work healing). But I refuse to marry again and I’m not sure I’ll live with him. I see that there are long-term relationships that do work. But they’re few and far between. And when things go pear shaped, people go out for blood. Sod that, for a life.
Aww, man! I hate she’s going through all this. You can see it’s burned her out, depleted her resources on many levels. I admire Valerie recognizing that she can have a full life without a mate. Women too frequently don’t believe they are enough.
Coming at it from the opposite POV, after I lost My Darling Husband, the love of my life, I realized I’d never want to find another because I’d had the best. Quite a few friends and family didn’t believe me the first couple of years, but they do now, and no one is trying to fix me up or goad me into dating again. I have zero desire to do so. BUT! My two dogs and I are a happy little pack. THAT’S perfect love. I hope Valerie can find peace.
C-Shell after my dad passed, “well meaning” relatives waited six months before asking my mom if she was going to join a senior dating service and such (she was 68 when he passed). She shut them down much the way you have….she had the absolute best (for her) and any other man would feel like a pretender. Some have gotten the point, others…well, they’re others. Her life isn’t empty without a mate, she has two grown children, two grandchildren of wildly different ages to hang out with (early twenties and 2 yrs old lol), animals and she’s done a bit of traveling, joined a book club and a dining club….she’s fine without dating.
HeatherC — I totally relate to your mother! Ironically, the first person who told me I shouldn’t go on alone was my husband’s best friend. “He wouldn’t want you to be alone. “ I’m sure he meant well, but that came across like I couldn’t take care of myself and our property, which I have done, of course. I hope your mom continues to thrive!
6 months?!?! Wow just wow
@ Liz Version 700o, I know. My jaw dropped.
C-Shell, love your post. A few years ago, the husband of a customer of ours passed away. They were married for a little over 30 years. They were the love of each other’s life. Both families opposed the marriage based on their own opinions that they were too different and came from different worlds. She said our families hardly knew who we are as people. She’s not interested in marrying again either. In her words, “I can pay people to take care of the things I can’t do myself. that he took care of. A lot I can do. I have Mr. Agr. to take of one of those things I can’t. Any thing else I’ll figure out and for personal needs, our daughter’s told me, as if I didn’t know, there are battery operated devices for such things.”
Ahh I love Valerie. Am reading her recent book Enough Already and it’s a good read.
I like it too, it’s a keeper. I don’t keep all my books, but I’m saving that one to give to someone who might need it – down the road sometime.
I am mid-50s, happily married but can honestly say that if my husband dies before me, I will NEVER marry again. I will NEVER full-time live with someone again.
Yes, I’ll date eventually, but after decades of marriage (and a happy one at that) I just want to be the EF alone!!
Same, except I’m mid-40’s. I love my husband and our life, but I don’t want to (hypothetically) gamble on another person being right for me if it ever came to that. I have kids, a career, family, friends, and a dog. More than enough to keep me busy.
Valerie seems so sweet and genuine, and I am sorry that her jerk ex is exploiting her. I hope she comes through okay and has lots of love and support in the meantime.
I was married at 30, divorced at 43, but been single ever since. Never thought I’d say this but now, at 65, I’m getting married again! Found a wonderful, kind, thoughtful guy who wants to get old with me. I hope Valerie kicks this guy’s butt in court, and finds whatever happiness she can – she totally deserves it. And she seems like the kind of person who would be SO much fun to have a glass of wine with!
What a lovely story! I too thought I’d never have another relationship after the one I was in at 50 didn’t work out — we’re still great friends but it was a long-distance relationship and just became too difficult to sustain. I wasn’t interested in having a partner after that until, at age 62, an old boyfriend from the seventies wandered back into my life and that was it, love came back into my life in an instant. We’ve been together for 7 years now and I adore him. I wish you much happiness in your marriage!! And invite me along for that glass of wine with Valerie!
I want to hang out with Valerie and her dog and six cats. She would be a fabulous neighbor
don’t forget her cooking skills
I didn’t know she has six cats. My new favorite celebrity. Going to see if she’s on Instagram now.
I’m right there with her, I do not have a partner and don’t plan on finding one.
Society really does impose the notion of needing to be in a relationship to be happy. It’s not as pervasive but it is still pushed on a lot of people, women in particular. I do hope that the prenup stands and that her ridiculous ex doesn’t get on red cent from Valerie. F*ck that guy.
I’m surprised at Hoda pushing the question. I would think she’d have better sense than that.
agree BeanieBean. Hoda’s split with her husband was announced in January. Surprised she went there. Then again, how she’s handled a certain royal couple and acceptance of “royal experts” on the show with no pushback..smh
It’s complicated. My story is different but this hits me hard. My husband died when I was 35. Now I’m (somehow) 43 and still can’t move on. Can you have more then one other half? I don’t know. Am I missing on sth? Maybe. Can you stop loving one person to fall for another? If so, I am lost will I regret of not allowing myself to love again? It seems like it is already to late
my heart breaks for you. you don’t have to stop loving your late husband to love another. any potential partner worth it will not only understand that, but will support you continuing you love your late husband, honor & respect you for it. Love isn’t a pie w/limited quantities available to give but, like pie, there are all different kinds of love – even differences in romantic love – that shouldn’t feel like a betrayal of a different love. At some point, hopefully, you’ll be able to accept that it’s OK to allow yourself those special friendships and try to let them grow organically
it takes time to heal and no one can predict how long it takes.
when you are ready, if you want that, you can seek it out.
you don’t have to stop loving your husband.
there was an episode of designing women (i think) where Julia talks about dating again after her husband’s death. When she started dating a widower, they agreed that neither one of them would try to forget their first spouse. Instead the living people would be in a relationship with a strong reverence and affection for their original marriages.
Sorry, I can’t do it justice.
it is not too late but it is imperative to choose wisely as you want someone who will enhance your life, not make it more difficult.
It will take a special person, so it might take some time to find them, if you want that.
I’m getting to the discussion late, so you may not read this but–my 85yo aunt married for the second time within a year of her husband’s death. They had been married 50 yrs, maybe 60? I’m not sure, but a good long time. She was so lonely. Those first few months she was always telling me how lonely she was, how she’d drive around with his cowboy hat in the car (my uncle always had that hat on his head, no matter the occasion). And somehow, through her church group, she started going places and meeting people and then she met this very nice widower & they married. He’s another one who really didn’t want to be alone. Both my aunt & her second husband had kids & grandkids, but still wanted to be partnered up, and they are now. If that’s what you want in life, you may well have it. Nothing is hopeless.
Reminds me, I need to write to her. 😉
Thank you, guys. I try to deal with this in therapy. Maybe my way of thinking will switch someday
Aw, I love her and feel bad for her. I’ve been married 25 years and am happy but I don’t think if something happened to him, I’d be interested in getting married again. The cats, dog, kid and grandkids all sound good to me as a way to age.
I vaguely recall reading somewhere that after a certain age, men almost always remarry, but women rarely do. Lol. Maybe because so many men are looking for someone to take care of them.
That’s it, married men live longer than single men because they’ve got someone ‘taking care of’ them–as old-fashioned as that sounds, but regular meals, regular medical appointments, socialization (more usually arranged by women than men) all enhance men’s lives. Not sure if the same holds true for married vs. single women.
I have a great spouse but I get it. As women we tend to be the caregivers (I see it in my mum) and tend to everyone except our own needs. And we get judged for everything. SAHMs, working mothers, single ladies get judged. So yeah I can understand wanting to be alone and not having to please anyone or be shouted at by a grumpy old man (my boomer neighbour does this, I’ve never seen him talk gently to his wife, yikes).
Her ex sounds like a real a$$ and I feel for her. Like other commenters said, it’s ok for women to decide to not be in a romantic relationship and still have a full life.
I remember reading about a poll taken years ago on divorcées and widows/widowers and 75% of the women were more than happy to be alone or just have their pets, children, friends in their lives because they were tired of being the caretakers meanwhile 75% of the men wanted to find a companion again because mainly they wanted someone to keep taking care of them.
Yep, I’ve read something similar.
I’m going to turn 49 soon, never been married and haven’t dated since Tinder and the like became popular. Have been pondering putting myself out there again. But that’s mostly because I would like to have sex again at some point, not because I want a partner or want to get married. (Nope.)
Also screw that guy for wanting to throw out their pre-nup. He sounds like an ass.
Wish Valerie the best. Did she not take a long time to remarry after EVH? Once the divorce is final, and I hope her pre-nup holds, I wish her a life of peace and contentment and I hope her son will have children some day and make her a grandma. Sounds like she has had horrible experiences with relationships.
I send healing energy to Valerie. She will find peace and solace in forgiveness.
I wish that she rediscover the essence of her being.
All the best to her.
I feel this so hard.
I hope she has an amazing lawyer and therapist and this is over for her soon.
I think I need to go adopt a cat.
Twin Falls, yes! Go adopt a cat. There is a lovely angel named Betty White in heaven saying, “Do it.”.
Love Valerie, I feel bad for her.
I’m very happy by myself it forever will bug my mom but I love it & I’m living for me not for others approval anymore.
Aw, I really feel for her. She’s one of my favorite celebrities because she’s so open and relatable. I’m going through a divorce too and it’s so stressful.
Good luck to you Milkweed, AND to Valerie! Hope you both come through it happier than before…
Wishing you the best, Milkweed! I couldn’t imagine a life post-divorce, but I’m living it and it’s really good.
I’ve been a fangirl of Valerie since One Day at a Time (always wanted her fabulous hair), and my heart goes out to her. She seems like such a loving, big-hearted woman.
Good luck Millweed!! Sending you excellent juju!!
Valerie is a national treasure and I am sending millions of blessings her way.
I hope she comes out of the divorce without having to pay alimony – dude, get a job?! Are you serious?
He claims to be a ‘financial planner’. WE SEE YOU, SCUMBAG!!!
Wonder if he gives out ‘seek spousal support’ as financial planning advice.
OMG @kirk, brilliant and underrated comment. Valerie’s future ex is treading in the same waters as Bill Hudson and Steven Craig. Hope she consults with Sally Fields.
“I love the idea of having the love of my life beside me holding my hand. But I don’t have that right now, so I just have to know that I’m just fine as I am.”.
Love Valerie Bertinelli. Younger than her. Yes, One Day at a TIme=she was my favorite. I wanted to be that adorable. The thing with Valerie is that she truly comes across as that person (watched her cooking show) and she is still that completely relatable person. Hugs Valerie! You’re good as you and you alone.
ETA: Lol-bringing up Sally Fields. Husband channel clicked to Smokey & the Bandit. “Can we watch Daddy?” was the scene that came up.
I feel so terrible for her. I wish her the very best.
Mr. Jaded is a type 1 diabetic and a few years ago he had a horrible sugar crash, passed out 3 times in one day and, despite me force feeding him honey to bring him back, the 3rd time he stopped breathing. I had to give him CPR while waiting for an ambulance. The thought that he could have died made me realize that if he had, I would have no interest in getting into another relationship. He is the love of my life and although I would soldier on without him, I couldn’t imagine having anyone else. I love Valerie Bertinelli’s honesty.
I truly hope his diabetes is under somewhere better control now, but setbacks happen. Hubby here has same although type 2 and the crashes are scary and unpredictable. Lucky for him you know CPR and stayed calm enough to use it.
Jaded, so glad Mr. Jaded came through his emergency and you were there to help him. What a blessing. Peace and love.
+1
That’sNotOkay, Yes, I’ve heard that statistic too and I believe it.
She is such a beautiful, sweet woman, and I feel for her. I believe her 100% when she says she is done. I divorced at 37. Friends kept telling me I was going to find someone and get remarried, even though I kept saying that is not what I wanted. The truth is some women are not comfortable having single friends if they themselves aren’t single and you can multiply that tenfold if the friend is halfway decent looking. This one gorgeous divorced friend of ours doesn’t stop getting pestered by our friends. I had to tell these grown ass women leave her alone! She doesn’t want what you want for her. Ask yourself why you are so uncomfortable having her in your life while she is single? Cause there’s nothing in her character that shows she would date anyone married, much less a friend’s husband! And they got super offended at me and insisted they just want to see us happy! Well guess what? Being single makes us happy. Having dogs makes us happy. Travel makes us happy. Stop projecting on everyone! I don’t want any man in my space. I’m done laying in stinky hairy armpits with some remote control hogger and being forced to watch football ALL DAY Saturday and rinse repeat ALL DAY Sunday. I’m done! Valerie looks so spent. Watch, in 10 years we will catch up with her. She will look radiant, rested, 10 years younger than now. And people will ask what is your beauty secret? What’s the key to happiness? For people like us – it’s swearing off men! Some of us attract the worst of them. And please don’t tell me crap about you attract what you are – as if children are child molesters themselves and that’s why they attract them. No. It’s luck of the draw. And sometimes (not always) you attract your opposite. Valerie is a good person. She attracts garbage men. There’s no rhyme or reason to it – it’s not her fault. Plus the generation of men she is dealing with is no walk in the park. Those men have been worshipped by their moms. They are difficult and narcissistic. Not all of them but many of them. Kudos to her for recognizing and breaking that pattern. During my divorce I was unrecognizable. The stress on my face. I see pics of me with my then 3 year old from that time – I could cry how thin I was. I am smiling through it but it’s heartbreaking to see those pictures. Today when I look in the mirror, there I am. She will find herself again and be so grateful she made this choice. I have traveled. I have loved every minute of my life rescuing dogs, doing what I want when I want and buying what I want without some douchebag interfering cause his mission in life is taking me down a peg. I’m not going back to garbage ever. When I said I was done 10+ years ago, I meant every word. My friends finally gave on setting me up with every newly divorced jackass they know. How many times did I hear “well he’s going through a bitter divorce but SHE is crazy.” Yeah, those crazy female first wives amiright? Whatever. I was seriously on the verge of quitting some friendships. I had to have long heartfelt talks with some friends. And some of them walked away from me. They didn’t want to “catch” my divorce. You really find out who your friends are when you get divorced. But those that stuck with me understood (finally) that I meant it! People will pester Valerie with this question for a long time because they’ve been programmed to think women need men. And the thought of a woman making her own choice and saying no – I don’t want that, offends them. Marriage overwhelmingly benefits men, not women. I hope the prenup holds up.
keep in mind a lot of married woman don’t want single friends or want to fix them up. Is because they are insecure and fear they will steal their husbands from them. It happened to my Mom when she was widowed her married female friends all stopped inviting her to social events. But she carried on without them.
Every word you said @ side eye.
@Applecart I am so sorry that happened to your mom! And you are right it’s awful how women treat each other sometimes. It can be very isolating to be single, but the right people eventually find their way into your life. Your mom was very wise to carry on without them! A friendship should never be conditioned on whether or not a person is married.
@Julia K thank you for the solidarity! Single life rules. My favorite part is not waking up to Sportscaster every morning – most annoying sound of all time.
My Mom widowed at 65. She is 77 now. I figured she would latch on to the first man that came along and paid attention to her. But she surprised me. She was done with men. And wasn’t going to marry just to take care of someone else. And decided to travel, get a part time job she enjoys and live life on her own terms. Really proud of her and she is more social and outgoing than when my antisocial Father was alive.
My SIL was a widow in her mid 40’s. She was content to raise her girls, and look forward to grandkids etc.Long story short, she found someone who she is now married to, and she was never even looking. I know it’s a cliché, but I really think things happen for a reason. I hope the same happens to Valerie.