Jamie Lee Curtis: comparing yourself with others is a pursuit of unhappiness

Jamie Lee Curtis is promoting the third and final season of her project, Letters from Camp on Audible. The series is a cute concept. It was based off a real-life letter her goddaughter, Boco Haft, wrote Jamie from camp over two decades ago but never sent. When Boco’s mom gave it to Jamie, she decided to turn the idea into a series. But it deals more with the themes of awkwardness and not fitting in than happy, lazy-days-in-the-lake type camp stories. Because of that, Jamie recently reflected on her own childhood and what words of wisdom she would give tweenagers going through those difficult times. Jamie said she would tell anyone, “that you are enough.”

For those days when you don’t feel like you are enough—and who doesn’t have those days—let Jamie Lee Curtis remind you that you sure as hell are.

Knowing firsthand that the outward gloss that comes with your first-ever film putting you on the Mount Rushmore of horror movie heroines and starring in a film called “Perfect” doesn’t mean a whole lot if you aren’t OK with yourself, the actress and author has committed her platform to reassuring young people of their value—offering her own journey as case study No. 1.

“All you have to do is listen to the Janice Ian song ‘At Seventeen’ and understand how hard life was for me, and her, and other people,” Curtis told E! News in a recent Zoom interview. “I listen to that song probably once a week. It’s so beautiful and it’s such a heartfelt struggle of self-hood, of looking in the mirror and trying to understand who we are. It’s a particularly poignant time for me, adolescence—I hated it.”

Asked what wisdom she would impart to her tweenage self in a letter sent from 2022, Curtis, 63, revealed that she had written the equivalent of that letter to Sunny—and the message was, in fact, “that you are enough,” the Halloween star said.

“That comparing yourself with other people and what they’re doing is an endless pursuit of unhappiness,” the mother of two grown daughters with her husband of 37 years, Christopher Guest, continued. “And that you’re pretty enough, you’re smart enough, you’re talented enough, that you will find your place in the universe, and know that. Unfortunately adolescence is filled with the questions of ‘Who am I? What am I? Why do I look like this? Why am I like this? Why do other people…?'”

[From E!]

Oh my gosh, At Seventeen. I hadn’t heard that song in years. But Jamie’s right, as I listen to it, I start nodding my head and thinking, “Yup. You get me Janis!” Sidenote my current jam is Em Beihold’s Numb Little Bug because of how accurately she describes depression. As for Jamie’s message that comparing ourselves to others means an “endless pursuit of unhappiness,” boy, she nailed that, didn’t she? And we never take into account where that other person is mentally, physically, in life, etc. We decide a person is doing better than us and beat ourselves up over it. I struggle with catch phrases like it’ll get better and you are enough not because I don’t think they’re helpful, I do. But they are hard to take to heart, especially when other influences try to convince you you’re not enough. I never went to camp, but I might have to check out Jamie’s series. It sounds fun. Cautionary note: listen to it yourself before you play it for your kids. I read that some of the camp themes are rated more for teens than the younger ones.

Jamie is willing to put so much of herself out there. It doesn’t feel like she’s speaking down to us from her ivory tower. Even as Hollywood royalty (and British aristocracy, by marriage), she’s known real pain and I believe her when talks about her struggles. In her effort to be an open book, Jamie can give a little too much information, though. Like when she was trying to point out her ignorance when she first met co-star Ana de Armas. It was a rare misstep for Jamie. At least she was trying to point out how biased we Americans can be, but it served as a good lesson that sometimes not saying anything is the best option.

Phot credit: Avalon Red and Instagram

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20 Responses to “Jamie Lee Curtis: comparing yourself with others is a pursuit of unhappiness”

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  1. Noki says:

    I did see her getting thoroughly dragged about the Ana comments. I also think thats how a lot of women of her generation think.

  2. girl_ninja says:

    She’s right about comparison. That saying, “comparison is the thief of joy.” Look at the Cambridges, they are miserable! Always comparing themselves to Harry and Meghan…especially KKKate.

    It’s a great message and probably one that many of us should say in a prayer or chant to ourselves daily.

  3. Merricat says:

    Jamie Lee Curtis has been through some ridiculously difficult stuff. She’s not perfect, but I love her.

  4. Jillian says:

    Yeah instagram makes me feel unhappy because it seems like everyone else has it together. I don’t post pictures of myself

  5. Lili says:

    Boy ! I reckon this is a reocurring theme at every stage in life, i think the only way to deal trip up and readjust then walk tall. its a lesson for us all. i was having the same conversation with my brother and we are both middle aged, just in new circumstances

  6. Bookie says:

    She used to be my Laura Dern! I hated her because she always came across as smug and superior.

    But she’s really grown on me. I appreciate her takes on body positivity as we age, her support of LGBTQ issues, and her progressivism in general. She’s still a little self-important, but she’s earned that right.

  7. KrystinaJ says:

    I hated my teen years. I definitely agree with what Jamie said.

    My mom used to tell me that while it sometimes looks like the grass is greener, you realize once you’ve seen that grass, that they’re colouring in the blades with a marker to hide their own faults.
    That always stuck with me.

    • AMA1977 says:

      I REALLY like this. My almost 10 year-old is a big one for comparing herself to others and feeling less-than or jealous (meanwhile, she’s smart as a whip, hilarious, funny, kind, thoughtful, strong, beautiful…the list goes on and on!) and I think this is a good way to convey that message in a way she will understand. We talk a lot about how everyone has different talents and challenges, and there will always be someone “better” than you and always someone “worse” than you so your goal should be to do YOUR best and be proud of your effort. I am definitely borrowing this! Thanks, KrystinaJ’s Mom!

      • KrystinaJ says:

        @AMA1977

        Definitely go for it! I hope it helps your 10 year old as much as it helped me <3

  8. Jenna Maroney says:

    Omg I literally just realized that Tina Fey named the Mean Girl character Janis Ian as a nod to that singer and song!!!! Tina also sang that song on an episode of 30 Rock, haha. Making connections is fun!

  9. Mila says:

    I find myself constantly comparing myself to other women and it brings a great deal of depression/sadness. I do it without realizing and I catch myself and I’m like STOP

  10. Well Wisher says:

    So true.The alternative is to count your many blessings, even is the worse of times. Be present.
    Life, lived long enough will present challenges to overcome, why add to them??
    To thine own self, be true.
    (But if one has coping issues, seek help.)

  11. Lens says:

    So true but SO hard not to do. I gets a bit easier with age but oh the agony it caused in my teens-thirties.

  12. Lizzie Bathory says:

    It took me a while to realize that literally no one has their sh*t “together.” And no one spends much time thinking about me–they’re worried about their own stuff, how they present to the world, etc.

    We’re all just awkward meatsacks trying to survive til tomorrow.

    • QrsGeorge says:

      ^^ This. Embracing this concept around when I turned 40 made an enormous difference in my life. We’re ALL faking it till we make it, and no else is noticing my stumbles because they’re too worried about their own. My “Give No F*cks Era” is my best era.

  13. Jaded says:

    My teens and most of my twenties were a blur of insecurity, self-abnegation and making terrible choices in romance. It was as if I disliked myself so much I’d deliberately seek out men who treated me badly. A big part of it was having a mother and sister who suffered from BPD/NPD and I was their emotional punching bag. I compared myself to women who had successful careers, good marriages, becoming mothers, and felt so utterly useless. Fortunately by my thirties I grew out of it and developed a backbone. I love JLC and what she stands for…I’m reminded of Sting’s song “Englishman in New York” where he sings “Be yourself, no matter what they say”.

  14. jferber says:

    She’s absolutely right.

  15. dawnchild says:

    The 5 C’s of emotional cancer: criticizing, complaining, comparing, competing and contending
    (Stephen Covey, I think)

    • Granger says:

      I’ve never heard this, and I love it. I never would have had the strength or confidence when I was in my teens/20s to ignore all the social media crap my daughter and her friends are constantly inundated with. Even now, in my early 50s, I don’t use Facebook or any other social media tools anymore, because I find myself getting sucked into comparing my life, body, face, hair, house, garden, and opinions to other people’s, even though I know, logically, they are carefully curating every single perfect depiction.