Halsey posted a very melancholic Instagram story a few days ago, questioning their life and admitting to often feeling “a deep sadness,” “a loneliness,” “an emptiness.” Halsey has always been very confessional about her feelings, but hasn’t done so in this way in quite a while. It sounds like a bit of an existential crisis, the way anyone can question if they’ve chosen the right career or the right partner, etc, but magnified, perhaps, due to Halsey’s fame and relative youth.

Halsey revealed they sometimes wonder if they “chose the wrong life” after confessing they feel a “deep sadness.”

“I find that often there is a deep sadness inside me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, an emptiness,” the singer — who uses she/they pronouns — wrote on their Instagram Story on Wednesday.

“I wonder often if I chose the wrong life for myself,” they added atop a photo of burning candles. “And the weight of it is suffocating. I’m sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art in a way that hasn’t served a greater purpose other than my own self loathing.”

They continued, “I am approaching my 28th birthday in a week and just now exhaling and gasping for air for the first time since I took a single breath in this new life at 18. A breath that was meant to sustain me for a decade.”

The “Closer” singer went on to say they feel as if they’re “wandering lawlessly,” but hope to find meaning in their life through music soon.

“If you cannot be kind, at least be gentle,” they concluded the message, adding, “with love ??.”

Halsey has been always been open about their battle with bipolar disorder after they attempted suicide and were admitted to a psychiatric hospital at 17.

“I’ve been committed twice since [I became] Halsey, and no one’s known about it. But I’m not ashamed of talking about it now,” the singer told Rolling Stone back in 2019 about their ongoing struggles.

“It’s been my choice. I’ve said to [my manager], ‘Hey, I’m not going to do anything bad right now, but I’m getting to the point where I’m scared that I might, so I need to go figure this out.’ It’s still happening in my body. I just know when to get in front of it.”

[From Page Six]

I feel a lot of sympathy and empathy for Halsey. Those feelings are really hard to deal with and even harder to express, especially when on paper you’re perceived as “having everything,” e.g. the career, the money, the partner and child, the fame, the looks. But anyone can feel sad and lonely and burdened, even if they have everything they or anyone else could want. In the past, Halsey has said the thing they want most is to be a mom. Now that they have their child, I wonder if they’ve considered stepping away from their career at all to see what that potential other life would actually look like. They started their career so young, at only 18, and can still decide to do something else with their life if that’s what they really want. Halsey has been very open about her mental health in the past, discussing her struggles with bipolar disorder and being hospitalized several times previously. They have said that they now know how to get in front of any issues preventatively, so hopefully that’s still the case and they have the support they need if they’re struggling.

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photos credit: Avalon.red and via Instagram