Andrew Garfield is currently in a state of not-working. He’s choosing to not be employed for a while so he can grieve his mother (who passed away in 2019) and get his head together for a second after working on back-to-back projects for several years. His grief is still palpable and his search for meaning of his existence is incredibly moving. Garfield’s interviews are always pretty heavy, and that’s true of his British GQ Man of the Year profile. He talks about religion, his personal philosophy, his grief, and at one point, he sobs. Some highlights:
His time off: “I’m in a real period of not-doing. The usual aggressive, ambitious, driven heartbeat, rapping at the door has subsided for a while…. I didn’t have to force my way into letting myself rest. It was interesting. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, the reason for this weird peace I’ve been experiencing. I think the loss of my mum was a big thing. That cataclysm is a forever-reverberating shift into a deeper awareness of reality. Existence. The shortness of this window we have.”
His spirituality: “It’s that eternal struggle between being devoted to the invisible world, the world of spirit, the world of imagination, creativity, what we know we’re meant to do. But if we were purely devoted to that, it would be much harder for us to put a roof over our heads. So how do we balance that? We’re living through a capitalistic period in the history of humanity. And it’s deeply disgusting and horrific and ugly and all those things, as well as beautiful. It’s a fascinating time to be alive. And how do artists – how does anyone, because everyone is an artist – really retain that connection to soul, to spirit, to the unseen, to the thing that really pulls us? Our own personal genius. Our own personal calling. Giftedness. The Greeks, they call it the daimon. The divine twin. That spirit we were separated from as we passed through the birth canal.
The public freakout about his time off: “Maybe I should just stay on the grind. Maybe I should find something to attach myself to. I’m freaked out now. Just this conversation has done it. I will absolutely get back on it. I will be a slave to capitalism. I’m down. I love capitalism. I love capitalism. I will be a cog in the machinery. I mean, obviously I’m in a privileged position. I’m of a generation slightly older than the iPhone generation. That kind of ‘hustle culture’ – I lived pre-that, I suppose. But it’s a tricky one, because I’m for hard work. I was raised by a swimming-coach father. I like feeling devoted. I like grinding at something that I care about, for sure.
Grief for his mother: “It makes me think about – and it’s funny, I’m sorry, but my reference point for everything now, I just go back to my mum not being here. I just go to that and what that means. It means I’m not gonna be here long, and we’re not gonna be here long. That doesn’t provide any answers, but it does feel like it sharpens an arrow of direction, in some mysterious way. But then, I don’t know – my dad, right now, I think, is just meant to tend his back garden. He’s lost his wife, and I think all he’s meant to do right now, for the most part – it’s going to make me cry – is play with his grandkids, and create this back garden. He’s turned it into, like, a subtropical jungle. He’s got a water feature and a moat. He’s gone crazy, as grief will make you do, but he’s gone toward beauty and nature and self-soothing. And I’m really kind of impressed with him for that. The fact that he’s created something so beaut–[A pause. Garfield tears up] F–k. F–king hell, man. It’s awful. It hurts – the beauty of it hurts, so much. Knowing he’s created something so beautiful out of the worst loss you could ever, like – [voice breaking] They were together, in love. They were an imperfect couple that stayed together. And for him to be left, now, to deal with what that means – I’m not going to speak for his experience, because that’s not appropriate. But I feel like I can say: I feel like making a garden is plenty. You know what I mean? I don’t think we’re all meant to save the world all the time.
He’s turning 40 next year: “It feels far off. I need to start thinking about a good party. If I organise something fun, it’ll be great. And the good news is, all my high school friends, we’re all celebrating [turning 40] together. But it’s interesting – I always thought I would be the first to have kids and settle down, and they’re all shacked up and a couple of kids deep, for the most part. And I’m like… here with you, eating a burger, just contemplating existence. Trying to fill my days with as much nonsense as I possibly can. So that’s interesting. Releasing myself from the societal obligation of procreating by the time I’m 40 has been an interesting thing to do with myself….Where do I start with why it didn’t happen? [Laughs] No, it’s more about accepting a different path than what was kind of expected of me from birth. Like, By this time you will have done this, and you will have at least one child – that kind of thing. I think I have some guilt around that. And obviously it’s easier for me as a man…
It’s interesting to hear him talk about his own struggle with “societal obligation of procreating.” While it’s different for men, it’s not that different for some men, it seems. He’s thinking about how his mother didn’t have grandchildren and his grieving father doesn’t have grandchildren and he always thought he would have a kid by now. The image of his father just throwing himself into his garden too… it’s heartbreaking, and Andrew crying about it is heartbreaking as well. To end on a more positive note, Andrew has been surfing a lot during his break and his body looks amazing right now and he’s never been hotter. I’m sure there are a number of women who would like to have his babies.
Cover & IG courtesy of British GQ.
This reads a bit like he’s been studying for the SATs but I’m actually kind of surprised/confused he said he’s not working when I feel like we’re in some sort of Andrew Garfield renaissance. I’ve seen him in a ton of projects the past couple of years.
It seems like we’re in a Garfield renaissance because he had been working back to back on projects and now they are all coming out. I can see how that would feel like you’re disengaged with the real world after a couple of years of that. all his high school mates have the families and he doesn’t which isn’t surprising. It always seemed to me that an actor’s (or actress’s) life isn’t that compatible with having a family. Many actors in their later years say they were off making a living when their kids were young and missed that. Of course they can have future kids whenever with a new wife so its not as hard as it is for actresses to do both.
I think it feels like so much has been released from him in such a short space of time because of the pandemic. I think a lot of his projects would have been more spaced out otherwise. I think a lot of film releases that would have been released in 2020 got pushed to the latter end of 2021.
I think this is an unpopular opinion, but Andrew is a bit too…precious? Twee? For me, generally. But his love for his mother and immense grief in losing her is palpable and I’m so sorry for his loss. The way he speaks of his family is lovely. I hope he finds his break helpful and restorative.
I’m with ya, he seems intellectually / emotionally performative if that makes sense? He was great on Graham Norton when he was promoting Tick Tick Boom (a film I adored). But in print interviews he makes me feel weighed down. I read a quote about him once that was something like ‘no one suffers as beautifully as Andrew’ and I find that to be so true. We love Spiderman in our house but refer to him as “sad Spidey”. However he is an exceptional talent. I would watch him in anything.
This is how actors are.
Choosing to be a parent is a personal choice and no one else needs to get an explanation.
I wish more people would be very upfront about this.
It is rude as hell, not a conversation starter.
Not everyone wants/needs to have children, or be married, or any other life choice.
That is seriously old fashioned and outdated thinking, IMO.
Agree !
I like Andrew well enough. He is really talented and seems affable but I think underneath it all like Evans, Pine and many of the single hottie actors his age he’s a f*ck boi.
Love Andrew, he’s definitely my type, he’s smart, creative and quite sexy. Anyway just to correct you, he’s parents do have grandchildren from his brother, I’ve seen him talk about it in an interview. It’s just his future children his mother won’t meet, which is very sad for anyone who has lost a parent.
*his (not he’s)
All of this, and he’s totally my type too. My husband and I are the same age as Andrew and my husband lost his mom unexpectedly a few years ago. We already have kids but were on the fence about one more and decided we were done partially because he had such a hard time with the idea of having a child that his mom would never know and would never know her. Loss of a parent is so so hard and I really feel for him. The part about his dad is heartbreaking.
I lost my dad years ago. The most common comment I got was “oh your dad didn’t get to see you get married”. I was upset by those comments. Is that all that matters? What about he won’t be there for everyday things. I won’t get to see him grow old. I won’t get to go on vacations with him or spend birthdays with him. Nope, all anyone cared about was he won’t be there for some imaginary wedding they all thought I would have one day.
I was trying to figure out what was bugging me about AG’s comments, and you’ve kind of hit on it.
Baked into the comments you got and AGs comments is the idea that the meaning of a whole entire person’s life, existence revolves around their children and children’s children and specific moments with them. AG’s dad could have done any number of things, and any number of meaningful experiences and could still have more … but he’s reduced to “poor him – all that’s left is tending the back garden and missing his wife … he’s got no grandkids to give him joy and meaning ” And AG’s mum is reduced to “poor her, she never got to meet her grandkids” and AG gets to slap on a hair shirt of guilt over denying her that one true meaningful experience.
Like, sure all of those things are *part* of the human experience and may be felt during the losses of loved ones. And for some people sure their kids, grandkids *are* THE ONE thing their entire world revolves around.
But to look on other peoples’ lives and paint them with that one brush does not sit well with me.
Me and North of Boston, I totally agree. I’m on the asexual spectrum and have no plans for marriage or children. It’s very much not an aspiration of mine, and coming to that realization and accepting it gave me a great sense of relief — I don’t NEED to do those things if I don’t want to, and that’s totally valid! And my parents have fulfilling lives and love the time I spend with them, which is frequent. We’re lucky to have each other and to be close, and that is enough. I feel no guilt over not giving them a more “traditional” family with grandkids and I know they are fine with it, too.
@North of Boston and Case
Life is full of moments and milestones. Some of the best memories of my dad are just normal every day things, like sharing a pizza or watching a movie. Those moments matter…in fact, I say they matter the most !
If he has a PR team, I wonder what they think of this interview and whether they wanted it to go to print. The interview strikes me as very genuine and extremely open… which inevitably means that certain passages might rub people the wrong way. It kind of exposes the conceit of these interviews to begin with– this weird balance between knowing you have an audience and showing some authenticity. He expresses ideas and feelings that are totally understandable but are so intimate that it’s jarring to the reader.
I related to his talk about his friends all having kids and him having expected to have done the same and just not. I felt much the same way when I was younger. I was convinced I would have kids by the time I was 30. And now being in my 40s with no kids or spouse and…not only being okay with it but being relieved for it. And really enjoying the freedom of it.
I also love what he said about spirituality and his mother. Some may see what he said as a bit navel-gazing but the loss of a parent, or dealing with a sick parent (which I’m currently dealing with), it makes you take stock of the world and your place in it. And how finite the time here is. And it’s actually nice to hear someone talk about that.
Ditto your whole first paragraph. I am loving the freedom too!
I really want to like AG and I do find him rather attractive but I can’t get past him working with Mel Gibson
It’s not that different for men. Elderly sperm carries all kinds of problems with it. And the desire/ability to parent young children at older ages is significantly diminished. It’s different for rich people who can hire 24/7 nannies, but does anyone think that Alec Baldwin, for example, wants to be chasing toddlers around the house? Still, I side with Andrew Garfield on this. I’ve always fought against expectations of doing things by a certain age. Was sitting in a staff meeting in my late 30s where women were talking about the pressure to be married by 30. I said jokingly but in all seriousness that I wouldn’t consider marriage until I was older than 40 because I didn’t want to be divorced before I was 40. That comment earned me silence and blank stares, but so far my strategy has worked. Over 40 and happily married.
When I turned 30 everyone my age got married within the same 18month period. Even people I knew who were literally single just a year prior to their 30th, they just fast tracked their new relationships. They are like sheep, just following each other and here’s me not giving af. I always believed in divine timing and doing things when it’s the right time for me, and not to fit in with society.
I’m not saying I have the secret to life (I could barely crawl out of bed this morning for lack of wanting to face the world) but I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out that the reason a lot of marriages don’t go the distance is because they got married to be married, not because they found the person they can’t live without.
ME, THANK YOU for saying this!
My dad died when I was a kid, and so it’s a VERY sensitive topic for me and I try to be really sensitive to others and remember that not everyone else has the same experience.
But I have a childhood friend (who clearly knows what I went through) whose dad was sick and was unable to travel for her wedding. (Her dad is still living.)
She kept calling me to vent about it because I would understand, and it was so hard not to snap.
I came very close to saying, “Well, my dad definitely won’t be at my wedding and he also missed my 8th grade graduation and high school and college graduations, and my first off-Broadway production, and every single Christmas and and and…”
But oh no, as always, we are reminded that ONLY weddings and babies are important!
100% agree with you !
Of course I’d have his babies.
Maybe he makes housecalls.
“ And obviously it’s easier for me as a man…”
Uh yea duh! that’s the understatement of the year. Even if your sperm is deteriorating you can still find a young fertile gal many, many years from now because you’re rich and can make babies any time. So no pressure dude.
I don’t doubt that he’s grieving and thinking about a lot of things. But it also comes from a perspective of someone who has enormous privilege to stop time. It doesn’t make you any less conventional if you had kids earlier in life. He has friends like Tom Sturrige who had a kid young and isn’t traditional. I say this as an older mother.
I have a soft spot for him because he looks so much like my husband. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of his work though which is funny.
In 2018 I lost my grandmother. She was a huge part of my life. My mom’s mother, and was more like a mom to me than my own mom. She was a young, cool grandma – tall, heavy, spiked white blonde hair, huge accessories and bright colors, an extensive platform flip flop collection. She got sick in 2018 and didn’t tell us, and by the time it got bad it was too late for me to even call her to say goodbye. I still live with that, and I think of her every day. My mom and I have become closer which is good. Still, the special decades long bond I shared with my grandmother can’t be replaced even with an improved relationship with my mom. While I’m grateful she got to be at my wedding and meet my kids – not just meet them but have a real relationship with them, she died the day after my oldest turned 10, and it was a true bond with them as well – like others have said, it’s not just about the big things. It’s the little things. I can’t call or text her a photo of something pretty or cute or if I just need to talk. Right now I’m actually going through something very difficult and I have nobody to tell. And I just wish I could call her and talk to her.
My point is, I get where Andrew is coming from. You never get over it, you think of them daily, even on your best days you’re still sad. And when something wonderful or horrible happens and you want to talk to them – you can’t. For me it’s the worst when it’s something bad. I at least have my husband – Andrew sounds lonely. But even with my husband, it’s not the same type of love and support I received from my biggest maternal figure.