Anna Kendrick on her abusive relationship: I thought a break up was my fault

Anna Kendrick is promoting her film Alice, Darling that deals with a psychologically abusive relationship. As discussed in the last post, the film, unfortunately, mirrored Anna’s experience of having been in a toxic relationship prior to the film. While talking to Dax Shepard and Monica Padman on their Armchair Expert podcast, Anna spoke about why she was so afraid of leaving the situation. Like many victims of abuse, she believed she was the problem, and that she was lucky to be “loved” at all. So leaving would prove she was flawed.

“I was with someone — this was somebody I lived with, for all intents and purposes my husband. We had embryos together, this was my person,'” she shared. “And then about six years in, about somewhere around there, I remember telling my brother, when things had first kind of gone down, ‘I’m living with a stranger. Like, I don’t know what’s happening.'”

Explaining that she’d seen a personality shift and her partner later revealed he had feelings for someone else, Kendrick explained she continued to try and work on the relationship through couple’s therapy despite the continued behavior.

“It wasn’t just the, ‘Oh, I’m losing a relationship.’ It was that I believed that if we broke up or, you know, if he left basically, it was a confirmation that it’s because I’m impossible, I’m lucky that he’s even tolerating my b—–t.”

[From Yahoo!]

“I’m lucky that he’s even tolerating my b—–t,” Phew – you know when you read something, and you need to hide under the cover so the bad memories can’t find you? If Anna saw this person as her husband and made embryos with him, she truly saw herself bound to him. Thank goodness the good people in her life were able to break through and help her get out. Not to get ugly, but in light of Sophia Vergara’s nightmare, I kind of hope those embryos no longer exists. I’ve always liked Anna, mostly her quirky personality and silly sense of humor. I had no idea the pain she’d been in, processing and recovering from. I’m grateful to her for putting this all out there. It is so, so important for people who are in these situations to recognize it and those who were in them to understand so they, too, can start their journey of moving on.

As on the last thread, obviously there is much curiosity over who this is. Anna has had only a handful of relationships: Edgar Wright, Jake Gyllenhaal, Ben Richardson and Bill Hader. Eliminating the obvious, she and Jake G were barely together. It seemed like more of a fling that may have overlapped when she and Wright were ending, they never confirmed that actually dated and if they did, it was under a year. So while Jake may have been a jerk, he’s not the jerk in question. Bill H is also eliminated because of timing. Wright and Anna dated from 2009–2013 and Anna and Ben R dated from 2014-2020. Technically, I don’t know who Anna’s abusive ex is, but she does specify, “about six years in,” in her comments above. I’ll let you guys do the math.

Photo credit: Instagram and Backgrid

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18 Responses to “Anna Kendrick on her abusive relationship: I thought a break up was my fault”

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  1. ThatsNotOkay says:

    I am glad Sophia Vergara was able to put that embryo battle on ice, where neither party can use them, but I hope Anna has other reserves now that are not tied to Richardson, or whomever, because women do not get to have biological kids until the day they die the way men do. I’m saying, if she wanted to use these embryos because her ovarian reserves were depleted or what have you, I might feel differently than I do in the Vergara case, though legally, I might still side with the judge who refused her request.

  2. Seaflower says:

    Poor Anna. Always adored her. I’m so glad she is out of that relationship now.

    I’m been in one myself and its taken years to work through the devastation it caused.

    I’m so glad she had the support system aroun d her to help her break free.

    • Melissa says:

      I’ve been in such a similar position – wondering if my ex had a tumour that caused his behavioral changes. Blaming myself. Thinking I must be impossible. When we split his sociopathic tendencies went into full gear which made me understand I was removed from him completely and his behaviours were atrocious. It gave me clear evidence it had nothing to do with me. Her speaking about this is important.

  3. Sandra says:

    This may be a reach but to me it seems that Ben R. is the “least famous” person on that list (at least as compared to EW), where as Anna has been a well known name for a while now.

    It would not be uncommon for an abuser to hate the idea that they aren’t seen as the one with more “power”

  4. Frippery says:

    I haven’t dated since I left my abusive husband. I probably will never be in a relationship again. I’m too weird and my baggage is too great. I’m not a good relationship person. But, as the diva said, I would rather be alone than unhappy.

    • Sandra says:

      Everyone’s needs and wants are different in terms of companionship… but no ones baggage is “too great” for them to love or be loved (by themselves or others). I admire your strength in both leaving an abusive relationship and being able to share anything about that.

      The entire WORLD went through a huge trauma through the pandemic. It is strange to think about it in those terms, but its true, and everyone has something.

      You can be both alone AND happy. YOU are resilient. I hope you find your way there. xoxo

      • Anon says:

        I don’t know if comments are closed on this so I’m replying to this post. But I don’t know if anyone will see this. Thanks for this comment and for the article and all the comments. I’ve been wondering for a while if I’m in a situation I should leave and so sad about my part in it and so unsure of what to do and wondering if I’m a reject, which I know I’m not. I like coming here sometimes because people are nice to each other for the most part and sometimes I have no other place to go.

      • Julia K says:

        You can always come here and talk to us, @Anon. I’m sorry about your situation and the distress it causes you. Time to put yourself first and know your worth.

    • Emily_C says:

      I thought I was too weird and my baggage was too great after I got out of an abusive relationship too. Nope! Turns out I’m weird enough for other people who are weird, and as for baggage, everyone’s got it. Thinking there was something wrong with me and so I wasn’t able to have a relationship was because I had been abused into believing that.

      • Frippery says:

        Thank you Emily and Sandra <3

        Anon, if you're in a situation where you are unhappy, have been unhappy for a long time, and have reached out to your partner about it and nothing has changed, then you should leave. No matter whose 'fault' it is. Don't stay just so you have someone to come home to. It's nice, but it isn't everything. Dont be scared of being alone for a bit, or for awhile, . Being able to be alone is a strength, not a weakness. And also, I have no romantic life whatsoever but I get to read So. Many. BOOKS. Lol.

        Love yourself, that's step one. Love yourself enough to leave if you need to.

    • Suzybeontime says:

      @Frippery, I hear you on that one…

  5. Otaku fairy says:

    Those feelings that she’s describing are probably more common than people think. A person tries to prolong a relationship she shouldn’t out of fear that it’s ending will confirm awful things about her, and because she should be grateful that she was chosen. It probably happens more to people who are in the public eye; extra vulnerable to misogynistic, racist, anti-LGBT smear campaigns. Even with Meghan Markle, the narrative has already been set up that if the marriage doesn’t last forever, it makes every nasty thing ever said about her valid. But it happens with regular people too. Sometimes people try to hold on to relationships they shouldn’t to avoid homophobic or racial stereotypes (It doesn’t help when you’re also dealing with a person in your life who rushes to gleefully tell you any negative thing they hear about queer people).

  6. Smee says:

    I’m relieved EW doesn’t fit the timeline – I love his films.

    Glad she was able to move on from the gas-lighting cheater!

  7. art maven says:

    This is something I fortunately came to a few years ago. I used to think, if only I was thinner, smarter, more educated, had a better handbag, that I wouldn’t have relationship problems. Then, I looked over and saw the most beautiful, thinnest, richest, funniest women with the best hair and eyelashes having the SAME problems. It woke me up to realize that we’re concentrating on the wrong things in ourselves and our partners.

  8. J says:

    I adore her and applaud her speaking out. Cheating is absolutely abuse with so many layers of emotional and sexual abuse woven together.

  9. SarahCS says:

    It’s such a good thing that she’s speaking out and sharing these details of her experiences, as she herself explains it’s so hard to get out of these situations so the more people hear examples like their own the more strength it can help give to realise it’s not you. There’s no quick fix but realising there are others who have been in your position helps. Plus we really need to keep educating people who have never been on the receiving end and don’t understand quite how damaging and difficult this is for the victim.

  10. Kaye says:

    There’s a picture out there of Zara Tindall wearing a dress much like this. It looks better on Anna.