Last December, Jane Fonda announced her non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma is in remission thanks to chemotherapy. This is, obviously, fantastic news. But Jane’s a fighter, we know that. What I didn’t know, is there was a point in Jane’s life she didn’t expect to live past the age of 30. Jane battled the eating disorder bulimia in her 20s that stemmed, according to Jane, from being in a deeply unhappy place in her life. As her addiction grew, she realized how much it was impacting her health. At one point, she didn’t think she would survive past her 20s. But she did, with her bulimia becoming more and more of a burden on her, until she realized it really might kill her. Because no one was talking about it back then, Jane had no support or anyone to go to when she wanted to quit. So she quit cold turkey.

Jane Fonda feels lucky to be alive.

During an appearance on Call Her Daddy Wednesday, the film icon says she struggled with an eating disorder in her twenties.

Just as her career was beginning, she said, she began suffering from bulimia.

“I led a secret life. I was very, very unhappy. I assumed I wouldn’t live past 30,” Fonda said, joking that she doesn’t “understand” how she’s now 85.

She detailed the “secret life” she led that consisted of not going out, not dating, and being “unhappy” overall. “And then I was also making movies that I didn’t very much like,” she said, referring to the romantic comedies she starred in at the start of her career, like Tall Story (1960) and Sunday in New York (1963).

“It seems so innocent in the beginning,” Fonda said of her experience with the eating disorder. “What you don’t realize is, it becomes a terrible addiction that takes over your life.”

The 80 for Brady star said that it harmed her appearance, making her look tired, and also impeded her ability to have an “authentic relationship.”

“Your day becomes organized around getting food and then eating it, which requires that you’re by yourself and that no one knows what you’re doing. It’s a very lonely thing. And you’re addicted. If you put any food in you, you want to get rid of it.”

While it began in her twenties, she told host Alex Cooper, it lasted for two decades. She got to a point in her forties, she said, where she thought, “‘If I keep on like this, I’m gonna die.'”

Despite being married — at the time, to political activist Tom Hayden — and being a mother, she wasn’t sure she would survive. “My life was important,” she said. “But I was becoming less and less able to continue it.”

“I didn’t realize that there were groups that you could join — I didn’t know anything about that yet. And nobody talked about it. I didn’t even know there was a word for it. And so I just went cold turkey, and it was really hard.”

[From People]

I think eating disorders and disordered eating are discussed more frequently now. But in case it isn’t discussed in your circles, what Jane said is true: it’s a terrible addiction and it absolutely takes over your life. And like any addiction, it’s always hovering right there in the shadows. Also like any other addiction, it can blow up before you know what’s happened. Like Jane said, it starts off simply and seems manageable. It. Is. Not. I like that Jane brought up the isolation of bulimia because the health part is usually hammered home. And it should be, it destroys your stomach lining, your esophagus, weakens your heart and lungs, messes up your colon and destroys your teeth enamel, but it is also a very lonely disease. Because the only people who will have anything to do with you are other bulimics. Which is great if you find bulimics who have quit or are actively trying to. If not, fellow bulimics trade tips and it gets competitive and it’s scary.

This puts Jane’s 80s aerobics empire in a new light. If she went cold turkey on bulimia, which must have been so hard to do, she probably needed something to replace it. She found a way to move away from the body image issues that give way to bulimia with exercise. She also gave herself something else to focus on and control with this new exercise world she was building. Given that context, it must be gratifying to know that she helped so many women with their own struggles with those tapes. Thank goodness Jane survived. It’s good she’s bringing this up. It’s a hard subject. Not all us know how to talk about it yet.

Photo credit: Cover Images