Rob Lowe: If you don’t marry your best friend ‘you’re at a disadvantage’

Rob Lowe is complicated. While I have no desire to delve into his politics, of all the things I never thought he would excel at, Rob relishes being a husband and father. And he seems to have done the work in those relationships as well. His sons, Matthew and John Owen, both adore their dad and seek out opportunities to work with him. And Rob and wife Sheryl Berkoff just celebrated their 31-year wedding anniversary. While speaking to Bruce Bozzi on his podcast, Rob said the best plan is to marry your best friend. Other than that, he said to remember that everything has ebb and flow within a relationship.

Rob Lowe is revealing the secret to making his 31-year marriage to wife Sheryl Berkoff work.

On the latest episode of iHeartRadio’s Table for Two with Bruce Bozzi podcast, the 59-year-old actor opened up about how finding the right partner leads to lasting love.

“[Marriage] is hard anywhere, it is not just Hollywood – it’s everywhere,” he told host Bruce Bozzi. “Sheryl was and is my best friend. So if you marry for anything other than the fact that is your best friend, you’re at a disadvantage from the jump, because that will sustain when the other stuff ebbs and flows.”

The Unstable star adds that he believes that forgiveness allows a relationship to move forward, sharing, “People say marriage takes work. I’m not sure if it takes work, but what it does take is forgiveness, and being really cognizant of what hill you’re willing to die on.”

Lowe admitted that keeping the physical spark alive is another important factor in a successful long-term relationship.

“I do believe you need the heat for sure,” he shared. “If you don’t have the heat – and that’s a chemical thing – I mean I still have it with Sheryl, you gotta keep the heat.”

He continued: “That comes and goes too, there are times when you are like, ‘Nah.’ And then there are times when you are wild for somebody.”

[From Yahoo!]

I don’t disagree with Rob about the best friend thing. I can’t speak to relationships in which people meet and marry right away. I’m a slow simmer kind of person, I don’t open up easily. So becoming best friends with someone quickly seems impossible to me. But my parents did it and they are still best friends 62 years later. I agree with Rob’s points about ebb and flow, though. And trusting your partner will wait it out helps immensely with that. I know there’s a split #onhere whether marriage is hard or takes work so I’ll offer this instead: life is hard. And when the sh*t hits the fan and it seems like everything is stacked against you, having your best friend around really helps. Even if you lose sight of that for a little bit. Rob’s point about keeping the heat and accepting that the older you get, there will be peaks and valleys is some of the most real comments I’ve heard on that.

I just watched Rob’s Unstable series on Netflix. He and John Owen created the series. Plus, they wrote an episode, which I have to say impresses me, I didn’t know they had it in them. I liked it, the cast really makes it. Although it is yet another show in which the wife/mother died/was killed suddenly, leaving the husband devastated and having to stumble through parenting the traumatized offspring. Since the rest of the show is about John Owen’s character trying to come out from under his dad Rob’s character’s shadow, I wonder how Sheryl felt about being killed off to showcase her men’s growth? At least she’s painted as a saint, which I’m sure she is, putting up with Rob’s other bs.

Photo credit: Cover Images and Anthony Dixon/Avalon

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19 Responses to “Rob Lowe: If you don’t marry your best friend ‘you’re at a disadvantage’”

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  1. Mabs A'Mabbin says:

    I will say this, had I not truly loved my husband, we wouldn’t have made it this far. And if he didn’t truly love me, he wouldn’t have stayed married to me lol. Through all the ups and downs of hard life (deaths, alcoholism, poverty lol), our love, flexibility, silliness, loyalty, trust sees us through.

    • May Bench says:

      I was married for 25 years until my sweet hubby died at age 53 from lung issues. We were best friends and would still be together if he was alive. It was us against the world. In a successful marriage, you want to bring out the best in your partner. Also make the time for romance and alone time. It keeps the spark alive.

      • Ang says:

        Oh May! That’s so sad. Xo

      • Mabs A'Mabbin says:

        I’m so sorry May. Sending cyber hugs. I have a tangible daily fear of losing my best friend. Thank you so much for your words, I’m listening. xoxoxo

  2. girl_ninja says:

    I used to like him a lot. I don’t like him any longer. But It’s lovely that his wife and kids love him and are happy.

  3. Ameerah M says:

    I have nothing nice to say about him as a person – however – I think his comments about marriage ring true. And yours as well Hecate. LIFE is hard – so of course sustaining a marriage through life’s ups and downs would sometimes be hard as well.

  4. Joanna says:

    No marriage is perfect but if it’s always hard maybe you’re not in the right relationship. I loved my ex but it was always hard. With my now boyfriend it is always easy because we fit together better

  5. Nicegirl says:

    Love your perspective as always H. 💕

  6. Lizzie Bathory says:

    I knew I was going to marry Mr. Bathory the 2nd time we met (didn’t tell him at the time since I knew I’d sound crazy). And we’re best friends. I think you have to be to share a space with another person, compromise on what to watch together, agree to order the takeout the other person wants even if you’re feeling something else more, not to mention the more serious ups & downs of life. I don’t think it would be worth it unless you adored the other person.

    As an aside, whatever you think of Rob Lowe, his memoir, Stories I Only Tell My Friends, is a really good read.

  7. Marcia Gray says:

    Those two were clearly madly in love. Whenever I hear people talk about how hard marriage is I always think it’s like people who talk about sex all the time — if you’re talking about it like that, you’re not getting it right!

  8. nb says:

    I’m a bit older than most of my female friends and the first to get married (together 15 years, married for 8) and this is the top advice I’ve given them when they asked. Make sure it’s your best friend, someone you don’t want to go through life without. As Rob said – there are good times and bad times, and the s3x will naturally have points where it fizzles out a bit, so don’t base your relationship on “is the s3x great and do we always get along” because once you strip those things away you have to respect and appreciate who you’re with. Not just as a partner, but as a person and as a friend. If you don’t have that deep level of understanding and love things will fall apart when times get tough.

  9. H says:

    Not a shot in hell that he’s faithful to her.

  10. Mcmmom says:

    I suspect he’s hella problematic in many ways, but his essay about dropping off his son at college had me in tears.

  11. og bella says:

    The hub and I have been through hell for sure, and I have not liked him at times, but knowing that divorce was never on the table, and that no matter what (short of abuse of course) we would always be there together, made the rough times bearable, and the tough times easier.

  12. teehee says:

    I cant say anything about the “heat” comment.
    What I have is a friend and we both can laugh at each other and ourselves,
    And we are highly affectionate- we give each other attention and affection and lots of touch and intimacy and reaffirmation and that means more to me at the end of the day than any sort of thrill seeking.

  13. Abby says:

    What if I already have a best friend of the same sex and I’m not gay, lol?
    I don’t get this since friendship to me is something beyond a sexual relationship. I don’t care who my best friend sleeps with or if she cheats on someone or hell if she breaks the law. I’ll forgive her almost anything, which is much more than anyone would do for their sexual partner. I don’t have to see her or talk to her for months and we can still randomly send a text and not feel it at all. True friendship is unconditional love and affection and respect for someone that doesn’t depend on anything they do. I can’t say the same for any other type of relationship.
    So sorry, this advice is BS.

    • tealily says:

      Ok, but are you also friends with your spouse or is it primarily a sexual relationship? I think what he’s saying is that it has to be MORE than that to work long term, that’s all. Yes, a friendship is something beyond a sexual relationship, but a marriage should be too.

  14. tealily says:

    I watched that ghost hunting show he did with his sons a while back, and the whole thing came across as a fun hobby that he wanted to share with his sons as they were aging into full adulthood and they were spending less time together. It was so charming. I’m glad to hear that he’s still working on stuff with his son.

  15. lizbert says:

    I’ve always been confused about the whole “relationships are work” thing. Maybe I’ve just been exceptionally fortunate, but all of my long-term romantic relationships (including my marriage) have been safe spaces where I can just… relax and be myself. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t disagreements or that you don’t need to occasionally call each other on some BS, but sheesh… if it felt like “work” I’d just have stayed single.