Last week, Addison Timlin filed for divorce from The Bear actor Jeremy Allen White. It was a little bit surprising since there’s never been any gossip about them as a couple or separately — it seemed like Jeremy worked and they quietly raised their young children. Aside from the filing, there was nary a word from either camp until Sunday. Addison posted on Instagram about Mother’s Day about being a single mom and noting she raised their kids alone for nine months.
Addison Timlin is speaking candidly about the challenges of raising kids as a “single mother” following her split from estranged husband Jeremy Allen White.
The actress, 31, marked Mother’s Day on Sunday with a post on Instagram, in which she shared a carousel of photos of herself and her two daughters — Ezer, 4, and Dolores, 2 — whom she shares with White, 32.
“Being a single mom is not how I pictured it,” Timlin began her caption. “It is so f—ing hard. It is all out covered in s— crying on the floor kick you in the shins screaming with no sound coming out hard. It’s not the natural order of things.”
Noting how single mom life can be “exhausting” and “lonely,” especially “when something magical happens and you have to tell yourself ‘don’t forget this’ because theres no witness by your side,” the mother of two said, “It’s so painful.”
“But just like everything with motherhood the lows are demolished by the staggering heights,” Timlin continued. “To live with young children is an eyes wide open, wondrous and joyful place to be, it’s to be surrounded by a daily expression of their authentic selves and I wonder if without their example I would have been able to do the same.”
Timlin then shared that her “hope for all mothers is that the expansive, unconditional, without fear or judgement love we offer our children can be turned towards ourselves as much as possible. We need it.”
“Knowing what is best for you is easy if you can get quiet enough- doing what is best for you can seem impossible- but it’s not,” she continued.
Timlin added that she was “feeling so peaceful today and so deeply in love with my children,” stating, “Being a mom is the only thing I’ve ever wanted and being theirs is just the luckiest most remarkable thing on the planet.”
“Doing it alone has given me more strength and more empathy and more tears than anything else in my life ever has,” she said.
Continuing her caption, Timlin then expressed her thanks for all that “helped me in these last 9 months” since her split from White.
“The moms who picked my kid up from school in an emergency, play dates that made weekends feel a little less like climbing a small mountain, crying in my car, urgent care centers, frozen 1 and 2, and my little man JJ,” she wrote.
“Kraft mac and cheese, dry shampoo, ice cream, lollipops, goldfish, pirates booty, pull ups, crocs, soap & water, neighbors, my friends, my family,” Timlin continued.
She concluded: “And if you turned and said to me ‘I’ve got you’ Oof. It feels good. Happy Mother’s Day ya’ll.”
PEOPLE confirmed last week that Timlin filed for divorce from White, whom she married in 2019.
Addison isn’t specific about the timeline. It is unclear whether she means they have actually been separated for nine months or if she has effectively been a single mom for nine months because Jeremy has been away filming. Is that a distinction without a difference? I don’t know. I do feel for her because abandonment is abandonment even for affluent people. She and Jeremy have definitely posted about and mentioned each other in interviews and speeches in the past nine months. Were they just keeping up appearances? Who can say, but this post kind of blew the lid off of that. Maybe it was meant to spur Jeremy into being more present for his children. Being an absent dad is very Shameless.
She sounds like so many rich white women who find themselves in a bad way and write in melodramatic ways like this as if they are the only one – in this case “a single mom”.
Confused here. So she can’t write about her experience because others have the same experience?
I think she’s just saying that the experience of being a single mom when you have vast resources and don’t actually have to work outside the home is different from the experience of most single mothers and thus the “woe is me” is not quite as necessary, especially so publically.
It might be a different experience in some terms but still emotionally difficult when you expected a partner at your side while raising your children and that’s suddenly not the reality. Surely we have learned by now that having resources doesn’t necessarily equal good mental/emotional support.
I feel for her and the women who went through a similar situation. Her comment about how she can’t forget a moment because there is no witness with her is very sad. Somebody once said that to me, but it was about her whole life. Being an only child, there was no one who witnessed her growing years and after she lost her parents and divorced after 16 years of marriage, she felt like her history was lost. It breaks my hearts.
Tell the person who told you they are experiencing feelings of erasure to know that you felt for them and they are acknowledged and remembered. Also tell that person the value of their life is witnessed most by themselves the person living it and to not set store by others devaluing them. As a woman of color I get devalued and face erasure everyday and I learned this important lesson. I value myself and anyone devaluing, marginalizing, minimizing, erasing and dismissing me can be damned. I know my worth.
“Somebody once said that to me, but it was about her whole life. Being an only child, there was no one who witnessed her growing years and after she lost her parents and divorced after 16 years of marriage, she felt like her history was lost.”
Wow. I’m the only child of an elderly widow, and this comment just unlocked a new fear.
@myeh wow I love your comment. I had a similar experience breaking it off with my toxic sister. I felt like I had no witness, but I later realized life isn’t a performance where you need an audience. It’s meant to be lived and experienced and I had the best seats because I was in it, my soul is my witness that’s always been there and knows the full picture better than anyone, no one can take that from you. (Sorry if I got off topic). That realization was a profound moment for me.
Is it important to highlight “white” rich woman? Would it make her struggles seem more significant if she was a person of color? I’ve been a stay at home mom and a working mom. Working mom is way easier!
Wow, way to come for a woman who’s clearly struggling and kick her while she’s down!
Agree with everyone who is reading this with compassion, empathy and understanding. I’m a stay-at-home-mom and my kids are exactly the same age as Timlin’s (4 and 2). Not only do I expect my husband to be there, I actively rely on him to give me some reprieve. Neither of us have ever been away from our children for more than one night—the night I gave birth to my daughter and left my son in his grandparents’ care. Sometimes he works weekends and those days are manageable but definitely harder. There is a huge sigh of happiness but also one of relief when he comes home. Now if we were suddenly to separate/split custody, would my world be turned upside-down? Yes. Everything she writes would become my life so I hear her 100%.
A split and thrust into single-parenthood is an arduous experience. So is that of a single parent whose partner never stepped up to task. So is that of a person who elected to be a single parent via sperm donation. Are those experiences similar in their single parenthood? Yes. Are they the same? No. Is everyone allowed to feel pain, dejection and despair? Yes. Suffering and pain is universal, and while circumstances do change, you’re allowed to grieve what once was.
Timlin was also very gracious in her post about the support she’s been given and the joys that come with the pain. The people who are finding fault with this should examine their own small hearts.
POINTILLIST! Hahaha! Yesss!
I had the exact same thought lmao
I love you chica
feel like this was a little quick to jump on her for. regardless of her race/ethnicity, she’s writing about how it sucks to be alone emotionally/mentally in a relationship taking care of children. and if anything, it shows that even if you have resources, it’s still challenging to raise kids. i don’t think enough women who are visible in media write about that. so i applaud her for doing this. my takeaway wasn’t that she was trying to minimize other’s experiences…so we shouldn’t try to minimize her voice.
All the others can cry rivers lmao. You too chica xx
Interesting change. The instagram post replaced “Being a single parent” to “co-parent is not how I pictured it.” Wonder if Jeremy had an issue with being painted absentee.
Yes, it is confusing, since it can be read as though they’ve been separated in more of a legal sense for nine months, versus being separated while he was off on set. Either way, his financially supporting the kids and estranged wife doesn’t negate the fact that she might be a single mom–if they divorce, she’d be a single mom. Single mom isn’t the same as single-income household with no father in the picture. Whatever happened, I feel for them all.
@thatsnot okay …what a wonderful compassionate true statement.
Thank you
Well said! Thank you!
Just to be clear: men providing their families with monetary support is the bare minimun. I do not understand it, but many times I think we are asked to praise men for simply paying their bills.
It can very well be that Jeremy is away a lot while filimg and that Addison has been placed in a position she is the sole caretaker, a position women are expected to take in without praise or second thought.
This whole situation soulds to be very common. They separated. He works a lot and cannot or does not want to be present for the moment and she is overwhelmed. Let´s not forget she is also an actress. Maybe this is also adding to her frustartion, that he assumes he can simply get any project offered because she will stay with the children.
I agree and it’s no different than when both spouses work and the woman pulls the bill of the labor and emotional support for the kids. Women are not sitting back quietly and want their spouse more involved. And I agree.
she’s changed it to say coparent lol.
it could be that he hasn’t done anything in the last nine months, but I also remember my stepson’s mom once posting a happy father’s day post to herself as a single mom, and my husband has always had 50/50 custody and split financials 50/50. he was with us when she posted that lol. my mom was a single mom who had us 100% of the time and all she got from my dad was 90 bucks a month for two kids.
I think there are single moms and then there are moms who are single. no idea which one she falls under, because up until yesterday I didn’t even know he was married and had kids.
I noticed that too. I hate the word co parent but she obviously got flack (probably from him too) that said you weren’t a single parent for the last nine months.You were married. But as someone whose husband traveled constantly for work I had times when I was a SAHM with babies and then I was a working mom with little kids in daycare and to be honest when he was paying all the bills and I wasn’t “working” were harder mentally, physically and all ways. It’s not all about the monetary support.
@lens maybe sahm is harder than an office job. But you obviously haven’t worked in a factory job or retail standing for 8 hours straight, 5 days a week, it’s not easier.
Totally agree, my mom was a single mother and worked nights to support us and it was all on her shoulders. My husband travels a lot and when friends ask if I am single parenting for the week I have a visceral reaction. Solo-parenting, but not single parenting.
NO but the treatmentof WOC by society as single mothers is way different.
Whatever’s going on financially, going by that post it sounds like he has been physically and emotionally absent from his children’s lives and not co-parenting with her much if at all. If so, that’s not being a father or a decent human being. Even astronauts in space find a way to be in contact with their children; no “work commitments” can excuse that.
I hope those kids are surrounded by love and care and support their whole lives.
If he really is MIA, maybe that post will be a wake up call for him to show up.
And if she’s exaggerating, maybe he’ll push back on her and it will be a wake up call for her.
I don’t think it’s fair to say he’s not being a father and that he’s not a decent human being. She’s been with him for a LONG time, and certainly understood his work schedule when she decided to have children with him. It’s possible that (as it so often is) the reality of the work of raising children is much different than what she expected, but that doesn’t make him a bad person. It may just mean that they failed to navigate that in way that worked for everyone.
And it may just mean that they failed to navigate that in a way that worked for everyone for the past nine months. Maybe they’ll figure it out.
It seems she changed it to “co-parent”, and while I don’t know her situation, I would only say you are co-parenting when the other parent is present on a regular basis in the kid’s life, otherwise you’re a single mom, regardless of whether there’s some financial contribution for the kid’s expenses or a couple of visits a year. Being there absolutely alone 24/7 (no family near, having to rely on friends for emergencies, needing a babysitter for anything from school meetings to having a bit of me time) is terribly demanding, absolutely exhausting and very expensive. I know because that’s my life, and while I don’t regret separating shortly after birth, once I finally saw all the red flags, it’s been a lot of sacrifices and not the way I pictured raising my kid, even if I feel overall more resilient and mentally stronger after all these years.
In that screenshot of her post, it looks like she edited it from “single mom” to “co-parent”
I prefer to use the term sole parent to describe myself because single only describes marital status, and I quickly learned after i had my son that the advice I got from divorced moms wasn’t very helpful to my situation. My life wasn’t necessarily easier or harder, just a different set of plusses and minuses.
Addison has access to financial resources to hire help with childcare and gets to choose to be a stay-at-home mom, which is something many moms, single or coupled, don’t even get to consider. But she still has my sympathy because having her husband effectively not present is not what she signed up for. I did most of the grieving for the family I wasn’t going to have before I got pregnant. But Addison is trying to process what she feels is a bait-and-switch. She entered this experience with someone she felt was reliable and time-tested. So I think it’s OK for her to throw herself a pity party for a while until she processes this curve ball.
I
I prefer to use the term sole parent to describe myself because single only describes marital status, and I quickly learned after i had my son that the advice I got from divorced moms wasn’t very helpful to my situation. My life wasn’t necessarily easier or harder, just a different set of plusses and minuses.
Addison has access to financial resources to hire help with childcare and gets to choose to be a stay-at-home mom, which is something many moms, single or coupled, don’t even get to consider. But she still has my sympathy because having her husband effectively not present is not what she signed up for. I did most of the grieving for the family I wasn’t going to have before I got pregnant. But Addison is trying to process what she feels is a bait-and-switch. She entered this experience with someone she felt was reliable and time-tested. And now, for reaosns professional and/or personal, she’s not getting what she expected. So I think it’s OK for her to throw herself a pity party for a while until she processes this curve ball.
Since we only have her viewpoint, I’m not going to try to unpack what Jeremy’s side might be.
There have been studies showing that if a woman decides to have kids on her own and does so, the family is usually as “happy” and “successful” as similarly resourced two parent families. They are noticeably different from families where the mother was expecting to raise children with a partner and then ended up doing so on their own. That’s why I tend to give some grace to women who are not doing well when finding themselves raising kids without their partner around.
@Concern Fae — That has definitely been my experience, and why I’m not completely side-eying Addison just because her financial circumstances are likely very comfortable. And, while my son’s attitudes have varied depending on his age and understanding — at 16, he doesn’t feel any sense of loss. Most of his issues are around how other kids react with an assumption that not having a dad is painful him. And he has a lot less issues around family than his friends who were abandoned by a parent or grew up in acrimonious families.
As I mentioned, I did the majority of my grieving for the “perfect” family unit that I wasn’t going to have before I became a mother. So, I started a family with no bitterness. Addison is grieving the family she wanted after the fact — and feels like she has no agency in the situation because her partner is not behaving in the way that she expected after many years together. And it’s all new and fresh for her — so it’s only natural for her to be in her feels about.
And I’ve also got some sympathy for Jeremy (assuming he’s not completely being a putz about his kids) because I know what it’s like to be a sole provider for my family — and also that prioritizing family over work sounds great on paper, but is sometimes easier said than done. He’s currently hot in a profession that sees more failures than it does successes. (That said, no one from the Academy will be holding his hand when he’s on his deathbed.)
For the sake of their kids, I hope they can work this out, even if they don’t stay married.
I feel like we don’t know, based on her post, how present Jeremy has been in their lives. If they separated he would be with them less, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not spending ANY time with them.
I imagine if you go from having a spouse living with you, there most days if only for a few hours to help share the child-raising, to being one whose spouse is absent even half the time or five days a week, it would be a really tough adjustment. Even if he takes them on the weekends, it’s tough.
I don’t know if Jeremy is an absent father. Maybe he is, but I am not going to assume that based on what she wrote. It could very well be that they share custody and she has them more than he does, because she’s living in the home they shared and they didn’t want to move the kids (she mentioned neighbors?) and he’s filming/working more right now.
I’ve been the primary caretaker when I was married and it was hard as fuck. It was lonely and exhausting and I just wanted a break sometimes. I’m now a single mother and that’s also hard as fuck. It’s also lonely and exhausting and I just want a break sometimes. It’s all hard and it’s not a competition as to who has it worse. I’m sure also that women with involved partners and co-parents sharing the joy and the work also have it hard as fuck sometimes too. We should all try to be compassionate about each other’s struggles.
I also want to say keep in mind that this is her perspective and she is totally allowed to be a little bitter or feel a bit sorry for herself, but it isn’t necessarily the whole story. Before everyone starts shit talking Jeremy Allen White as a deadbeat dad, uninvolved dad, whatever.
Parental struggles are not the Olympics where there can only be one winner. She’s clearly been the responsible parent for little kids for months and it is exhausting even with help. I hate to see that someone with some resources is not allowed to confess to being drained along with the wonderful parts of motherhood which she also mentions.
I enjoy that she thanked dry shampoo and pirate booty along with Urgent Care and the other moms who pick up her kids for their help in survival 🙂
Well said, Pinkosaurus. She may also be the “bad guy” parent. Whatever her exact situation, she clearly feels anger, disappointment and exhaustion, and those feelings are valid.
I felt the Pirate’s Booty thank you in my core, lol!
I’m sure it must be difficult raising two small children when your partner is on a film/TV set or doing promotional tours to promote the project they’re working on to provide financial support to the family, but I can’t imagine it being any different than what my own mother and millions of other military wives, who raised children on bare-boned budgets far from parents and siblings who could have provided emotional or child care support, while their partners are deployed in foreign countries. Except…those military wives didn’t have housekeepers or nannies in their employ to help them hold down the household.
Thank you!! I think these kinds of comparing to others to say how bad we have it makes it worse for those who have it really bad. One side you have ‘well just because you had it worse doesn’t discount my 9months of suffering and you guys should complain too’. But what that eventually does is get things right for the people who have it easier and increase the disparity between those who have it the worst. Real single parents do better when they can share their pain with people with similar experiences not people who have no idea and make it all about themselves and look down on why others can’t have it all together.
Yeesh, from the headline it sounded like he abandoned them, but really it’s just her sharing her experience post breakup, there’s no accusation that he’s absent their lives.
It has to be a tough situation for all, I hope they manage to find a way co-parent well and raise their kids the best way possible.
I feel bad for her and yes, family should be always the first priority (if you have one) but I also found her post on instagram extremely petty.
THIS. She was sending a message to somebody about something. Maybe in response to blind items online that suggest she cheated on him, she’s saying with this post “um, no. I’ve been dedicated to taking care of our two small children.” In any event, I found the post fascinating from a gossip perspective because from looking at her IG, it’s not like she posts a lot about every little thing in her life. This was a deliberate and considered post. The fact that she changed it from “single mom” to “co-parent” is also interesting. Did the husband say something to her? It’s all very gossipy.
Hmmm what’s interesting about her coming out with this on Mothers Day is that a few weeks ago per Deuxmoi there were rumblings that SHE cheated on him with someone she met on a film set through her best friend Dakota Johnson. Even juicier is that Dakota is the godmother to their kids and was a witness at their courthouse wedding.
This felt very on the nose to combat those narratives but it’s possible they both cheated on each other as well.
As someone who had the father of my children more often away than not for work I can sympathize with her feelings . And yes, we’re so grateful to our family, friends, neighbors and what not to be there to support us.
That said, if she’s been caring for the children alone for the last 9 months why they’re still ok at the Golden Globes? That was what, 4 months ago? If my husband had been MIA for 5 months I surely wouldn’t be singing any praises for him.
I don’t know Timlin’s work, but I’m a big fan of Jeremy White and The Bear and I find this piece of news so sad 🙁