Jonah Hill’s ex Sarah Brady reveals Jonah’s controlling emotional abuse

Jonah Hill was with Sarah Brady for several years, although no one really knows when they ended things. They were together as of February 2022, but then in August 2022, Jonah moved on with Olivia Millar. That was when Jonah and Olivia started getting pap’d together. Then in March of this year, we learned that Olivia and Jonah were expecting, and they welcomed their first child together in late May. This is just backstory: Sarah Brady is not the girlfriend who had a baby with Jonah, and Jonah and Sarah probably broke up more than a year ago. Well, now Brady is revealing what it was really like to date Jonah. Turns out, he’s a controlling emotional-abuser who misuses therapy-speak to dictate that his girlfriend shouldn’t be friends with men or pose in swimsuits (she’s a surfer) or model. Sarah Brady went on her IG Stories and posted tons of screenshots of some of the sh-t Jonah texted her during their relationship:

I know there are some younger women who read this site, and let me tell you something: run fast and far away from any man who sends you this kind of list of what they deem “unacceptable behavior.” Run away from men who claim that THEIR boundaries are about YOUR body. Beyond the fact of the emotional abuse and Jonah’s need to control and isolate Brady, the list simply reeks of his insecurity. He’s not man enough to be with a woman who has male friends. He’s not man enough to be with a surfer who models swimsuits. He’s not man enough to date a woman who has wild and fun female friends. Probably because those female friends will tell her: no, honey, this guy is a f–king douche. Jonah Hill is such a disappointment. Absolutely pathetic.

As I look through the other screenshots, from the very start of their relationship, he was controlling and trying to dictate what she posted on her IG, and how she dressed and he really didn’t want anyone to see her (a surfer) in swimwear. They also went to couples therapy together for at least four months and the therapist said some really crazy sh-t to Brady, like how she should just give in to Jonah’s demands that she never talk to other men, and that they needed a safe word for when Jonah was yelling at Sarah.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images, Sarah Brady’s IG.

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183 Responses to “Jonah Hill’s ex Sarah Brady reveals Jonah’s controlling emotional abuse”

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  1. seaflower says:

    Douche. And his therapist should be in front of a review board stat.

    • Laura-Lee MacDonald says:

      Indeed! Didn’t Hill make a questionable documentary with his therapist? Very suspicious of his therapist’s ethics.

      • HufflepuffLizLemon says:

        Agreed-that therapist is getting Jonah Hill’s money to tell Jonah Hill that Jonah Hill deserves to act like an entitled d-bag.

      • PixiePaperdoll says:

        The documentary was about his personal (male) therapist, not the (female) couples therapist referenced in the texts.

      • modee says:

        I saw this too, documentary is called “Stutz”

      • Agreatreckoning says:

        Yes, it was Stutz, not the couples therapist that obviously should not be a therapist.

    • snappyfish says:

      I’m confused…Did anyone think he WASN’T a Douche? He has always been one. He’s an entitled man-baby. Oh, he isn’t all that talented and is a world class nepo baby…yeah..I said it.

      • lisa says:

        ITA when has he not been creepy?

      • greenmonster says:

        Today I say something that usually makes my eyes roll if other people say it but now I know what they mean: I always had a feeling about him. I thought he is the type of guy, who couldn’t get with the girls he wanted when he was a teenager and therefore takes it out on women he got with later in life.

        Arm chair diagnosis: he still doesn’t like himself and therefore thinks that women are only attracted to him because he is famous and he hates them for it.

      • SummerMoomin says:

        The story I always remember about Jonah, and this is from years and years ago, was him shouting at his date because she went to the bathroom and left him sitting alone at their restaurant table. Apparently sitting alone made him look bad and her job was to make him look good. Ever since then I’ve thought he was a nightmare person.

      • BlueNailsBetty says:

        @GreenMonster SAME. He has always pinged my asshole radar.

      • freddy says:

        And pals with Leonardo DiCaprio…birds of a feather flock together…

      • Coco says:

        Wow never heard of that story before and it’s definitely a pattern with him .

      • BothSidesNow says:

        @ SummerMoomin, I remember that public tantrum he had!! This is a perfect example of how controlling he was/is as it’s 🚩🚩🚩!! He is apparently still emotionally stunted and incapable of having a healthy, loving and respectful relationship with women.

      • Laura says:

        Thank you, this is what I was saying. He’s always been a man-baby.

      • I agree with you Snappyfish. I LOL’d when he wrote about “Respect”, how he respects her yet respects himself – LOL that’s Rich!!! He Loathes himself and takes it out on his partner. Apparently Dr. Stern forgot to identify his low self esteem.

      • Deering24 says:

        And guys like this often have major problems with their mothers as well. Which is why they think they need self-esteem boosts from women–but hate women for “making them weak.”

      • lucy2 says:

        He’s always inexplicably bugged me. Every time one of these AH’s is revealed, I’m like “I knew it!” Few of them have surprised me.

  2. Laura-Lee MacDonald says:

    Sometimes I’m surprised when we learn about a star being a horrid douche, but I am not here. I believe that he’s the worst. Ugh!! He sounds like my ex. Any of them, pick one. I was with so many turds. My kids have positive, loving, respectful relationships. Not a douche in sight for them. It’s my greatest delight as their mom. The cycle is broken!!! I hope Sarah keeps riding high and catching glorious waves with her true friends and lovers.

    • Bettyrose says:

      ITA. I dated a guy exact like this for two years in my early twenties so I sense controlling BS pretty quickly. Dude was studying to be a psychologist and he was a master of gaslighting and manipulation. The worst part is that I was more or less estranged from my family, I wasn’t surrounding myself with the best people, and I was an easy target to be isolated and controlled. Those texts from Jonah actually bring back a lot of feelings.

  3. Gravi Tas says:

    Jonah can set boundaries for Jonah’s behaviour. Demanding that a surfing professional not display swimwear surf images, or hang out with friends, or acknowledge male surfers is insecure controlling, mega red flag behaviour.

    • Slush says:

      This. It’s also pretty insidious because ~in theory~ it is acceptable to set boundaries for behavior you’re willing to accept from your partner. However, what’s ~unacceptable~ is to pursue and date a surfer and then set the boundary that she not be a surfer. It’s such typical narcissistic bullshi*t, setting up your partner to fail some insane test.

      • PixiePaperdoll says:

        So very much this!

      • Bettyrose says:

        Setting boundaries is about behavior towards you. I set boundaries with my spouse early in our relationship that cliche jokes about the old ball and chain at my expense weren’t going to fly. He never did it again. I don’t set boundaries about how he dresses or who he talks to. Because those aren’t boundaries. That’s manipulation and control.

    • [insert_catchy_name] says:

      Let’s be real here: even if she wasn’t a surfing professional these demands are mega red flag behaviour.

  4. HufflepuffLizLemon says:

    If anyone talks to you like this, look for the door. Carefully, because honestly, this is the kind of shit that escalates. See how he’s blaming her for his behaviors and feelings?

    • PunkyMomma says:

      Yes. This is one step away from a slap in the face with the “you made me do it” accusation. RUN!

      • HufflepuffLizLemon says:

        I started to write out a bunch of examples and thought it might be a bit dramatic but:
        ” If you had stayed home, I wouldn’t be so upset.”
        “If you had dressed more modestly*, that guy wouldn’t have looked at you.”
        “if you hadn’t upset me, I wouldn’t have punched the wall”
        “if you hadn’t yelled at me, I wouldn’t have hit you. It’s my trauma response.”

        *the word modestly coming out of the mouth of a man re: your dress should just be considered a red flag unless there is amazing context.

      • Giddy says:

        @PunkyMomma, that sounds like my ex: “Why do you make me hurt you?”

    • Persephone says:

      YIPES. I have to agree 💯.

      • Whyforthelovel says:

        Yeah he screams sociopath vibes here. Those red flags are literally smacking you in the face!!! And make me wonder if he wishes he could too

    • SophieJara says:

      YES. And he’s picking women who have less power than him. My son was born in May and I was pregnant in August, so that means his new partner got pregnant somewhere between immediately and really fast (if there was no overlap. I am very worried for her.

      • BlueNailsBetty says:

        His new partner was also 25 when they got together. I think Jonah is trying to be like Leo (who he worships) with the young age requirement of the women he dates.

        Also, it will be interesting when he and the new partner break up. I suspect Jonah will go the Brad Pitt (who he also worships) route and he’ll drag her through the mud and the courts and make her life a living hell (but I really hope I’m wrong on that).

      • BothSidesNow says:

        @ BlueNailsBetty, this isn’t going to end well for Olivia nor their child. We can see that Jonah has a type and it’s always someone that doesn’t have the experience nor the tools to deal with someone like him. I feel very bad for Olivia as I can’t imagine that Jonah will make any attempts at becoming a full grown healthy and supportive partner OR father for that matter!

      • Coco says:

        @ BothSidesNow

        I agree we’ve already seen that he weaponize his psychiatrist and therapy to help manipulate his partner.

  5. Barbara says:

    I feel old and jaded. Just looking at him you can tell he’s an emotional dictator who’d figure out a person’s weak points and exploit them. Any single one of those texts would have had me telling to fuck off and deleting his number.

    • SIde Eye says:

      I’m right there with you Barbara. Another issue i see is that therapist should lose their license.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        Yup @ SIde Eye!! That therapist should be looked into as she was feeding his abusive, narcissistic and misogynistic behaviours.

      • BeanieBean says:

        Yes! Four months with that therapist?? So glad Sarah is living free now. JH is despicable.

      • Bee says:

        She is probably in hiding right now! Can you even imagine this coming out and you’re the therapist? It would be mortifying. She’s totally in the wrong here too. She should take a break and read up on the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath spectrum. We’ll probably never find out, but I hope she can learn from this. And not do it again.

  6. TarteAuCitron says:

    They want the hot babe as a trophy to prove to their other knuckle-dragger mates this is the standard of babe they can pull.

    They don’t actually want her to stay the cool, sexy babe though. Imagine if she asked him to stop kissing co-stars for a movie. She’d be told to keep her nose out of it.

    God, I hate that this douchey bro culture is so openly popular. OTOH it is a good thing if it means it opens womens’ eyes to these patterns.

    • Kris says:

      Sarah actually posted a text exchange where she mentioned to Jonah that he’d be kissing a beautiful accomplished woman in a film, but it was fine because she trusted him, and he said something like “it’s for a scene AT WORK!” as if her surf photos weren’t work. Such an absurd double standard.

      • manda says:

        This reminds me of the weird thing with that movie he recently had on netflix, You People. He and his love interest in the film do not kiss, and at the end, it’s like cgi’d or something. Very strange

    • Rapunzel says:

      I’d say it’s a power trip on his part. He intentionally chose a woman who he knew from the start was doing things he didn’t want in a partner. All so he could brag he “changed” her. He wants to be able to say he can make his woman submit. It’s sadistic, really.

      He knew who this woman was when they started, and chose her and then tried to get her to stop doing what he was fully aware she was doing and didn’t mind when he chose to date her. This is RUN behavior, for sure.

    • Another Anna says:

      A part of me wonders of this is related to his body image issues. The remotest part of me has sympathy because that can trigger some wild feelings.

      But that is never never never a reason to behave like this. Kaiser said it so eloquently: if someone says their boundaries are about your body – RUN. I hope Sarah is doing well and putting up all the instagram pics she wants.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        Sarah is showing their conversations and she had repeatedly apologized to him for overstepping his boundaries. But I am glad that she walked away.

        As Kaiser mentioned, Sarah is being brutally attacked in her IG comments!! It’s utterly disgusting and that she is being punished for Jonah’s misogynistic behaviour. I can’t believe that there are women out there supporting his abuse!! If you are inclined, please send some love to Sarah because she could use it!!

  7. Eurydice says:

    Yeah, this is an instant red flag. She could easily “respect his boundaries” by just walking away, but he means “accept my boundaries.”

    • Bee says:

      Those are not boundaries. Those are rules. Boundaries are about you, rules are telling someone else what to do. He means “accept these rules.”

    • HeatherC says:

      A boundary would be “Don’t post pictures of ME in a swimsuit on your IG.” Not don’t post a picture of yourself in a swimsuit on your IG while showcasing your work as a surfer.

  8. TeamAwesome says:

    The first thing I saw about this was a fabulous post by @therapyjeff on Instagram, who is a delightful follow, btw. The gaslight is bright in all of this. I am sure Jonah is as insecure as they come, but she’s a professional surfer. Would he have preferred her in a victorian swimming costume at an all lady beach?

  9. Naomi says:

    Just want to point out that her being a surfer is beside the point. Whether you surf or swim for work or pleasure you should be able to wear and post whatever you want. Like it doesn’t matter at all what you do for a living. If you want to post a bikini pic and you’re a delivery truck driver your partner should support that.

    • Turtledove says:

      Absolutely Naomi!

      In many ways, the fact that she IS a surfer makes this all the more an absurd situation, but you are right. No one should be setting “boundaries” FOR their partners bodies, regardless of that person’s job.

      One of my first boyfriends in high school was incredibly abusive and he was like this, wanted me in oversized clothes all the time, I can’t even imagine what he would have done if I put on a bikini. He only got worse and it was really scary.

  10. Denise says:

    Ladies, Sarah is getting absolutely shredded in her Instagram comments. If you’d like to show her support, post a supportive comment for her, it will mean a lot for women who are experiencing something similar and feeling shamed for it

    • LadyAlbert says:

      The comments on her Instagram are awful.

    • greenmonster says:

      Those comments are awful. Someone even reported Sarah for harrasment and bullying – for speaking about her experiences! And once again THIS is why women often don’t speak up.

    • Gruey says:

      I kinda feel bad for the women supporting him. They haven’t learned yet, or are trying suppress grief at their own abusive situation. You cannot out-modest a man like this. Ladies, trying to win at this shit is digging your own grave (literally). You will NEVER appease him.

      • Kim says:

        …and they have internalized misogyny and hate other women who disrupt the patriarchal order. Disgusting. My heart goes out to Sarah.

    • Jaded says:

      It’s like women who have been raped and then get blamed for it. “You were dressed too provocatively” or “You were drunk and led him on”. No wonder I’m not on social media…SMH.

    • Emily says:

      The amount of men defending Jonah is disturbing.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        It’s actually mostly women! I simply can’t grasp that women are this complicit with Jonah’s misogyny and his abusive tactics.

      • Golly Gee says:

        I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought bots to swarm her Instagram to try and control her behavior and do damage control for his reputation.

      • Kristin says:

        Yeah, the fact that it’s mostly women defending him is what breaks my heart the most. It reminds me of when Chris Brown nearly beat Rihanna to death. The majority of Chris Brown apologists were actually women.

    • February Pisces says:

      I haven’t seen her Instagram yet. But I’m sick of sycophantic fans who support celebrities blindly for no reason. Because Jonah is an actor who has been in films you might like, doesn’t excuse his sh*tty behaviour. Does being a famous actor make him a saint who can do no wrong? No. If anything celebrities behave way worse, because they are never held accountable.

    • SarahCS says:

      Thanks for suggesting this. I tried to avoid reading too many of the other comments and wow, what is wrong with people? This poor woman, sending her all the love and strength.

    • Fabiola says:

      I wonder why she decided to post all this now?

      • Wendy says:

        She’s said in her IG stories a few times that she’s posting all this now because:

        1. It took her a while to recognize that what had happened to her was emotional abuse, not that she was defective at relationships because she couldn’t honor his “boundaries”
        2. after she saw the light, she sat on the info for a while longer because his current partner was pregnant and she didn’t want to bear the emotional burden of potentially fucking up another woman’s pregnancy with stress-induced illness
        3. She got tired AF of being asked about him and feeling like she needed to protect his image by pretending that nothing had happened

  11. A says:

    “He’s not man enough to be with a woman who has male friends. He’s not man enough to be with a surfer who models swimsuits. He’s not man enough to date a woman who has wild and fun female friends.”

    I don’t know if any of this has anything to do with Jonah Hill being “man enough” or not. This was a person who made demands of others that are deeply misguided and unfair, and then tried to justify it to themselves and others using their own personal insecurities.

    Everyone has insecurities. But it’s not the responsibility of the people in one’s life to make 100% of the effort when it comes to addressing and moving past one’s insecurities, which is exactly what Jonah Hill seems to have expected here. He expected her to do all of the work, to make all of the changes, to make him feel better, when that’s neither fair, let alone something that was on her to do.

    He had his own responsibility when it came to managing his own insecurities, and he seems to have taken absolutely none of that effort on for himself. You can also get the sense from those texts that he’s trying desperately hard to sound “””reasonable”””” when what he really wanted was to just scream at his ex and forbid her from doing any of those things on his list.

    It’s also not at all surprising that couples counseling went the way it did. I’ve always been told that, if you’re in a relationship where you feel like your partner is controlling or like you’re being emotionally abused, it’s better to not go to couples counseling at all. Those are not issues that can be solved through couples counseling. The better solution is to go for individual counseling on your own, to sort out your own feelings and emotions about what’s going on and the relationship at hand.

    It’s also a bad idea to advise emotional abusers to go for individual counseling on their own, or to otherwise compel them to go for someone else’s sake, rather than their own motivation. Bc what winds up happening is exactly what’s seen here–people like that just learn how to co-opt the language of therapy to further continue what they’re doing. While I can understand the reason why so many people feel compelled to try and get people like this some type of help, everyone would be far better off if, in these types of situations, with these types of people, they just put their time and energy towards helping themselves instead.

    • bisynaptic says:

      This. Therapese makes narcissists more dangerous.

      • Foxie says:

        My ex husband did exactly this Game plan. This is how super intelligent folks try to hide their gaslighting and how dare you contradict them because you are lesser than they in their eyes. I’m not super surprised that a member of the p3ssy posse is a turd

    • Jaded says:

      Therapy rarely works with people who have this kind of disorder. This is a person who takes pleasure in undermining other people with his controlling behavior, someone with a uncontrollable desire to dictate the order of things in a relationship. People like JH are cold, calculating, intelligent and wily, and learn to outsmart their therapists because at heart they are manipulative narcissists. So they hide behind their “therapese” to flatter and cajole their therapist onto their side while continuing to crush the life out of a romantic partner. Many years ago I got involved with one of these monsters, as many of you CBers have, and when I finally got away from him it took me a couple of years to become “me” again instead of an empty shell. I wish Sarah Brady healing and happiness now that she’s done with this bastard and I hope his latest partner doesn’t fall prey to his bullshit.

    • Sandra says:

      Well said. He literally used the couples counseling as a weapon against her. The therapist became another abuser.

      • Giddy says:

        In my 20’s I was in a first unhappy marriage. I mentioned that I was going to go to therapy, and he said he would go with me to couples therapy if I would cancel my private appointment. The couples therapist absolutely became another abuser. The first words out of his mouth were that he usually found that the main reason marriages failed was if the wife refused to perform oral sex on her husband. “Do you do that for him Giddy, or are you too selfish?” I was embarrassed to the point of tears and he declared that I was hopeless and not worth his time. A friend of mine told me years later that he said the exact same thing to her. Bastard.

      • BeanieBean says:

        @Giddy: I had a similar experience in my late teens. I was having some trouble adjusting in college (bigger issues than that, really) & the counsellor advised I go to the university therapist. I swear, within the first five minutes the guy is asking me about my sex life, which made me feel so uncomfortable! I never went back & eventually dropped out of college.

      • Marietta2381 says:

        @ Sandra & @ Giddy – I actually had the opposite experience in couples therapy. I had an emotionally, physically, mentally, & sexually abusive (now ex) husband. The therapist took my side IN EVERYTHING. He was PISSED. He was a narcissist. Our therapist was the whole reason I was able to leave. I must be one of the only ones here who received support and love out of couples counseling. Either that, or the CBers here had horrible therapists. Side note, it was a woman therapist.

  12. B says:

    Any pearl clutching about modesty is so funny coming from Jonah Hill regardless of the details.
    Let us all review his IMBD page…..
    I understand that people can grow and change, but, it seems like a consistent arc.

  13. ThatsNotOkay says:


    He’s buddies with Leo, right? Shocker. Suggesting it’s his way or the highway, but he still respects her choices if she wants to be a ho and disrespect him. Using therapy buzzwords to undermine her sense of self and confidence, and making it seem like she is not supporting and valuing him if she doesn’t behave exactly as he needs her to to inflate his ego because he’s eternally insecure.

  14. Sue says:

    I hate that this therapist is giving therapists a bad name. Not only run from men like Jonah but run from therapists like this. There ARE good men and good therapists out there.

    • Sue E Generis says:

      In my experience, a capable therapist is the exception, not the rule.

      • Sue says:

        I’ve had to change therapists before. It’s definitely not fun when you’re feeling awful but worth it when you find the right fit.

      • BeanieBean says:

        I found a great therapist on my second try. It’s not that the first one was bad exactly, but we didn’t jibe & I needed someone who could prescribe meds. If it’s not working for you, definitely move on. It is tough, yes, talking with a stranger (initially) about really serious deep personal issues, but worth it. This one that Sarah & Jonah went to? Terrible! Red flags everywhere!! He probably picked her.

      • Mcmmom says:

        Sue – I’ve had really good luck with therapists, but I had to do a lot of research to find them. I went to couples counseling with my ex and I really liked the therapist, but my ex was convinced that he was flirting with me and we didn’t make much progress. The therapist was a sweet grandfather type and the idea that he was flirting would have been laughable if it wasn’t such a sad accusation because it showed how disconnected my ex and I were.

      • Kristin says:

        When I was in my late 20s, I was dumped by the man I thought I would marry and found out I was infertile in the same month. I plunged into a depression so severe I was legitimately contemplating suicide. At my mother’s urging, I went to see a therapist. I shit you not, he spoke to me for 20 minutes and then GAVE ME A DVD TO TAKE HOME AND WATCH. It’s a miracle I didn’t off myself that night! I never went back.

    • dlc says:

      Are there good men out there? Really? Because honestly, every man I’ve ever been close to has at least some controlling/closet misogynistic traits. I think it is institutional sexism, much like institutional racism. Both are baked into our culture.

  15. Jen says:

    I usually agree with the consensus on this site and so I’m trying to get where you guys are. We all say crappy things when we are breaking up. She’s selecting the crappy things he said to show he’s a bad guy awhile after they broke up. Maybe he is a bad guy but are we sure we are ready to draw that conclusion based on these texts? Maybe you guys know he’s done other bad things and I’m behind. Could she be flirtatious with other guys and he can’t handle it. Is it the thought that everyone should be comfortable being in a relationship with someone who flirts with other people? I don’t know if I would care if my husband did that but I’m not sure I think everyone has to be ok with that. I also read in this tests a list of things that he’s communicating as he’s exiting the relationship. The way I’m reading this, he’s like I don’t want these things but you’re free to do them just not with me. Does she have a right to be with him. I am sorry if these questions are offensive. I am not trying to offend just trying to understand the perspective and what I’m missing.

    • Libra says:

      Too many unknowns here. His version, her version and what really went down.

      • BothSidesNow says:

        @ Libra, be that as it may, there was one exchange in which Sarah apologized to Jonah for having overstepped his “boundaries” and she took the blame for what she did. I think that it’s safe to assume that he was much more controlling and abusive than these texts imply.

        I’m glad that Sarah is free from this douche bag but Jonah is who he is and nothing will change him. Now I fear that his new GF will also be beholden to his set of “boundaries” as well.

    • Eurydice says:

      I don’t know about “bad guy”, but there aren’t a lot of ways to interpret his list of demands – they seem pretty clear cut. And given that they went to couples therapy over these demands, it don’t sound like only an “exit.” A lot of men can’t accept that women can have friendships with other men – they see everything from the point of flirtation, sex and territory – and this particular list sounds very controlling. In any case, they’re not together anymore.

      • Gruen says:

        Policing which female friends he deems too “unstable” is the opposite of clear cut. And it’s scary. Guessing that any friend who warned her about his controlling behavior was gonna get banned as too “unstable” real quick.

      • Eurydice says:

        @Gruen – when I said “clear cut” I meant that it was clear to me that he was judging what she should do and whom she should see. I don’t know what she said, but the things he said were clear controlling rules if she wanted to stay in the relationship.

    • Kat says:

      If he needed her to conform to a laundry list of demands in order to be with her, that was his signal that he should just leave. Threatening to leave unless someone makes drastic changes to their life is controlling and abusive imo. These sound like threats to breakup not actual breakup texts to me.

    • JM says:

      I’ve dated my share of losers and none of them have tried to police my body, job, or friends. Regardless of literally anything we aren’t seeing, these texts are NOT normal and are NOT healthy. He’s a loser.

    • greenmonster says:

      To quote someone from Twitter ” he took his own insecurities, rebranded them into healthy boundaries, made them into her problem and then passive-aggressively threatened to end things if she didn’t change her whole life…” He didn’t want her to be FRIENDS with other men – nothing said about being flirtatious. He could not handle her being friends with men because he is deeply insecure. He has to work on those insecurities and not ask her to change her friendships.

    • Jen says:

      Is the point he’s not allowed to police her choices? He definitely sounds like a guy who has a particular outlook on what he wants and it wouldn’t be my choice. But philosophically, is he entitled to have his choices and if she doesn’t like it, she can leave? Example: if he were a certain religion there might be dress requirements for that religion. Would he be wrong saying to anyone he dated, you need to follow these requirements otherwise I am not comfortable? I don’t require that you do these things but to be with me, you have to? Does he have that right or is that behavior by definition controlling and/or narcissistic or other definitions. I am kind of asking a question about religious and cultural and political choices. Like I am not a person who espouses conservative views but do other people have the right to do that and say that their spouse has to follow? I completely understand the concept of free choice in that if I, as a spouse, don’t like those things, I must be free to leave. And financial or physical or emotional abuse should not be used to keep me in a relationship where I do not agree to the “requirements” whether they be cultural, political or religious.

      • greenmonster says:

        The point is, he can’t set boundaries for her. He can only set them for himself. If he can’t handle a woman who has male friends or is friends with women with a wild past (what does that even mean?!?) or is posing in bathing suits HE needs to end this relationship or work on HIS insecurities. What he can’t do is suggesting or demanding his partner to change any of this to be with him.

        In his texts he is not communicating his boundaries, he is setting rules for her. Huge difference.

      • MadMangoMal says:

        The point is she is a professional surfer. He pursued her as such using a picture of her surfing. He doesn’t then get to tell her she can’t wear her uniform and speak to her male colleagues.

      • poppedbubble says:

        Had to say one more thing. The point is no one should EVER try to change their partner. This is not putting things in the dishwasher a different way. This is wanting her to change everything about herself. Who she hangs out with, what she wears, how she acts. He knew all of this when they first started dating. If it wasn’t for him he should have bounced.

      • Gruey says:

        Here’s one huge problem with the “well these are just his needs” thinking (other than religion being a patriarchal system that provides an excuse structure to abuse women in this exact way) is that…why did he start dating her? She’s a model. A surfer. He slid into her dm’s because of her sexy pics. She was 24. He was 39. Honestly it seems like he targeted her as a shiny object and then policed her for those very things. He’s also not just dictating who her male friends but also her FEMALE friends are and how she can interact with them? He’s reserving the right to reject her female friends if he deems them unstable? That is a major red flag for isolating your abuse victim.

      • salmonpuff says:

        And um, yes, it is wrong to impose your religious requirements on a partner who doesn’t share that religion or wish to adhere to those requirements! Your partner is not an extension of yourself. They are an autonomous individual with the right to conduct themselves how they wish. If he didn’t like how she was conducting herself, it was on him to leave or not date her in the first place.

      • Blithe says:

        Your questions lost me once you started talking about his “right”. You’re also framing things in “religious, cultural, and political “ terms — where I might see personal and even pathological issues.

        If someone has “religious, cultural, and political….requirements “ I’d suggest that the healthiest way to handle these “requirements “ is to be upfront and open about these “requirements “ and to seek out potential partners who share them.
        That’s very different from what’s depicted in these texts.

      • Eurydice says:

        Yes, the point is that he’s not allowed to police her choices. He has the right to have requirements for a relationship and if she doesn’t meet them then he can move on to someone else he finds more suitable. But once he made the choice to get into a relationship (evidently, ignoring his personal rules about modesty, etc.), then she had rights in the relationship, too.

      • Tan says:

        DO NOT DATE a baddie if u can’t handle it. The world has a ton of women who want to be modest and think of their partners needs before their own – Jonah could have dated women that fit that criteria in the first place. But dating a woman whose whole job and image and identity he disapproves of so he can then re mould her to suit his image is abusive, petty etc. His need to control her is not a boundary it’s abuse and let’s not forget he’s a front facing movie star – ick – with more power and clout than she has.

      • lee says:

        i think the issue that JH is an famous, wealthy, adult man who decided to pursue a romantic relationship with a surfer, then, once she was emotionally invested in him, he set forth a list of demands that, should she refuse to comply, would lead him to end the relationship. his list of demands – or “the boundaries he needs to feel safe” /eyeroll forever/ – are essentially a coercive control checklist. he attempted to set forth rules about (1) what she can wear, (2) who she can speak to, (3) where she can go, etc. if a romantic partner engages in a pattern of coercive control, it is ABUSE. what this woman has revealed is that JH is an abuser. she’s doing a service to all women in the future, letting every woman know exactly who he is. the most upsetting thing now is that he has a new partner who he has a baby with, and once you introduce a child into the mix, a partner who engages in patterns of abuse that includes coercive control, the child is going to be just one more weapon that the abuser can wield against her. i hope both women (his ex, and his new partner) have a lot of support

    • Nicki says:

      I was thinking the same thing…

    • tolly says:

      These are not breakup texts. The exchanges took place over several months while they were still together. If this were a single unhinged screed about modesty after their relationship ended, it would be weird but a lot less disturbing (like “phew, dodged a bullet there girl”).

    • Gruey says:

      He wanted to limit her female friends. Maybe because it’s at the end of the lists it’s not getting as much emphasis. But I’m guessing any friend who tried to help her was instantly branded “unstable” and forbidden because of his “boundaries.”

    • Anony vas Normandy says:

      Their therapist gave her a safeword to use when he was screaming at her. FOH with this shit take.

    • Jaded says:

      @Jen — He is a deeply f*cked up man, period. He’s a chubby, schlubby guy who’s managed to parlay his particular “look” into a solid acting career, but at heart he’s still an angry, insecure man-child who, when he gets into a relationship with a woman who is attractive and accomplished, then starts trying to tear her down and diminish her talents. Any man who won’t let his partner have women friends, or speak to another man, or get photographed in a bathing suit despite her being a world class surfer, is a sick, sick man – there’s no two ways about it.

    • BlueNailsBetty says:

      Jonah was 39 when he slid in the DMs of a 25 year old surfer model using a sexy ass shot she posted in IG along with a “hey”.

      At some point, he became controlling and demanded the surfer model remove all surfer model swimsuit photos, stop posting surfer model swimsuit photos, and stop talking to men (even if it was at her surfer model work).

      He also lectured her on how he “doesn’t date models” (lol) and wanted her to stop being a model because she’s “better than that”.

      All the while Jonah used therapy speak to gaslight the woman he chased into dimming her light.

      Jonah absolutely wanted to control this woman.

      After they broke up (she dumped him) he immediately started dating a much younger woman (than him) and immediately got her pregnant. Both of those actions show he was desperately trying to control something/someone. Also, don’t at me about suggesting the new woman wanted to get pregnant. Maybe she did, but it’s irrelevant to this story. What is relevant is that Jonah went 39+ years of being careful and the second his hot ass surfer model dumped him he suddenly got someone pregnant. He is desperate to prove his power and masculinity and impregnating women is one way abusers prove their “manliness”.

      So yeah, Jonah is a bad guy. A very, very bad guy. He’s a controlling narcissist. I’m horrified for the new woman and their baby and I hope they have support outside of Jonah so when that relationship goes sour she has people who will help her get out of it.

    • BeanieBean says:

      He doesn’t voice concerns about her flirting with other men, he voices concerns about her talking with other men. You’re really not getting it.

  16. Becks1 says:

    These texts are so disturbing. It’s the way he is trying to rationalize his controlling behavior…’s just so…..cold, IDK. I never really doubted he was an ahole, but this is a level beyond what I would have guessed.

  17. Beth says:

    Oh yuck, I’m so glad she’s not with him anymore, and good for her for putting these texts out there! He’s going to have a meltdown about it I bet, just reading those texts tells me he doesn’t like not being in control. I feel vindicated in irrationally hating him since he started acting and avoiding all his work like the plague.

  18. Brassy Rebel says:

    They’re wearing identical suits in the top pic. Now that’s controlling behavior!

    Someone needs to reveal the name of that therapist from hell.

    • B says:

      Yes the therapists last name is not enough. It’s not that uncommon of a last name and LA is a big place.

      Also identical outfits is what you do with your two small children, not grown adults.

    • Bee says:

      Yeah I thought the suits were cute until I read the texts.

      DIsappointing but unsurprising that even here there are comments twisting as hard as they can to rationalise this bs.

    • BeanieBean says:

      Identical down to the number of pins! I thought it was cute the first time I saw that photo, now I see it in a whole ‘nother light.

  19. Ladybird02 says:

    He just sounds like a guy with narcissistic personality disorder who’s been to enough therapy that he now uses it in his own interest. This is not surprising information from a narcissist, and it’s absolutely not surprise that an actor is this self obsessed.

  20. Ellie says:

    I’m so curious about Hollywood therapists. Everyone in that town is somewhat blinded by fame and actors are used to being surrounded by ”yes-men”. Many would probably refuse to see a therapist who really challenges them. It seems that is 100% what is going on here. Jonah hasn’t made any real progress, he’s just learned to use fancy therapy words.

  21. Well the bullied is now a bully. You would think he would know better but nope.

  22. meli says:

    People, don’t have any serious discussions/arguments over text. Not because someone might screenshot it, but because it is incredibly unhealthy and will only make things worst.

    That’s all.

    • BlueNailsBetty says:

      Counterpoint: if you think something is wrong or your partner is being abusive then using texts is a good way to get clarity as well as documenting the abuse.

      Sharing the texts with a close friend you can trust is also a way of preserving the record if, god forbid, anything happens to you (disappearance, murder).

  23. JM says:

    One of the screenshots I saw say she emotionally supported him through their break up for 6 months until he got his new girl pregnant. That would put the break up around oct 2022. Also I’m glad she’s putting all this out there and I hope some young girls are reading and learning these red flags.

    • Nicki says:

      I my take from the release of these messages is that she is still emotionally invested. I have never been in a controlling relationship so would not know whether this is a way of healing … Glad he has moved on, I hope she finds peace and joy in her next relationship

      • Magdalena says:

        Nicki, This is SUCH a problematic take that I don’t know where to begin… SMH. Best wishes to you if it ever happens. JM, I too, hope that women out there- young and old- are learning these red flags. As the great Oprah once said years ago on a similar topic: “If your gut tells you something is wrong, RUN.”

      • Blithe says:

        My take is that it can take a long time and a lot of support to untangle yourself and to rebuild after being involved in an emotionally abusive relationship. That’s not the same as being “emotionally invested”. One good thing about these posts is that, as @Magdalena and @JM and others have said, they will give a clarifying heads up to women and girls who will recognize similar red flags and “RUN” — hopefully before they get entangled in ways that diminish their ability to trust and value themselves.

        FWIW, I don’t think that it’s only men who do this to women, but men are often supported in this by patriarchal systems and cultural institutions.

      • Nicki says:

        I accept my take is incorrect.. is this part of the healing process ? why would be the driver for doing this ? please accept that I am not coming from a place of judgement. my communication may be clumsy. for that I apologise

      • Blithe says:

        @Nicki: Some possibilities: It can be very healing and freeing to openly describe your own experiences, and to be an active agent in sharing and owning your own story. It can be very validating to hear from others that you are not wrong, or crazy, or even disrespectful in your own behavior, values, perceptions and feelings. It can be very healing to connect with others who understand and share your circumstances. It can be very healing and motivating to seek to use the lessons learned from your own pain and confusion and loss of confidence to help others avoid similar problems.

        Obviously I don’t know this woman or anything about her beyond these posts, but the things I’ve suggested are not uncommon.

        I’ll also include—as a caveat — that this type of openness often does not take place when someone has genuine safety concerns re: the risk of additional abuse following open disclosures.

      • lee says:

        it’s a really common step for victims coming out of a highly coercive / controlling relationship. its about reclaiming a voice that has been silenced by either fear or threats. it’s about speaking your truth. it can be an important part of the process, not necessarily a sign that someone is still emotionally entangled with the abuser.

  24. Dani says:

    Wow, what an abusive douche. And now he is a parent. Ugh. I hope he doesn’t have a daughter.

  25. Ana Maria says:

    I agree with all of you, but I’m curious: does anyone knows why she is making all of this public?

    • Gruey says:

      Idk but I’m glad she is. Women need to talk to each other. We need to arm each other with abuser-literacy. Even with the people defending him, there are so many intelligent people analyzing why this is deeply abusive (and frankly the defenses are all some version of: “nuh uh” “two sides to every story” “she’s an attention whore slut”). Even if one woman recognizes her own situation in this and gets up the nerve to leave, it’s worth it

    • lee says:

      she’s likely doing this for a combination of reasons which could include (1) part of a healing process, (2) explaining to her community her uncharacteristic behavior over the past months/years, and/or (3) warning future victims. i’m glad she’s doing it, and i’m glad she’s naming names.

  26. telly says:

    He considers Brad Pitt a good friend and role model – enough said.

  27. HeyJude says:

    Why did he even get into a relationship with this person if he didn’t like anything about her? What she wears, her job culture, her friends? What. A. Douche.

    • Jaded says:

      Because men like him lure women in but actually get off on controlling them. His ego is clearly so fragile that he can’t admire any of her accomplishments, beauty and talent. Her only use is to make him look good.

  28. LIONE says:

    She’s a surfer and wasn’t allowed to surf with men.
    Jonah’s an actor and was allowed to act with women.
    She can’t post swim suit photos (which is probably a part of her job). He can post whatever he wants.

    Yeah. He’s a narcissist alright.
    I already thought he was based on his previous behavior, but hey. Here’s proof!

  29. Chlo says:

    Saying you respect someone or something doesn’t mean you actually do.

  30. Andrea says:

    I am getting flashbacks from an ex I dated for 4 months in my mid 20s. He was 11 years older than me and divorced because his wife cheated on him with his brother and ran off to be with his brother. He didnt like me wearing makeup, nail polish, or having male friends. He claimed he went to therapy in the past and that it was 6 years ago since his breakup, but he clearly was intimidated by dating a woman he perceived as pretty who may leave him for another man. I ultimately ditched him because of his controlling behavior. He went on to marry a tomboy looking girl that I suppose was safe in his eyes.

  31. Diana B says:

    My mom’s hot take: “He has a right to have a preference and is voicing it in a respectful maner and if she can’t meet it, he tells her no hard feelings” 🙄🙄🙄🙄

    And this is a very liberated feminist woman. I’m appalled.

    • Ange says:

      I’ve seen so many hot takes like that, it really is disappointing. Aside from the ridiculousness of being attracted to and getting with someone who does all those things and then demanding they stop, he didn’t even say all this at the start of the relationship. He said it far enough in where he knew she was emotionally invested and more likely to acquiesce to stay together. It’s so skeevy and manipulative.

  32. Sean says:

    Reading these texts yesterday was a wild ride. So many thoughts…

    Wearing matching suits to the “Don’t Look Up” premiere. After reading these text exchanges, it makes me think of those pictures in a different perspective. Did he have them wear matching SUITS because it would appear “cute” and “couplely” on the surface but in actuality was his way of controlling how much of her body she’d be showing/what she wore? I think so.

    The texts “I was so lovely to you” and “I literally am the best boyfriend On earth”. Oh boy. Where to start? The ego. The victim complex. The NICE GUY complex. I’m glad she’s away from him now. I feel like these text messages should be studied and taught. I’m not a psychologist so I won’t call Jonah a narcissist, however these messages are very narcissistic in nature. He’s trying to make Sarah see herself as an abuser.

    The age difference. He’s 12 years older than her. They met when she was in her early 20s and he in his late 30s. In many cases, 12 years is not a huge deal. If she were in her late 20s or her 30s when they met, I feel like it’d be different. A man closing in on 40 dating a very young 20-something woman is doing so because women his own age are less likely to tolerate his BS and he knows it. When you’re still in your early 20s, you’re legally an adult but there’s still so much you don’t know and building life experience. These men go after younger women because they want someone they can manipulate.

    The fame disparity. Jonah Hill is an A-list movie star. Sarah is a surf instructor. He may have “fallen” for her because she doesn’t have the same amount of “power” as he does. I think she’s very brave for posting her experience online. It’s also been amazing to see many women voicing their own, similar experiences in response. Also, of course other men (and women) are coming to Jonah’s defense. Because they’re fans of his and don’t want to see the truth. Because they know, deep down they’re guilty of the same actions/viewpoints but don’t want to admit it. Because toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny can be self-perpetuating

    I also think it’s interesting that despite being a multi-millionaire A-list movie star who probably gets women throwing themselves at him just for those qualities alone, Jonah is still an insecure little boy underneath it all. Just like Chris Rock. Just like Johnny Depp (Depp throws me for a loop because he’s still considered by many to be one of the “sexiest” actors on the planet). Just goes to show we’re our on worst enemies. You can have everything made on the outside but still be rotten to the core.

    I believe a lot of famous people (especially men) are like this. You don’t reach such levels of success by being modest.

    There’s more I could say but I’ll leave it here. I fear for his current girlfriend and mother of his child.

    • BlueNailsBetty says:

      @Sean This entire post is spot on.

    • February Pisces says:

      One thing I have noticed is that most Hollywood actors don’t date actresses anymore. They don’t want to date a woman who is technically just as successful as they are, or even in some circumstances more successful. Their egos are large but extremely fragile. I feel the days of co-stars falling in love with each other on set are becoming obsolete.

      I think that’s why most actors date Instagram models now instead so they can have a red carpet trophy wife, who will turn a blind eye when cheated on, in exchange for Instagram followers and brand deals.

      • Sean says:

        Interesting observation!

      • Deering24 says:

        👏👏👏 That makes perfect sense. It’s an expansion/update of the old “date a starlet who will make you look good/boost your macho profile/beard you.”

      • February Pisces says:

        Also when an actress does settle down with an actor, she’s the one who has to sacrifice her acting career for his. Like Jennifer garner, Blake lively, Katie Holmes, Eva Mendes… to name a few.

  33. Rapunzel says:

    Those supporting Jonah and saying he has a right to his preferences are missing the point: Jonah Hill did not get these preferences all of a sudden. These were preferences he had before he met Sarah and he entered into a relationship knowing she did not meet the requirements he had for a girlfriend.

    This is sh**ty and dumb and only a**holes go into a relationship with a list of things to change about their partner. He should never have dated her. Period. He knew he disliked her behaviors, and guilted her into feeling like she was wrong , when he was wrong for getting involved with someone he wanted to change so drastically.

    This is like a raging liberal choosing to date a rabid MAGAt and trying to guilt them into never watching FOX news. It’s like, you should’ve just noted out when you saw the red hat.

    • Dara says:

      Thank you!! Ignore what he’s asking, and focus on how he’s asking. Even if he had discovered those “preferences” after he started dating, he still gaslit and manipulated her. If he felt so strongly about these things why didn’t HE just break up with HER? But he didn’t do that, he gave her ultimatum after ultimatum and said if she couldn’t meet them, then SHE should break up with HIM. Classic controller/manipulator behavior. Once those ultimatums start, they don’t stop. Even if she had done everything he had asked of her, he would have just found new ways to try and control her.

    • LulaChloe says:

      Yes to this 100%. Everyone has preferences, everyone is entitled to them. Jonah absolutely gets to prefer that the women he dates dress modestly. And a great way for him to engage in this preference is to go out there and find and date a woman who LIKES to dress modestly. But so often-and I am a therapist and so I am often working with clients whose partners are exhibiting controlling behaviors-is that homeboy who prefers women who dress modestly goes out and-somehow, somehow-finds himself a woman who LITERALLY EARNS HER LIVING IN A BATHING SUIT and then tries to change her. The thing I always ask my clients is-is it working? Is controlling you helping him become less insecure -because newsflash-your insecurities are YOURS and they are about YOU and the way you deal with them is by dealing with YOU. Controlling others Just. does. not. work. I personally feel like there is so much cultural baggage when it comes to how women dress, but if I had 2 clients and dressing conservatively is working for both of them, it’s not any of my business. They get to do them.

  34. HeyKay says:

    JH has always struck me as a jerk.
    He was good in Wolf of Wall Street, but that is it.

  35. Shawna says:

    For anyone saying she shouldn’t have put this out there in the world, there’s a huge difference between abuse and a breach of (what you think is) etiquette. Lots of women need to hear her message, especially anyone who pursues a relationship with Jonah. She gets to tell her story.

    • BlueNailsBetty says:

      @Shawna Exactly. I’ve seen so many people (mostly women but also some men) who are recognizing this behavior for the first time. Sarah’s bravery is. helping. people.

      On a personal note, reading so many good takes, especially a quote by Trevor Noah that is getting shared at an amazing rate, has unlocked the final door on my own experience with emotional/mental abuse. I’ve had the same experience with both men (especially one of them) and so called friends. I’ve tortured myself over trying to figure out what I was doing wrong and why I keep attracting these kinds of people.

      You know that old saying “if everyone you meet is an asshole then really *you* are the asshole because *you* are the common denominator in this story”? Yeah, I bought that line hook, line, and sinker.

      While, it can be true, some of us are genuinely vulnerable to the predations of shitty, narcissists.

      Some form of lovebombing followed by trying to isolate me from family/other friends followed by trying to tear down my self confidence followed by jealous fits when I receive attention followed by trying to convince me I don’t care about them/their needs followed by guilt complex followed by sudden ghosting by them or by me… a very real pattern.

      So I am personally grateful to Sarah for bringing to the public notice. I’m 55 and have dealt with this shit for 45 years. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my soul.

      • Lionel says:

        I 💯 agree and I thank you for articulating this. The charming narcissist was my “type” for decades. The thing people don’t realize when they’re young is that the attractive charm and bravado of the narcissist is just a projection. The narcissist creates the projection to shield himself from crippling feelings of insecurity. Then he projects that shield onto you and it feels wonderful! “He’s so amazing and confident and look how he’s love-bombing me … so I must be amazing and confident too!”

        I was particularly vulnerable to that feeling for years, and I actively chased it because I wasn’t able to manufacture it for myself. Of course, it’s nothing but a projection for the benefit of the narcissist. And when it falls away (when sharing the shield no longer protects the narcissist from his own feelings) it leaves you more damaged and riddled with self-doubt than you were to begin with. And so you go chasing the projection again, and the cycle repeats…

  36. QuiteContrary says:

    I just want to reiterate the message to young women on this site: If your partner tries to control your behavior, put limits on your other relationships or tells you what to wear, please RUN.

    Tell someone you trust about it all. If you’re living together make a safe plan to move out. This is 100% emotional abuse.

    • BlueNailsBetty says:


    • Bee says:

      If you’re living together, start setting things up before you let him know.

      If you have shared finances, set up your own bank account at a different bank.

      If he looks at your phone, get a burner and hide it.

      Move out small/valuable things that won’t be noticed but are important to you. Like your passport.

      Do this stuff before you make the breakup speech. There are resources (like free phone support) for abused women. Call them on your burner phone.

      I survived an extremely abusive relationship so i see the red flags now. These people are very good at what they do. First the lovebombing, then when they feel in control, it fades away and they get you jumping through hoops to try to get it back. It ain’t gonna come back.

      • QuiteContrary says:

        So glad you’re on the other side of that @Bee.

      • Bee says:

        Thank you, sweetie. I learned so much – the hard way, obviously. That’s why I comment on stuff like this, in the hopes that those who have never experienced it will learn to see it (or at least look out for it). Lovebombing is a helluva drug.

        The best part: I’m not falling for another sociopath!

      • Nuks says:

        That’s the funny thing about lovebombing. Even if you’re intelligent, educated and sense that this is love bombing and you know it’s a little off, it *still* can work on you. Love bombing can worm into your brain, even as you’re criticizing it consciously.

    • Carrot says:

      There were so many things here that are SO right, especially about warnings and preparedness, and I’m too amped to write much intelligibly, but I’ll add:

      For anyone with a protection animal, a service animal or just your regular pet, even though my dog is a working dog, trained for protection, I wasn’t prepared for someone to try to control me by harming my dog. I wasn’t prepared for what to do when a significant other type has access to my protection and can tamper with my protection and/or my veterinary care.

      So that’s something I’d add to the red flag list — if your animal is getting sick and you can’t quite figure it out or there’s a sudden accident…? Maybe consider the unthinkable first.

      • QuiteContrary says:

        That’s awful @Carrot. Hope you and your dog are OK.

      • Carrot says:

        @QuiteContrary Thanks, It was a while ago. I’m good and with another dog since then. We train special betrayal commands now

  37. Nx2 says:

    Jonah: “I want a hot surfer girl for my girlfriend but after she’s my girlfriend she’s not allowed to be a hot surfer girl.” OK, narcissist.

  38. Myeh says:

    Not surprised one bit. Jonah Hill isn’t acting when his entire vibe is I’m a d-bag. I’ve seen therapists unprofessionally enable, coddle and help their patients perpetuate misogyny on to their partners and use(as well as teach) therapy-speak to incorrectly rationalize it. When I pointed this out these men(friends, clients, work acquaintances) they were like well you said the first one was a racist, the second one was a misogynist and I fired the third therapist because she was making too much sense and I didn’t like it. Like yeah they’re going to give you bad advice for money because they are hourly plus you’re such a piece of work. Conversely I know too many burned out therapists/mental health workers who are of the opinion it’s just easier to let the big stuff slide with someone in their care rather than address it. They’ll tackle the small issues first. I really warn people who are going into therapy to interview and screen their mental health professional and for women especially to monitor the care their spouse or partner is under because these “professionals” can wreck both of your lives. Even when they do their job correctly they can’t fix someone having the wrong take away from therapy like Mr. Hill

  39. Alanna says:

    This would be less disappointing if Hill didn’t claim to be a feminist. Also, I can’t believe the number of men I see defending this behaviour. I’m glad Sarah outed him and I hope she heals quickly from the problematic relationship and has access to more principled therapist than the person described in her texts who counselled her to paddle away from male surfers. UGH!

  40. Y says:

    There is a great book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft (inside the minds of controlling and abusive men). The author is an expert who has worked with men for years. It’s a shame I think every female should be given a copy at birth.

  41. Delphine says:

    The comments on her IG are truly appalling. Apparently Jonah is a hero to the entire incel population. The amount of sheer misogyny on display is really frightening.

  42. Bad Janet says:

    I really wanted to give the benefit of the doubt to the therapist, but it sounds like she had stars in her eyes, or doesn’t know how to recognize emotional abuse. Yuck.

  43. Aurora says:

    I think he’s a very insecure person who tried to obtain validation from her surrendering of things that made her happy and gave her a place in others’ lives. Regardless of his honesty and politeness, that’s toxic AF and she did right by walking away from him. However, the fact they were sharing a therapist who seemed to be on Jonah’s side (that person’s license must be removed btw) makes me think he was preying on some neediness of hers towards their relationship. Which, judging from the utter disrespect with which she’s posting his private messages, didn’t come from a place of genuine affection. I don’t think she’s any better than him.

    • Coco says:

      Please with this BS and have all the seats.

      I love how you “say” she’s a victim then say she is no better then her abuser because she posted proof to back up her claims.

      You are no better than the horrible people in her comment section.

  44. ML says:

    I didn’t respond to this article yesterday; I have a friend (much older than Sarah) who just told me that she’s moving to a Jonah-like boyfriend. I’m sort of the “unstable?” girl friend in this situation.
    If you don’t trust someone, you cannot truly love someone. Having issues with a friend or two of your SO is okay. Cutting out ALL male and (many? most?) female friends, who you share a different love with and are supported by? Huge red flag. Policing your closet? Your “work floor”? That has a huge impact on how Sarah, who is younger, less famous, and has less money can earn an income.
    So many posters have stated far more eloquently than me why there are tons of red flags with JH’s behavior. And strength and hugs to the posters who shared their experiences so others can escape a similar situation.
    JH is doubling down on attacking Sarah. If you’re in a similar situation, please get yourself out safely.

  45. Cel2495 says:

    He always seemed like a jerk to me. Those texts?! Wow! Vey triggering for me… my ex husband emotionally scared me and therapy is helping. I am glad I have a therapist that is ethical, is there to really help me and is not self serving.

  46. Mandy says:

    So glad she outed him, I’ve always had a bad feeling about him. He loves to pretend to be the underdog/Everyman and plays the perpetual victim but in real life, he comes from an extremely wealthy and connected family that was able to buy him and his siblings careers. Classic special nepo baby syndrome.

  47. Tee says:

    The layers of ewwwwwwww, make the grand canyon seem shallow.

  48. Jferber says:

    Wow, what a terrible human. I had no idea!