So many American outlets are doing Kate-gate “explainers,” trying to dissect exactly what has happened to the Princess of Wales and why 2024 has been one of the most chaotic years in royal gossip (and it’s only March). I hate to say it, but there are many glaring errors in a lot of johnny-come-lately American explainers, focusing on the wrong things or getting vital information completely wrong. One of the best commentary pieces I’ve read this week is this one in Rolling Stone: “The Royals Have Totally Lost Control of the Narrative.” Louis Staples has written about the British monarchy before and done so with a lot of humor and recognition that the whole system is completely bonkers. Well, Staples made some good points in this piece. Some highlights:

The Mother’s Day photo: All this sounded like tin-foil-hat conspiracism. But then, four leading image agencies — Getty Images, AFP, Reuters, and The Associated Press — withdrew the photo, with a dramatic “kill notice” suggesting that the photo had been manipulated. Suddenly, the story was leading the news cycle. The photo — which we’re genuinely supposed to believe was taken by Prince Willam, even though “amateur photographer” Middleton took responsibility for it — was intended to put weeks of suspicions (and memes) surrounding Middleton’s royal absence to bed. But it did just the opposite.

Marriage trouble: On a more serious note, others have suspected the royal marriage is on the rocks amid the pressure of King Charles’ cancer diagnosis. And even more sinisterly, some have claimed (without any evidence, obviously) that Middleton is dead and has been replaced by a body double. (I don’t think anyone actually thinks this, but the internet is a weird place.)

The grubbiness of Kate’s Photoshop apology: The hysterical and conspiratorial reaction to Middleton’s absence from public life — on medical grounds, mind you — is telling. I was open-mouthed when I saw a royal — people who believe they are above their subjects because of divine rights given to them by God — releasing a social media apology over some clumsy photo editing. The sheer grubbiness of it, from people who have long considered themselves above “celebrity” and the PR-worded Instagram apologies that mere mortals post when they mess up. I could feel Queen Elizabeth II turning in her grave as they forsook the public relations strategy she rigidly adhered to for her 70-year reign: “Never complain, never explain.”

Kate’s selective relatability: At other times, we’re kept at a distance. Reacting to the fervor over Middleton’s whereabouts earlier this month, Kensington Palace offered a curt response: “We were very clear from the outset that the Princess of Wales was out until after Easter and Kensington Palace would only be providing updates when something was significant.” (Posh British translation? “Shut the f*ck up, peasants!”) The royals want to be “relatable” when it suits them but also want to be far removed from scrutiny at other times. The mismatched combination of “relatable royalty” and the sudden reappearance of distant, strict protocols is a gray area where the boundaries of privacy and transparency are unclear.

The royal struggle-bus: What is crystal clear, though, is that the royal institution is still struggling to adapt to the dynamics of the social media landscape. This furor reminds me of the Prince and Princess of Wales’s disastrous tour of the Caribbean in 2022. The duo were seen being carried on thrones and also photographed greeting children behind a cage-like metal fence. In the past, they would have released favorable images to the press, who would have run them alongside near-sycophantic coverage. But now, everyone has a phone and a platform to scrutinize and amplify images that are less flattering.

The Mother’s Day photo left the British media exposed too: The same thing happened with this Mother’s Day photo — the one we’re supposed to believe Middleton was on her laptop editing herself after it was taken by Prince William, her loving husband, who she is definitely still on speaking terms with. (If it really was Middleton, I hope she is removing “proficient in Photoshop” from her CV — and if it was William, congrats on being the first straight guy to take a family photo this well-composed.) Regardless of who took and edited the photo, it’s noteworthy that it was four agencies outside the U.K. that were the first to reject it, while the British press ran the picture without questioning it. Only when the image was accused of manipulation by the above agencies did it become a controversy they couldn’t avoid covering.

No one trusts the current Windsors: With King Charles still new to the throne and now diagnosed with cancer and the younger generation unable to stage a simple photo-op without creating an international incident, this mess highlights their vulnerability. Elizabeth’s reverence doesn’t yet apply to the next generations — and they’re lucky that, for now, this scandal remains fairly low stakes.

The Monday car photo: What should worry the royals is that the British press is clearly getting tired of their bizarre antics and explanations. There was an understanding that paparazzi pictures of the princess would not be printed while Middleton was recovering from surgery. But on Monday, many outlets published a grainy shot of the princess’s side profile inside a car, next to her husband. The photo is unlikely to appease the most ardent “Where is Kate?” truthers, but seems like a warning — a symbol of how much this situation has strained the institution’s relations with the media that it depends on for survival.

[From Rolling Stone]

Staples only got two things wrong – Huevo and Buttons were not carried around on thrones during their Caribbean tour, that happened years ago, during their South Pacific tour (and it was bad). He also assumes that the Mail published the Monday car photo as a warning – that’s not how it happened at all, the photo was explicitly an arrangement between Kensington Palace and the media. William shoved Kate (or someone) into the back of the car and then KP told the Mail that William was “dropping off” Kate at a private appointment. That was a palace-and-press contractual arrangement, not a warning shot. But he got everything else right – questioning who took the photo, the reality that the Windsors don’t have any public trust, the fact that the sycophantic British media didn’t or couldn’t say anything until the international outlets killed the photo. It’s amazing to watch.

Kate is pictured leaving Windsor Castle with William https://t.co/9QzAFghyFm pic.twitter.com/cGuEMkI9ki

— Daily Mail Online (@MailOnline) March 11, 2024

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.