In January 2022, Regina King’s 26-year-old son Ian Alexander Jr. died by suicide. Ian Jr. was Regina’s only child. The entire Hollywood community came to an immediate and wordless agreement to give Regina and her family space and time to heal. There have been absolutely zero intrusions, although people would occasionally say that they were praying for Regina and her family. Regina took more than a year away from work, from everything. This past Sunday’s Oscar ceremony was her first public appearance since Ian’s passing, and she wore his favorite color, orange, to honor him. She’s currently promoting Shirley, a bio-pic about Shirley Chisholm’s groundbreaking presidential run, and Regina gave her first interview to Robin Roberts at ABC. I could not get through this clip or write this post without sobbing.
“I understand that grief is love that has no place to go. I know that it's important to me to honor Ian and the totality of who he is.”@ReginaKing speaks out to @robinroberts for the first time about her son’s death over two years ago. https://t.co/yIiTGItzCY pic.twitter.com/D2fXGdcauc
— Good Morning America (@GMA) March 14, 2024
Some heartbreaking quotes:
The past two years: “I’m a different person, you know, now than I was Jan. 19. Grief is a journey, you know? I understand that grief is love that has no place to go.”
Her son’s mental health struggles: “When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way and they expect it to look heavy. And people expect that … to have to experience this and not be able to have the time to just sit with Ian’s choice, which I respect and understand, you know, that he didn’t wanna be here anymore, that’s a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian’s journey.”
Her anger with God: “I was so angry with God. You know, why would that weight be given to Ian? With all of the things that we had gone through with the therapy, with psychiatrists and programs and Ian was like, ‘I’m tired of talking, Mom.’”
Struggling with acceptance. “Sometimes, you know, a lot of guilt comes over me. When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, ‘What could I have done so that wouldn’t have happened?’ I know that I share this grief with everyone. But no one else is Ian’s mom, you know? Only me. And so, it’s mine. And the sadness will never go away. It’ll always be with me. And I think I saw somewhere, the sadness is a reminder of how much he means to me, you know?”
She still feels Ian’s presence: “I know that it’s important to me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is. Speak about him in the present because he is always with me and the joy and happiness that he gave all of us. My favorite thing about myself is being Ian’s mom. And I can’t say that with a smile, with tears, with all of the emotion that comes with that. I can’t do that if I did not respect the journey.”
Her pain is palpable and heartbreaking. She’s still raw, she’s still in pain, and I think she probably always will be. I honestly don’t know how Regina and Robin got through the interview without sobbing. Regina is such a special person.
Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, screencap from ABC.
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- 142744, Regina King, son, Ian Alexander at The 2015 – 67th Emmy Awards at the Microsoft Theater – Los Angeles, California.,Image: 531916022, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: WORLD RIGHTS, DIRECT SALES ONLY UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE IN CAPTION – Fee Payable Upon Reproduction – For queries contact Avalon.red – sales@avalon.red London: +44 (0) 20 7421 6000 Los Angeles: +1 (310) 822 0419 Berlin: +49 (0) 30 76 212 251 Madrid: +34 91 533 4289, Model Release: no, Credit line: Max DeAngelo, PacificCoastNews / Avalon
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- Regina King arrives on the red carpet of the 96th Oscars® at the Dolby® Theatre at Ovation Hollywood on Sunday, March 10, 2024.,Image: 855702439, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no, Credit line: AL / Avalon
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- Regina King presents a nominee Oscar® for Actress in a Supporting Role during the live ABC telecast of the 96th Oscars® at the Dolby® Theatre at Ovation Hollywood on Sunday, March 10, 2024.,Image: 855737457, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: , Model Release: no, Credit line: Avalon.red / Avalon
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- Regina King bei der Oscar Verleihung 2024 / 96th Annual Academy Awards im Dolby Theatre. Los Angeles, 10.03.2024 *** Regina King at the 2024 96th Annual Academy Awards at the Dolby Theatre Los Angeles, 10 03 2024 Foto:xJ.xBlocx/xFuturexImagex oscars_0975,Image: 855775315, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: imago is entitled to issue a simple usage license at the time of provision. Personality and trademark rights as well as copyright laws regarding art-works shown must be observed. Commercial use at your own risk., Model Release: no, Credit line: IMAGO/Jennifer Bloc / Avalon
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- Regina King bei der Oscar Verleihung 2024 / 96th Annual Academy Awards im Dolby Theatre. Los Angeles, 10.03.2024 *** Regina King at the 2024 96th Annual Academy Awards at the Dolby Theatre Los Angeles, 10 03 2024 Foto:xJ.xBlocx/xFuturexImagex oscars_0986,Image: 855775383, License: Rights-managed, Restrictions: imago is entitled to issue a simple usage license at the time of provision. Personality and trademark rights as well as copyright laws regarding art-works shown must be observed. Commercial use at your own risk., Model Release: no, Credit line: IMAGO/Jennifer Bloc / Avalon
There is so much wisdom in those words, and as Kaiser very rightly says, her pain is palpable and heartbreaking. She’s still talking of her son in the present, as people tend to when grief is still so all- consuming.I wish her peace of mind, truly.
She looked beautiful at the Oscars and in the interview, and her words break my heart. She’s dealing with pain and sadness with grace and love, and I wish peace for her.
That is such a beautiful and true quote: “Grief is love that has no place to go”!? I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.
It’s so heartbreakingly accurate.
My prayers are with Regina. It’s a painful journey she is traveling. And she is so right that grief is love with no place to go. Everyone processes grief in their own way and on their time. The best advice I received when I lost my husband was “Allow yourself time to be able to smile at the memories of him rather than hurt for the loss.” I find myself now smiling more at memories than feeling the raw pain of grief.
It is the hardest road for a parent to travel. The 2nd year is much more difficult than the first and it can get very dark. Bereaved parents are all in a shitty club we never, ever wanted to join. I hope for her to find light in all the darkness. The shocking pain never goes away, it’s never any less terrible than the first moment when you find out they are gone. It’s a lot to learn how to navigate and can be soul crushing a lot of the time. My heart goes out to her.
Truly heartbreaking, my heart goes out to her & her family. Her Oscar gown was so beautiful, as was she, and now knowing the reason behind the color just makes it even more beautiful.
That is the truest and most profound definition of grief that I’ve ever heard.
I hope the Journey of Souls thing is actually true :(.
I have always loved her. She’s a wonderful actress. My heart broke for her when I heard the news of her son.
I lost my mom last May, 2023. She lived with me and my husband for the last 6 years of her life as she had Parkinson’s and I was her primary caregiver. It’s been hard losing her even though I had a lot of anticipatory grief. I get what Regina means about being a different person than you were before they passed. It’s so true.
BUT….the pain of losing a child is a pain I’ll never know and can’t imagine and is very different than losing a parent. No less sad and difficult…..just a different level of sorrow.
I hope she continues to heal. I know she’ll never truly be the same.
This is so sad. I recall someone telling me that quote after my dad died, about grief being love with no place to go. It was a helpful thing to cling on to and think about whenever I was deeply upset. Regina is truly amazing she can reach the level she’s at in the midst of this pain.
People forget that mental health doesn’t care what your social class is or who your parents are. And I’d wager there are unique pressures to being the child of an extremely successful person – and then to see everyone screeching about nepo babies and making people feel bad about themselves unfairly. I think that is a lot of unique stress us regular people will never know. To rise above it you would have to have a strong mental state. It’s all very depressing. We all have struggles in our own spheres of life rich or poor. Compassion for all is so needed in our world.
It is so hard to watch your kids struggle with mental health, sobbing about how they want to be”normal”, they can’t do this anymore… When they’re teens you can control their environment more, locking away any sharps and meds, admitting them to in patient…
Those aren’t options once they’re adults, is it? All there can be is hope, support, and understanding.
It was lovely to see her on Sunday. What she says about grief reminds me of what Andrew Garfield once said about how it was to lose his mom. I wish her the best and hope she’s surrounded by people who love her.
It reminds me of the quote from WandaVision. “What is grief if not love persevering?” So true.
I also can’t help but think of Keanu’s quote on Colbert. Colbert asked him, I forget why, what he thinks happens when we die. Keanu said “I think those left miss us very much.” Colbert looked startled and then almost cried. Because isn’t it true? Whatever your belief system that’s a pretty universal thing.
I have loved and watched Regina King since early in her career. She has stolen so many scenes in many different movies and TV episodes. She was so badass in Watchmen on HBO!!! I was and am profoundly saddened for the loss of an only child. God be with her in those dark moments (or whatever she believes).