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I’m a “the more you know” kind of person. I like to be prepared, especially when it comes to how my body works. I still have a few years to go before I start menopause – I just turned 40 – but I’ve already been on the lookout for any symptoms just so I know what to expect or look for. There’s so many things that women experience about their bodies in general that don’t really get talked about en masse. Some things may still be considered taboo while others may just be considered TMI. Honestly, I always appreciate when other women are willing to share some of the less common, or rather, less talked about symptoms.
Halle Berry did an event in Los Angeles with first lady Dr. Jill Biden earlier this week called A Day of Unreasonable Conversation. It engaged figures involved in politics, entertainment, and content creators in “critical discourse” on important issues. Halle and Dr. Biden were there to talk about women’s health and urge people to write more about it. Well, Halle, who is 57, certainly understood the assignment because she got right up there on stage with our first lady and started talking about a painful experience she had one morning after having “great sex” with her boyfriend Van Hunt. Her gyno thought she had herpes, but *surprise!* it ended up being one of those wild and wacky perimenopausal symptoms. Ahhh.
“First of all, my ego told me that I was gonna skip [menopause],” Berry said. “I’m in great shape. I’m healthy. … So that makes one think, Oh, I can handle menopause. I’m going to eat right, exercise, and I’m gonna skip that whole thing. You don’t skip it. But I was so [uneducated] at that time. I wish I knew then when I know now.”
As it turns out, an intimate moment with boyfriend Van Hunt led her to discover she was in perimenopause.
“So, I finally meet the man of my dreams, and I don’t know, some of you might know about my troubles with relationships,” Berry said as she poked fun at her three “failed” marriages. “At 54, I find my guy. Perimenopause is not even a thought on my mind ’cause I’m skipping it. Remember? So we’re having our thing, we’re having sex and everything is great. And I’m like, ‘Ah, the skies have opened up’ So one day, we’re having sex like normal.”
“I didn’t know she was gonna tell this,” Biden interjected, causing the audience to erupt in laughter. “We’re not talking about my [experience]!”
“So anyway, I have this great sex,” Berry continued. “I wake up in the morning, I go to the bathroom, and guess what? I feel like I have razor blades in my vagina.”
Biden interjected, “My daughter’s here in the audience.”
“It might happen to you if you’re not careful, but razor blades … it was terrible,” Berry said. The actress said she immediately went to her gynecologist, who further confused her as to what was going on. “He says, ‘Halle, you have a new guy right?’ I said ‘I do, I’m really excited.’ He said, ‘You messed up again … you have the worst case of herpes I have ever seen.”
Berry’s ob-gyn ran more tests but was convinced she had herpes. Berry said she went from the office to have a talk with Hunt — who was shocked as he said he does not have herpes. They both got tested.
“Neither one of us has herpes,” Berry said. “I realized, after the fact, that [the sensation] is a symptom of perimenopause.”
“I’m not making any comment,” Biden replied. Berry said she wished people warned her “there are things you can do to arrive at this time of life in a more elegant way.”
“My doctor had no knowledge and didn’t prepare me, that’s when I knew, ‘Oh my gosh, I’ve gotta use my platform. I have to use all of who I am and I have to start making a change and a difference,” she explained.
Biden agreed and added how it’s important “we hit it from the side of preventative” medicine. The first lady’s appearance came one week after President Joe Biden signed an executive order to expand research on women’s health care.
“We don’t have answers,” Biden declared, explaining she was given conflicting information as to whether hormone therapy is recommended for menopausal women.
“With all the money that you and President Biden are putting into play, we are going to have more information. We’re going to be able to live better, healthier, longer lives. Right now, women live longer than men. They do live in poor health,” Berry said at one point. “If you’re living in poor health, why live longer? What’s the point?”
Halle Berry is a badass for so many reasons, but mad props to her for getting up on stage with Dr. Biden and talking about this. I don’t think the First Lady had “talking to Halle Berry about menopause symptoms after sex” on her bingo card, but dang, Halle sure picked her platform well! She knew this was the perfect way to bring attention to the subject. And I do appreciate her sharing that this is a thing. Former supermodel Beverly Johnson also did a really informative interview a few years ago, talking about the ways her body changed when she started menopause.
When we hear women talking about menopause, we hear about hot flashes, insomnia, weight gain, and out-of-control emotions. And trust me, I am grateful to those women for speaking out about those symptoms because it will help prepare me for what lies ahead. I knew that hormonal changes can affect your sex drive, but I did not know that you could experience a burning sensation so bad that it could be mistaken for herpes. I was talking to a friend who is a few years older than I am and already in perimenopause and she told me that what Halle described has actually happened to her, too. Ahhh, like I said, the more you know, right? Believe me, I want to know.
I don’t see how you can mistake vaginal dryness for herpes but I’m not a doctor.
She used to be a drama queen so I don’t believe this story at all. It makes no sense at all.
I never heard about her being a drama queen, ever. I believe her because, as women of color, we are frequently misdiagnosed by health professionals, which is why we get more than one opinion all of the time.
You may just be making a joke or plain don’t like Halle Berry (which is your right) in which case I’m probably taking it too seriously but I have had it up to here with people ESPECIALLY DOCTORS not believing women’s pain levels and symptoms. In some cases, it is killing women.
I can’t help but think that may have contributed to why her male doc jumped to herpes.
@ACB I completely agree that the medical community and its precepts are rampant with racism especially with Black women.
My concern with this story is Halle’s history of making up drama the minute a man says “no”. Remember her unfounded attacks on Gabriel Aubry? Remember the lies and brutal custody dispute she aimed at him? Remember how she set Olivier Martinez against Gabriel? Then when the relationship with Olivier turned sour she dragged him with a custody dispute.
And now she expects us to believe a doctor doesn’t know the difference between vaginal dryness and a severe herpes breakout?
Black women have struggled since the beginning of medicine to be heard and treated correctly. Halle making up bs stories does not help Black women at all.
As 59 year old woman with doctors who are also women of my age, it is shocking how little is understood about menopause and peri-menopause. There is help out there, but not if you don’t know what you don’t know. Medical research and the healthcare system has failed women over and over. If you have hit menopause, you may spend a third of your life in that phase – why doesn’t anyone care? This phase of a woman’s life gets less than 10% of the research attention and dollars as pregnancy, but arguably, we spend much more time post menopause than pregnant. Educate yourself and advocate for yourself – no one else will.
And to be clear, regardless of what the truth is (and I would love to be wrong) Halle is bringing awareness to the problem that menopause at all its stages isn’t adequately studied by all doctors.
I may not believe her anecdote but I am glad she is trying to speak up on this issue.
She probably had micro tears from vaginal dryness. It happened to my friend in her twenties and can generally happen to women anytime if there’s even slightly too much friction. Took months to heal. I don’t think she’s being dramatic. My friend said she and her husband had to functionally stop any penetrative sex until she healed because it was so painful.
To all of the women who posted about their experiences that were the same as what Halle described…thank you for posting. I knew about things like thinning walls but did not know that could result in something that mimicked herpes.
I clearly was wrong about Halle’s story and I apologize for jumping to conclusions. I really appreciate y’all being willing to educate me on this matter especially since you didn’t have to do it.
Don’t minimize her experience, please. It sounds like they had sex, it irritated her vag to the point of internal sores and tears (causing the razor sensation) because of dryness, which made it look like herpes lesions to the doctor.
Right. Like a woman in her fifties who has been sexually active for decades doesn’t know her vagina isn’t properly lubricated for sex. Sure.
@mimi Yes- thank you! This is exactly what can and does happen. My doctor dismissed my own, very similar symptoms, and told me “you will need to lower your standards going forward”. I had just gotten married for the first time, my emotions were out of control: depression, moments of rage, brain fog, confusion- I thought I had early onset dementia for a time. And for a Dr to give me that answer? No wonder the suicide rate for women is so high at this age range. I said over and over “I don’t even recognize myself”. I finally found relief through so much painful trial and error and my own research. Drs are NOT required to study menopause- it is an elective. The best thing that can happen is that this is TALKED about so women in their 30s and 40s can have a better understanding of possible symptoms. Dismissing women, dismissing their experiences …pathetic, unnecessary, and potential very damaging. And @bluenailsbetty saying “how does a woman not know her vagina isn’t properly lubricated…” Seriously? Move on to a topic you actually know something about
Although I know that dryness can occur, and although I have applied lubricant liberally, vaginal soreness can occur. I have experienced that too. Thank you, Halle Berry, for speaking up!
@BlueNailsBetty
I can say from personal experience over the last 6 weeks, that yes, it can and does happen. I was told I had herpes, went through the course of anti-virals, swabs and biopsies, only to be told that my lesion was not herpes, that they have no idea what it was. It showed up the in the middle of the night after the hubby and I celebrated (vigorously and well lubed) Valentines. Halle putting this out there is important, especially since she is not alone and others may be running around thinking that they have an STI and they, in fact, do not. Menopause hits us all differently and this is one thing that can definitely happen.
@bluenailsbetty
It’s not about lubrication, although lots can help. The tissue of your vaginal wall thins and gets less robust. It’s pretty weird to adjust to. I do pilates 3xs a week and I have a strong pelvic floor, but the sponginess is not the same. I could 100% see getting tears.
@mimi I agree. Perimenopause and menopause are the twilight zone to medical science today. Our bodies were studied by white men form the western world at a time where women had so say no education etc. This will be breakthrough science for our children so we need to listen to women, all of them coming out with things they are going through, so WE women now, approaching/going through menopause can have a heads up on what science may not know and may not assist us in the right way. IM PREPARED!!!! Have eyes and ears open!!!
Exactly this happened to me during menopause from one month to the next. Intercourse became SO painful that I was sometimes gritting my teeth and in tears afterwards – and quite often, it then led to a painful UTI. My Gyno has been amazing, but the treatment is kind of a hassle (internal application of medication) and it bothers me that we can’t be spontaneous when the moment takes us. Oh well. It supposedly doesn’t happen to everyone, but here I am.
Unfortunately it is what happened to me too, I’ve had painful sex experiences with my husband for the last 6 years, the dryness makes sex excruciating at times and nothing of the things advised to me really helped.
I’m grateful that Halle spoke about it because that’s kept hush hush by the Drs and not included in the symptoms you can have during perimenopause.
Note: my sex drive hasn’t changed much so it really bothers me to feel pain when I want to have sex with my hubby!
Yes to all of this.
Nowhere does it say that it was vaginal dryness. Admittedly, that was what I assumed happened too, but it doesn’t say that, and that makes me wonder if it’s something else?
I would think that if the issue was dryness, the sex itself would have been uncomfortable. She specifically says the sex was great and it was the net morning that she had the pain. That seems odd for vaginal dryness, no?
Nevermind my above comment. When I posted, there were not all these explanations of “tearing”. I get it now.
I’m a doctor, and I HAVE seen women who have been through what she describes, and I’ve also waken up “rubbed raw” like that.
Halle was ill-served by her doctor, who apparently jumped to conclusions without considering the situation.
P.S> It IS possible to enjoy good sex during and after menopause. you need a good lubricant, and probably vaginal estrogen. Discuss it with your doctor.
Menopause is Wild and humbling. Never ceases to amazes about the similarities and difference between women friends.
I have said this before but I really find it very important, informative and helpful to hear others talking about health issues.
I know Dr. Biden was just trying to be funny but I wish she hadn’t made this to be an embarrassing topic.
I should be going through perimenopause soon. Of course I want to learn more about it!
This. And also that Halle hadn’t made herpes sound like a death sentence or the scarlet letter. It’s a valid story about the doctor mistaking her menopause symptoms for the onset of herpes, but saying that she would have “made another mistake” if her boyfriend had herpes (which 1 in 4 people do), was just … meh.
Meh Dr Biden is why this talk happened! If she hadn’t said what she said, the conservative media would lead with her name and herpes for the next year.
Yes, mte. I get that there’s varying levels of comfort and sometimes you are talking to someone who is more comfy than you. But if the whole thang is about education and removing embarrassment/shame… maybe communicate your discomfort once then shut up about it or end the convo. How are you ever gonna get comfy if you fixate on discomfort? That’s just reinforcement of your negative feelings.
And on stage, *repeatedly* making the point that you are uncomfortable conveys that it isn’t okay to be comfy and open about the topic. Dr. Biden should know better, she’s had to deal with a lot just in these past few years but even before that I’m sure she was faced with foolishness about certain health topics that patients should have been okay about.
Seriously people, but especially older folks: Yes, we heard you. You feel nervous about X even if you previously thought you’d be cool about it. But we are not stopping everything to make the day all about you. Don’t act like my kids who tell the same joke over and over in the same conversation until someone finally laughs enough. Move on. It’s okay to excusr yourself from something you thought you could handle but you can’t. That’s actually pretty cool and mature, it’s also modeling the behavior so many of you lament that younger people are lacking.
And please don’t get it twisted Biden-haters: I’ll be voting for Biden unless he does something terrible in the future. But as of now he is miles better than putrid Trump or the idiots like that Kennedy guy.
I feel like this doctor is a bit passive aggressive. Why skip to herpes when she’s 54? I think it’s normal to suggest she get tested because she has a new partner but jeez.
everyone’s experience is different but I really hope to see this normalized
the menopause manifesto by dr Jen Gunter is very informative and practical imo, all my friends just read it
Gen X women are all over this topic right now bc WHAT THE HECK MEDICAL COMMUNITY? I have joined some great TikTok accounts with nurses and doctors talking about women’s health. It’s very enlightening. And supportive.
I’ll 52, my periods are starting to be irregular.
I miss them. I miss the cycles of knowing what’s coming next, of pms so I understand why I’m weepy.
I miss the feeling of beginning a new cycle.
That’s the emotional upset I am experiencing.
And all the rest of the symptoms too, especially insomnia. If I sleep 5 hours I’m fortunate.
Wow, I could not be happier when my periods slowed down! I just don’t think about it anymore.
I’m 50 now and barely have my periods. My libido increased from 45-50 and now is mostly back to normal, lube is same, I get occasional hot flushes but otherwise I exercise, eat well, get enough protein and water and make sure I get strength training in there.
Minus injuries taking longer to heal, I feel great and look pretty good too!
I’m 50. Had an abdominal hysterectomy over a year ago. Uterus and cervix removed. Good riddance! With a 1.5kg fibroid, my period was brutal.
Still have my ovaries. I was told that my ovaries were still young. But I also read that within a few years after a hysterectomy, the ovaries die.
One notable change after the hysterectomy was that I have completely lost my appetite, especially for chocolate and anything sweet. Food generally doesn’t taste that good anymore. 😭 And I’m 100% sure I have not had COVID. Could this be the beginning of perimenopause?
At my age I am expecting to experience perimenopause soon.
Am 49 and its the same for me. The past year i’ve really started to notice a difference with my period. I’ve never been regular so that isn’t new to me but am starting to get regular (oddly enough), also my flow swings from sometimes normal / sometimes not much to looking like a crime scene. The lead up to a period has also changed for me – I used to get a little cramp and a light insomnia but now its full blown insomnia / anxiety and some facial hair in a few hours.
Hormones – god can take them back.
Yep, one of the ‘symptoms’ of my peri was abundant periods every 3 weeks at the beginning, while normally I would have a 3-day low-bleeding one every 5 weeks.
But that isn’t the worst part, the insomnia and the brain fog are really debilitating and affecting me. Unfortunately, my GP Dr has refused to give me HRT until now and still have to see him after my most recent tests.
I hated my absolutely painful and debilitating periods for about 40 years and will be absolutely happy when I finally enter menopause from peri.
Sorry, to clarify.
I don’t so much miss the actual period, but the cycle of it. I was 9, so effectively 40 years or so of a cycle that I relied upon to balance my days/weeks.
It’s strange to anticipate my period, to ovulate & pms & then… nothing. No release, so to speak.
It’s been a weird ride lol
I recommend tracking the lunar cycles! It’s not even a woo-woo new age thing — it’s just nice to track a cycle.
sincerely, 48yo who went through menopause early and doesn’t miss her period but missed having a cycle to track
Okay I’ll admit that Mr. Brazen Hussy and I have not had sex in quite some time due to how f@cking painful it is. Over the last couple of years we’ve tried every lubricant, every position, anything we can think of but nothing has helped. The lubes work at first but a few moments in they become sticky and tacky which is also super uncomfortable. It can be a rough road for older women but it can also be a time of awakening to your strengths, your inner wisdom and your inner peace.
If anyone has any questions or wants to talk, I’m here ready and willing to share my experience, what worked and what didn’t. If you want to talk privately, let me know and we’ll figure out a way to connect.
I lost all interest in sex, frankly. Having a 200 pound man on top of me began to bring on horrible hot flashes. It just wasn’t worth the price of admission anymore. Sadly, it led to divorce for me. But I tell myself that if he can’t understand this major part of life and be willing to work through it, he is not the person I want to grow old(er) with. (He also had a hard time when our son was born. He was competing for attention with a newborn. So there’s that.)
Mimi, I recently read this is quite common–divorce due to the sexual side effects of menopause. But because menopause is cloaked in mystery and silence, couples are often not equipped to handle it.
@Harla if you have not tried this, ask your dr about a prescription for estradiol vaginal cream. It can rejuvenate the tissues and ease the dryness.
I use the tabs, Vagifem/Yuvafem, twice a week. Works great and less messy than the cream. I have a family history of breast cancer and the three GYNs I consulted with about the dryness issue all said the vaginal cream/tabs were completely safe to use.
I use the tabs twice a week and while it helps a bit, sex is still painful and will sometimes lead to a UTI, cuz why not. *eye roll*
I was having the same problems and I thought it has to be STD! It’s so painful! Nope, my OB said try Pelvic Floor Therapy. What a difference a few sessions make! It’s extremely personal so check your embarrassment. I learned things about myself that I am ashamed took me 50 years to learn. It has helped so much
There is a great lube called Waterfalls. I get mine from the devine secrets website. Get the original kind. It’s all natural plant and water based and it doesn’t get tacky. It IS expensive, but oh so worth it!!
Hi Brazen Hussy, same situation for me. Anything we tried was unsuccessful. Sometimes I really give up on sex, even if my sex drive wasn’t impacted much by the perimenopause.
Sliquid makes a great water based that does not get tack or sticky.
I had never experienced vaginal dryness before menopause, I didn’t know how painful it could be. I thought I had a UTI, lol.
And THIS is why I am glad my Gynecologist is a woman. Full stop. Her male doctor actually said “You messed up again…”?! Excuse me…WHAT?! Who says that to a patient?! I truly hope she got a new doctor.
I’m furious about this. If he really said it – f him. What a horrible idiot doctor! A) how does a woman “mess up” is a guy has herpes? So funny hahaha. B) he clearly has no education about menopause, zero.
Btw, at this point I’m so sick of menopause jokes. They have become as stale to me as “my husband doesn’t know how the dishwasher works.” Just this month I had to run around looking for estrogen patches (god I hate CVS let me just say it here) and after that I had to fight to get a refill for a medicine that keeps my face from ballooning and also keeps my hair (that just grew back an inch) on my head. I have been LIVID. Without estrogen I wake up five times a night with my stomach turning like when you see someone fall on rough asphalt on bare knees. I can’t think, I feel sad, I feel exhausted.
I’m always surprised about how little medical professionals know about women’s health/hormones. At 36, I doubt I’m in perimenopause but my doctor really can’t explain any issues I see him about. He just tells me I have anxiety. If I have anxiety, it’s about my health because something is wrong. Duh.
I started having symptoms of peri in my 30’s.
It absolutely can be peri. Let your body tell you, not some timeline written by male doctors who don’t have a clue.
Yes, the first thing they want to give to you is antidepressants. They do not understand hormones at all.
I already mentioned it but a menopause book by Jancee Dunn is golden.
Find a female gyno or GP – they can also be hit and miss, but I’ve had mostly good experiences with them taking my symptoms seriously and have one now that is the best GP I’ve ever had. I’m 41 and in peri and some of the symptoms I have no began a few years ago, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you are starting to have some symptoms yourself.
I have not had that symptom, but I turn 40 in June, but am in the middle of perimenopause. The weird symptom to me is the shooting (almost electric shock) pain down my right leg. Apparently this is normal. There are over 49 symptoms of perimenopause and menopause. My estrogen is at 5 and my progesterone is also slowing down. Not being able to give birth can put you into early menopause, as can endometriosis (both of which I’ve experienced). I did adopt my stepdaughter, so I have a child. Personally, menopause is a welcome relief after misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis with wonderful care, until 3 years ago when they finally told me I had endo. After 6 surgeries for large hemorrhagic ovarian cysts, a torsed ovary, the new female ob/gyn in my town asked me how long I’ve had endo. Didn’t realize I had it, but it was clear from the previous laparoscopies and laparotomy images that I had it. Women’s health is so important. I had been suffering since I was 17, and was diagnosed at 36.
Mrs. Wilson, I am incredibly sorry for the painful journey you’ve endured. 💐
I’m 48 but I had a hysterectomy 12 years ago so no missed periods signaling menopause. The vaginal dryness is not something I was expecting either it’s much more painful than I could’ve thought. Lube helps (for now). There are so many other things that women experience during menopause that doctors don’t know or care to know. I recommend “The Menopause Manifesto” by Dr Jen Gunter. It’s not an easy time for women at all.
I’m not sure I understand why Halle didn’t feel pain during sex but the next day if it was an issue of dryness?
I don’t know for sure, but I suspect it’s not necessarily vaginal dryness, but thinning of the vagninal tissues that happens during menopause. You could enjoy sex, but the friction can cause pain and micro-tears that you would feel later on.
Ouch. That sounds really painful. But makes more sense. Thank you.
Is Halle saying the dryness gave her sores that looked similar to herpes sores? Or just that the dryness made it hurt that much? The vaginal tissue must have been damaged for her doctor to mistake it for herpes??
Also, although I love Jill Biden, I don’t like how she seems to be trying to limit what Halle was saying by her references to her daughter being in the audience. If women aren’t honest and explicit about what happens to our bodies in menopause, how are other women supposed to know what’s normal? These conversations are essential, and this is not the place to speak in euphemisms.
I understood it as her having tears and sores that made it look like herpes. Also, how old is Dr. Biden’s daughter? Isn’t she a grown woman? Is she pretending she hasn’t had sex? :-/
It was a joke Dr Biden made and as I wrote above, if she hadn’t, you’d see her name next to “herpes” for the next year because that’s how republicans roll.
I wish people would stop blaming other women for the sexist media they have to deal with.
Mimi, Dr. Biden’s daughter is indeed a grown woman. A grown married woman!
I don’t like this doctor. First of all, maybe run some tests? “You messed up again?” People can have herpes and be asymptomatic. Often times they don’t even test for it when you get checked for stds.
Also, having herpes is not “messing up.” I want to force that doctor to take a year long menopause course. Or he should quit.
That part disturbed me too. I am hoping Halle was just embellishing a bit to make the story sound better. Or how she took the information was not how he was relaying the information. She’s a mulitmillionaire, she would have access to the best Doctors in the world.
But as always, we as women are never prepared or given information well in advance to understand what is happening to our bodies after 40. Many of us, myself included. Had to stumble through it and hope for the best. I can’t say my gyno was super helpful preparing me of what is to come. Or like Halle we think it won’t happen to me. And then it does. Doctors should make the conversation happen in a way that isn’t scary or dismissive. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not.
Feel blessed. Hit menopause at 48..absolutely no symptoms except period stopping. My ob-gyn (a lovely woman) run all kinds of tests and said you hit menopause a year ago..didn’t you have any symptoms? Nope. My dear cousin has had so many issues. She carries a little portable fan with her at all times for the hot flushes.
Same here. I started at 49 and other than some sleep problems because of hot flashes and some other symptoms that were very minor in comparison with other women’s, I was done and over with menopause at around 56. I was worried when I started because I saw my mom go through it and it was bad. So I count my blessings not having to deal with that.
Some things changed after I went through it and Dr. Jen Gunter’s book helped me understand it better.
As much as I respect her bad-ass-ness, I kind of wish she would have talked about the menopausal aspects that make our life hard, not just our sex lives. I understand she likely has no financial problems and can pick and choose her work commitment levels, but some of us are actively crippled by fatigue, low spirits, flashes, and other symptoms that make going to work and excelling so hard, meaning that we are underperforming and paying for it. I have cried for no reason during two doc appointments and calmly had to explain it was a menopausal burst of being overwhelmed. My female doc understood, the male endocrinologist more or less immediately marked my file with potential depression/hysteria. I have friends who ended their careers due to menopause, one by being irritable and speaking up when she couldn’t stomach situations anymore that she used to quietly ignore before, and one who decided she just did not have enough physical stamina to handle menopause and a demanding position at the same time. That is what we need to talk about.
I am glad she’s talking about it. So many women have this and similar problems.
My gynecologist was pretty cool when I told her about the painful sex (and it came out of nowhere), and she immediately prescribed me vaginal estrogen. It works for me, it helps, and it also saved me from urinary tract infections (which I later learned on Twitter is also a symptom treated by vaginal estrogen).
Just here to say you should follow Dr Mary Clair Haver in IG for excellent menopause health info. I’m not her and I’m not getting paid, just want to share bc she’s awesome. She’s bringing to light how uneducated many health care providers are on the subject of peri/post/menopause – join the Menoposse!
In light of my past experiences, it’s obvious to me that male doctors (particularly white ones) always assume sexual permissiveness, especially if you’re Black. They have this notion that Black women are naturally aggressive and promiscuous, so if we seek sexual healthcare, we must have brought the problem on ourselves. Even those who don’t automatically dismiss us as promiscuous tend to assume that we don’t feel pain or discomfort the way white women do. And it’s obvious that we aren’t considered as important or special as white women. In my personal experience, they’d rather not treat me at all.
Don’t come at me with explanations and excuses. The subject of racism and misogyny in medical care is well documented.
I haven’t hit perimenopause yet (or, who knows? I’m on the pill still by doctor rec’ bc of my endometriosis history) but Mona Eltahawy alerted me to the information that topical estrogen majorly alleviates most vulvo-vaginal symptoms.
I believe her and I’ll believe any woman rather than doubting and disbelieving them. Live in a hyper white area and have spent the past decade at work either taking clients who are women of color elderly and young and watched how their health concerns are minimized, disregarded and dismissed. I’ve had to complain, witness and feel the inequitable access to health care and recently have a white woman explain to me that male doctors treat her badly too and women health care practitioners also disbelieve her but no way near the horror stories I’ve told her. All my experience did when I was in my 30s was avoid being subjected to misogynoir by avoiding health care altogether. When my body couldn’t just heal on it’s own and needed medical intervention I go in prepared with evidence, and mentally I prepare myself for not being believed and dismissed. I figure low expectations will beget less disappointment but I’m still angry that my quality of life is going to suffer and impact my livelihood because of these patriarchal white hierarchies still knee capping women with over half of our lives left to endure.
So glad Halle spoke out on this, but she needs a new doctor immediately. He says things like “You messed up again Halle”. Wildly judgmental!
Thank you for covering this Rosie! In retrospect I’m finally understanding what happened to my body 25 years ago in my late twenties.
My partner and I had especially intense sex. I got a burning sensation right afterwards and went to urgent care. I asked the white male doctor if he could tell if the painful area was an abrasion or a STI lesion.
He couldn’t even make sense of my question let alone diagnose me. The female nurse attendant was watching me helplessly repeat my question. Not only did he not understand but judged me while I’m laying there in stirrups. I was a young black woman trying to manage my health care and in a very vulnerable situation.
This is where misdiagnosis can happen to black women who have navigate racism and unconscious bias in the exam room where patients need help most.
Perimenopause typically starts between the age of 40-44 and typically lasts for several years before menopause. Menopause is simply the point in time when your period has stopped for 12 months. There are a buffet of symptoms associated with perimenopause and many of us get different ones.
In early peri (when I was around 45 or 46) I had extremely heavy periods and it was difficult to avoid leaking through my clothes and bed sheets. I had to start wearing super plus tampons, plus a pad, plus period underwear and be on top of changing pads/tampons frequently to avoid leakage. Now, at age 52, I hardly ever get my period. It’s been very light and irregular for 3-4 years or so. About 4 years it started being erratic and a bit longer from 26-40 days. And now I get it every 2-5 months. Truly unpredictable. Plus random spotting. Hopefully I’ll hit the menopause soon. I’m over this.
Other symptoms have included weight gain, especially around my waist and stomach (I was pear shaped with a flat stomach until perimenopause), insomnia, anger/moodiness, depression and, more recently, on occasion extreme fatigue. Sometimes I come home from work and walk the dog and eat and go straight to bed b/c I’m so damn tired. I also get the occasional hot flash, but mine are fairly rare and not so bad (yet). Oh yeah, and my sex drive has gone into the toilet. I rarely have a sex drive and I used to be so horny all the time. It’s weird to just not be interested or care most of the time.
I was once prescribed Valtrex by a NP because he misdiagnosed sores my newly erupted wisdom teeth caused rubbing the inside of my cheeks as herpes. Always be your own advocate and get a second opinion when a a dr patrionizes you or doesn’t take you (or pain complaints) seriously.
Drs aren’t perfect either, not Halle’s fault, last I heard most are only human. I super appreciate her bravery in sharing. Hard to read comments judging her – we judge women too fkn harshly as a general rule and it’s especially harmful when it comes from medical professionals and/or other women (tho I think she said the Dr was male?). Do we judge those same folks as harshly when they make a mistaken dx as we do the woman we feel is a dirty herpes ridden jezebel? Tysm Halle 🎁
The vaginal pain/dryness can be real. I’ve been spared this far but my sister experienced it big time and no, lube is not an answer. It’s bad.
Hot flashes are so bad. I keep a large fan at work so when I’m sitting there I can mitigate it, but nothing is worse than being in a meeting in Feb and you break in to a full on flop sweat.
One coworker wld sweat so badly after her shower, she’d have to wash her hair and change her top before going to work.
Lastly, her male dr is a moron.l, an ob/gyn doesn’t know women’s bodies?! Get reading dude!
I highly recommend the menopause Dr on insta. I am post menopause but have a lot of strange symptoms still. Once I saw a list of them, my symptoms made sense. I wasn’t crazy. It’s not just mood swings, dryness, weight gain and hot flushes. I got a skin disease which took a year to clear up, and still have tinnitus, migraine, memory loss (not just brain fog), dizzyness, sleeplessness, gut issues, dry eye, the list goes on. These are all menopause symptoms. I feel less crazy now that I know that.
Her doctor was a man! lol
Most women were never taught about Perimenopause. It can last up to or more than 10 years. Your hormones go on a roller coaster ride which cause all sorts of symptoms…anything from dry skin, thinning hair, dry eyes, joint pain, anxiety, depression, brain fog, swollen ankles, etc. The symptoms can come and go, lessen or strengthen during this time. All we were ever taught is one day you’ll get hot flashes and your period will stop. That is extremely false.