Yesterday, we had a grand old time looking at Lindsay and Ali Lohan putting on a weepy, Oscar-worthy performance for the cameras in St. Barth, as they stood around a yacht, fake-crying for the cameras. I had several theories about their fake tears, mostly involving an alleged incident in which Lindsay punched a random dude hitting on her sister, or perhaps they were crying about Casey Johnson. Soon after I posted the story, Us Weekly published an exclusive statement from Lindsay and one of her “friends” claiming that Lindsay’s “friend” Patrick “Pootie” Aufdenkamp (in the photo above) had stolen Lindsay’s “sketches” for her new clothing line. As if that’s why Lindsay was crying. I thought the whole Pootie situation sounded like bullsh-t for many reasons. First, I seriously doubt Lindsay was sitting around St. Barth, getting high and “designing”. Second, why would anyone steal from Lindsay? Three, drugs.

Anway, Pootie gave Perez Hilton an exclusive statement about what really went down. Apparently, Pootie had been hard at work helping Lindsay with her new clothing line and he accuses Lindsay of basically taking credit for his work… I think. Here’s his statement:

I stand by my integrity as an artist and my morals as a business person. I would like to see any shred of evidence that supports those ridiculous allegations, there is no evidence and there will be nothing Lindsay or her company can find to show otherwise. I’m way too creative of an individual to need to steal anything design-related from that girl.

She knows how much my new line means to me and has seen first hand all the HARD and HONEST work I have put into bringing it to life. The fact that she is trying to take that away from me with a guilt free conscious and can still sleep at night, is in essence, (for those of you who may not already know) exactly what kind of person she is right now.

Throughout our entire friendship I have always respected her, her privacy, and wanted nothing but the best. It breaks my heart to see someone I once looked up to, turned to, and considered a sister, stoop to a new kind of low. Just because her career is stuck at a stand still, mine is just taking off. I could not be more thankful for the place I am in today. And am far too creative to need or want these designs of “her’s” that simply don’t exist. I give credit when it is due and my line that is about to come out next month is 100 percent, my own. I think she should start off this year by addressing the REAL issues that face her life first…

“From the bottom of my heart, I wish her nothing but a happy & healthy 2010.”

(I am relieved to say I have finally made it home SAFE, and am exhausted, overwhelmed and drained from everything that I have endured on this trip, one day soon this will all make sense to you, but right now that’s all I can say)

Thank you all for the support.

[From Pootie’s statement via Perez Hilton]

Eh. Crackheads never learn. And I’m talking about both of them, Pootie and Lindsay. They both sound like they have problems of the drug variety. So, should we feel sympathy for Pootie because he enabled Lindsay long enough for her to turn on him? I actually believe his side of the story. Lindsay probably looked at Pootie’s sketches and was all “those are mine, you stole them, get out!” Which is probably how she steals all of that jewelry too, come to think about it. If you had a deranged, cracked-out Lindsay Lohan screaming “That’s mine!!!” at whatever you had, wouldn’t you just give it to her and run?

Patrick “Pootie” Aufdenkamp on December 18, 2008. Lindsay Lohan weeping dramatically for the photographers on January 5, 2010. Credit: Fame and Spread Pictures/Fame.