Tom Cruise: action hero or “unhinged, lift-wearing midget”?


I saw this new trailer for Knight & Day a few nights ago, and I was kind of blown away by how craptastic it looks. Like, did you ever watch The Bourne Identity and wish it had more Cameron Diaz pratfalls? No? Well, too bad. This film seems to borrow heavily from Mr. & Mrs. Smith, the Bourne series, plus a dash of Cameron Diaz acting wacky in just about every comedy she’s made:

The digital effects are truly terrible, right? But I did enjoy Tom Cruise’s “SQUEEE!!” jump face. Agent Bedhead points out that “the movie really emphasizes the ‘Crazy Cruise’ vibe and completely runs with it. This is a rather clever (i.e., predictable yet still amusingly tongue-in-cheek) approach of capitalizing upon Cruise’s couch-jumping reputation, but I still think the man himself really is an unhinged, lift-wearing midget.” I think that’s how we should refer to Tom from now on. We should just say, “Oh, Tom? The unhinged, lift-wearing midget. Him. Did you see his face when he jumped?”

Tom Cruise films a stunt scene, after stretching and getting pointers from his stunt double, for his upcoming film knight and Day

'Knight and Day' Shooting in Seville

Knight & Day still courtesy of Agent Bedhead.

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40 Responses to “Tom Cruise: action hero or “unhinged, lift-wearing midget”?”

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  1. Corina says:

    I don’t understand these 2 in a film together – she’s so tall and he’s so short. She is tall, right? Or does she just seem tall? Some people are like that.

  2. Megan says:

    Not Vanilla Sky again! Yuck.

  3. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    She is tall and I got heavy Mr and Mrs Smith vibe from it to. I thought that was just me. Just some parts seem to resemble it, like when she is only wearing a shirt, a men’s shirt. I think I am ready to see Tom in some more serious roles again. Its so sad to see him lose that movie star sparkle he once had. Its so sad.

  4. Mouse says:

    Who did the casting? These two are terrible together. This looks like a snoozefest repeat of Vanilla Sky,

  5. Kayla says:

    The only reason I would even think for a second about seeing this movie is the fact that Riley from Buffy is in it! But I guess his part is pretty bit, so nahhh.

  6. moo says:

    My vote is for the unhinged, lift-wearing midget. Also add paranoid, domineering asshole and I think you got it!

  7. Bunny says:

    Kaiser, I have to applaud you… title ever.

  8. Snarf says:

    I’ll take option B for 20 points…

  9. Maritza says:

    I liked Vanilla Sky I thought they both did a pretty good job, can’t wait to see this movie, I’m sure people are going to love it!

  10. Iggles says:

    Kayla – I loved Buffy with Riley! Didn’t last long but he was hot!

  11. Dorothy says:

    OH I think it looks good I will probably go see it!

  12. Dawn says:

    Tom+Carman= WTF?

  13. anon says:

    definitely unhinged

  14. hairball says:

    Am I the only one who thinks this looks like it could be entertaining? Not life changing, entertaining.

  15. d says:

    I thought Vanilla Sky was pretty good actually. And the pairing worked for me too. Man, I think I may rent that one this weekend too, it’s been a while.

  16. Jackson says:

    I’ve seen this trailer a few times as well. I cannot imagine anyone wanting to see this movie even if the tickets are free. With free popcorn. And free drinks.

  17. lucy2 says:

    I’m just so over Tom Cruise. He overshadows his films now, but in a good dramatic role I can maybe get past that. In a goofy action thriller, not so much. I didn’t really care for Mr. & Mrs. Smith, so if this is similar, I’ll probably pass.

    They are an odd pairing. He must have needed mega-lifts to stand next to her!

  18. Kaye says:

    That actually looks pretty fun and I’m not a Cruise fan. My only hesitation is that I have no desire to see them make out and I’m sure there is some of that in the film. It would at least be fun to see all the ways they come up with to make him seem taller than her. He’s probably standing on a box a lot of the time.

  19. dread pirate cuervo says:

    I think TC should do comedy b/c he killed in Tropic Thunder.

  20. Novaraen says:

    Not a movie I would see….pretty much done with Tom…the lift-wearing midget. Too much crazy going on with him these days….waaaaaay too much.

  21. TG says:

    I thought Cam was only 5’9″ that’s not that tall, it isn’t short either, but somehow 5’10’ or 5″ or beyond is tall to me. And how tall is Tom is he 5’7″ or less? I really want to know.

  22. mslewis says:

    Cam Diaz was a model so she’s at least 5’8 and Tommy can’t be over 5’5 so, WHY?? She must have had to stand in a pit when they were shot side by side or Tommy wore 5′ heels.

    Anyway, the trailer looks like a hot mess; just the usual car crashes and heavy guns. Everybody has seen this before.

  23. Granger says:

    According to imdb, he’s 5’7″ and she’s 5’9″ so she’s not THAT much taller. Still, I’m sure he’s wearing lifts in the film.

  24. noonoo says:

    hairball I’m with you..I hate cruise and diaz but this actually looked like fun.

  25. Feebee says:

    a little of one and a lot of the other

  26. Kelly says:

    LOL!!! How bad does that look. Please TC, go AWAY! Or maybe stick around a wee bit longer because you do actually crack me up and there arent enough cheap laughs in the world. How many apple boxes must they have carted around the set so that he could stand next to CD without his testicles retracting into his body?? What a douche.

  27. Ruffian9 says:

    “unhinged, lift-wearing midget” – I think that covers it.

  28. Ruffian9 says:

    What the hell is going on in the first pic? Are they in front of a painting?

  29. canadianchick says:

    @kelly bahaha thanks for the chuckle

    @moo you are so right.

  30. Divorcee says:

    There is no way on earth I would watch this awful movie it just looks stupid, and if it looks stupid it probably is.

  31. bellaluna says:

    I’m gonna go for “unhinged, lift-wearing midget.” I could add a few others in there, but I’ve been up since 3 this morning and just don’t feel up to it right now.

    Didn’t even bother to watch the trailer, since I’ve no interest in the movie. I try to avoid unhinged midget starring movies whenever possible.

  32. Darcy says:

    I couldn’t get past the Tom Cruise Crazy Grin. Or maybe it was just the Tom Cruise.

  33. snappyfish says:

    Tropic Thunder was his best role in years. I agree that he overshadows his roles . We saw Valkyre and it wasn’t bad but TommyBoy was the elephant in the film. Every other actor became their role and Tommy was just crazy Xenu loving Tommy.

    But Kaiser was spot on…lift wearing midget….. I love it.

  34. DKW says:

    It Seems As If They’re Both Trying Too Hard To Be Funny, Which Is NOT A Good Sign For The Film…

  35. dizzybenny says:

    that looks like fun filled wild ride 🙂

  36. Popcorny says:

    The worst case of closeted Littlemantis ever. Love that pic of him flying down like he just saw bare mancheeks. What an idiot.
    I resent that he constantly tries to force himself on the public that he’s a hero.
    Now with this latest news of upper ranked Scientology beat-downs (and Katie’s unexplained bruises), I think there’s a great probability that he’s far darker than just annoying.
    He just seems saturated with delusions and facade, sick.

  37. 88Modesty88 says:

    Yes, Tom killed in Tropic Thunder. Maybe because he was almost totally unrecognisable as himself!

  38. stylefile says:

    I’m not a Tom Cruise fan but I must say I’ve enjoyed him more, gossip-wise, after all the crazy came out. The movie looks like mindless fun, so I’ll probably watch it.

    Heck, he’s given me hours of entertainment indirectly because of all the gossip surrounding him, the least I can do is go watch his film that looks like fun.

    (Plus, Suri is my favorite celebrity baby! So pretty and has a lot of personality. Who cares if she’s Tom’s, L.Ron’s or Chris Klein’s? Tom is raising her, she’s Tom’s daughter.)

  39. Renee says:

    Love the title, love the story! You couldn’t pay me to see this!

  40. Bernard says:

    well where do i start… because tom cruse got the second aireing of the south park episode “why wont tom cruse come out of the closet” pulled i cant really respect him. this new movie is just another attempt for people to forget that he’s just another actor. He needs to really convince me to be a fan again… Sorry Tom…