Jessica Simpson is mute and her album sucks!


Jessica Simpson has lost her money-maker right before the release of hew new album, “A Public Affair,” which comes out today. No, she didn’t gain more weight, in fact she’s said to have lost 8 pounds in two weeks (Which is not a big deal if you eat right and exercise. I’ve done it too. Don’t flame that it’s unhealthy). She lost her voice, and is now so poorly that she has to use a pen and paper to communicate:

Jessica Simpson, who had a full schedule of appearances lined up to promote her new album, A Public Affair, has lost her voice, In Touch Weekly reported Monday.

A doctor warned the 26-year-old songstress to not use it or else face losing it, saying that Simpson should refrain from talking while she gives her pipes time to rest.

Under doctor’s orders, Simpson was forced to cancel dates on Today, Total Request Live and The Late Show with David Letterman. Instead, the In This Skin singer flew to New York a day earlier than planned and met with a voice specialist.

“She’s on total vocal rest and some of her appearances have been delayed,” Simpson’s rep, Rob Shuter, confirmed.

A friend of the Teen Choice Award winner for Movie Breakout told In Touch that Simpson, who’s been communicating with people via notepad and pen, was feeling physically okay but was bummed about the bad timing.

It’s a shame Jessica can’t type on a little portable device to more effectively communicate, but she can only think so fast so a pen and paper are just about her speed.

Meanwhile her album is said to predictably suck. Reviewer Nekesa Moody of the San Francisco Chronicle says it’s “full of banal, ridiculous dance songs… and uninspired ballads” despite her normally strong, healthy vocals:

Now 26 years old, with her marriage and reality series both finished, Simpson is hoping to re-establish herself as a singer with her fifth album, “A Public Affair.” But instead of showcasing her overlooked talent, it only serves as a reminder of why we never cared about her as a singer in the first place.

Simpson has a strong voice, and unlike, say, Britney Spears, can make her vocals soar. But unlike Spears, she doesn’t have catchy songs to draw us in. Case in point: her first single, “A Public Affair.” It takes chunks of Madonna’s “Holiday” and Diana Ross'”Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” to cobble the song together, and it’s still a frothy, fluffy mess that sounds like karaoke.

That effect permeates much of the album, especially since Simpson chooses a decidedly retro feel — ’80s covers like “You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)” and dated disco tracks — for much of it. Unlike Gwen Stefani, who managed to turn her ’80s inspiration into an inspired, creative gem with “Love.Angel.Music.Baby,” Simpson’s tunes — eight of which she co-wrote — just sound like retreads. Vocally she also disappoints, choosing to pant and vamp her way through a song instead of really singing.

Moody goes on to say that unless Jessica starts putting out decent albums she’s going to be known more for her tabloid personality and packaged looks than her singing voice. Guess it doesn’t matter if she can’t speak once in a while.

Here are some promo pictures for “A Public Affair,” courtesy of SweetKisses.net.

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20 Responses to “Jessica Simpson is mute and her album sucks!”

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  1. HARRIET says:

    I love Jess’s album, and I love her. There’s something very sweet about her, not to mention she’s so hot! TEAM JESSICA

  2. alexis says:

    Went out this morning to buy album, and I love it. I keep playing it over & over again. You guys are crazy, this is the best album of her career.

  3. Celebitchy says:

    “Harriet” and “Alexis” you have the same ip address. You’re welcome to comment more than once, but if I catch people using more than one name I might ban you.

  4. dustin says:

    Jessica’s the hottest star around. Her album is great, and anyone that says Jessica’s album sucks is crazy!

  5. Celebitchy says:

    Perhaps you didn’t get it the first time harriet/alexis/dustin, uh, I can tell that you’re commenting from the same computer.

  6. beth says:

    so what’s up with her using the same pose with her lips all puckered out like a duck…. very unflattering and she needs to learn a couple more poses for the camera… pretty girl but she’s never really done anything but sing love ballads so this “public affair” stuff isn’t cutting it for me personally…

  7. Mr. T says:

    Personally, I never cared for Jessica’s music as well as Mrs. Federline’s. However Christina Aguilera has the strongest voice around of any of the popular women singers of today with respect to Gwen Stefani whom is also talented. Kudo’s to Celebitchy for keeping the ship tight. Keep up the great site. This has got to be one of the best around.

    Regards,

  8. Shannon says:

    I think her album is good. I don’t think it’s her best, but it’s certainly not crap. She is so beautiful and sweet with a strong voice. Go Jessica!!

  9. paris herpes says:

    She sucks, everyone knows she has no talent…she’s just a pre-packaged pseudo-pop singer formulated by her pervy Dad and her “brand”….

  10. corey says:

    jessica is all washed up she should have just quit while she was on top , but NO instead she just brings out this gabbage and instead of being praised she is just being made fun of, your a loser jessica i mean your ex husband has become more succesful than you ,so maybe the tabloids were wrong he wasnt holding you back you were holding him back, dont get me wrong i hate both of you but atleast his album is selling and has a couple of hits to his name now and not to mention a way hot girl friend way hotter than you do us all a favor jess and just retire

  11. danielle says:

    i think jess is really pretty and talented but to tell the truth she is getting a little old…..

  12. danielle says:

    i think jess is awsome and a great singer and i think she should keep goin!!

  13. danielle says:

    i think jess is awsome and a great singer and i think she should keep goin!! and i also think her new is her best!!!!

  14. danielle says:

    sryy about the 3 comennts but the first one i said that i think shes getting old but then i changed my mind and srry about the double comments…

  15. Celebitchy says:

    Danielle, that\’s ok. You can always edit your comment by clicking the link next to it. I don\’t care how many times people comment as long as they don\’t use different nicknames.

    Thanks, Mr. T!

  16. AC says:

    I think she has talent but is too busy trying to sound sexy. If she could make song w here she just honestly SAND instead of squeeking ans squacking all over the place i think she’d have something. But she’s always affecting her voice and its very abrasive IMO. Her PERSONALLY i like, she is sweet and nice and seems down to earth (as much as she can be at least) … i just don’t wanna hear her sing though.

  17. kittygirl says:

    Attention Ms. Simpson….. Please return to your trailer. Your 15 minutes of fame has is over.

  18. Alice C. says:

    Why is it that the more coverage there is of Nick and Vanessa, there’s more pics of Jess being drunk in public? She obeyed Pappa Joe, got rid of Nick ’cause Joe wants to be the only man in her life, and the world is NOT her oyster as Pappa Joe promised it would be if only she got rid of Nick.
    Jess should be gettin’ rid of Pappa Joe, or she’ll never have lasting success with any man.
    Sorry, Jess….you can’t put husbands on a shelf when you tire of them, and then expect them to be there at your convenience……….unlike what Pappa Joe says, the world does NOT revolve around the fu**in* Simpson family.

  19. jayne says:

    to tell you the truth im sick of these “young” talentless singers most of them dont write their own music, the music is “borrowed” from previous artist and its the same crap over and over.

  20. Trider says:

    After a while, she regained somehow her “singing” voice. Crap, I liked her better as a mute. With all respect for disabilities, were she a mute she could focus on her lingerie line and stuff. Actually, she could be very pretty when she doesn’t dress like a pro.
    But hearing her…her infamous punchlines, like the “tuna” one seem taken from a bad blonde joke. Actually, I feel they’re bad blonde jokes written and delivered to let her act “cute”. She returned to sing, and what? Nothing at all. She may have a pleasant voice, but used like crap. No diaphragm at all, only a breathy sexy hushy tone follwing a chillingly high feminine throat high voice, which may be the cause of her voice loss in first ’cause, ’cause it’s exactly the way a teenager wakes up the day after a karaoke date with a sore throat. With the difference a teen doen’t pretend to make a living out of her voice, and doesn’t have to sing and talk in public so much.

    Moody actually is right: strip Jessica of her voice, and we’ll have her sign her way to drama.