Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve talked about Jessica Simpson? I last wrote about her in MARCH. Six months without any major gossip or fashion catastrophes from Jessica – that must be a new record! Jessica and her husband Eric flew into NYC a few days ago and they’ve been getting pap’d in the city this week – the photos I’m including in this post are just from their two costume changes yesterday. It’s worth noting that Jessica really does seem to have kept off the weight this time. I wonder if she’s still on a diet program or if she just changed the way she eats and exercises? She looks really good in general, although I think she could easily lose the fake-tan and the blonde weave. She’s so naturally pretty, but it’s like she styles herself to look like a Real Housewife.
Jessica also appeared on The Tonight Show last night. Even though motherhood has mellowed her and even though she’s grown up a lot in the past few years, she’s still the same old fart-soaked, TMI-dropping sweetheart as always. Jimmy Fallon was trying to get her to talk about her kids and motherhood and Jessica dropped a Classic J-Simp Gem: at least one of her kids liked to poop in the yard, not the diaper. LMAO.
Before getting down to business and discussing Jessica’s successful fashion line, Fallon asked about Maxwell Johnson and Ace Johnson, Simpson’s two kids with Eric Johnson. “They look like their daddy! They’re too much,” Jessica said of her oft-Instagrammed children. “They’re the best.”
Regarding her back-to-back pregnancies that lasted from 2011 to 2013, the singer laughed and said, “I did it really quick and sudden. It was very shocking. Now that they’re 2 and 3, it’s unbelievable.”
“What do I have to look forward to?” asked Jimmy, a father of two.
“Pooping in the grass and not a diaper,” Jessica warned. “Just popping a squat.”
Is that a thing? I feel like “kids pooping in grass” has been in some movies/TV shows. I can’t even tell you how much I’m giggling about this. I know, it’s such silly bathroom humor, but SERIOUSLY. Of course Jessica Simpson’s children like to take off their diaper so they can poop in the grass.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.
The hair, Jess. The hair is not good. Fried, fake and too, too light.
Such horrible style on such a pretty woman. She needs a head to toe makeover.
Now my day is complete. I felt that nagging feeling that something was missing…
Go forth and prosper, holding in your heart this valuable and indisputable turd truth.
GNAT-poop in the grass and you will be set freeeeeeeeeeeee!
Thank you two nuts. You made me laugh. Which this information did not until now.
Our moment of Zen for the day XD
being 2 and 3 and still wearing a diaper is way grosser than pooping in the grass. Come on America, it’s not okay
That’s right America, screw developmental milestones!
At 3 i agree it’s time to learn. But still wearing diapers at 2 is not really that big a deal in my opinion.
Are you serious or just an a-hole?
@jen
Take it easy there judgey judgerson
You know a lot of it is hormonal, right? You can’t force that s. I was lucky to have my daughter potty trained by 26 months, day and night, but especially at night, it is completely out of everyone’s control, and is purely up to hormones.
I’m assuming you’ve potty training kids right? Cause I can tell you at 2 forcing a kid into potty training that isn’t ready is probably why they’re pooing in grass *sarky thumbs up*
Oh, gawd! Are her children learning other J. Simp anti-hygiene behavior, like not brushing their teeth, as well? Way to go, Simpleton.
I know! I have a feeling the kids learned this gross, unhygienic behavior from their gross, unhygienic mother, and Jessica squats in the grass right next to her kids, unloading.
At least they’re conserving water!
Does she clean their butts with leaves?
Those pants look so great on her. What an upgrade!
Really? I came to say those pants were horrible and ill-fitting. LOL.
Me too. In fact they’re verging on the horrible mom jeans she wore a few years ago that she got so much grief over. Fire the tailor.
Oh man, I was dropping by to say she needs to lose those unflattering pants. She could wear anything she wants and she chooses these?
Uh, she should be training them NOT to poop in the grass.
Kids will do anything they can get away with; the idea is to, you know, civilize them.
Seriously. Are they dogs??
Does she have a pooper scooper for her kids? If they go on the neighbor’s lawn does she pick it up?
Yep, kids are very much like dogs. My best friend had twin toddlers when I had a young puppy. There was a surprising amount of overlap in our stories.
Toilet training was a pain for both of us. Her kids wanted to pee outside, my puppy wanted to pee inside, right near the toilet. And then, in the same week, her kids and my puppy both discovered the joy of pulling on the toilet paper and spreading it through the house.
Lucrezia that story is seriously adorable! Thanks for sharing it,
I typically lurk rather than reply, but as soon as I read this headline I had to lend my 2 cents…
@Lucrezia, you are so right about the similarities between toddlers and dogs. It’s uncanny. Sadly, my small kids have learned a lot of their less desirable behaviour from our 2 dogs. At 2 & 3 years old, they really still are primal little animals, just in the throes of being civilized. (Hell, I know plenty of adults who are still in the throes of being civilized.)
Early this past spring we were hiking with our dogs and kids. My then not-yet-4-year-old had already been taught by his dad on similar excursions how to stand and pee in the bushes when nature calls and you’re stuck without facilities out in the middle of, well, nature. This time, though, nature called times 2. So what are we going to do? When you’re 3 1/2, “holding it” isn’t usually an option. So he pooped in the bushes, “just like the dogs” (his words). Since we were with dogs, we had bags handy and picked up and disposed of our son’s waste just as we would our dogs’. (Shout out to all the responsible pet owners from yesterday’s Sandy B thread!) No harm, no foul. So we thought.
The unfortunate result of my son realizing that he could pee and poop like a dog was a two-month battle to get him to NOT pee and poop like a dog, unless absolutely necessary. He thought it was the coolest thing ever! Luckily I only had to pick up kid poop from the backyard once, but man–getting him to stop dropping trou and peeing anywhere and everywhere in the great outdoors whenever the urge moved him was a much bigger challenge.
I am happy to report, however, that we’ve moved beyond that often-embarrassing phase (embarrassing for me; he still has no shame) and he’s gone back to coming inside to pee in the toilet. My 20-month-old, on the other hand, still does her business in diapers, and I don’t feel bad about that. Sorry @Jen.
You know what? Because of my dog, I’m sure, I’ve caught my 2 year old gazing longingly into the lawn and sighing, “I wanna poop in the grass…” she is potty trained, but wants to be like her furry “big brother”. This is not shocking to me. Like, at all.
The way I read it, she was just telling a funny little story about this one time her kid decided to pop a squat and poop in the grass. I’m sure your parents have a funny story or 2 about something hilarious and out-of-the-norm you just up and decided to do one day. I doubt she encourages them to poop in the grass on the daily, and she probably explained why it’s not the way we do things right after it happened. Come on now…
Ikr?! Any opportunity to twist things. I love Jessica. If it was any body else, comments would be, oh how funny.
Once my mom put me on my potty training chair and it had a little seat belt, which she fastened. She left the room to answer the phone and apparently I got bored and waddled into the kitchen with my potty attached. She tells everybody that.
Wow I can’t believe how judgey some posters are.
Sometimes kids potty where they shouldn’t. When my daughter wad potty training she got the pee down quickly but poop took much longer. One day she came and told me she went poopy. She was so excited and wanted to show me she didn’t do it in her diaper. So she handed me her diaper which she had so nicely removed and took my hand. Expecting to be taken to her potty you can imagine my surprise when she took me outside. Lol I was dying. She had pooped outside and was so proud. We were potty training our puppy too and she was so proud she pooped outside like the puppy. Haha after I finished laughing I did explain it was okay for puppies but not people and she needed to use her potty. After that she did use her potty for that. So yes sometimes kids do just pop a squat.
I heard a story about a little girl who took it and smeared it all over the wall. You know, like finger painting. Ew!
Yeah, I don’t really read any more into that either. Kids do weird S**t. Literally. This coming from a girl who used to stand at the top of the stairs when she was little (where the bathroom was) and yell down to her parents “I’m DONE! COME WIPE ME!”
And they never, ever screw up or do things they haven’t been trained to do ever. They’re 2 and 3. You ought to have complete control over them by then! Perfect potty training! Sheesh. This sounds exactly like the bazillion other “OMG my kid did this weird thing that I was NOT expecting but now we laugh about it” stories that every single parent has.
My friend’s kid popped a squat in the middle of the lawn and peed right there in front of everybody at a big BBQ party. She was 3. Everyone just laughed. It happens.
One of my kid’s friends was a grass pooper. I’m certainly not one of the perfect mothers, but JS seems so….I don’t know, like she would just let them do what they want.
Jess, you better pick up after your kids or watch out for Bryan Randall.
It’s not Bryan Randall she needs to worry about, it’s CeleBitchy and her fake lawn security cameras and DNA-poop-testing rumors. 😂
I was just thinking that maybe he was her neighbor ha ha. What a gross anecdote! I don’t know anyone else who has kids doing that.
This is just so funny. What a funny juxtaposition. Thanks. Laughter is healthy!
She looks so drugged in those pictures.
And I totally agree with you. I think that’s how she’s lost her weight. Not in a healthy way.
my money is on weight loss via adderall (or Vyvanse, the new drug Monica Seles is pushing, which is basically the same thing). It’s funny how the eyes show the unhealthy weight loss the most.
I watched her on the Today show this morning and that’s the first thing that came to mind. She always looks drugged up or acts drunk. Something seems off.
Yep, I think she takes something that gets her pepped up so she can exercise as much as she needed to in order to lose the weight.
She looks like she is posing and pouting to me…am I missing something?
Someone needs to dress this woman. She has the worst sense of style ever.
Both items are not good. Not good at all.
She does not look good. There’s something really harsh about her face now, and the hair that looks like plastic Barbie hair does not help. And the high-waisted slacks, ick.
Well I can only hope she cleans up after them like the rest of us clean up after our dogs. Silly me, that’s the gardener’s job!
I’m not one to usually comment on someone’s appearance but it does amaze me that she is constantly referred to as pretty or naturally pretty. Maybe because I’m not American but I can’t find anything appealing about her appearance at all. I’ve never said that on here before but am genuinely surprised by that view.
I don’t think that’s a majority view at all. I think most people are attracted to people who look more . . . natural. But extremes seem to get the most attention, and her extreme Barbie look does seem to garner attention.
If you see her without makeup plastered on, just a fresh-faced look, she actually is naturally pretty – she looks like someone who doesn’t need any makeup.
But the way she does her makeup & hair doesn’t ‘enhance’ her natural looks, it changes her looks completely.
im american, never thought she was pretty
there is something weird up in her eye area, like cro magnon or something
I’m trying to wrap my head around the logistics here. No toilet paper? A bidet?
I’m worried about it now.
Great.
Those pants are AWFUL.
I’m not usually one to judge someone’s parenting but Maxi is 3, it’s time to quit the diaper.
You’re right, that is judgemental.
Never said it wasn’t, but a 3 year old is fully capable of being at least day trained. It’s laziness to still have her in diapers.
Something about the lower part of her face looks different to me. Could be the weight loss. Chin implant? Teeth protruding? I actually think she looks better not as heavy as she was, but with a couple of extra pounds.
She’s always had a pretty strong jawline & Dudley DoRight type chin (prominent with a deep cleft), so I don’t think it’s a chin thing. I think it’s the ridiculous duck face she insists on making all the time. Why can’t duck faces just DIE ALREADY?!?!
I agree!
I think she is cute/adorable/annoying but something is missing from her and it’s not just a sense of a style.
OMFG where’s Jess???? I thought of her story, from Sandra B’s boyfriend’s dog crap smearing story, from yesterday!
That black outfit is a sin. It is one of the deadly sins 🙂 As a catholic, I will never break the 8th: Thou shall not wear a bad lacy, flesh collard, flared, high waisted with a skinny belt jump suit… ever.
I just realized who she reminds me of: Dolly Parton. The same teeny frame and big boobs. Giant shoes, fake hair. Too bad she doesn’t have Dolly’s pipes!
Or songwriting talent or natural wit.
Well, my son has peed on plenty of trees, but I can honestly say he has not pooped in the yard.
Jessica’s fun,she actually has a set of pipes that don’t need a lot of back up instruments.Both of her interviews were very low keyed for Jessica and very well done. Not one part of it seemed contrived or drug like.The only dress I did not care for yesterday was the laced top one. All others were awesome. The pants are a pantsuit not pants and top.i think Jessica has settled quite nicely into her married life and family and I bet many that have little boys have experienced them going outdoors.. I would also bet when she said Diaper it was probably a pull up for training purposes.The children seem to be very happy children and well cared for.
Congratulations on ten years Jessica and to ten more.Your doing awesome even with the hate they still buy your stuff.lol
I haven’t even read it yet but, before I do:
1. Overshare much?!
2. This information on her own kids coming from the mother who infamously declared she doesn’t brush her teeth regularly – or even on a daily basis – because they feel “too slippery” when she happens to brush. And to think I call it clean, once I brush my teeth.
Ugh, this woman!
Saw the intro, and Jimmy F played up the billion $ fashion line- and then she walks out in that monstrosity. I wonder if that the JS Halloween line? Glad to see she is enjoying her life with hubbie and kids.
This idiot (yeah, yeah, I know she’s rich….still doesn’t make her smart) is the queen of TMI.
Those trousers don’t work.
I wonder if those kids will be as stupid and slack-jawed as she is.
Totally off topic, but I see your comments here all the time, for at least two years, if not more, and this is the first time your username clicked for me. My sister and I learned English from those books!
Does she have a way bloated midsection or is it just the pants? She looks tiny but there is something just weird there.
Poop on grass is nothing. My oldest pooped on the kitchen floor, luckily at her grandmothers house. It will be in the speech at her wedding.
I’m waiting for Jeff Foxworthy to say, “You might be a redneck when…” insert poop idea here. SMH
They look deleriously happy (not)! Every time I see him I think man, that guy looks like he’s dumber than a rock. I’ve never even heard him speak, it’s just a vibe I get. Somehow, she managed to get her name on a successful clothing line and has made a lot of money? What’s up with her Dad now? Never see him papped any more either. I guess they are all living under the radar and enjoying the fruits of Jessica’s lucky money pit!
She’s been tinkering with her boobs. They’re
HUGE in some pics.
Her boobs are porn star enormous now…and those pants are a giant NO- she looks pregnant in them.