Last month, Rachel McAdams told Seth Meyers that she had taken a cross country RV trip with her family from the west to the east coast out of necessity at the beginning of lockdown. Jesse Eisenberg did something similar, he traveled in a rented RV with his wife, Anna Strout, and their almost four-year-old son from Los Angeles to Indiana, where they live. He’s talked about this before and has mentioned that he’s volunteering at a women’s shelter in Indiana with his wife. In an interview with Jimmy Fallon, Jesse said that it was a wonderful journey with his family and that his son loved it. However he’s disappointed that his son doesn’t remember any of it.
He took an RV from LA to Indiana with his family
It was out of necessity not out of any kind of dream or whim. We were stuck in Los Angeles, we had to get back to Indiana where we live. We rented an RV so we could quarantine safely and move. [My son] is almost four. I just asked him today, ‘do you remember when we spent that amazing week in the camper van?’He said ‘no,’ I showed him pictures.
I showed him pictures. I said ‘you said this was the best thing of that.’
‘I don’t remember it at all.’ If we do anything nice for our children before they’re seven, they’re not going to remember.
On how his anxiety has lessened with the pandemic
I’ve been anxiety free since the pandemic struck. Any time there’s a real crisis in the world I’m like kind of an American hero. I’m in a panic that something terrible is going to happen. So it makes us look out of step with society, but when something actually happens we’re the only ones that’s ready for it. You know what I mean?
[From The Tonight Show via YouTube]
I have vague memories from before age seven but they’re really spotty. My kid tells me he remembers things before he was seven too, but I get the larger point, that kids don’t form memories like the rest of us do. There’s research that shows that children typically don’t form long term memories until 7. They can remember things prior to that, but it usually doesn’t stick for some reason. There are theories that it has to do with neural growth in childhood.
Jesse also mentioned something that I wasn’t aware of but which seems so obvious now – that there’s a whole RV culture where RV drivers acknowledge each other and talk RV shop. That’s the way motorcycle people are too so I should have known that! He said that they had a great trip because the country was empty and that they went to the Grand Canyon and were the only ones there.
Jesse is promoting his Audible book which he wrote and narrated called When You Finish Saving The World. It’s a time hop story about a family over the course of 30 years and is loosely based on his life with his wife and son. He’s making it into a movie with Julianne Moore through A24. He said they’re filming it in Manitoba soon.
Here’s his interview. I got a better impression of him than I have in the past and felt like I got to know him a little.
This is an older picture of Jesse and his wife. They’re so cute together!
Embed from Getty Images
I still remember bad things that happened to me as well as the good from my childhood starting with a memory from 1 year 3 months. I have multiple memories. So much for him.
I have several clear memories of my uncle, who died in 1979. I was born in 1977. So, I have memories from when I was 2 years old.
I remember MANY nice things my parents did for me well before that age, many things. What’s he on about?
Children that young may not remember specific events, but the love and positive attention they get is imprinted on their minds and hearts. Every bit of love you can pour into a young kid is money in the bank for their future well-being.
I was going to say something like this too. There’s a reason they are called the Formative Years. Specific memories might not be there, but everyone can tell you whether they had a happy childhood. Or not.
Yes this is what i was going to post. Vivid examples maybe not but the intangible messages of love kindness etc or cruelty they will absolutely remember and leave deep scars. Kids are sponges so impressionable. Parents need more support to have the time and energy and tools to give their kids the love they need at that age which is a lot even if youre lucky to have a healthy child, if theyre special needs, etc even more is needed from parents
YES! I immediately thought of that Maya Angelou quote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Those early-age fuzzy or forgotten memories are the unseen foundation on which we build the rest of our lives. Unsafe and/or unsound formative years can lead to instability problems later in life; and possibility a life breakdown or total collapse. And just like an actual building, repairing or replacing the foundation is difficult, costly, time consuming, and may require professional assistance. This is especially true if we don’t remember the formative years and so we can’t figure out why things keep falling apart.
That is a beautiful quote, I’m going to save it! I wrote the first comment because I have a foster child in my extended family whose first four years of life were terrible. Now, we’re trying to deal with that trauma and it is so, so tough, because her brain has been wired not to trust or feel secure.
I love that quote though because it reminds me that whatever I do for her or say to her, it is the love behind it that she’ll remember. Thanks!
I remember lots of things from before that age.
Just because he can’t, doesn’t mean others can’t.
Strange. I have my earliest vivid memories from 3 onwards. My kids too. My oldest especially has memories from 3, he’s now 8. Maybe it’s a genetic thing,?
I realized that a lot of my memories are based on photos and the stories told around them.
I only have one strong memory that is a feeling and that I colored through the photos I saw of my house then (before 7 or even later). It took me a while to find that out and I remember being utterly sad about it.
That’s why I worry about kids in social media all the time: we know it’s not their real life and I wonder about the impact it’s going to have on self-awareness and self-history.
Such good points.
I sometimes have trouble distinguishing between memories, photos and stories around them, and what has always been a very vivid and active dream life. I do remember a lot, though, and even think I can recall being held and doted on by my father as an infant. I remember the first time I dressed myself at age 3 and the satisfaction I felt at pulling up my own dress zipper–on the back! There is also the case of selective memories. Certainly my life has not been without trauma, but some folks I know have completely shut out memories of almost their entire childhoods. I think there’s a degree of choice in memory, too. I wish I remembered more and have thought about doing some kind of spirit-based regression so I could see certain things more clearly to know what was “real” and what wasn’t…
There are actually quite a few documentaries that talk about “fake” or “tricky” memories, which are basically memories that our brains create from stories told to us so it can fill the gaps. Most people can’t recognize the fake ones from the real ones
@Kath Absolutely. I was way well in my twenties when I realised that a beach I always assumed existed was actually only real in a recurring dream that pieced together several cliffy beaches I liked up north of my town.
There is a documentary about memory on Netflix where a person who was in primary school at the time in NY remembers vividly seeing the smoke coming out of the Twin Towers from her classroom window only to dismantle this memory because it was geographically impossible for the Twin Towers to be visible from her school. And yet this was the memory that came to her mind whenever the conversations about where one was when 9/11 happened came up…
Apart from a photo of the whole class, I have no photos from inside my kindergarten and yet I have plenty of memories of it
My parents confirmed that what I said is correct. Same as for many other memories.
I find it quite annoying when people suggest I must have been dreaming all that.
I remember eating Toro’s dog food (Grandma’s dog) ages two through four? I remember being extremely afraid of Oz’s flying monkeys and wanting to be like the Cinderella in Three Wishes for Cinderella, an early 70s Russian version where she rode horses, dressed up like a dude and found three magic acorns lol. I remember Mom dunking my thumb in jalapeno juice to keep me from sucking my thumb. I remember having to swing so high so that I could see my new baby brother being brought home from the hospital. I remember grabbing a shovel from some construction going on next door and plowed it through my my new white patent leather Easter shoes, and new lace ruffled socks practically severing two toes (and I remember sucking a magic instrument that made me feel all better while I watched them repair my foot lol). I can remember lots of things from age four and under
My earliest memories go back to age 3. It’s definitely spotty but I do remember random things here and there. I remember breaking my pinky and getting an x-ray. I remember nap time in pre-school. I remember my kindergarten teacher who I loved. I remember my 1st grade teacher who I thought was a big meanie and that I confused her for a man. I remember my 2nd grade teacher who I adored and who recommended me for the talented and gifted program. I remember my 3rd grade teachers obvious toupee and my playground nemesis.
See, I remember quite a bit!
My kids are like that too. They don’t remember but when they reach 10 years old, those memories gradually come back. They recall, like, “Do you remember when we go to.. ” Huh? 4 years ago you said you don’t remember.
What he actually meant is: “If I do nice things for my child before age 7, then I don’t get the validation and appreciation I think I deserve from it.”
Newsflash: kids might not be able to show their appreciation the way he would like them to, but they remember. Emotional and sensorial memory is a thing, and it shapes the kids. My father learnt this the hard way. He thought he could wait until we were “grown” enough to start acting like a dad and now he’s finding himself at a loss because his children are strangers to him.
Don’t have kids if all you want from them is validation.
This is a strange comment because if you think your kid doesn’t remember what do you do? Actually other studies have shown that these years are incredibly important because another kind of memory is established: behavioral, emotional, etc. They are incredibly important and having a lot of love, attention and stimulation is key for a good development.
My earliest memory is from when I was 2.5 years old. I was going to the hospital to see my dad after his heart attack. I can remember walking with my mom and being so excited to see him. My grandparents then took me back to their house and I got to have a hoodsie cup in front of the TV (such a big deal). However, I vaguely remember other instances around that time (pre-4) unless someone sparks the memory or I see a picture.
I remember being in my crib waking up from naptime. My loving siblings were gathered around waiting for my reaction because they had piled a lot of things on the top of the crib (it had screen all around and on the top that flipped so you could have it outside and be protected from bugs). I think I was 2; which means they were 3, 4 + 5. My brother said “Wait, she’s going to cry when she can’t get out”. So I didn’t, I just sat and waited for mom to come and get me out. What a great memory! LOL! For the rest, it’s just glimpses, but that one is really vivid.
Not true. I don’t have a TON of memories before the age of seven, but one of my absolute favs is from the time I was three to four years old, and my dad bought what became (until I was a pre-teen) my treasured teddy bear.
I had NO idea Jesse had a child. Wow.
I think I have memories from before age 7. I remember pre-school quite well, my earliest friends, going places with my parents. And even if I don’t have a LOT of memories from early childhood, I still have feelings and glimmers of emotion from that time. I’m sure I certainly would know the difference if my parents treated me well versus if they were mean to me, things like that. I remember generally growing up with a lot of love and my parents taking me fun places.
You all understand he was telling a funny story about his kid, right? He’s not seriously saying kids don’t remember anything before age 7. It was a joke.
Thank you! Some people just didn’t get the joke.
Everyone definitely has some memories from before age 7, but I get what he means. I did a 3 day road trip when I was like 4-5. I have maybe 2 random memories from the trip (a nightmare I had while sleeping in the car and a hotdog restaurant we stopped at), but I don’t remember the trip in any meaningful type of way. Just a few small things that stuck with me. We did the same trip when I was 12, and remember it in a way more cohesive way.
I think the point is, kids memories are spotty. It’s good to give them a happy and warm childhood because emotions will be remembered, but there’s no real reason to shell out on a big, nice vacation because it’s possible the only thing they will remember about the expensive vacation is a hotdog stand they ate at once.
I think it just depends on the person – I don’t really remember anything from before the age of 10 but my younger brother will tell me stories of things that happened when he was 3. Everyone’s brain is different, I guess.
They may or may not remember specifics but I suspect they know how they felt. Safe, happy, loved, etc.
As parents we are the keeper of memories. You know who does have the memories? We do. If they enjoyed the trip with their kid, good. Then they can have that good memory about their kid and keep and share it. It isn’t null.
I have super clear – close my eyes and reenact them – memories from 4 and up. I immigrated to America at that age and remember everything from then till now, and I’ll be 30 in a few weeks. I feel like some people have selective memories. My husband had to flee Syria at 5 years old and has basically blocked out everything from under 5 out because it was traumatizing, for the most part.
I’ve looked at pictures & videos from my childhood & although there are SOME things I can still remember, others I feel like do I really remember this or is it the pictures/videos making me think I remember them. Either way, continue making memories & capture them. Though they may not actually remember vividly the pic & vids would be a wonderful reminder
Yeah… No. I disagree, everyone’s memory work a bit differently and some are better at remembering early events than others. Probably also depends on the type of existence you have had too.
I totally remember things that happened before I turned 7, lots of stuff, I usually have a great memory. Which is a good thing since my dad died when I was 7.
we might not rememver details but i think remember feelings especially if they are bad or painful.
Until we’re 7 years old we act mostly from the part of our brains that work on a subconscious level. So while his son doesn’t remember it consciosly, the brain has stored the memories subconsciosly and it will therefore shape the child’s perceptions, beliefs and personality. The way a child acts in those early years can be compared to when grown ups do routine tasks and don’t have to think to much about it. The subconscious take over, it’s a “pure” type of state without the interference of our own inner voices or judgements.
So saying very young children don’t remember the nice things parents do for them, is semi-true. They might not remember, but the gestures and experiences shapes them into the people they become when they’re older. 🙂 It certainly sticks and transforms into something for the child.
(same goes for bad experiences: I can’t for example remember my parents divorce, but had separation anxiety until I was about 20 because of it. Again, subconsciously and not something I can really remember. The deeper part of my brain and my body does, though.)
I remember looking through the bars of my crib when I was three, I remember my fourth birthday, the apartment we lived in the first 4 yrs of my life, The Jackson 5’s first performance in Ed Sullivan and the Supremes last all before my 5th b’day. He’s an idiot.
It’s funny because I have a completely terrible memory. Like nothing happened, but I just don’t remember things well at all. My mom always complains about wasting doing nice things for me (jokingly) and taking me on trips but I tell her that it helped form me as as person! And I do believe that. Even if you don’t remember something, it can stay with you and inform your life.