Michael Oher: ‘Nobody says ‘I love you’ more than coaches and white people’

One year ago, former Baltimore Raven Michael Oher filed a lawsuit against the Tuohy family. A version of their story became the Oscar-winning drama The Blind Side, in which the Tuohy family claimed that they “adopted” a Black kid from the wrong side of the tracks and managed to make him into a football star. As it turned out, none of that was true. The Tuohys never adopted Michael Oher, they put him in a janky conservatorship which was only removed last October. The Tuohys also sold Michael’s life rights without his permission (a function of the conservatorship) and profited from The Blind Side and didn’t share those millions with Oher. Oher waited until his pro football career was over to begin unraveling his real life story and how many lies he was told by the Tuohys. Well, Oher has given his first interview since suing the Tuohys, a case which is still working its way through the court system. You can read the full piece here (it’s a long read), but here are some highlights via People:

In a new interview with The New York Times Magazine published on Sunday, Aug. 18, over a year after he first filed the suit, the NFL alum recalled his time living with the wealthy, Memphis-based family — and why, despite what the 2009 film portrays, he feels like they deceived him.

“The first time I heard ‘I love you,’ it was Sean and Leigh Anne [Tuohy] saying it. When that happens at 18, you become vulnerable,” he told the magazine. “You let your guard down and then you get everything stripped from you. It turns into a hurt feeling.” After a brief pause, he continued, “I don’t want to make this about race, but what I found out was that nobody says ‘I love you’ more than coaches and white people. When Black people say it, they mean it.”

Oher, now 38, still expressed fond feelings about the comfort and care Sean and Leigh Ann provided him. “Honestly, it was great,” he said of his time with the family, who bought him clothes and set him up with a tutor — to make him eligible to play college football — among other things. “I had a bed to stay on. I was eating good. They got me a truck,” he added of his time with Sean, Leigh Anne and their two kids.

However, The Blind Side, Oher said, gave him an entirely new — and very public — identity that did not accurately reflect who he was as an athlete or person. While he focused on football, Sean and Leigh Ann aided the creation of the movie, which began as a book by Michael Lewis, using their “narrative,” Oher said, also detailing how his portrayal came off as inaccurate.

Reflecting on the release of The Blind Side, which coincided with the beginning of his NFL career, Oher told The New York Times Magazine, “That’s my heartbreak right there. … It was as soon as I got there, I was defined.”

Oher did not attend the film’s premiere, but was persuaded to watch it about a month after its release. “It’s hard to describe my reaction. It seemed kind of funny to me, to tell you the truth, like it was a comedy about someone else,” he told the magazine. “It didn’t register.” The biggest difference between the movie’s character and the real-life Oher, according to the athlete? It underplayed his intelligence to such a degree that it left his new coworkers questioning his capabilities. “The NFL people were wondering if I could read a playbook,” he said.

Recalling how social media “was just starting to grow” at the time of the film’s release, Oher added, “I started seeing stuff that I’m dumb. I’m stupid. Every article about me mentioned ‘The Blind Side,’ like it was part of my name.”

The former football tackle still worries about this portrayal impacting him — as well as his children: “If my kids can’t do something in class, will their teacher think, ‘Their dad is dumb — is that why they’re not getting it?’ ” he said.

[From People]

I also find the Tuohys’ public undermining of Michael’s intelligence to be a central part of his case and a huge reason why he’s so upset. The Tuohys were fine with not only signing away Oher’s life rights, but signing off on a portrayal of Oher as so intellectually disadvantaged that he couldn’t read or function in school without a tutor. He also addressed the timing of his lawsuit, which is basically: he was fully focused on the NFL during his career, and then when he retired, he decided to look into the Tuohys. Which is when he discovered that he had never been adopted. And again, he made millions during his NFL career – he’s not suing the Tuohys because he needs the money. He’s suing because he is owed compensation for how badly they f–ked him over and stole from him.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images, Avalon Red, and Oher’s IG.

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12 Responses to “Michael Oher: ‘Nobody says ‘I love you’ more than coaches and white people’”

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  1. Amy Bee says:

    I hope he wins his case.

  2. Lurker25 says:

    “nobody says I love you more…” What a kick in the gut, and so very true. I remember the first time a white person told me (with the best intentions! 100% on my side, trying to help me with a situation with a different white person!) to say something I didn’t feel because “words are cheap.”

    It hit so weird. Like, I don’t say feelings I don’t mean… But I guess you do?

    Then sitting on that more, I realized oh is this also why WASPs *don’t* express feelings? Genuine interaction is a foreign concept.

    • Sass says:

      Yes. I am always wary of people who use those words carelessly. It smacks of disingenuousness. I only say it when I mean it. I distinctly recall one time someone I had known for some time but wouldn’t consider a close friend, because she had chosen to keep me at arm’s length, used it as a weapon against me because I had said something she didn’t agree with. She actually texted me to sort of lecture/threaten me (with litigation “someone could sue you”) and concern troll me (“people are worried about you”) in response to me calling someone else out for screaming at me in front of teachers, parents and my own kids. And she texted “I love you”. I didn’t reply to her but it made me actually laugh out loud with how entirely fake she was and finally I understood. I wasn’t loved, I was someone to be controlled and she was trying to control me. That was 6 months before Covid. I haven’t heard from her since that day not one time. And now I see her in public and we ignore each other. No love lost there.

  3. Nanea says:

    I never watched the movie because it very much felt like “white savior” to me — people who probably mean well but get things very wrong, because they lack the imagination to see that the world outside is vastly different from how they perceive it.

    In this particularly sad case, the Tuohys destroyed everything in their wake, with their lies, in order to put their spin on Michael’s story and maximise the profits.

    I do hope Michael Oher doesn’t only get a share of the profits, but also a substantial amount of punitive damages, for the way he was ridiculed, which has affected not only his life, but also that of his kids.

  4. Jais says:

    I wish him the best in his lawsuit. Depicting him as unintelligent and profiting from it. Whew. There’s a lot they did.

  5. NJGR says:

    Poor guy – he must feel so completely betrayed.

  6. Lexilla says:

    When you read the full piece you also see how complicit Michael Lewis is as the architect of the Blind Side narrative. He suggests Oher isn’t trustworthy because of possible CTE and patronizes the NY Times writer. Plus he’s childhood friends with Tuohy, so the story was always going to be biased.

  7. JudyB says:

    Oher wrote a very good book describing his life as he experienced it, not as the Tuomy’s described it in their book and movie. I read it last year and it is as eye-opening as Harry’s book.

    I wholeheartedly recommend it!!

  8. Mia4s says:

    Ouch. Let’s hope he wins his case and all agree to just pretend that Sandra Bullock’s Oscar is for Gravity (as it should have been).

  9. Lisa says:

    YouTube savvy writes books did a video where she read every book by or about everyone involved and put together a timeline which exposes the irregularities with when the tuohys and the other author are saying. I recommend it. they should all (except Oher) be ashamed.