This is what has been happening for the past five days or so since Prince Andrew’s arrest: Prince William’s allies gleefully briefing everyone that King Charles needs to abdicate so Scooter King can clean up the mess, and the British media constantly going “actually, William sucks too.” It’s wild. Well, the Daily Mail’s Amanda Platell is on another tear following William and Kate’s ridiculous appearance at the BAFTAs on Sunday. Keep in mind, we’ve been talking about the BAFTAs all week because of the outrageous racism on display within the BAFTA organization, and BAFTA’s whole-ass president, Prince William, still has not said one damn word. Please allow Platell to go off on William for the other stuff though.

For a brief moment at Sunday night’s Baftas we saw the return of the Prince William we knew and loved, handsome in a velvet tuxedo beside a resplendent Kate. Yet our future King just had to ruin the moment. He couldn’t resist the urge to make it all about him. When he was asked if he had watched the award-winning British movie Hamnet, about the death of Shakespeare’s young son, he said no – it would be too traumatic for him.

‘I need to be in quite a calm state and I am not at the moment,’ he explained. Which meant, predictably, that all the next day’s headlines were about William’s pain, shamefully and self-indulgently overshadowing the staggering success of the movie at the awards, including that of its leading lady Jessie Buckley who won the Bafta for best actress.

The next day, it was briefed by ‘palace sources’ – and not denied since – that William ‘fears for his father’s health’ as the King continues to fight cancer. It seems to me that Wills was playing the ‘sick dad’ card to cover his clumsy, selfish behaviour on the red carpet. I have no doubt William is deeply concerned about his father’s health. But some might feel he has a funny way of showing it. While Charles carried out 533 royal engagements, including gruelling visits to Canada, Italy and Poland despite still undergoing cancer treatment, his eldest son managed a paltry 202.

Where was William, 43, when the King, 77, needed him most to share the load of royal duties? The answer is that, for the last part of the year, he was huddled away at his new ‘forever home’, Forest Lodge, buried deep in Windsor Great Park in 150 acres of private fenced-off land and surrounded by 24/7 security guards.

Following the arrest of Andrew, formerly known as Prince, over allegations of misconduct in public office in relation to his connections to the paedophile financier Jeffrey Epstein, many have speculated that this could be the end of the monarchy. I am not one of those doomsayers. But I believe that for the monarchy to have a future, especially among Generation Z, who increasingly don’t see the point of a Royal Family, William needs to up his game, start appearing in public more and cut the whingeing. I’m sorry, William, but your future subjects are not losing sleep worrying about your precious mental health.

Unlike my generation, the young in this country do not supinely accept that the royals are above reproach. Gen Z’s mantra is ‘accountability’. How does our reluctant future King square to them the fact that he has a private income of around £23million a year from the Duchy of Cornwall, which is worth £1billion and covers 130,000 acres across 23 counties? He automatically took ownership of the estate when Queen Elizabeth died – no death duties or inheritance taxes like the rest of us – and, unlike his father, he refuses to declare what taxes he actually pays.

While King Charles has proved himself to be a kind, compassionate, thoughtful and tirelessly hard-working royal, the same cannot be said of his eldest son. I have a feeling the nearly 1million young people not working and on benefits, not able to get a job or on the housing ladder and dogged by university debts, will fail to be convinced that ‘workshy Wills’ provides good value for money.

So, your Royal Highness, let me tell you what you can do to impress this lost generation. First, show you’re serious about cutting back the excess and slash some of the 500 royal employees. Strip the hangers-on Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice of their undeserved titles. Ensure the succession continues only with your children Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis, which will then be passed on to George’s children. And no one else.

Take away Harry and Meghan’s royal titles, including those of their children Archie and Lilibet – the Sussexes have not for years been working royals and just shamelessly profit off, and tarnish, the royal name.

[From The Daily Mail]

As I said this week, the Mail giveth and the Mail taketh away. They were fine with publishing William’s briefing about “being worried about his father’s health,” but in their next breath, the Mail was like “hey, not so fast you lazy a–hole.” Giving him some smacks about hiding out at Forest Lodge, centering himself at every turn and refusing to work? Well, it’s a long time coming. I fear the real point of this is less about mocking the idiot heir and more about the Mail dictating the terms of the Scooter reign though. Like, the stuff about “take away the Sussex titles” is most likely the actual point of all of this. And to that I say… lol. If these people think that the way through their massive crisis is “punishing Prince Harry for marrying a Black woman,” so be it. Let them.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.