Every so often, one of the major British media outlets will do a story about “the real Prince William,” the one behind all of the silly emotional-support polls and the grim countenance. The real Prince William is vastly different from the “brand” which dozens of Tory political operatives and crisis managers have tried to create out of thin air. The real William is a lush who prefers slipping away with his circle of dude friends. The real William is a lazy dumbass who endlessly irritates the British diplomatic corps and King Charles’ courtiers. The real William is apparently still, to this day, extremely close to Rose Hanbury and her husband David Rocksavage (aka the Cholmondeleys). Please allow the Mail to reveal all about who William really is.

The real William: A royal source exclusively told the Daily Mail this week: ‘He’s a 40-something bloke, well off, with a happy family, but all that currently waits for him is a metaphorical straitjacket and a very heavy crown.’ At 43, and saddled with a predestined royal role as monarch in the wings, William is said to increasingly treasure his ‘life with the lads’.

Hanging out with the lads: ‘Their meetings are infrequent but cherished,’ adds the royal source. ‘The lads are particular fans of barbecues, beer and a lot of wine.’ Indeed William’s band of brothers prefer to gather at each other’s houses well away from the gaze of the public or, failing that, to meet at pubs in West London with discreet landlords and quiet back rooms, where the Prince is said to be partial to a pint of Stella Artois. They usually holiday abroad together at least once a year – often at a ski resort. William, according to the source, ‘dons an occasional disguise’, either growing – or shaving off – a beard, wearing a hat and glasses and, on occasions, employing an ‘iffy’ Welsh accent to put strangers off the scent.

His dude friends know how to behave: ‘Like all senior royals, he rarely lets his guard down with anyone,’ says the source. ‘He is wary of getting too close to others. His true inner circle is very select. They have no axes to grind and know how to behave. Their occasionally boisterous behaviour has to be toned down so as not to draw too much attention to themselves but these are sort of “let your hair down” moments for William who can’t act like this anywhere else.’

Growing concerns about William’s behavior: William’s jaunt to Turkey comes amid growing concern in royal and government circles about his apparent reluctance to travel abroad for official duties unless it’s for something which interests him personally. He is said to have been ordered to attend the funeral of Pope Francis by King Charles last year after avoiding the funeral of former US President Jimmy Carter. Most recently, as the Daily Mail’s Ephraim Hardcastle revealed earlier this month, he is said to have declined the idea of a trip to Jamaica six months after the island nation was devastated by Hurricane Melissa. His apparent lack of interest in Commonwealth countries has also been noted. ’It’s been a particular source of concern to the Foreign Office who have struggled to get him on a plane to spread some royal limelight,’ says the royal source. ‘The big overseas trips have been exclusively to do with his Earthshot Prize but he has made eight visits to watch rugby or football.’

What William learned from the Middletons: Aside from learning how to load a dishwasher, an early challenge faced by the Prince came when he was asked to set the table for Christmas lunch. ‘Laying a tablecloth was a struggle and placing the cutlery embarrassing. He tried to claim it was because he’s left-handed,’ says the royal source. ‘That the Middletons had to nip to the shop for food, ensure there was enough bread in the house, empty their own bins and put out the recycling on the right day were all refreshing… His first experience of a big shop following Carole’s detailed lists was apparently mind-boggling.’

Spending lots of time with Rose Hanbury & David Rocksavage: At Anmer Hall, the Prince and Princess of Wales’ much-loved country estate in Norfolk, his closest pal is the 7th Marquess of Cholmondeley, who lives next door on the historic Houghton Hall estate, but their friendship – and that shared by their wives – is anything but stiff and starchy, even though there is a significant age gap between the Marquess, who is 65, and the Prince. The Marquess, who served as Great Lord Chamberlain to Queen Elizabeth II and is a permanent Lord-in-Waiting to the King is known as ‘Rocky’ to Prince William. He and Kate form a regular foursome with Rocky and 42-year-old Rose, cooking supper for each other, hosting dinner parties and attending the occasional local Norfolk charity event.

Rose is so down-to-earth: This week, a former friend of Rose’s from Stowe School told me that she is ‘wonderfully down-to-earth’ and, like the Prince and Princess of Wales, relishes life with her husband and three children in the country. The royal source adds: ‘They keep all of it very low key and try to have as normal a life as possible despite the grand backdrops.’

William doesn’t like royal life: Royal life, according to the source, ‘is the one William finds the hardest’, particularly the pre-set diaries and annual routines….William is said to find the rigid formality of his father’s households ‘stifling’, largely due to the fact that staff are a constant presence and true privacy is impossible. According to the Daily Mail’s royal source: ‘He has introduced a lot of relative informality into home life – notably there are fewer flunkeys wandering around [his and Kate’s homes].’ While George, Charlotte and Louis’ nanny and her assistant are close to the family, a valet and housekeeper largely operate out of sight.

Office staff are not allowed inside residences: At both Kensington Palace in London, where the Wales’ still have apartment 1A, and Anmer Hall, it is understood that the couple’s private secretary and office staff are not allowed to roam around as might normally be found in a royal household. When in residence at their main family home, Forest Lodge, office staff are housed separately at nearby Windsor Castle.

[From The Mail]

Well, this is all incredibly interesting. Nanny Maria has an “assistant” now? The Waleses have office staff housed at Windsor Castle AND Kensington Palace? The mentions of David and Rose Hanbury are SO interesting too. The British-tabloid breadcrumbs definitely make it sound like there are a lot of open marriages and that the only real rule of the Turnip Toffs is that no one will ever go public with what’s really happening in Norfolk. The stuff about William being overwhelmed by grocery lists and place settings is bizarre. They make him sound like he’s easily overwhelmed by really normal, everyday things. Which is not the best endorsement for a future king (who is also overwhelmed with royal life). Also bizarre? That whole section about William’s lads’ vacations. We’ve assumed for years that William vacations away from his wife and children, and that he often slips away without the press saying where he’s going or who with, so at least we’re finally getting confirmation on that.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Backgrid, Cover Images.