It’s been more than four months since Nancy Guthrie went missing on February 1. Despite doorbell camera footage of a masked intruder and rewards totaling over $1 million from the Guthrie family and the FBI, no suspects have been publicly named. Savannah Guthrie returned to the Today show in early April. Although she’s posted about her mother on social media, her only sitdown interview since Nancy’s disappearance was with Hoda Kotb.

This week, Savannah gave viewers another glimpse into how she’s doing. While filling in for Sheinelle Jones during the fourth hour of Today, she and Jenna Bush Hager had a poignant conversation. Here’s more from People:

Savannah Guthrie is opening up about her emotional return to the Today show after the disappearance of her mother, Nancy Guthrie. On Monday, June 8, Savannah guest co-hosted Today with Jenna & Sheinelle, where she got candid with longtime friend Jenna Bush Hager about her struggles since her return to Today in April.

“First of all, I can’t really even look at you every day without crying,” Savannah told Bush Hager while tearing up. “You are my best friend. You know, it’s really hard to come back. I’ve been trying so hard to hold it together, and I promise I will.”

The longtime journalist, 54, added that being around Bush Hager, 44, can almost be too difficult for her as she tries to remain professional and cover the news.

“When I see you in the morning, I know you see me, no matter what is going on,” Savannah told her. “And sometimes that’s almost too much because I feel like to do the job I gotta keep it together, pull it together. But I’m happy to be back. It’s like the two hours of my day — it’s not that I’m not thinking about it, because I am, but it’s something to do and it brings me a lot of joy to be with everybody. But, no, it’s not easy.”

Calling the NBC morning show a “little respite” in her day, Savannah added that it doesn’t take away from the pain she’s enduring in Nancy’s absence.

“It’s always with me,” Savannah said. “I cry every morning on the way to work, and I cry every morning on the way home. And I’m grateful to have good friends and to be able to come to such a beautiful and joyous and supportive place. Like so many people out there, you can hold all of these things together. I try to tell my kids that too. We can hold our sadness and we can hold our joy. And if you don’t believe it, just watch me.”

She added that while she may be smiling on Today, that doesn’t mean she has forgotten the pain.

“I know maybe people wonder, ‘Whoa, what’s going on? How’s she able to do that job? Is she not thinking about it? Did she forget?’ No, never. Never,” she said.

As for her mother’s case, Savannah reiterated, “We still need everybody’s prayers. I wish someone would call and say what they know and tell the truth.”

[From People]

This conversation broke my heart. Jenna and Savannah were both in tears throughout it. I hate that Savannah still has to explain why she returned to Today. I can’t imagine her pain, but I was moved by the eloquence with which she expressed her feelings. I’ve always believed that Savannah went back to work because she needed to return to routine. Her confession that she still cries while going to and from work is so relatable, as is her wanting to find a balance between grief and normalcy. The part that got me choked up was when she told Jenna, ”When I see you in the morning, I know you see me.” Savannah has consistently spoken about how she’s balancing her reliance on and struggle with her faith right now. At the end of the day, we all just want to be seen.