This is one of the funniest pieces to come out after the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s Nottingham events last Thursday. Prince Harry and Meghan have had successful trips and garnered global headlines before, but it’s been four-plus years since Meghan did anything on British soil, and obviously, her presence was welcomed in Nottingham. People were so happy to see her, and she looked every inch the star. She could have been doing all of this for the Windsors, too bad they were too racist, lazy, jealous and petty to step back and allow her to make them look good. Well, that’s the math Sarah Vine has done as well. She wrote a column in the Mail in which she bitches about every little thing regarding the Sussexes, then comes to the conclusion that the only solution is to make Harry and Meghan “working royals” again. An excerpt:

How do you solve a problem like Meghan and Harry? One imagines this is a common, if not entirely welcome, topic of conversation over the King’s morning Burford Browns. After weeks of not-so-subtle manoeuvring, the gruesome twosome finally broke cover, taking the good citizens of Nottingham by storm in their first official non-official appearance as a couple.

A veritable symphony in this season’s non-royal royal shades of plum and burgundy, Meghan showcased her ‘duchess of the people’ credentials by pairing a £26 Marks & Spencer belt with her £650 Jennifer Chamandi stilettos, £345 Joseph cashmere sweater and £1,495 Joseph cashmere coat.

In a further subtle nod to the non-royal nature of her appearance, she flashed a well-turned bare calf and ankle. Was there ever a woman so down-to-earth and authentic and in touch with the common people?

Surrounded by all of 200 adoring fans (of whom a substantial number were photographers and journalists), the Duchess clutched her bunch of flowers like they were from luxury florist Moyses Stevens, squealed with girlish delight, dispensed hugs and posed for selfies. There was much smiling and clapping and tilting of the head as she mingled with carefully selected angelic-looking children, while Harry gazed on in the manner of a lovestruck puppy.

Meanwhile, in Cardiff, the real royals, King Charles and Queen Camilla, were attending the ceremonial opening of the new term of the Welsh Parliament, meeting community groups and doing their best to sidestep anti-monarchy protesters. They might as well have stayed in bed for all the attention they received.

There is a grim inevitability to all this. For the King and, by extension, Prince William, this is everything they’ve been dreading since the moment the Sussexes blindsided them by announcing their return to Blighty.

Unencumbered by protocol or, for that matter, the slightest sense of propriety, Harry and Meghan have parked their tanks firmly on the King’s lawn. They clearly intend to be the cooler, groovier royal alternative – and given how fickle people are, there is a good chance they will succeed. To many, it’s true, these two nouveau royals seem beyond the pale. They understand nothing of the constitutional meaning of the Crown, as they have repeatedly demonstrated, and are as far removed as anyone could be from the legacy of Queen Elizabeth II, whose life was all about duty. They are selfish, entitled and entirely ruthless when it comes to pursuing their own aims – again, as repeatedly demonstrated.

But, in a way, that is what makes the Sussexes so dangerous: in our shallow social media age, where success is measured in clicks and likes, and old-fashioned values such as hard work and resilience are increasingly worthless, the Duke and Duchess, with their whingeing and blaming everyone else, are perfectly in tune with the prevailing culture of victimhood. In fact, in many ways they represent the perfect mixture of vacuousness and vanity required to earn them an army of fans who find the solemnity and stoicism of the King and other senior royals far too challenging for their dopamine-addled brains.

…It’s hard to see what can be done. The Sussexes are not going to act with respect or restraint, that much is abundantly clear. They patently intend to pursue a career as pseudo-royals, and will do whatever necessary to draw the spotlight away from the real royals. What can the King do? They have committed no offence. And yet…

That’s why I think that, in the end, they will have to be brought back into the fold. Restoring their titles and status and giving them back all the trappings – round-the-clock-security, hot and cold running staff, lavish accommodation, balcony privileges, a stipend and so on – is probably the only way to neutralise them. It is, ultimately, the lesson of Harry’s mother, Princess Diana: she was far more trouble to the Royal Family on the outside than she was on the inside. The same, I fear, is now true of her younger son and his ambitious wife.

[From The Daily Mail]

This is yet another admission of defeat from the press and the royalists. It’s been happening for years though – any time the Sussexes get good headlines or some success, these people wring their hands and say “well, maybe Harry and Meghan just need to come back!” The problem is that it wouldn’t “neutralize” them. The other problem is that Meghan really does not want that life, because she (more than Harry) knows that it’s a f–king trap and that they just want control of her and her children. And the third problem is that Prince William and Kate would have full-blown nervous breakdowns and they would both probably rage-quit the monarchy if the Sussexes “came back.”

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.