Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards: Too Much Miley, Not Enough Harrison Ford

If you have children, you were probably subjected to Nickelodeon’s 25th Annual Kid’s Choice Awards ceremony on Saturday night. You have my sincerest condolences. I, too, had to watch, and it was often eyeroll-inducing: lame banter between celebrity presenters; boring and unfunny “behind the scenes” skits; stupid slime stunts that dragged out the show even longer and wayyyy too much Disney product, in the form of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Miley Cyrus won favorite female television star and favorite female musical artist, much to my daughter’s delight.

There were a few bright spots in the broadcast, including host Jack Black’s over-the-top opening musical number, in which he wore a bright green superhero costume and rocked out with a giant octopus playing guitar to the Kiss song “I Was Made for Loving You,” with the lyrics changed to “I Was Made for Sliming You.” (In my opinion, Black was the only funny, high-energy part of the show and should have been allowed to riff and get crazy even more.) The theme of each Kids’ Choice Awards, you see, is that celebs and kids in the audience get buckets of green slime poured on their heads at random moments. Slimed celebs included Harrison Ford, who recreated a famous scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” which concluded with him being covered in green slime. Other mildly amusing segments included a celebrity belching contest that featured Jodie Foster attempting to burp along to the song “YMCA.”

All in all, the show had the same problems as most other awards shows: it went on too long, there was too much unfunny dialog, and the host didn’t get enough chances to do what he does best. But if you are at all interested in the winners, here they are.

Favorite TV Show: Drake and Josh
Favorite Reality Show: American Idol
Favorite TV Actor: Drake Bell (from Drake and Josh)
Favorite TV Actress: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Cartoon: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Favorite Movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks
Favorite Movie Actor: Johnny Depp
Favorite Movie Actress: Jessica Alba
Favorite Animated Movie: Ratatouille
Favorite Animated Voice: Eddie Murphy (Shrek The Third)
Favorite Music Group: The Jonas Brothers
Favorite Song: “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne
Favorite Female Singer: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Male Singer: Chris Brown
Favorite Male Athlete: Tony Hawk
Favorite Female Athlete: Danica Patrick
Favorite Book: Harry Potter Series
Favorite Video Game: Madden NFL 2008
Wannabe Award: Cameron Diaz

If anything, the Kids’ Choice Awards gives parents a glimpse into the music, movies, and other pop culture their kids like– which should scare the crap out of you. I know I had a hard time sleeping knowing that the youth of America wants to be just like Cameron Diaz.

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15 Responses to “Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards: Too Much Miley, Not Enough Harrison Ford”

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  1. Syko says:

    I didn’t have to watch it. Proof of a loving God.

  2. daisy says:

    well it is a kids awards show Miley is going to win over an old fart like Harrison Ford.

  3. CJ says:

    My kids Tivo’d it so they can watch it over and over and over and over and over. Don’t be jelous…….lol

  4. Anna says:

    I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to be Cameron Diaz, she’s a cool chick and she’s made some really good career choices.

  5. KatyAlia says:

    Yeah – what’s objectable about Cameron Diaz?

  6. Syko says:

    And when did Harrison Ford get to be an old fart? He’s still pretty hunky, despite the rumors of his being a bad kisser.

  7. Bodhi says:

    I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be LESS like than Cammie. She looks like a smushed frog & I can’t stand all her giggling antics.

    I really feel for my parents for putting up with my teenybopper years. I know its something you have to do but I’m sure they got really sick of New Kids

  8. headache says:

    Cameron Diaz has no grace whatsoever and I don’t understand how someone which such horrid skin keeps getting hired in this industry.

    Did no one tell Jennifer Love Hewitt she looks pregnant in that lemon or did I miss an announcement somewhere?

  9. StoatBoat says:

    I don’t get Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers at ALL. What the hell is their appeal? Miley (another horrible, stupid hick name) is ugly and is destined to be another Britney, and the Jonas Bros. are just crap in every way. Man, I feel so bad for the kids of today. Can you imagine having these jackasses as your idols? Well, at least Jamie-Lynn didn’t win “Wannabe”….but honestly I wouldn’t have been surprised if she had. Because being a pregnant 16 year old is like, totally KEWL!

  10. StoatBoat says:

    Oh yeah, and this is yet another reason to be glad I am child-free and will remain so.

  11. Bellatrix says:

    Oh, another thing I missed. Shoot. Or not.

    The yellow lemon dress that Jennifer Love Hewitt wore was indeed not a good fashion step, however, it didn’t live up to the horror inspired by Rihanna’s puff ball combat trousers. Ugh.

    Wasn’t Christian Siriano there to comment on the hot messes, tranny trash outfits and fierce ladies?

  12. Young Palm Beach Duchess says:

    hmm.. jesica ALBA won an AWARD?!
    isnt nickelodeon a KIDS network? well, um, ok, lets see, seeing that children/adolecents vote, i can see why they picked albatross, but regarding the fact that it IS a kids network, shes one bad example!!!
    for instance, shes knocked up and not married. nice message your sending to the kids, jessie. guess i didnt get your memo on marriage being OUT, and bastards are IN.

  13. headache says:

    I know it’s not nice to talk smack about children but the sooner this rabbit toothed future drunken crotch flasher goes away, the better.

    I see multiple rehab trips and a Dana Plato-like fall by the time homegirl is 22.

  14. Well Miley is like 17 am I right?She’s just trying to figure out who she is.Let her explore,yet someday she will figure it out that it’s not doing anything for her or for anybody yet make people either feel uncomfortable,think she’s overly sexual or maybe think she’s confused.Opinions will vary on this subject because all people view anything from different point of views,yet if you dislike any don’t look at any opinion and ask yourself is this true or is this false?The truth shall set you free and you shall know it by it’s ways.

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