This story comes via The National Enquirer’s gossip guy, Mike Walker, the infamous “goat-footed, wheezy old queen” (trademark: Alec Baldwin). Walker has some good gossip sometimes, but lately there’s been a hell of a lot of old news and gossip tidbits that are discredited before the Enquirer even went to press. Anyway, I want to believe this story from this week’s column – allegedly, John Mayer lost his cell phone. And apparently, his cell phone held photos and videos of his exes. Please, Jesus. Let it be.

John Mayer is sweating bullets – he’s suddenly lost his cell phone! Worse, reports My Spy, Mayer’s telling pals: “OMFG! There are things on that phone that could get me – and some my famous friends – in serious trouble!”

It’s not just a matter of some stranger accessing his VIP contacts and prank-calling A-List pals for Mayer, who has made no bones about his skanky-panky with rich and famous females.

Revealed a close friend: “He told me his cell contains personal photos – and videos – of some of the famous women he’s dated.”

Insiders say that when John realized his cell was missing during a New York trip, he desperately backtracked everywhere he’d been – nightclubs, eateries, limos, etc – but came up zippo. So… will The Sexophone surface in evil hands?

My Spy: “John’s just frantic over the missing phone. He hopes it’s lying on the bottom of the Hudson River!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

DAMN. No mention of anything truly juicy, like specific women and positions and levels of douchery. Also, no mention of Mayer-on-dude action. You know that if he has videos of ladies, he’s probably got videos of dudes too. My guess? John Mayer lost his phone at the “spa” where he was meeting the male lover he shares with John Travolta. F-ck, now I have this video playing in my head of Travolta and lithe young man frolicking on each other while Mayer films them. GROSS.