Raccoon McPantless is our new spokesraccoon for masturbation


These are some new photos of our beloved Raccoon McPantless yesterday, performing with her band The Pretty Reckless in Paris. Oh, Raccoon. You are the epitome of HARDCORE. Anyway, Raccoon gave an interview to Celebuzz about… you know, being HARDCORE. And RACCOON. Actually, she discusses how her underage vadge got naked for her video “Make Me Wanna Die” (video at the end of the post), and how our little Raccoon wants to be some kind of spokesraccoon for masturbation. The full Celebuzz piece is here, and here are the highlights:

On going naked in her video: “It was held up in legal for a long time because I was 16 when we shot that. We couldn’t release it because, yes, I actually got naked.” (In the original video concept, Momsen strips down to the altogether while strolling through a graveyard; the eventually released version features a relatively more modest, lingerie-clad Momsen walking among the tombstones.)

Why did Raccoon want to get naked? What was her raccoon-reasoning? “It’s such a complex song – and the video really reflects the song, in the way that I’d die for this person. And the point is: if you don’t do something that’s making you happy, you’re just working through possessions and shit; you’re dying with nothing anyway. So I’m stripping off my worldly possessions and giving them away. And then there’s hell raining down, just cause it looks cool.”

The Spokesraccoon for masturbation: “I’m a promoter of masturbation. Don’t sleep around—learn yourself first! Guys do, but girls don’t. And that’s why girls have so many bad experiences. But you can know your body, know yourself, know what feels good. You don’t have to give yourself away just to have sexual relevance. Because I don’t think sex is something people should be afraid of. It’s part of human nature, so I don’t think it should be so shameful—particularly for girls and young girls.”

[From Celebuzz]

You know what? I kind of hate Raccoon and everything, and I think she’s a horrible little girl and a sucky role model for young women and she’s just completely cheesy and stupid and insipid all around, but I can’t really hate on her masturbation comments. She and I actually hold the same opinion about masturbation. SHOCK. I have a raccoon soul.




Photos courtesy of Fame.

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39 Responses to “Raccoon McPantless is our new spokesraccoon for masturbation”

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  1. Sarah says:

    I watched the Grinch the other day and now I can’t look at her without seeing little Cindy Lou Who. lol.

  2. Bella Mosley says:

    Who started calling this girl Raccoon McPantless?
    It is so funny and sadly appropriate that I no longer think of her as anything else.
    Good job whoever thought of it!
    PS: I agree with the masturbation comments as well. I’d like to see her and Christine (Masturbation is a sin & as bad as adultry) O’Donnell have a discussion on the subject. LOL

  3. Rasputina says:

    Yes, Kaiser, you bad, BAAAAAAAD raccoon girl!

  4. Skye says:

    She’s young and annoying. She’ll look back on these days and cringe. I agree with her masturbation comments, though.

  5. sapphire says:

    I hate myself for agreeing with her on this. But also, if she practices what she’s preaching, no chance at reproduction-BONUS.

  6. YAY says:

    her masterbation comment gets an A+ from me!

  7. citysuede says:

    isn’t it against the law to even shoot video of her naked at 16? because she is below the age of consent, doesn’t it become child pornography?

  8. KJ says:

    What she has to say about masturbation is the smartest group of sentences her hollow skull has EVER strung together. So she’s +1 and -230478 with me. I hate this little poser. I hated kids like her when I was her age and I hate them now. She’s the same kind of idiot hanging out in hot topic talking about how dark and angsty and non-conformist they are. Well, turn around sweetie, cause you look like every other dark and angsty rocknroller I’ve seen in the history of ever. Hopefully her sad and pathetic attempts to stay relevant and controversial continue to expose her for what she is – an immature little girl lost in the machine of Hollywood publicity. We see right through your little “bad girl” act, Cindy Lou Who, and no one buys it. You’re nothing more than a toddler throwing a tantrum because she lost her dolly.

    Yawn, next?

  9. Rita says:

    I’m told that sharing a bad dream will prevent its recurrence and I feel that since the source of my nightmare is this site, I’m entitled to share.

    Last night after a pizza laden with jalapino peppers I had a Celebitchy Dream where I was trapped in an Easy Bake Oven. When I cracked the door open, there she was; Raccoon McPantless coming at me with a 22 inch meat thermometer!!! What does anyone need with a 22 inch meat thermometer?

    I guess the headline triggered this comment.

    By the way, the light bulb doesn’t go off in those ovens when the door is closed and I won’t discuss the dream I had about LeAnn Rimes.

  10. Ruby Red Lips2 says:

    I also agree with RMcP….scary stuff – she’s actually got a point and almost sounds responsible….(almost!)

  11. buenavissta says:

    Spokesraccoon!!! Love it, Kaiser.

    I also agree with her statement…. my world just turned upside down.

  12. jover says:

    Agree Kj I would add maybe this girl has a modicum of talent – then if she’s so smart why doesn’t she dump this trite schtick find a real band, go on the road, pay her dues, learn to actually sing, write and perform live, and then maybe she’ll have fans and a career. Oh wait, that’s not instant gratification, and in the years that might take many more poser skanks will come along, Oh well, her painful and cliched march to obscurity continues. Please, someone tell why I should go to a Raccoon McPantless concert – assuming she could actually pull one off.

  13. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    Masturbation – Cool

    Racoon McPantless -Not Cool

  14. DrM says:

    @KJ that sure is an impassioned speech for a topic that bores you to death (re the yawn….grin). I couldn’t agree more (..history of ever..LOL)

    Her extensions btw are truly heinous…

  15. Xx says:

    Oh brother. Isn’t this horse tired yet.

  16. Green Is Good says:

    Isn’t this annoying twat’s 15 minutes up yet?

  17. Brittney says:

    “Girls don’t”? Her first clue that she’s wrong should be the fact that SHE DOES.

    Her comments might be empowering if they weren’t so off-base. Maybe she should’ve discussed the taboo against female pleasure in general… because it sure as hell exists.

  18. Vi says:

    the content of what she’s saying doesn’t bother me so much as the tone, that she’s the first one to discover this and letting us all into the secret. bitch please! put on some pants and do a little reading!

  19. Overit says:

    Her masturbation comment is the only relevant thing that’s ever come out of her mouth. In fact I think she should start up a “Learn Masturbation with Raccoon McPantless” blog for all those naive adolescent girls out there who get talked into having sex that lasts maybe 3 minutes with smelly, pimple-faced pubescent boys instead of pleasuring themselves!

  20. happygirl says:

    @Rita – still laughing!!! OMG..thanks for that!

  21. LittleDeadGirl says:

    #18 I have to agree with you. Plus I think she means to say girls do it but don’t TALK about it. I so don’t believe any of the bitches that say they never have. Or the stats that say like only 60 or 70% of us do it. Come on girls stop lying it. Am I wrong. Are any girls out there that don’t?

    I disagree with her a bit on the whole young girls shouldn’t find sex shameful. I’m not saying they should but society pushes sex on teens too much as it is. This isn’t the 1920’s. It’s more we need to reign in the whole “have sex with 50 people at the age 12” that’s being pushed on kids.

    Rita – I don’t even wanna know how you had that dream. Made me laugh too … I’m sure now I’ll be having it tonight!

  22. DetRiotgirl says:

    The really sad thing about this girl is that she has a decent voice. Every once in awhile, I see a small glimmer of something mildly interesting there. But, then it gets washed away in a sea of bleach, eye liner and 80’s hair band t-shirts. I do agree with her comments on masturbation though.

  23. bellaluna says:

    My only hope is one day (when she’s grown) she looks back on these pix/videos and says to herself “What the hell was I thinking? I look like an idiot!”

  24. jen says:

    I just keep thinking about Cartman saying “The Cuoon”-lol.

  25. Liana says:

    I don’t want to hear about anyone’s sex life except mine (and my husband’s). And she isn’t the first one to discover masturbation. Most people don’t find the need to talk about it incessantly. That’s what I hated about my guy friends, their constant need to talk about their penises (penii?).

  26. Dany says:

    LMAO Kaiser!:-)
    BUT I really have to come to our backyard racoons defence! They are so cute and really smart guys and since your priceless naming of this little dumb kiddo I always have to think of nasty long blonde extensions… I didn’t tell them yet. I think this would hurt their feelings.

  27. Amy says:

    I’d never heard her sing before. I’m a little disappointed that she’s actually quite talented.

  28. Trillion says:

    Getting onstage and fronting a band is not easy and I don’t think The Pretty Reckless sucks. I’m not downloading their music or anything, but their song in Kick Ass was not bad at all. Yeah, she comes off immature in interviews but she’s a teenager, ya know?

  29. Henriette says:

    She’s not untalented and I agree that girls should masturbate more and have less intercourse. But she still sounds like a dumbass.

  30. Hakura says:

    @Brittney (#17) – I agree with you entirely. The taboos all stem from a lack of understanding in regards to ‘female pleasure’ (and in patriarchal societies, a complete lack of concern for it.). A double standard that makes a guy discussing overt sexual behaviors totally ‘normal’, but making a woman doing the same ‘shameful’, or even ‘slutty’ somehow. It’s insane.

    ‘Satisfaction’ in a physical relationship comes so much easier for guys… whereas women have to put much more effort into achieving the same goal. If one is better acquainted with their own body, that can make intimacy with someone else that much better.

    @Amy (#22)- I know, right? I’d never heard any of her songs before. I actually really like her voice.

  31. lucy2 says:

    I just want to cut off that string Barbie hair. Gross.

  32. Alexa says:

    The whole mega sexual imagery combined with the heavily demonic imagery overwhelm and turn me off. (Possibly it’s due to my age…) If her style evolves into something different, I’d be interested in checking it out. But – YA – the whole spooky thing is not for me. I try to resist suicidal ideas, not encourage them.

  33. MarenGermany says:

    Thank you racoon for clearing that up for me. you know, i´m over 25 and had no idea that i am allowed to mastrubate.
    nobody ever came up with that idea before.
    you so hardcore.
    THANK U!
    Ps.:nobody is buying your act. do your little music thing as long as it last and STFU!!!

  34. Crash2GO2 says:

    Hahahaha @Rita!!!

  35. Gabriela says:

    God, she annoys me in so many levels that I feel kinda bad for admitting that she actually has a pretty good voice.

  36. Madame says:

    I totally love her hair style though
    : )

  37. di butler says:

    Ya’ll do understand RP graduated from school at like 15 with very good grades, right? She’s not stupid in the classic sense. Immature, yes. Stupid, no. I can’t wait to see her compete w/ Britney in a few yrs with the balding weave head.

  38. The Bobster says:

    I so don’t believe any of the bitches that say they never have. Or the stats that say like only 60 or 70% of us do it. Come on girls stop lying it. Am I wrong. Are any girls out there that don’t?


    I’ve known a few. I even lost one of them after I taught her how to do it. Seems she didn’t need me after that. 🙁

    Never again.

  39. spooge says:

    I totally agree with what she says… except, film yourself girls… that way we can give you some pointers.