Katy Perry is the March cover girl for Elle Magazine. And how! Goodness, this cover shot is…um. It’s like Elle is overcompensating for how utterly boring Katy is by using the boldest, brightest colors all together for the cover. Elle sent us some interview excerpts that are okay – one of the most interesting quotes (in my opinion) is Katy describing her style: “Bettie Page meets Wonder Woman meets Doris Day meets Judy Jetson meets Natalie Wood meets Daphne Guinness meets Chloë Sevigny kind of look.” Ugh. So, she’s going to name-check all of those styles and yet her own style is so prosaic. I used to think Katy was on to something almost coherent, style-wise, when she was doing the too-sweet candy imagery, fashion-wise and for her music videos. At least there was some method to it, you know? But this “Now I’m all about the boobs, and now I’m just a shock artist and now I’m just Bettie Page and now I’m —!” is boring.

On life before she became a successful artist and the ultimatum she gave herself: “I had two cars repossessed, and I was writing bad checks, but I gave myself a timeline. I thought, Okay, if I don’t make it by 25, I’m just going to get married and pop out some babies and do some crafts.”

On her down-to-earth personality: “It’s important to be relatable and normal. And I think that what helps with that, for me, is that I had the rug pulled out from underneath my feet so many times. It was like, ‘Listen up, bitch, you’re not going to get served this on a silver platter—you’ve got to work for it!’ I don’t feel like I can act like an entitled bitch yet! I still have so much to prove.”

On her much talked about figure: “I was shaped like a square at one time. I was! I’m generally around 130 pounds, which is totally fine for me. But when I was a kid, I was the same height and weighed more like 145. And I had enormous boobs that I didn’t know what to do with, so I wore minimizers, which were not cute. Those thick-ass straps! I got made fun of for the over-the-shoulder boulder holder…and all I wanted was to look like Kate Moss. Little did I know…that these things would come in handy someday.”

On her current look: “Bettie Page meets Wonder Woman meets Doris Day meets Judy Jetson meets Natalie Wood meets Daphne Guinness meets Chloë Sevigny kind of look.”

On her relationship with husband, Russell Brand: “Everything clicked really fast. We kind of instantly got past all the surfacey stuff. And ever since then, there hasn’t been a dull moment.”

On how their relationship works: “We both needed balance, and we give that to each other. It wasn’t about me taming him, which is what everyone always says—it was about timing.”

On performing: “I think some people will die on the stage, and I’m not so sure I want to do that. Like, I want to have kids! I’m totally fine with saying that. I think some people are scared because they’re worried it’s going to ruin their career, but I want to live a full life.”

On how her career has panned out: “I feel like I’m at a point in my life right now where I could potentially stick around. I don’t feel like a diva, but I think diva is a great and powerful word in the sense of what Beyonce makes it. And maybe I can’t be Beyonce, but maybe I can be Cyndi Lauper. I mean be like her, not be her. That would just be weird.”

[From Elle Magazine]

I think Katy will end up having kids. I just don’t know if it will be with Russell Brand. I think he’s loyal to her… for now. But Helen Mirren is calling. As are other ladies. Thousands of ladies. I’m not saying that I actively HOPE that Russell and Katy breakup – I don’t, I wish them well, etc. I’m just saying that I know for a fact it’s not going to last, and for all of her faults, I would feel really bad for Katy if she got dumped while she was pregnant.

Photos courtesy of Elle Magazine online.