Gwyneth Paltrow: “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can”

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Some days, Gwyneth Paltrow just makes me sad. She’s just so, so concerned with proving to absolutely everyone that she’s the best, most superior elitist out there, I feel like she misses out on, you know, just BEING. Just existing in the world, having fun, laughing a little. I feel like she’s always on guard, always assessing the room, always making sure that she’s not too close to the peasants, always trying, constantly TRYING to ensure that she is the absolute coolest, the best, the most special. So here’s what is making me sad today – Gwyneth was doing promotion for her book in London, and she explained her prioritization of the right kind of food:

HOLLYWOOD super chef Gwyneth Paltrow shocked viewers by telling Jonathan Ross: “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can” on stage this week.

The foodie, 38, was chatting about her cookbook at the Roundhouse Studios for the iTunes festival on Tuesday when she revealed she’s banned her kids from McDonald’s.

“I take them to Pizza Express because I think that’s much healthier,” she said. “Don’t tell them there are toys!”

Sidestepping questions about her hubby, Coldplay’s Chris Martin, Gwynnie, who says she can “eat any man under a table”, revealed plans to start a channel of cookery programmes on an iPhone app – but you might wanna buy some plonk before giving her recipes a go.

“I drink constantly while I’m cooking,” she says. “Wine, either colour.”

[From The Mirror]

Now, I don’t eat cheese from a can either, but I don’t sniff the air haughtily and declare that smoking crack would be a better option. You give me a choice between chicken McNuggets and a crackpipe, I’ll choose the nuggets every time, so I also don’t see that big of a difference between greasy pizza and greasy McDonalds. But hey, I’m not a Goop-level snob (yet). Just for fun, let’s make a “I Would Rather Smoke Crack Than…” list:

I Would Rather Smoke Crack Than…

1. Be friends with Goop.
2. Be married to Goop.
3. Be forced into some kind of hostage situation where Goop and I were meant to bond.
4. Listen to Goop rap NWA songs.
5. Be told how fat and peasant-y I am by Goop.
6. Share a bottle of wine with Goop.
7. Go on a juice fast that Goop recommended.
8. Work in any capacity for or with Goop.
9. Get into some kind of eating competition with Goop.
10. Be forced to spend any amount of time with Goop while my smacking hand was somehow restrained.

By the way, last year, during an interview, Gwyneth revealed that her daughter Apple had no idea what soda was. I thought this was odd, and I said so, and everyone yelled at me (which is fine). But I still think it’s weird that a kid, aged 5 or 6, wouldn’t even KNOW what soda is. If you don’t want to give your kids soda, more power to you and God bless, but to those of you who refuse to let your kids drink soda: your kids KNOW what soda is, right?

More often than not, when Gwyneth is talking about food and how she’s raising her kids, while I understand that she’s trying to pass on a legacy of healthy eating, it just feels like Gwyneth is actually passing on her food/diet/workout issues (and trust me, the bitch has issues). What’s going to happen when Apple develops some puberty puppy fat? Will Gwyneth tell her “You’re fat. What’s happening to you? I love you, get it together.” What happens when Moses wants a Coke and some crackers with canned cheese for his after-school snack? Will there be a meltdown of Goop-proportions? Also: will Gwyneth encourage her kids to do juice fasts and fad diets, like she’s recommended to her Goop-readers? Will Apple’s memoir be titled “I Ate Canned Cheese, and I Liked It”? Or “My Mother Was Too Drunk To Make The Pizzas: How I Got These Burns From Our Outdoor Oven”?

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Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

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96 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow: “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can””

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  1. brin says:

    Like most of her statements, that was totally unnecessary.

  2. Yas says:

    ” Be forced to spend any amount of time with Goop while my smacking hand was somehow restrained”

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA You made my morning!

  3. Rose says:

    I think she’s awesome, and never boring. Good for her, that cheese crap is mank.

  4. zesty says:

    Oh Goopy, it must be exhausting making sure you’re elitist yet approachable at the same time.

  5. annaloo. says:

    Gwyneth has got to be one of the most overrated, pedantic and self-aggrandizing people in the public eye. Total bore.

  6. me says:

    Has she not heard the term moderation?

  7. You don't say says:

    This statement is just nuts. She needs to think before she opens her mouth. She would rather fry her brain than put a few bits of processed food in her precious body. One hit of crack does more damage than 10 pounds of Cheez Whiz. I don’t eat cheese from a can or the kind wrapped in celaphane, but I would eat either before smoking crack for pity sakes.

  8. S says:

    Hang on, Moses is a girl?!?!

  9. GG says:

    “Hollywood super chef”

    Who writes this crap? Were THEY on crack?

  10. Dorothy#1 says:

    Kaiser, are so freaking funny! Love it!

    Whatever happened to everything is fine in moderation? I give my 6.5 year old soda maybe 4 times a year and it is only sprite or 7up. Does he ask for it more often, heck yeah! Oh and he knew about It for years before he ever tried it!

    She is such an assh@le! I bet her kids will be so messed up and dare I say it? FAT

  11. tapioca says:

    This is the same woman who said she’d rather die than let her kid eat Cup-a-Soup, so I am entirely not surprised.

    I AM surprised that no-one who has to spend any amount of time with her hasn’t snapped and strapped a rat in a bucket to her abdominal wall to test out that assertation…

  12. Helena Bonham Handcart says:

    This was mentioned in the Guardian yesterday too, especially the expensive (and mostly unobtainable in the UK) ingredients she recommends:

    “Unsweetened peanut butter: use as regular peanut butter, just don’t expect as much enjoyment.”

    Full article here:
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jul/06/gwyneth-paltrow-store-cupboard-essentials?INTCMP=SRCH

  13. Ruby says:

    You need to smoke crack to tolerate her acting. She needs to learn better analogies.

  14. Kelly says:

    That Guardian article is hilarious. The people of Britain must really like her, lol.

    The things that come out of her mouth are truly entertaining. She sounds just like a melodramatic teenager.

  15. Chloe says:

    Oh dear, are you actually wondering *why* people don’t like you, Gwyneth?

    I am so conflicted! I used to like her a lot. And I think she’s more talented than a lot of actresses with her exposure. Why are you saying these dumb things, woman!

  16. rep says:

    Goopy view:
    - cheese from a can – noNonoNO
    - soda – NONONONO
    - botox injections – yes, thanks, make sure it’s enough to completely freeze my facial expression;
    - lip and face fillers – yes, but make sure that my features are completely and permanently changed.

    She is full of BS. Quintessential BS. Sesquipedalian BS.
    My question is: why is anybody taking her seriously?

  17. Rio says:

    I’ve come to the conclusion that this is all a quest to quit acting via the most complicated bout of fakery ever. See, she’s managing to systematically alienate every demographic. She’s already hit urban dwellers with the NWA nonsense, then people who don’t have 20 hours a day to take care of their bodies, now she’s targeting middle America.
    Eventually she’ll have hit every sphere she can think of, her movies will bomb, and she can say “See? I’m not popular! Guess I’d better quit!”
    For this cunning subterfuge, I say bravo, Gwyneth. Bravo indeed.

    …Well, it’s either that or she’s a total bitch. I’ll take that answer as well.

  18. katnip says:

    I think healthy living is about choices. It think one day Apple and Moses are going to be lead to the dark side of eating. Someone is going to slip them a cookie or a snickers bar. I remember her mother took them out once and gave them.. Hold on to yourselves.. an icy or ice cream.

    I have not seen a pic of Blythe out alone with the kids again.

    Children that are denied so much may think of junk food like crack. I mean I love chips but I can say no.

    Wonder how her kids are going to navigate the junk food world when they leave the nest. She would hang herself if she lived in the south. Fried fried fried. butter, butter, butter and sweet tea.

    I remember when she did Country Strong (which really was County Weak) she talked about eating fried chicken..yeah.. that’s a lot worst then soda once in a while.

  19. Wishiweregoop says:

    3rd picture, Hugh Laurie is working for Metro PD?

  20. ladybert62 says:

    She is just so strange! Hate that dress – fell sorry for her kids and her husband.

  21. Thea says:

    I dream that she is kidnapped by a tribe of middle class overweight women, who subject her to the most horrible torture. Make her put on polyester pants, eat from a can, sleep on 40 count sheet sets. Make her shop at Walmart. I cant stand this pretentious bitch. I hope her children grow up and squirt cheese from a can directly into their mouths, then chase it with kool aid. No wonder her husband hates her. God, I do too.

  22. brin says:

    LOL@Thea!

  23. OtherChris says:

    Funniest post ever (especially #10) and then seeing her in that blue dress looking all clapped out? It made my day.

  24. MarenGermany says:

    all (or the great majority of)children know what soda is. I secretly had my fist at age six while we were on some field trip with school.
    She is really crazy and a control freak.

  25. Quest says:

    Junk food is junk food more or less. Mc D, Pizza Express, etc still not the healtiest places to eat. I think, Goopy is mentally unhealthy.

  26. Zimmer says:

    Love you Kaiser! You always put a smile on my face!

  27. rissa says:

    id rather be ADDICTED to crack than buy her book

  28. Pyewacket says:

    As I cover a Wheat Thin in Easy Cheese (shameless plug) I hoist it in the air and say ” Here’s to you Gwen, the most pretentious, yammering moron to walk the earth in a long time”

    By the way, every 5-10 yrs, I do buy a can of that stuff and indulge. Nothing wrong with eating unheathy every now and again, because it is fun and tasty!

  29. Jenny says:

    What gets missed in this statement is that she admits to drinking like a fish. So she would rather be an alcoholic, crack head than eat fake cheese. There is something just off about her.

  30. lucy2 says:

    Kaiser, that was a hilarious post, and I totally agree – she spends all her time trying instead of just living.
    Sidesteps questions about husband and then talks about how much she drinks. Yeah, she really sounds happy (sarcasm).

    I think it’s good if she makes sure her kids eat healthy and develop good habits. I think it’s bad if she OBSESSES over food, weight, cleanses, etc because it’s going to give the kids a weird relationship with food.

  31. Johnthing says:

    That toga dress is extremely ugly.

  32. Jenna says:

    I can tell you what will happen the day her kids find out about soda – same thing that happened to my niece. Raised macrobiotic, never had sugar – at my wedding we had a chocolate fountain.

    The groomsmen were all good guys who liked kids and didn’t know…

    By the end of the night after she had been practically DUNKED by the lads whenever she asked – she was spinning like a top in the middle of the floor on a sugar high we thought we’d need professional intervention for! (The crash next day was… bad. I’m very glad I was away on my honeymoon!)

    Completely deny kids – keep them totally unaware and give them no coping mechanisms? When finally exposed – their little heads explode!

  33. Audree says:

    I’d rather smoke cheese in a can than eat her crack.

  34. J O'C says:

    My kids don’t drink soda but yes, they know what it is! They also know what wine is. And whiskey.

  35. danielle says:

    Lol, I kept cheese in a can in my dorm room in college almost constantly! Haven’t had it years…actually makes me want to try some. My niece was around 6 and didn’t really know what soda was – she had a Dr. Pepper at a neighbor’s and thought it was healthy because it had Dr. in it! Pretty cute. I do make her drink milk with her nuggets and fries now that she’s older – she does like soda now.

  36. garvels says:

    I think she is a rich clueless Beoootch who has no idea what it is like to be poor in America. Has it ever occurred to her that some people simply can not afford the expensive fresh ingredients she promotes,especially in these times with record unemployment and under employment?? Does she know what it is like to be a poor college student living off of Ramn noodles??? This girl’s career was handed to her on a silver platter!

  37. Bobbie says:

    Kaiser, no matter how crabby I am, when I read a post you write about Goopy, my mood is uplifted. It’s like a little sliver of joy in my peasant life. As for the soda, I don’t let my kids drink it much either, but for God’s sake, they know what it is. Sheesh!

  38. GeekChic says:

    My daughter had soda for the first time when she was 6, and it was Diet Sprite. She hated it. She also had a sip of regular coke at a friend’s party, and hated it. She likes water, soy milk, and juice. This makes me sound horribly manipulative, but this was actually my plan. I know my daughter, and she hates anything “new” with respect to food or drink. So I withheld soda long enough that it tasted “new” to her, and as a result, she hated it. *smiles innocently* But of course she knew what soda was before she ever tasted it; it’s not as if I raised her in a bubble, a la the Goop.

  39. RHONYC says:

    Chris Martin must C-R-I-N-G-E every time she opens her trap. :-(

    p.s.- McDonald’s is my SAVIOR this summer!!!

    the frozen strawberry lemonades keep me from passing the hell out in the NYC heat commuting home everyday. they fuggin’ ROCK ;-)

  40. olcranky says:

    My friends are foodies and, after a spate of wine and cheese parties, I decided to have a “wine & cheez whiz” party complete with cheese in a can & wine in a box (drunk in paper/plastic cups, of course). We did have some other junk food and better drinkables but the Mad dog went pretty quickly.

    @Helena Bonham Handcart – Wegman’s sells peanut butter that is just ground up peanuts with no other ingredients. Peanut butter is a major trigger food for me so this stuff allows me to enjoy peanut butter and avoid the sugar. if you like peanuts it’s still enjoyable just not as crazy sweet.

  41. Kelly says:

    And furthermore, for someone who claims to work out like 80 hours a week, she’s also kind of slumpy.

  42. Adrian says:

    “I Ate Canned Cheese, and I Liked It”? Or “My Mother Was Too Drunk To Make The Pizzas: How I Got These Burns From Our Outdoor Oven”?

    I am DYING laughing. I would read those books in a heartbeat

  43. i.want.shoes says:

    For Moses and Apple, cheese in a can and junk food would all be healthier than having this crazy bitch for a mother

  44. Eve says:

    Can any of you guys imagine how would it be sitting at the table with Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman?

    I’d commit suicide by swallowing my own tongue. Or the tablecloth.

  45. Ari says:

    *punchhhhhh!*

    i drink constantly when im cooking though as well…rum and coke all the way

  46. Cherry says:

    @Wishiweregoop: wow, sharp eye! LOL

  47. lilred says:

    What happens when Moses wants a Coke and some crackers with canned cheese for his after-school snack?

    What happens is Goopy hands him a crack pipe in lieu of canned cheese.

  48. Melissa says:

    Okay, I guess I’m going to be one of the few on here to say this. I can see how GP can come across the wrong way, but I really really don’t get all the hate. The crack thing was a joke people. She was raised with a silver spoon in her mouth no doubt and she can sound pretentious in interviews, but I have also read that pretty much everyone that meets her in person really like her. And I like drinking wine while cooking (no, that doesn’t make me a lush) and I can proudly say that I can eat most men under the table too and I have to work out 3-4 days a week to maintain because of that. We also have no idea what her marriage is really like, all speculation.

  49. lilred says:

    She probably just doesn’t know what wine to have with cheese in a can.

  50. Kimbob says:

    Yes, she has “issues” alright. She ‘drinks constantly’ when she cooks because this is an ages old trick for both bulimics and anorexics. I’m LMAO as she gave herself away!

  51. Holly1996:) says:

    To be honest with you all, if that’s the way she wants to raise her own children..let her. Least they will grow up healthy and will enjoy eating and being healthy and working out. Majority of parents and children resort to McDonalds or something similar when they can’t be bothered to cook.
    If Gwyn is happy to stand and cook everyday then why put her down about it? Foods more enjoyable and most times healthier when homemade.

  52. Rita says:

    First of all, I didn’t know you could even buy cheese in a can (except for that liquid stuff and that ain’t real cheese).

    Second, and finally, I say we lock Anna Wintour and Gwyneth in a small closet that has no light. Drill a hole in the side wall and give Tim Gunn a long stick to poke them with. (Yes, Goop, I diliberatly ended a sentence with a preposition and diliberatly missed spelled deliberately. So there…tongue sticks out.)

  53. bluhare says:

    Goopy is totally ignorant. She has obviously never tried Cougar Gold cheese which is a pretty expensive cheese produced by Washington State University cows. It’s some of the most awesome cheese ever.

    SO THERE, GOOPY!!!

  54. TO BE OR NOT TO..WHATEVS says:

    “Be forced into some kind of hostage situation where Goop and I were meant to bond.”

    LOVE THIS ONE!

    and LOL @ Rissa

  55. normades says:

    I’d rather smoke cheese than eat crack. Seriously, that stuff will kill you.

  56. Kim says:

    She wont eat cheese from a can but she’ll feed her kids processed cheese from pizza express??? She is not the sharpest tool in the shed is she?

  57. Mitch Buchanan Rocks says:

    So the diet secret is not in the yoga or the organic vegan chef prepared meals it is the craack.

  58. Abby says:

    highlllllarious!!! so funny! (and so true!!!)

    poor little apple probably craves tinned apples smothered in HFCS – and she doesn’t even know it.

  59. the original bellaluna says:

    Obviously, she’s never tasted crack.

    (Canned cheese tastes much better, I’m sure.)

  60. sam says:

    RHONYC – a little bit of run in your straw/lemonades takes that to a whole different place!

    So goopy would look down on my favorite sandwich of american cheese on white bread with miracle whip?

    I let my kids have pop, we eat out at mcdonalds, Burger King, taco bell, etc. I also let them have candy and processed food crap. IN MODERATION! They are all healthy, they eat well otherwise, they are not overweight and are doing good in school.

  61. Catherine says:

    I don’t see the issue in not feeding your kids processed foods but the occasional McDonalds is like a kids’ dream! Poor Apple and Moses. Sometimes, convenience foods, whether in a box, can or a drive thru is just called for in a pinch. I haven’t died from it yet and I eat quite healthy the majority of the time. I think she likes to wear this health thing as a badge.

  62. Hanh says:

    Well its probably because she’s ALREADY smoking crack so she doesn’t see it as that big of a deal. But she isn’t eating processed cheese so OMG that’s a killer. Yeah she’s an idiot.

  63. Jaxx says:

    I love cheese in a can. I used to have a cat that went nuts over it too. She would jump on the table and try to climb my face until I would squirt a pile of it on the table for her. I would eat my cheese and crackers while she licked her pile right off the table. Cat licking the table. I bet that would drive Goopy right out of her tiny little ridiculous mind. (I did wipe the table off with pinesol after.) I miss that cat.

  64. 4Real says:

    I bet the CRACK would rather she ate the canned cheese.

  65. Nikki Girl says:

    She is one hell of a moron if she would rather smoke crack than eat canned cheese. Every time she opens her mouth, she just comes across as more and more pretentious and self-important, it’s unreal. Anybody who constantly says these kinds of things is obviously a very insecure person. It is becoming increasingly obvious to me how messed up she is. And I really hope her kids eventually start to rebel and become horrible Hollywood brats!

  66. Az says:

    Well, of course she’d rather smoke crack. Cheese from a can would make her get *gasp* fat. I guess being an addict is better than being fat in her exalted universe.

  67. lisa says:

    I get wanting your children to eat healthy, but there is a happy medium. I keep healthy food at home and let my boys make their own choices away from home…It works, they have done their own thing and they’re seeing what I’m saying…kids should be allowed to be kids, not adults, there is plenty of time for that…as parents we’re to guide them, not make them do what we want them to do and in my opinion, that applies to food as well.

  68. Rhiley says:

    @Helena Bonham: Thanks for the link. Here is a typical goopism that makes me scratch my head in the typical way most goopisms do:
    “Real Vermont maple syrup: this is an excellent choice if you have a £20 note, you want some syrup, but you don’t have your wallet on you or any pockets. I hate the feeling of coins in my hand. Don’t you hate that?” Uh, Goop? I do not understand what the heck you are trying to say here. She may be skinny but man her brains are thick.

  69. womanfromthenorth says:

    “You give me a choice between chicken McNuggets and a crackpipe, I’ll choose the nuggets every time”

    Oh that made me laugh…. :)

  70. the original bellaluna says:

    @ Kaiser & womanfromthenorth – Ooh, I don’t like McNuggets (where exactly is the mcnugget located on chickens?) but can I choose the Yogurt Parfait instead? I can almost tolerate that much sugar once in awhile. ;)

  71. LiLy says:

    I think most of the people here don’t understand what she really means. This is a question of education. Why do you have to bring your kids to Mcdonald, just because EVRYONE ELSE go to Mcdonald ? It is the same with the “soda issue”. You give the education you think is the better for your kid and you try to avoid them to do, too young, things that are BAD for them. Of course, Apple will taste soda one day, of course she will, but she won’t have the bad habits of some kids who forgot what WATER is ! And seriously, is that such a lost ? There are kids in this world who will probably NEVER EVER taste soda and cheese can, are they less happy for all that ? It’s not being elitist, it’s giving a good education and healthy lifestyle to your children. My children doesn’t watch TV (or actually only during the weekends and not more than 2 hours a day). Some people here will be like : omg that’s child abuse !!! But do you think they learn more watching tv 24hours a day than reading books and developing their creativity ? That’s what is it about. If for you it’s elitism, then why don’t you want your children to be part of leaders ? You rather see them being mediocre ? That’s sad.

  72. Nibbi says:

    she does look awfully good tho.

  73. UKHels says:

    oh god bore off Gwynnie

  74. YvetteW says:

    Now that’s a choice that we face every day! What to do, what to do…

  75. Rio says:

    Adding to my previous comment…

    Listen. I can understand wanting to keep your kids healthy. I understand keeping yourself healthy. But there is a line between protective and pretentious, and she has crossed it.
    Kids are going to eat what they want, they find a way. And when you label certain foods verboten, that MAKES THEM MORE APPEALING. It’s the forbidden fruit. I (the baby of middle-aged parents who’d already had 20 years raising kids before % showed up) was raised on CRAP because my parents were tired of cooking. I remember my childhood meals more by name brands than food. What did I end up doing? Becoming the family cook by age 12. I make my own pasta, create baked goods from scratch and basically bar my parents from the kitchen when I visit them.
    Would I have turned out this way had I been raised on organic spelt filtered through the tears of Nepalese sherpas? Probably not, which is why I figure Dame Gwynnie’s kids are going to consider soda, canned cheese, and other “forbiddens” to be the proverbial crack. They’re gonna see their friends haing it, they’re going to want it, they’re gonna like it, and they’re gonna sneak it.
    Healthy eating isn’t just about the food, it’s about the attitude.

  76. april says:

    I agree with her that I would not want to eat cheese from a can either. It’s all fake with chemicals. However, why the heck would you rather smoke crack? Not me. Drug addict or cheese head? I would take the canned cheese any day.

  77. mannequin says:

    Now that you mention it, she does kinda looked cracked out. Suckin’ on a cheese bottle must not be her thing.

  78. original kate says:

    for someone who pontificates on health every chance she gets the goopster does not look very healthy to me. and let’s not forget this is the woman who has vitamin D deficiency, osteoporosis and who passed out on set during one of her “cleanses.” she can eat a man under the table? well, maybe, but i’m sure within 5 minutes she’s barfing it all up.

  79. jc126 says:

    Yes, let’s fault someone who doesn’t stuff their kids full of McDonald’s food and soda. However snotty she may be, I can’t slam GP for that.

  80. blinditemreader says:

    I don’t know why she’s been messing around so much with her face. She looked fine.

  81. Nymeria says:

    @original kate (#78) – “the goopster…” *laughs snortingly* Now that’s awesome.

  82. Ally says:

    I wish stars would realize that when they give interviews, it’s like yelling statements like this into a megaphone in a mall. Think about what you’re saying and whether you’d like to see it on the CNN crawl tomorrow.

    The good news is that her kids won’t have a hard time rebelling. Just buying snacks at the local convenience store will blow their mom’s mind.

  83. Melinda says:

    Jc126- I can’t fault her for that either. My husband and I discussed before we got married, if we had kids, they were not allowed to eat McDonalds. That shit can sit on a shelf for a year and not mold! Who wants to feed children that garbage?! I think that people should only eat food that will mold and or go bad. That’s just me. Sure, her kids will eat garbage when they choose to. Most people rebel but come back. That’s all you can hope for.

  84. Sammy Jo says:

    Guessing cheese in a can is an American product…never heard of it in Australia or Europe. Having travelled the globe extensively I say USA=Crap Food.

  85. Di says:

    clearing throat…
    She was being FACETIOUS? lol, it was lol funny, crack as opposed to canned cheese.

  86. Moops says:

    Ha! My son had no clue what soda was at that age either – except for the few sips he had stolen from my Diet Coke can. He was nearly 5 when he first tried Sprite at a kid’s birthday party. He tasted it and exclaimed, “Mommy! It tastes kinda like Diet Coke, but it’s sweeter and clear!” The mom looked at me like I had two heads! I’m no health-nut – he’d never been exposed to it because regular soda isn’t something we drink (though I clearly live on Diet Coke), and McDonalds (and every other restaurant) offers milk and apple juice. He’s the most oblivious kid at times, and seldom notices things unless they are directed at him (which can be sometimes good – no “little pitchers have big ears” moments with him.)

    If it were anyone but Goopy, I’d say that lil’ Apple was probably just sweet and clueless like my kid. With Goopy as a mom, though, Apple probably has no clue what tap water is, either. Or popsicles. Or Capri Sun, Ring Pops, Doritos, etc.

  87. Em says:

    Crack is no laughing matter. She’s attention-seeking, and it worked!

  88. Esmeralda says:

    So, as usual, Gwyneth has absolutely nothing to say. Why does she even get any media attention? Aside from being an annoying elitist with an eating disorder, she’s also BORING.

  89. Esmeralda says:

    original kate:
    July 8th, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    for someone who pontificates on health every chance she gets the goopster does not look very healthy to me. and let’s not forget this is the woman who has vitamin D deficiency, osteoporosis and who passed out on set during one of her “cleanses.” she can eat a man under the table? well, maybe, but i’m sure within 5 minutes she’s barfing it all up.

    ————–

    Original Kate – THANK YOU!!!!! There is NO way on earth that you can be passing healthy eating habits and ideas on to your children if you’re so ill from your own eating habits that you’ve developed early osteopenia as a result of those habits.

  90. Anti-icon says:

    This comment of hers, so casually strew out there for its profundity and its ability to shock and call attention to her — vegan and superior food knowledge; while at the same time not even understanding how ignorant and unfunny it is when she positions herself as wholesome mother of the universe. She is as dense as a freeze dried portabello stuffed with CRACK cocaine and shoved up…..oh never mind. I’m classier than Goop so I’ll shut up now.

  91. jemshoes says:

    Yep, I agree with everyone that (1) this post was hilarious. Gold star again to you, Kaiser, for being so LOL; (2) moderation in all things, especially junk food. If you ban a food, make it illicit and forbidden, it only seems more enticing, desirable and want-able.

    Having said that, canned cheese sounds horrifying – as gross as canned ham – and I wouldn’t be comfortable taking cheese from a spray can either. :) But, hey, Aussie viewers, did any of you catch that SBS series, Gourmet Farmer, aired last year? When I saw how cheese was made in a farmer’s backyard, I was actually grateful for processing practises that you’re forced to adopt if you want to sell your cheese commercially! ;)

    Kaiser’s assessment of Goopy is spot-on, in terms of Goopy wanting to pass on a legacy of healthy eating to her kids, but at the same time trying to push onto the entire world her own food / body image issues.

  92. Gina says:

    This bitch.

    Luckily she is a famous, pretty actress whose children will never know the poverty that people experience that makes canned cheese seem like a luxury. Her statement isn’t edgy, just stupid and incredibly ignorant of people suffering from drug problems.

    …Going back to my pedestrian, Pizza Hut dinner.

  93. LauraB4 says:

    Considering she has osteoporosis, some sort of cheese might have been in order.

    Derp

  94. Yes, we get, she loves crack, like most of the Hollywood gang she hangs with. Crack to her and her friends is not that big a deal. She’d rather smoke crack than eat a salad, drink water, get out of bed, breathe air. That’s Gwyneth Paltrow. Not news. The problem is she has kids. Kids are better off taken away from crack heads. Her kids are brought up thinking smoking crack is no worse (actually better) than canned cheese. Yes, she’s dumb…we all knew that…but she’s a danger to her children. Her wealth is the only thing that’s keeping social services from not doing their duty.

  95. Rainbow says:

    Whats wrong with cheese from a can? It can be lowcal……….
    That wasn’t a very good joke from her. She makes it sound like crack isn’t that bad, and distructive. And it sounds like she tried it.
    What if her or other children pick up on this note, “crack wont ruin you”.

  96. hynzerelli says:

    I’ve smoked plenty of coke & I used to say it was my S FLA diet plan cuz I was a fit MFer,it had my metabolism racing & kept me from constantly visiting the frig & snacking. Now that I quit that sh1at I’ve put on 20 lbs.LOL