As I mentioned in my homoerotic fan-fiction about the meeting of Clive Owen and Michael Fassbender last week, Fassie is in London, likely working on Prometheus, and attending parties solo. At last week’s Armani party, he was even photographed flirting with some chicas – you can see photos here, at PopSugar. I wondered aloud if Michael and Zoe Kravitz were over, considering Fassie seems to be acting like a single guy. Zoe and Michael got together while they were filming X-Men: First Class, and they debuted as a couple in Michael’s Vogue UK profile, and then refused to stand next to each other during all of the press for the film. Right around the film’s release, there were candids of the two of them, which disturbed my theory that they were over before the premiere. But now I’m back to thinking that they’re done. You see, while Michael is in London, flirting with randoms, Zoe is in NYC, “sharing a cab” with Penn Badgley. Penn. Friggin’. Badgely.

Penn Badgley and Zoe Kravitz seemed to be more than friends at the “Friends With Benefits” party Monday night. They arrived separately at the Standard Hotel for the Cinema Society bash, but “Gossip Girl” star Badgley later wandered over to Lenny Kravitz’s daughter. The two seemed casual at the Axe-sponsored bash attended by the stars of the film — about friends who decide to have sex without emotional ties — Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis and Emma Stone, as well as Kirsten Dunst, Liv Tyler and Anna Faris. But we spotted Penn and Zoe hop into a taxi together at about 1:30 a.m. His rep said, “They just shared a cab.”

[From Page Six]

I hope this isn’t true, only because I don’t see how it’s even possible that a girl could go from The Fassdong to The Penndong. Does Penn even have a dong, or is he, like, one of those neutered Ken dolls? My point? Michael Fassbender is The Sex, he is badass and amazing, and if he and Zoe are done (fingers crossed), I genuinely hope that she finds a new boyfriend who isn’t quite this… embarrassing.

There is another theory, though. Penn’s publicist is currently working overtime to put Penn out there and make him the next big thing. Remember the shenanigans with the Jeff Buckley movie, where it turned out that Penn wasn’t really playing Buckley in the artsy biopic, but a different film altogether? That’s what this feels like – like an attempt to make Penn look more interesting by putting him with someone with a modicum of street cred like Zoe.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Pacific Coast News.