Courtney Love hilariously claims to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach

These are some photos of Courtney Love in Dublin last month, where she gave a talk at Trinity College’s Philosophical Society and was awarded an Honorary Patronage. While I’m not sure why Courtney was awarded a Patronage, I assume that it has something to do with liquor? Nothing against the Irish, but they do love their alcohol:

And so the cycle continues. It’s things like this Honorary Patronage that allow Courtney to maintain many of her worldly illusions, including her belief that she’ll one day marry a titled nobleman and become Lady Love. In further delusionary news, Courtney has declared to Details magazine that she’s functioning as sobriety coach for Lindsay Lohan. This isn’t the first (or even the second) time that Courtney has taken it upon herself to declare herself a sobriety coach for an infinitely troubled celebrity trainwreck. She claimed to do so for Kelly Osbourne and Paris Hilton (as detailed below) and also purported to help Pete Doherty kick drugs too so that he could win Kate Moss back (and we all know how well that worked out). Why? Because Courtney sees herself as the “go-to-girl for the publicly humiliated.” That’s right, Courtney Love — advocate for the beleaguered, downtrodden, and drugged-up masses:

Courtney Love has claimed she is Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach.

Courtney has battled a high-profile addiction to drugs throughout her life. She is now clean and has decided to use her knowledge to help other people.

Lindsay’s life has been troubled lately, characterised by trips to rehab and prison sentences. She is now trying to get her life back on track and Courtney has decided to help her.

“I’ve taken up Lohan because nobody else will. She’s further down the line than I was, because there was no [gossip website] TMZ then,” she told Details magazine.

Courtney didn’t reveal any more details of her relationship with Lindsay, and the younger star has not yet commented on the report.

It’s not the first time Courtney has claimed she is helping Lindsay.

Earlier this year, the 47-year-old singer gave an interview in which she alleged she’d helped a number of young stars through addiction and legal problems. She insisted Lindsay once called her for advice after she was arrested, and even claimed she’d helped Kelly Osbourne after an alleged overdose.

“It wasn’t that long ago when Kim Stewart was screaming, ‘Courtney, what are we going to do? Kelly Osbourne is blue on the floor!’ Kelly wasn’t doing that well back then. For some reason, Kim Stewart also called me when Paris Hilton got pulled over for her last DUI. And Lindsay Lohan called me after she was arrested. The judge presiding over her case was the same judge who presided over mine. He was a very sweet man. I think he was an ex-alcoholic himself. I told Lindsay to just get it together and trust the judge, and Lindsay’s father called me for advice every day. I’m not even that friendly with these girls. What am I, a junkie Auntie Mame?”


As hilarious as the prospect of Lindsay seeking guidance from an equally cracked-out, washed-up mess sounds, I honestly doubt the veracity of this story. I mean, Courtney probably believes that it is true, but whatever. Courtney namedrops everyone. She’s worse than Gwyneth at the practice. In fact, Courtney is the only person who namedrops Gwyneth and not the other way around. To hear it Courtney’s way, every user of illegal drugs probably has her number on speed dial. Never mind that neither Kelly, Pete, nor Paris has ever acknowledged Courtney as their Patron Saint of Sobriety.

Seriously though, Courtney is a wreck in all areas of her life and has no business “coaching” anyone at anything. Even when she is allegedly sober, she comes off as being on some really good sh-t. In other words, the notion that Courtney being a sobriety coach for virtual hire would probably arrive as news even to Lindsay Lohan:

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN

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46 Responses to “Courtney Love hilariously claims to be Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety coach”

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  1. G says:

    Oddly enough, this explains EVERYTHING about Lohan.

    It’s like a unified theory of Lindsay’s behavior.

  2. skuddles says:

    Well you know you’re right screwed when Courtney Love is the only person who wants anything to do with you. What’s she gonna do, whip out those frightening, saggy tits and say “see these??” “You gotta hang ’em out when you peform, otherwise nobody will pay attention to you. So what if it makes the entire audience vomit?? Trust Auntie Courtney on this…”

  3. Cerulean says:

    I can’t believe she made it to 47. I guess the drugs and alcohol embalmed her.

    • CloudSailor says:

      LOL. It is a miracle.
      We all know Blohan will live long enough to look just the same in 20 years.

      Also LOL at the compilation of pictures, hilarious!!

  4. Obvious says:

    Why do all the crazies get the really good shoes? These aren’t my favorite, but I wouldn’t kick them out of bed (the shoes obviously NOT love)

  5. snappy81 says:

    Good luck with that, Lindsay!

  6. G says:

    This explains EVERYTHING about Lindsay’s behavior.

    It’s like the Lohan Unified Field Theory.

  7. Jessica says:

    “junkie Auntie Mame” – LMAO!!!!

  8. Rhiley says:

    I can’t eat and look at pictures of CL at the same time. I had to choke down the bite of ham sandwich I had just put in my mouth. For a second, I thought I was going to end up like Mama Cass.

    • Redd says:

      Ugh I despise Courtney Love and can’t stomach pix of Lohan, either, but please know Cass Elliot did not choke on a ham sandwich….it was a heart attack.. I just love Mama Cass.

  9. Eleonor says:

    LOL, at least this would explain a lot of things.

  10. boo says:

    I don’t understand why Courtney Love continues to say that she is “sober” when she obviously has a drink in her hand. I was told in AA that sober meant you “used nothing that effects you from the neck up” that is sobriety to me. It does not mean I drink once in a while or take drugs once in while or smoke a little non habit forming marijuana (sarcasm). What the hell, this is not sobriety, it’s a using, alcoholic mess and she’s going to help Lohan, come on people. Delusion, self-obsession and denial are the name of Courtney and Lindsay.

    • LeeLoo says:

      I disagree slightly. I used drugs and cleaned up and I consider myself clean but I occasionally like to go on Wine tours and drink wine. I’m not a wino or anything but I enjoy a single glass of wine when I go out to eat.

      I think the most important lesson when it comes to sobriety is having self control and ANYTHING that causes you to lose self control is bad. I never agreed with the approach of anything that affects you makes you not sober. If thinking of alcohol as such works for you that’s fine but that should not be a blanket statenent for everyone. In Courtney’s case there is obviously way more than just alcohol going on.

    • Zelda says:

      Gotta say–the AA approach is one that works for many people, but there are reformed drinkers and druggers who still imbibe occasionally.
      There are many ways to live.

    • MorticiansDoItDeader says:

      @boo, I agree. My sister-in-law used to drink to intensify the effects of crack (apparently a second more addictive/dangerous compound is formed when crack and alcohol are used in conjunction). She is a recovered crack addict but still drinks to excess and I worry that the alcohol will lower her inhibitions enough to use again. This is probably also the reason that NA and AA recommend an addict avoid alcohol altogether.

      • magslivs says:

        i will say this, having done the AA thing for while, the “nothing from the neck up” is problematic. I remember these, tottering on obese, women telling me “well at least i’m not drinking” as they are shoveling cupcakes in their mouths.
        I think addictive tendances can take over ANY aspect of your life, exercise, food, sex, etc. one day maybe we’ll be able treat addiction as a disease that manifests in many ways. but until then, there’s bigger problems in the world to deal with, IMO.

      • boo says:

        Well, this is the problem with a lot of people, they think they are “addicts” and not “alcoholics”, somehow I think addicts feel a bit of a cool factor at saying they are addicts as opposed to alcoholics, which brings to mind old men drinking out of paper bags. Not so, I did a lot of drugs too, but alcohol brought me to my knees, and I believe that if you think “I’m an addict” I did drugs, and you think that you can drink with impunity, you are sorely mistaken. That is just my opinion, I realize that others do not think as I do, but for me, I have to be very careful and I use nothing that effects me in any way. I hope your aunt finds a way.

  11. curleque says:

    These two should have a reality show of their own together. I’d watch.

  12. LeeLoo says:

    So this explains why Lindsay can’t stay sober. I can see it now. Courtney probably says things like “Lindsay do this line with me. We’ll be sober together!”

    It’s funny, Courtney and Lindsay look the same age and like they could be related. We should call them The Cracken Sisters.

  13. madpoe says:

    If this is true.
    Then there really is such a thing as becoming a Jedi Master then isn’t there?
    I’d nearly given up hope.

  14. RobN says:

    I think that Courtney is probably just one of those people who says every single thing that pops into her head. She has no filter and it shows.

  15. carrie says:

    today is “guilty pleasures” on Celebitchy!

  16. G says:

    Courtney should open her own rehab and do a reality show a la Dr Drew….

  17. ... says:

    To me, nothing was more relaxing than strolling through Trinity college/courtyard when I was living in Dublin and I dreamed of going to such a prestigious school…before realising they would never accept me! But with this I feel slightly better. Giving Courtney Love an honorary anything is like going to a prostitute for intellectual conversation. Damn this world!

  18. wunder says:

    Dr.Love will drive Dr. Drew out of business, for sure. . . yeah.

  19. EmmaStoneWannabe says:

    Woah. Before I opened this post, I really thought this was Mischa Barton!

  20. qwertygirl says:

    This reminds me of an episode that Boy George talked about one time on some VH-1 special (I think). He was talking about doing a “Just Say No to Drugs” concert thing (in the 80s, of course), and he was completely coked off his ass the whole time, by his own admission. All of this “I’m sober and helping other Problem Children with their addictions” just sort of puts me in mind of that. Sure you’re sober, Courtney. Sure you are.

  21. Hellen says:

    Courtney, NO ONE could be “further down the line” than you are or were. Let me know if your Cracken Twin lets a stranger on the street latch onto her boob in public, then we’ll talk about comparative crackiness. Till then, you’re still THE QUEEN!

  22. imabrat says:

    When you’re as low as a Lohan, I guess it IS looking up to Courtney.

  23. laura hd says:

    thanks for those pics…gave me my first real laugh of the day….hysterical!

  24. Newtsgal says:

    If that’s what you look like sober….bitch, you need to go back on the crack!

  25. dovesgate says:

    Even though no one has confirmed anything Courtney has said – no one has denied it either. THAT is more telling.

    Besides, if you were a junkie and your junkie friend is overdosing, are you going to call 911 and get arrested because your friend is OD’ing or are you going to call the Queen Junkie and find out how to fix it without involving the cops? If you’re a junkie, you’re gonna call Junkie Auntie Mame.

    • Rosie says:

      Totes agree, & courtney lived thru the whole heroin scene that took kurt & at least one hole member, the fact that courtney at least has her shit together enuff to show up for events & not be a trainwreck after all shes been thru speaks volumes, lindsay lohan is nowhere near that level of organization considering shes been barely complying with her legal stuff…imo

  26. lisa good says:

    I agree with dovesgate..and this is foolery of the highest order

  27. whatevs says:

    That explains everything.

  28. whatevs says:

    and what are those tattooes. my god. i remember when once a dishwasher detergent brand was giving away flower stickers very much like these. my mother would stick them on the kitchen walls to make it look like a design. so lame. i’m guessing she was intoxicated when she got those but then again when is she not?

  29. crazycatlady says:

    Junkie Auntie Mame = Auntie Shame!

    I don’t know what’s funnier, her sobriety coach claim or some Philosophical Society giving her a Patronage.

    On another note – she really needs to lay off the plastic surgery. She’s starting to look like Munch’s “Scream.”