Nicolas Cage, looking cakey while promoting his latest POS film: would you hit it?

I feel kind of untethered without Kaiser here to lighten the mood. I miss her and hope she’s feeling better tomorrow. So here we have Nicolas Cage, who is making yet another POS fantasy action film to make ends meet after blowing all his money on castles, exotic pets, antivenom, shrunken heads, Gatsby-style parties and every single luxury car available to man. (Pretty much and all of that is accurate.)

Cage is in Berlin promoting Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, the sequel to the first Ghost Rider movie I don’t remember from 2007. It’s based on a comic book of the same name, and the trailer (below) makes it look like a video game, not a real movie. That’s what Cage does now, he stars in video game movies. This guy is 48 and he’s looking it in photos. He needs to pay a visit to Tom Cruise’s Brazilian surgeon. Aren’t there any other up and coming action heroes to take his place? Surely there’s a huge pool of available actors with lower salary demands, better looks and just as competent acting abilities. It seems like Hollywood is always giving up on women, but that men get to go on as long as they can show up and deliver some lines.

I don’t find Cage attractive at all, but when he was younger he wasn’t bad looking. He was actually hot in a kind of arrogant “I want to hate f#%* him” way.

Here’s Cage in 2001 and in 2000’s Gone in 60 Seconds. There are also two stills of him from 2001’s Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, with Penelope Cruz. I didn’t see that movie, but his bad accent is painful in the trailer. I had to look it up to figure out that he’s supposed to be Italian. Does anyone buy him as a romantic lead? That’s probably why he settled into these goofy action movies.

Here’s the trailer for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, which is out in the US on February 12. Idris Elba is in it, which is one redeeming factor. The first one did $115 million in domestic box office alone, which is why we’re being subjected to another one. I have to say Cage looks good on screen though. He’s got that deep voice going for him too.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

49 Responses to “Nicolas Cage, looking cakey while promoting his latest POS film: would you hit it?”

Comments are Closed

We close comments on older posts to fight comment spam.

  1. brin says:

    No way no how.

  2. InVain says:


  3. Capella says:

    Don’t forget the Michael Jackson and the Elvis extreme memorabilia CB!

    Although, I find his alter ego Ghost Rider quite a turn on. In a boyfriend-from-hell sort of fancy.

    • Sigh. says:

      And the spending to feed his Superman fetish (his youngest son is named Kal-El, Clark Kent/Superman’s birth name).

  4. Julie says:

    I disagree. I don’t think he’s aging badly and I can’t think of a case offhand when I’d recommend an actor/actress go get work done. I will say, to me he is looking more feminine in the face than he has in the past. No way would I “hit it.”

  5. LeeLoo says:

    Has anyone ever seen that College Humor Nic Cage skit with his manager? Whenever I hear about Nicholas Cage I think of that.

    I know I’m weird but he’s a little too weird and crazy for my tastes. Not to mention I have never found Nic Cage attractive at all. Not even in his earlier movies. He’s got serial killer eyes.

    Get well Kaiser!

    • Liz says:

      “He’s got serial killer eyes.”

      An Irish radio show had the hosts talking about the weirdest celebrities they had ever interviewed.

      One of them cited Nic Cage, and used those exact words. He said Cage is very nice, but one of the weirdest, scariest looking people he’d ever met.

  6. Asli says:

    I have not had the urge to hit it since ”Gone in 60 seconds” (which was actually on last night :P). I don’t know why but I always confuse this guy with Mel Gibson…

    Hope you feel better tomorrow, Kaiser 🙂

  7. lettylynton says:

    I wonder if his son will end up looking like him…

  8. Franny says:

    I’m sure at some point between purchasing the 27th and 29th most expensive car in the world, it just wouldn’t even be fun to have that much money. Like, if someone bought me a brand new volkswagon, I wouldn’t even know what to do with myself. But NC wouldn’t even take a piss in that car.

    Just like there isn’t much more that I covet than a Chanel purse…which is chicken shit to Kim Kardashian, who owns at least 8 Birkins.

  9. lrm says:

    always enjoy him in films, however….he’s good. like tom cruise-you don’t go out of your way to see him, but when you do, you think ‘alright, he’s a good actor’.
    there’s something about him on-screen.

    And as far as men working as long as they want, don’t forget how much hollywood and critics favor and forgive the c*rappy action movie, but diss romantic comedies at any given chance.

    Like romatic comdedies should not exist, even though they obviously fulfill some archetypal longing-just as action/hero/thriller movies do.

    It’s still a MAN’S world, in Hollywood, for sure,a nd subsequently, for movie-goers.

    You have to go out of your way to find another option on the movie/film menu, still, in 2012! It’s out there, but not on the regular menu.

  10. fabgrrl says:

    The first movie I saw him was in “Peggy Sue Got Married” and I thought he was dorky cute. Then I saw “Moostruck” and decided he was hot. I think he is/was a handsome man, and I think he is a decent actor (“Adaptation”) but his crazy-ass personality overwhelms all of that. So no, would not hit it.

    • Euphorima says:

      I think i saw on some TV programme once that his mother had some menatl disorder…..think it was Bipolar or Schizophrenia (spelling) and there were some concerns that he might have inherited her traits.

    • Astrid says:

      I liked him in Moonstruck, too. But not so much anymore…so no..

  11. Agnes says:

    Wouldn’t hit that with someone else’s vag.

  12. Amy says:

    Not going to lie. I thought he was the cutest thing ever in Raising Arizona, and I would have hit it repeatedly.

  13. Eve says:

    Idris Elba is in it, which is one redeeming factor.

    Another redeeming factor is Ciarán Hinds — who plays the devil in this movie.

    Yes, I’m going to watch it. And I’m not even embarrassed to admit that.

  14. Gast says:

    Wouldn’t hit it if he was the last man on earth! He is ridiculous in those video game movies: the fake hair (they can blew up NYC in movies, but they can’t come up with a convincing hairpiece for Cage?), that stupid look on his face… Well, actually I haven’t seen any of his movies in years but that’s because I just can’t stand him.

  15. Kaboom says:

    He was supposed to be an Italian officer in WWII in Corelli’s Mandolin

  16. Cathy says:

    I liked him in the Knowing. Thought that was a good film. I wouldn’t go after him, but if he crawled into my bed, I wouldn’t throw him out.

    Feel better soon Kaiser

  17. TheOriginalKitten says:

    Just ew. I have never found him attractive at all. Plus he just seems like an arrogant douche.

  18. dorothy says:

    Used to be a very handsome man. Guess the stress of multiple foreclosures, bankruptcy, over extravagant living and verbally abusing your wife takes it’s toll

  19. kay says:

    I like his movies. he does some excellent ones, in between the horribles (kick ass vs the sorcerer’s apprentice)

    he was truly excellent in Lord of War.

  20. Pants says:

    Sure, I’d hit it… with a stick.

    • Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

      Word for word what I was going to say. Verbatim. I don’t know…he just looks, kind of creepy to me. I know, I know… I don’t have anything against him at all, but he does give me the heebie-jeebies, I can’t help it.

      There’s something him about that’s so clammy and twitchy and I feel like if I ever washed my hands in his presence I’d manage to cough up a hairball for my efforts. My hair’s black, and I don’t have the funds to frequent those five-star merkin district hair distilleries, so whose back, chest and/or hair plug is under my tongue sighing, ‘shhhh, hush. Don’t speak, it hurts the drama of the moment’? Why would anyone want hair plugs to put hair into the back? I don’t know, I don’t to understand his process. Look who he marries, it’s all too ‘art’ for me.

      And I’m not going to continue standing in the shadows telling you that visions of not only his eyes, but the eyes of his one-time paramour Lisa Marie Proxy, no–Viva Las Pressley–whatever don’t haunt my nights, still. Then Rasputin’s eyes join in, then David Miscavige’s, and it’s topped off by Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s eyes and it is a dream of a witches sabbath, indeed. Why won’t my mind be free of Cages, swords, pyramid, vitality chambers (he must have something like that by now, maybe it’s supposed to centre him and contribute to his ‘wellness’). And the intensely unbuttoned dress shirts, why must it be so? Why puff up the barbeque-coloured chest so hard and why I can see your teeth from Canada with the naked eye? Call your dentist, tell him to put some of the dirt back in.

      He doesn’t seem to be part of his own body, and the bearing of a child learning to ride a bike for the very first time. Every time. Should I type in coodinates to control his units from internal affairs? Next time Corinne from Avon comes over, can you pick up some Timeless body powder and Imari body cream for me?

      To look at him a still gives off the impression that he’s of three different humans held together by an apoxy that can only be used in well-ventilated areas, wetted paprica, strategically placed sub-dermal rubber balls and varnish.

      I mean, look– ‘I’m Nic Cage: If you like ending your day under a pile of constipation–HAIR SLICK–face and get your sheets and body stained with henna, some Brillcream left behind from St. Agatha’s Collegiate Institute (Go, Fighting Flagellents, whoo!) production of Grease and some errant goat placenta, intercourse me now! FLEX! Fund my madness, enable my addictions. AND CLENCH!!!’

      It’s almost as though God picked up a ice blue globule of sexual anxieties and gently transferred it into man-shaped bottle.

      And that’s the story of the first vernal equinox.


      I feel kinda bad, but until today I was the only person who I could identify as thinking that he’s scary-looking. Gee, I’m evil. I have to go pray.

  21. Stacia says:

    I would not hit it NOW…but back THEN.. YES!

  22. Zelda says:

    Nope. He’s got a chin-but-no-jaw thing going on. It makes me think of turtles.
    And he’s got more makeup on than I do.

  23. E Train says:

    He’s lost his neck; it’s completely gone!

  24. MacScore says:

    The second picture – only one word came to mind: PATHETIC.

    Baldige Besserung (as we say over here – Get Better Soon!) Kaiser!

  25. ThatBoyLuke says:

    LMAO i wouldn’t hit that if my life depended on it…
    Also HOW does he still get roles? Anytime i see a film with Nicholas Cage in it i actively avoid it because they SUCK.

  26. Amanda G says:

    If he lost weight and stopped shaving his side burns he’d probably be handsome again. Like a poster said above, there’s just something about him that keeps me coming back. I don’t go out of my way to see his movies, but when I do I’m usually pleased with the result.

  27. lilred says:

    Hey Nick,Just because it’s called Max Factor Makeup does not mean it’s for men!!!Dude lay off the foundation!

  28. Meanchick says:

    He looks like he’s sucking it in for dear life!

  29. malathyonxx says:

    yuck, yuck. never ever.

  30. Psyren says:

    I wouldn’t even hit that with someone else’s cooch.

  31. Cleo says:

    He actually looks like the Mad TV character played by Michael McDonald – the old Jewish guy with the track suit.

  32. darkladi says:

    I just threw up in my mouth

  33. caityyy says:

    I’d hit it.

  34. Lex says:

    Haha my friend and I have a Nic Cage obsession! We love to go see his movies after a few wines and laugh at his hilariousness. Seriously, try it. Help a brutha out of his financial issues while enjoying yourself at the same time!!

  35. MAMAKOWALSKA says:

    I still like his movies!!! Especially the sci-fi-horror stuff, they remind me of the ol’ Steven Segall movies……

    I don’t watch them to get deep about life……they’re just good old fashioned bad guys verses good guys stuff with Clint Eastwood type delivery of his lines, makes me think of the plots my grandpa used to watch with John Wayne, just better special effects and with a little of the supernatural hehehehehe….

    He’s not aging well and he looks like he’s wearing a girdle or some spanks in those picks……..but……..When you hit your 40th b-day the clock really ages you from then til 50 and he’s almost 50…. If he went and got botox he’d REALLY LOOK STRANGE…..

    His appeal is that he’s not sooooooo good looking you can’t believe you could never have him. Every woman thinks, I could get him if I wanted (wether you do or don’t).

  36. inshallah says:

    Not for nothing, but in Moonstruck, the man was Sex On Legs.

    Between that, Birdy, Raising Arizona, and Valley Girl, there is so much adorable hotness that I can forget the subsequent 25 years of his career have even happened.