Latest celebrity divorces have one thing in common: toddlers

All of the latest divorcing celebrity couples share one commonality – they have toddler children. In fact none of the splitting couples are childless and all of them have children between the ages of one to four.

Whenever celebrities get divorced I am particularly interested in their children – how many they have and what ages and genders they are. It struck me that nearly all of the recently-divorcing celebrities have children that are going through toddlerhood and probably bugging the hell out of them. (Along with doing plenty of cute things to soften the blow of random tantrums, like saying new words you know you never taught them.)

I’m not saying that the innocent toddlers were the causes of these Hollywood breakups, children are never to blame for a divorce. It’s just an interesting coincidence. Here are the latest celebrity splits along with the stats on their children.

rockdivorce.jpg Chris Rock and Maleek Rock: double toddler trouble
Chris Rock was said to have filed divorce papers in early November of this year, but that turns out not to be true. TMZ reports that Chris and Maleek seem to be giving their relationship of ten years another try. They were photographed out at a charity dinner together last week and have not made their divorce official. They have two toddler daughters, Lola, 4, and Zahra, 2.

katechrisreunitedheader.jpg Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson: two year-old son
Chris Robinson has finally filed for divorce from Kate Hudson after this unlikely Hollywood couple announced their separation in mid August. They have a two year-old son, Ryder, who is such a handful that they don’t even dare cut his hair.

reeseryan.jpgReese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe: one toddler son, an older daughter
Reese Witherspoon wasted no time filing divorce from Ryan Phillippe, who was presumed to be cheating on her with his younger co-star, Abbie Cornish. They announced their separation at the end of October and Reese made it official less than two weeks later. They have two children, Ava, 8, and Deacon, who just turned three.

heatherpaul.jpgHeather Mills and Paul McCartney: one toddler daughter
Heather Mills and Paul McCartney seem as ill-suited for each other as an evil harpy and beloved legendary rock star could be. They managed to procreate, though, and it was undoubtedly great sex that got them together in the first place. Their daughter, Beatrice, just turned three.

britneykfed.jpgBritney Spears and Kevin Federline: one soon-to-be toddler, one newborn
What recent celebrity divorce list would be complete without Britney and K-Fed? I almost didn’t include them, though, because Sean Preston turned one in September and only just entered toddlerhood. According to the Wiki, toddlers are between one to three, or maybe two to five, so little SP counts.

These breakups during their children’s toddlerhood may serve a biological purpose. Anthropologists have found that couples typically break up when their children are toddlers, with a peak in breakups after four years together. Having seen their children through the vulnerable baby stage, they are free to find another mate and reproduce again, which is our biological imperative.

The four-year pattern, as well as a tendency to divorce at the height of one’s reproductive years, also makes sense from a sociological point of view. “For instance,” Fisher says, “a prehistoric male who ‘divorced’ his partner after seeing one offspring through infancy would have had the opportunity to pick a younger ‘spouse’ more capable of bearing and raising babies. A female might leave one mate to ‘marry’ a better provider for her and her forthcoming children.”

Notable recent celebrity divorces that did not involve toddlers include Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Eminem and Kim Mathers, and Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have two toddlers, though, and I didn’t include them since their split is old news.

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8 Responses to “Latest celebrity divorces have one thing in common: toddlers”

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  1. Fleegle says:

    Ryan, you look all of eleven years old, and Heather, NO STOMACH PLEASE. bleecccch.

  2. Toddlers are insane…they don’t call that age the “terrible twos” for nothing! It’s hard having kids that age and it’s stressful. Not that this is an excuse but it is a stressful time in a marriage.

  3. Amy Alkon says:

    If you’re over 12, I don’t want to know from your navel.

  4. Alarmjaguar says:

    One might also add that many of those couples got married incredibly young and that babies have been the Hollywood accessory of choice over the last few years.

  5. Maureen says:

    It is sad to see messed up adults bringing children into already unstable relationships out of nothing more than pure selfishness. Then, when things go wrong, they shuffle these poor kids from one dysfunctional relationship to another and expect these young, damaged souls to simply ‘roll with the punches’. It’s no wonder there are so many kids abusing drugs and suffering from depression these days. Adults have a right to act like idiots if they want to and destroy their own lives but it sucks to see them drag poor, innocent kids with no choices whatsoever into becoming hostages to their parents’ selfish ways. So sad 🙁

  6. Louise says:

    Yes, parenting can be stressful and toddlers especially, but these celebrities all have armies of live-in help! Nannies, cooks, housekeepers, personal assistants, etc. Becoming a parent changes your role in life: carrer choices, how you view your body, how you view your partner, your financial priorities/security. But these celebrities should be somewhat immune from what we common folk think of as the stresses of parenting toddlers. Their relationships deteriorate becasue of deep fissures in themselves that they try to heal in dysfunctional ways. While it’s an interesting coincidence that these couples all have toddlers, some other stressor (death of a parent, loss of a major movie roll, medical crisis, etc) would come along to weaken their relationships if they hadn’t fallen apart now.

  7. paris herpes says:

    It’s more interesting to hear about the reason they get the divorces, hopefully not just irreconcilable differences, but cheating on the spouse most of all!

  8. Melissa says:

    Only in Hollywood
    Lets have kids and PLay Barbie & Ken…….