Dear Michael Fassbender: WTF is wrong with your hair & why do you look awful?

These might be the first batch of Michael Fassbender photos that do absolutely nothing for my lady parts. My lady parts throw a party for nearly anything Fassbender-related or Fassbender-adjacent, so imagine my surprise. I think it’s the hair. It’s the hair, right? Something about Fassy with darker hair, and having it all spiked up… it makes it seem like he’s wearing a bad rug. The suit isn’t helping either – it looks baggy and borrowed. Fassy’s a lean, slender, rangy guy – he should be wearing very tailored, slim-cut slacks and tight t-shirts and such, not oversized suits.

Anyway, these are photos from today’s Paris photo call for Prometheus. Director Ridley Scott was there, as was Noomi Rapace (!!!) and Charlize Theron. None of them are blowing me away sartorially. Charlize’s dress doesn’t really suit her, and I hate her booties. Noomi just looks like ten kinds of hell, which is sad because I love her to pieces. But the worst is definitely Fassbender. WHY?!?!?!?!!?

Two more Fassy stories. One, Fassy is a producer now! He’s started his own production company and he really wants to make a film adaptation of The Cuchulainn Saga, a set of famous Irish myths. Fassy said in a new interview that: “I’ll try and bribe, convince, whatever it takes to try and get the people we would like to have in it. But at the moment it’s really just a matter of getting the story tight so I can send something out there that will entice people to do it, so fingers crossed we’ll see what happens. We should have a script by July in the summer and then hopefully something to take to studios around September, October.” Bribe me with your body, Fassy. I have money. I will give you my check card in exchange for a week in bed with you. Seriously.

Second Fassy story: MY DREAM IS COMING TRUE. Remember I had a “dream” (sexual fantasy) that Michael Fassbender and Angelina Jolie would end up having a torrid affair at some point? Well, Angelina is in talks to take a “small part” in Ridley Scott’s upcoming film, The Counselor, which will film this summer. Fassbender’s the lead. Seriously, they need to get together. Brad would understand, surely. This is for the sake of sexual fantasies everywhere.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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137 Responses to “Dear Michael Fassbender: WTF is wrong with your hair & why do you look awful?”

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  1. Bite me says:

    Eeew to all of them

    • Kathy says:

      Yeah, that cast looks seriously uptight and unhappy in that pic of all of them together.

      Charlize and Noomi look like they can barely stand to be in the same pic together.

      • Kola says:

        I also noticed they look like they just came from a fight, an argument or something, very forced lol

    • Carrie says:

      they’re clearly not at ease together

  2. Jazzmin says:

    I’ll still hit it….

  3. lower-case deb says:

    scrolling really quickly, i almost fell off my seat. that third picture combined with noomi’s dress, made fassy look like tilda!
    omg. i need my opthalmologist.

  4. Mel says:

    Is it just me or does that Charlize/Noomi pic look awkward? The body language…
    Still I suppose its just one pic and its hard to judge from just that.
    PS Charlize’s whole outfit is fug

    • bea says:

      Yes – Noomi is actually leaning away from C.T.

      Of course, what woman would want to have their pic taken next to Charlize Theron?

      Agreed on the outfit too – I despise those shoes and that dress looks cheezy.

    • Liv says:

      Yeah, thought the same!

  5. Memory27 says:

    Me too 😉 any time

  6. Momoftwo says:

    I don’t know when I became such a perv but I am always checking for bulges now…I blame this site!

    • Natalie says:

      A few nights ago I was watching the newest X-MEN movie with hubby, and I literally yelped when Fassy was walking down the hallway in one scene (the bulge was hard to miss). Hubby made me rewind the netflix film, and then dubbed it “Fassy Salami”.

  7. Chatcat says:

    Kaiser…gray cover for men haircolor and wax for the spikes…I still say he needs to stop wearing white shirts and go the dentist and get his teeth whitened. I know dental care in the UK is horrible but here in the states we have great dentists and teeth whitening takes 2 hours and ranges from $300 – $500…he can’t afford NOT to try and improve his smile. He is trying to hard to the be the Fassbang IMHO and it isn’t working.

    • bea says:

      ITA – the yellow teeth were the only thing I could see!

    • Jen34 says:


    • marlee says:

      I agree about the teeth whitening…. I wonder if maybe he has some serious problem? I had a roommate in college with chronic bad breath and very yellow teeth even though she brushed with whitening toothpaste, etc. She explained it to me one time about how her dentist told her she had some disease that caused the bad breath, and no matter how much she brushed, her teeth would never be white.

      But I mean, come on, he’s loaded. There have GOT to be options for him. Fix those STAT and then we’ll talk

      • The Original Original says:

        He will never be attractive to me even with his mouth closed because every time I see a picture of him with his mouth open his yellow yellow horse teeth make me scream and run

      • Chatcat says:

        Besides whitening there are veneers and if he had some type of gum/mouth discease he could do implants. No, this man is drinking lots of rum and cokes, smoking 2 packs a day and drinking coffee in between the rum and cokes and just doesn’t give a damn about his teeth…that is why I harp on the white shirt as well, but he always wears one…that is how you know he is simply being defiant! Not sure if that is sexy or stupid…or is stupid sexy? sometimes maybe!

    • anniecc says:

      I think you’ll find that excellent dental services are also available in the UK. It’s just that British people aren’t as obsessed with perfect teeth as Americans. Each to his own.

    • ZenB!tch says:

      Ditto – the darker hair brings out the yellow teeth and premature aging more. I also don’t like the suit but I really think they all look bad – even Charlize.

      I won’t discuss Noomi’s get up – yikes.

    • Erin says:

      I have to say, I don’t mind the yellow teeth. It makes him seem like a real dude. I’ve seen people in real life who’ve had their teeth whitened and they look like total robot freaks. I agree these pics aren’t the greatest — I think it’s the ill-fitting suit. Reason #347 why he looks best naked.

      • Liz says:

        I hate to say this but the yellow teeth aren’t going away. That’s because your teeth are just small bones. Some people are born with naturally more yellow teeth and no amount of whitening or dentist work can fix that. Its hereditary that his teeth are more yellow. The drinks/ciggs might add to it, but their is no doubt in my mind that he gets regular dental check ups and also has good hygiene. He’s a freaking millionaire for Christ sake!

  8. TheOriginalKitten says:

    I just wanna see that ill-fitting suit crumpled in a pile next to my bed. I don’t know about the Angelina and Fassy fantasy, Kaiser. I understand the appeal in the sense that they’re both so sexy but I don’t think Angelina’s otherworldly beauty suits Fassy’s rugedness. I’d like to see him get with Marion Cotillard. She’s sexy as hell but not off-the-hook beautiful like Jolie.

  9. French says:

    They look uncomfortable together.
    Jolie and Fassy, it’s hot.

  10. mln76 says:

    I’m ready, willing and able to take him off your hands….Oh and some are speculating the ‘small role’ Angie would play would be Fassy’s fiance *SQUEEEE*

  11. Marjalane says:

    Hey Charlize! Just because you’re really, really pretty- you still have to try. Seriously. The tired looking pony tail, the booties, the really ugly dress? Try. please.

    • Jessica says:

      She reminds me of Goop in that pic!!!

    • corny says:

      you are so right, those shoebootiees with dressy clothing are as fugly as his green teeth

    • Kennedy says:

      Am I the only one who doesn’t mind her outfit? In fact, I think it looks good. The color is striking on her, her body is insane, the booties are a little obnoxious but they can be forgiven, and her hair looks wonderful.

      I don’t know- Charlize never hits a false note for me. She always looks amazing. And Noomi Rapace looks like a clown which is sad considering how cute and petite she is… remember when she wore a legit clown dress to a Sherlock Holmes premiere? Good lord, she needs a new stylist. The other GWTDT- ALOOF Rooney Mara is beating her in the styling competition no doubt.

  12. Jackie says:

    dyed hair and face makeup does not work for fassbender.

    • Aiobhan says:

      I agree 100% about the makeup and red stain on his lips. But even with that I would so totally marry him. It would just be at night time and I would have to be a little drunk/high as a kite.

      NOOMI!!!!! I love her but her hair is awful. Get thee to a brush as quickly as possible. If she removed the long jacket and opened the top button I would actually love this outfit. Those shoes are awesome.

      Charlize just looks busted. And I NEVER thought I would write that sentence.

    • Eve says:

      I agree about the makeup (I like the hair though).

      You can see his facial skin tone doesn’t match his neck’s.

  13. Meg says:

    His hair are fine I can’t get over his yellow teeth. Yuck. Buy some white stripes if you are afraid of dental work.

  14. Sofj says:

    You forget to say that Brad is also in talks for a part in this movie.

  15. Guest says:

    He looks good ,even on his worst days.

  16. Liberty says:

    Ohhh nooooooo.

    He looks like my whiny high school English teacher. With the neck of Cameron Diaz. Look….away…..

  17. geekychic says:

    I’d do him in a second….ummm…I mean, no, I don’t see what you see, K. 😉
    sidequestion: Does anyone else find his normal-colored teeth refreshing in the sea of HW whities? Because it makes him even more real and not-self-obsessed for me. ;)))

    • FFS says:

      Fuck yeah, thank you for that. I was up to my eyes in white strips comments thinking “If normal looking teeth are a deal breaker for these folks, they are going to live very lonely lives.”

      He just don’t give a shit and that is so fucking endearing.

      • Esmom says:

        Yeah, it’s part of what makes him appealing, I think. If he were suddenly groomed to the teeth (no pun intended) I think some of the sexiness would definitely be compromised.

      • geekychic says:

        thank god I’m not the only one, then. 🙂 yeah, i wouldn’t want someone who spends more time in front of the mirror than me. not even for a one night stand!

      • Laura says:

        Those aren’t normal teeth. Where do you live? Those are teeth that are NOT taken care of.

      • TheOriginalKitten says:

        Um, and where do YOU people live where shiny white teeth automatically = healthy teeth ??
        I have really straight, white teeth but I also have a Maryland bridge where a neglected tooth used to live and several cavities to boot. My best friend has yellowish-colored teeth and has never had a cavity in her life. There is not necessarily a correlation between the two. Teeth color is actually hereditary like everything else. Ugh why am I bothering? Go bone your chiclet metro-men and leave Fassy to us ladies who want a guy who has more important things on his mind than looking beautiful (which he does NATURALLY).
        PS-If you’ve only ever seen blindingly white teeth maybe you need to travel a bit more, kids. Maybe venture out of the Hollywood/MTV bubble?

      • Paul Ó Duḃṫaiġ says:

        As an Irishman I find the comments on his teeth hilarious. If that qualifies as “yellow teeth” then ye should see some of people walking around here who actually smoke/drink a fair bit. Their teeth probably qualify as “dayglow” in colour!

        Your average Irishman probably drinks at least 10 cups of tea a day (plus coffee if ye that way inclined!)

    • Me says:

      Since when normal-colored teeth are yellow?

      • k says:


        Come on, i’m a dental student and you all should know that normal healthy teeth are not SHINY WHITE! the dentin, what gives the tooth its color, IS YELLOWISH (especially in white people) and enamel is semitranslucent, SO DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.

  18. Tracy says:

    He has to wear baggy pants…haven’t you seen Shame?

  19. Sway says:

    Oh come on… Look at that face. He’s beautiful, period.

  20. aenflex says:

    on the contrary i think this is the best he’s ever looked

  21. Kola says:

    I think he looks different because he doesn’t have the scruffy beard and his hair is darker.

  22. CG says:

    Kaiser, I finally saw “Jane Eyre” this weekend and now I totally get your Fassbender love. He never did anything for me before I watched the movie, and he’s still not at the top of my list, but he was hot as a tortured anti-hero, so I wouldn’t turn him down. 🙂

  23. Shel says:

    First, his hair is not dyed. If you saw the pics of him outside at this event you’d see just how red it is. Indoors his hair looks markedly darker. His teeth are fine. I’m so over this BS American FAKE FAKE FAKE white teeth thing. Please realize that under all that whitening crap is a yellow smile, like everybody else’s. He looks effing good to me. Those with complaints, keep complaining while I happily take your place in line for some Fassdong.

  24. Juani says:

    I think what’s going on,is he’s wearing a bit more concealer or something.But I would just give him a shower and then he’s good to go.

  25. Kimble says:

    Seems I have become really Americanized at last (after 11 years) – first thing I noticed is that he has normal colour teeth – need to get them bleached, Fassy!

    Oh, and there are plenty of dentists in the UK that are capable of teeth whitening!

  26. JM says:

    I can’t see anything past that mischeivious smile that melts my panties constantly. I prefer red hair to the brown and I’d love to be able to see the bulge, but his eyes still twinkle and that’s good enough for me. Don’t have a problem with his teeth either. It’s refreshing to see someone in Hollyweird not nipped, plucked, sucked, whitened and plasticified (is that even a word?)

  27. Cathy says:

    I like his outfit, it leaves somemore to the imagination. Charlene and Noomi look like hell. What are those things on Charlenes feet? They don’t go with the dress at all.

  28. Franny says:

    I think its the teeth..why are they so yellow?

  29. DogGirl says:

    I just don’t get the appeal of this guy, he looks very plain to me. But I haven’t seen him naked; is this what I am missing?

  30. Victoria says:

    Once Angie saw him whipping Knightly in A Dangerous Method, could she deny herself some Fassy?

    And what about him beating up a woman in Haywire? He’s catnip for Angie – and we have seen the goods in Shame!

  31. Addison says:

    His skin looks darker. That’s the problem Kaiser. Maybe spray tan. I don’t know, it looks weird (his skin color). And NO on Angelina. I read someplace else Natalie Portman was in talks as is fiancé. They would be so beautiful together. Angelina, BLECH!

  32. Nessa says:

    Is it just me, or does Charlize look… Tweaked?? Her face looks weird to me.

  33. Jenna says:

    He never does anything for my lady parts. He’s a great actor, but he looks like a creeper to me. **shudders**

  34. Stacie says:

    Fassy Never looks Awful . I like that he’s trying something different with his hair .Love him . 🙂

  35. Stacie says:

    On a Better note : I would LOVE to see Angie and Fassy together in a movie . My two Favorite actors together. And I think he’s had his production company for a while and he’s been a producer before.

  36. lil ole me says:

    He is wearing thick pancake makeup. As a makeup artist I’m thinking he was too blotchy from drinking?

  37. normades says:

    Noomi’s hair and outfit is horrible. She’s not going to get very far in Hollywood being styled like that.

    • Esmom says:

      I doubt very much she cares about playing the Hollywood game, she’s very established already outside of that bubble.

      • normades says:

        Where? In Sweden? If she was content with that why is she doing block busterish films?

        You can be a serious actress and have some style like Cate Blanchett.

  38. lisa says:

    He is very talented, but average looking. I enjoy him on screen.

    I’m so looking forward to seeing him in Twelve Years a Slave and The Counselor. Hoping Brad and Angie will be doing the film too.

  39. Pedge says:

    Nice orange bronzer, Fassy.

  40. T.C. says:

    Kaiser I’m with you on this. Horrible hair on Fassbender. The suit is not bad though. Charlize’s blue dress is awful. Noomi looks nice though.

    Fassbender and LA Jolie in a film together, having sex? I already have the ticket and will see it a million times. I have had those “dreams” about them hooking up for sexy times.

  41. vaylont says:

    I wish the alleged abuse situation was somehow clarified for better or worse. I just can’t get pass the idea of him breaking someone’s nose and his trillions of teeth doesn’t help the imagery.

  42. Guest says:

    He has too much make up on and looks like a skinny grandpa. Something’s wrong with his hair too, receding hairline on the way Fassy? That horrible grey suit doesn’t fit his manorexic body either and those yellow teeth makes me wanna puke my breakfast all over my laptop. He totally lost his appeal on this one. Charlize looks fat & old in this dress and trying too hard and Noomi looks like she got her whole outfit on sale hahahaha.
    Angie and Fassy will never happen, she’s not his type, she has Brad and 6 kids with the guy NOT GONNA HAPPEN ANY TIME SOON! She won’t even play his love interest in the movie IF she really signs on. Dream on Kaiser 🙂 😉

  43. TheOriginalVictoria says:

    LOL at people trying to call that shit normal. Bitch please.

  44. DavidBowie says:

    That suit makes me want to cry. The hair is ok but, my gawd, that suit.

  45. Eve says:

    No one is clicking on the link I posted? You ungrateful bitches!

    Will never post my “findings” again, HUMPF!

    • normades says:

      That was some long dong.

    • geekychic says:

      i LOVE that link. that link is some serious treasure. 😉

    • DeltaJuliet says:

      Ha! Go back and check….there are quite a few appreciative comments 😀

      • Eve says:

        Yeah, there are. I thought (when I posted the link): “these bitches better represent or else”.

        Let’s remember that the unappreciated donglink leads to unshared donglinks in the future.

  46. Magsey says:

    If Fassbender and Jolie had sex, it would sound like a bag of bones falling down a flight of stairs.

  47. Maria says:

    Angelina¿?¿?¿ no no no -_-

  48. Blue says:

    🙁 these pics make me sad. He needs a different hair style and some stubble. He looks great with facial hair.

  49. Blue says:

    Just to be clear despite these pics,my panties would still be on the floor before he even finished saying “hi”

  50. Me says:

    Awful hair, awful teeth, awful suit!

  51. LucyOriginal says:

    @ Kaiser: I don’t think is the hair. I think he looks a bit (fake) tanned?

  52. Carrie says:

    he has a begining of baldness!!!

  53. Ummmm says:

    Is he wearing make up? I think he is the exact opposite of attractive/sexy.

  54. Hubbahun says:

    Kaiser, I love you but he’s always been gross – YUK!

  55. SFRowGuy says:

    Where’s the ginge? Bring back the ginge Michael!!!

  56. maemay says:

    I just don’t see Angie /Fassy going on. Brad is the producer of his next movie. If I were Fassy I would want to stay on the good side of the man paying my check. I guess if Aassy ever happened Michael would be a full time babysitter for the brood because he would not be getting any work.

  57. Tommy says:

    There are so many hotter leading men in Hollywood. I don’t understand this guy’s appeal. He’s scrawny, looks like a Doberman, and–echoing everyone’s sentiment–THOSE TEETH!

    • Alexis says:

      I know what you mean by the Doberman-ness, but I find that to be hot. LOL, it’s definitely not for everyone!

      I love how he’s not a pretty boy, but he’s not super-Hollywood masculine either. And I like his *grin* also. Sigh. I just can’t help myself, even with these questionable pics. Haha.

  58. francesca says:

    What? He looks better than ever!

  59. emmabee says:

    no, he looks good! less haggard than usual, imo. points for the pocket square and for the most flawless neck out of everyone in the photos.

    i will not be content with a mere angie cameo but please let it be true. FASSBENDER + JOLIE

    podzol where you at?

    • podzol says:

      *batman signal received*

      Fassbender and la Jolie?! Have the Gods heard our prayers (or read Celebitchy)? 😀 That’s a kick-ass A-list casting for the Scott movie, I’m glad for him.

      And for all the complainers: the Fassbender has never had much personal style, so this is just a continuation thereof :D. But, no problemo, as I prefer him in various states of undress! I don’t think he’s wearing fake bake, but the makeup artist WAS generous with the bronzing powder on the man 😀

      • emmabee says:

        lolol, there you are. <3 i know, there should be a signal we can beam up into the sky.

        nope, the mfass is not a fashionista. i hope he breaks out that hilariously ragged scoop neck tshirt again. sometime.

  60. belletristia says:

    He’s clearly given in to the Hollywood spray tan. Ugh…so unattractive. I used to have a thing for Seth MacFarlane until he started doing the same thing and now anytime you see him he looks like he’s made of wax. Don’t give in, Fass!!! Keep your Irish complexion and your manly chest hair! Because waxing will be next on his PR people’s agenda…

    • Paul Ó Duḃṫaiġ says:

      Spray tan is actually an “infectious disease” here in Ireland. Lots of Oompa Loompa’s running around (nearly all female) — something to do with the belief that natural Irish pale skin (due to sun been blocked out by cloud half the time) is unattractive.

  61. says:

    Eh I’d still hit. I’m not one of those people that’s totally dependent on one feature. It all has to come together to be hittable, and red hair was never my thing anyway (I can take it over leave it).

  62. kris says:

    I actually think he looks pretty good with that hair. And the suit isn’t that bad. I just wish the teeth were a little whiter. Not blindingly white mind you, just a little bit. I think its the smoking. I could never date a smoker. Fassy looks good doing it but not sure how I’d feel about kissing him afterward..I’m totally kidding. I’d kiss him no matter what. But only for him 😉

    Also, Fassy and A Jolie?? THIS MUST HAPPEN. Let the haters say what they want. That woman is smokin’ hot. She and Fassy would set the screen on fire!

  63. Prim says:

    Sorry but Charlize and Fassbender is WAY hotter than Angelina and Fassbender.

  64. Jules says:

    I think he looks ok.

  65. Bek says:

    I saw him in A Dangerous Method on the weekend and he was fabulous in that. Here he looks okay, but I have to agree, he’s looked MUCH better.

    The thought of him doing a movie with Angelina makes me squeal, in a good way.

  66. cameron says:

    As i’m looking at his picture I can’t imagine him with Angie over Brad. We’ve really lowered our standards about hotness over the past few years. Brad and Angie were HOT together in Mr. and Mrs Smith. He looks older than 34 or 35 years old, has yellow teeth , receding hairline, pale skin, and thin lips (Her lips alone would overpower his). Overall, not that great looking.
    I’m looking forward to seeing Brad and Angie onscreen together again, not this guy.
    I just don’t get his appeal.

  67. CHRISTIAN_GIRL says:

    Angie can ACT with anyone including Fassy. End of Story.

    She LOVES Brad and her family. End of Story.

    These are adults here and can govern themselves accordingly. No Damon, Macavoy, Depp, Schreiber or Fassbender or any costar will change that. The woman has it together like nobodies business and sex has its place with Brad. I can respect their relationship even if it’s hard for others to.

    Dream on until it’s the next costar. Now that is sad. Maybe Ashley Judd can write about that. Angie accused of sexing ALL her costars, but NOT sexing Brad. I got it. It was silly before and even sillier now. Still hard to accept the Jolie-Pitts love each other this many years and kids later.

  68. Brit says:

    Two quick stories about Fassy from UK gossip website “Popbitch”:

    1) “…and since Michael Fassbender is in town for Prometheus, it reminds me that he’s a poppet with a horrible memory.

    Approached by an attractive woman at the Bafta awards, he swept her up into a smooch, hoping to hide the fact that he couldn’t remember how he knew her, and thinking he could buy himself some time.

    “Hello darling, how are you,” he murmured.

    “I’m fine, Michael; and I’m still the publicist on your last movie. They need you downstairs for the photocall”

    2) “A friend of mine arranged a meeting with him in her offices a few years ago. She arrived back late from another meeting to find him shagging her assistant. By all accounts he is a phenomenal shag.”

  69. lisa says:

    Can someone talk about how terrible Charlize looks in that outfit. Not a good look to me.

    and gosh the all look miserable together. Even though a few of them are smiling.

  70. SHump says:

    Still Hot.

    Seriously, sometimes I don’t know what is wrong with people.

    • Anon says:

      I agree. He looks proper and grown up. I cannot understand why such a serious actor attract so many nutters. He is a good representative of British fashion although he is irish-german.

  71. Amanda says:

    Ewwww. It’s not even the hair, it’s the godawful teeth. The guy is just creepy!!

  72. Anon says:

    Wow (at some of the comments)…

    Am I the only one who actually likes the hair style? At the very least I think it’s OK; certainly not awful.

    I mean compared to other photos of his hair:

    …I think it’s a bit of an improvement.

    But perhaps it’s a matter of personal taste. Part of his charm is his rugged look, and the new hair style certainly diminishes that. *shrug*

  73. Amy says:

    WTH is up with Noomi Rapace’s ensemble!? She’s beautiful, but hair to toe this look is ten kinds of tragic.