Chris Martin can’t get sex and candy in the US

Chris Martin in NY on 6/27/08. Credit: Fame. Toffee Crisp image credit: HTUK on Wikipedia.

Rock stars, especially lead singers and drummers for some reason, never have a shortage of women ready to jump into bed, or the back of the tour bus, whichever’s closer. Even if they’re butt-ugly, musicians get chicks, and pretty much any kind of candy they’re looking for, too. Any kind of chocolate, fruity and nose candy are readily available. For that reason, Chris Martin’s answers when asked if there was anything he can get in Britain that he can’t get in the US, his answer was unexpected.

When asked if there is anything he can get in Britain but not in America, Chris smiled and replied: “Laid. Oh and maybe a Toffee Crisp.

[From Female First]

In what I’m choosing to interpret as endearing, Chris Martin only gets some lovin’ in the UK, where he lives with his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow. This would lead one to believe that Martin is a faithful guy, and with all the cheating and lying in the news lately, that’s rather sweet and refreshing. They’re an odd couple, but they’re odd people separate or together, so this may be one that just works. Even though I’m not a fan of either one of them, the hopeless romantic in me hopes that even two completely insufferable people like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin can find a way to make it work. Maybe the not being seen in public together thing is just because they know to stay away from each other as much as possible in order for their marriage to last.

So, that takes care of the getting laid bit, now on to the Toffee Crisp part. Any sweets you get in the US do not taste the same as in the UK, so my best and only advice would be to pack a candy case, a large one.

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41 Responses to “Chris Martin can’t get sex and candy in the US”

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  1. drm says:

    He’s married to Gwennie of course he’d be looking to get laid, God knows the author of GOOP couldn’t be involved in something as ‘basic’ as that…

  2. geronimo says:

    My sis lives in America and I have to send her regular supplies of Cardbury’s twirls, flakes, crunchies, smarties and walnut whips and Green&Black’s organic dark chocolate. American chocolate tastes like dust in comparison (sorry, but it does.)

  3. Celebitchy says:

    Crunchies are my favorite. They are so tasty!

  4. geronimo says:

    They really are! My sis has 2 small kids (2 & 4) and they’ve told me ‘Mommie just gives us smarties but puts the rest away for ‘special occasions’….. even the 2 yr old rolls his eyes at that one. 🙂

  5. Persistent Cat says:

    In Canada, we call them chocolate bars. There’s a reason why the US calls them candy bars. The American versions of chocolate bars are gross, they have a much waxier taste.

  6. Kaiser says:

    I can’t stand dark chocolate or toffee. I’ll be sticking with my dusty American milk chocolate, thank you. *sniff*

    Seriously, though. Paltrow’s the only woman who *wants* to sleep with him. *sniff*

  7. bub says:

    hershey’s sucks, tastes like wax.

    most “chocolate” bars are digusting like most of the “food” americans eat

    from WIKI: An actual Hershey’s chocolate bar only contains between 4% and 10 % chocolate. The rest of it is sugars, emulsifiers, milk solids, and other fillers.

    you can get green and blacks at whole foods

  8. jess says:

    cost plus world market carries a lot of british candy (plus other international candy). I LOVE shopping there. its so interesting.

  9. Anne says:

    I sell on eBay (just clothes – stuff I’ve grown tired of) and a Canadian in Vegas had me send her six cases of Smarties every six months. Cost wasn’t an issue, she needed them desperately. I lost her address in a computer crash and then I changed my email address and we lost contact.

    I couldn’t imagine living anywhere that didn’t have dill pickle or ketchup chips. I prefer M&Ms over Smarties though so I would be ok there.

  10. Anne says:

    Oh, I just thought of something! Will Gwynie be giving us sex advice, too??? I keep looking for a feedback or contact link at goop so I can tell her what an idiot I think she is. There isn’t one though – she wouldn’t lower herself to the commoner’s opinions.

  11. Feebee says:

    I also try and get to Cost Plus for the candy. It’s a waste of time buying the Hershey’s made “Cadbury” chocolate as it tastes as bad as Hershey. When I go to NZ I usually bring back a 10kg box of bikkies and lollies.

  12. dr.grrl says:

    isn’t that funny….

    i am just about to ship a box to the UK stuffed full of Mt. Dew, Butterfingers, and Reeses Peanut Butter cups to some friends!

    they love the sweets out here that they can’t get at home! oh, this also includes boxes of Lucky Charms!! 😀

  13. Mairead says:

    Well, we get Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Nutrageous bars here in Ireland! (love love love Reese’s cups) Not in every shop has them, and nearly no supermarket, but many newsagents do stock them if you look hard enough. Hershey bars are more common, but are nasty and cost a fortune.
    I do vaguely remember something like Lucky Charms on sale in the 1980s – they were horrid.

    @bub – only 10% chocolate?? Egads! Even the cruddiest discount chocolate in Europe has a minimum of 30%

    Kaiser – Most of the Cadbury’s chocolates are milk chocolate, with the exception of Bounville, and the Green & Blacks dark chocolate and a couple of others. And Crunchies are the food of the Gods! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    Anne – please! Don’t defile a conversation revolving around chocolate with that notion!! 😮

  14. ff says:

    I just took it to mean he’s sexually frustrated – hence all the angry outbursts and such.

    You could even argue he’s using chocolate to sublimate it.

    You know, if you wanted to make that arguement at all.

  15. Kaiser says:

    Thanks to this thread I just went out and bought $10 worth of chocolate. Cadbury’s, Reese’s cups and crunch bars.

    What are you looking at?!? I’m PMSing.

  16. Larissa says:

    am not picky whent it comes about PMSing, i just stuff myself with M&M´s, lol
    p.s.: I live in Belgium. 😆

  17. dr.grrl says:

    mmmmm Peanut M&M’s are divine!

  18. Mairead says:

    November 29th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
    What are you looking at?!? I’m PMSing.

    EEEK!!! Lads, just throw the chocolate at her feet and run! Don’t get within striking distance and for God’s sake, don’t look in her eyes!!! 😯


  19. kate says:

    mmmm… & blacks.

  20. Codzilla says:

    My husband is Canadian and he’s CONSTANTLY bitching about the poor quality of American chocolate. He claims it’s too waxy. My standards are pretty low in that department, so I just take his word for it (and eat his castoffs).

    Oh, and Chris is a douche.

  21. RaraAvis says:

    I love the European chocolates, but in all fairness to Hershey’s don’t discount Hershey’s Special Dark truffles. They are a gift from the gods. Oh, and Chris Martin looks rather thin blooded and perhaps doesn’t have much of a sex drive.

  22. Aspen says:

    Quote: “most “chocolate” bars are digusting like most of the “food” americans eat”

    LOL. That’s a rather broad generalization, don’t you think? Sigh. It’s so annoying how very committed some Europeans (and occasionally Canadians, which actually matters to me) are to discovering new ways to hate Americans.

    You know, we don’t spend any time manufacturing ways to disparage you back. It’s true. Unless, of course, you’re French. I can’t deny the overwhelming number of crass anti-France jokes I’ve heard.

    Be that as it may…I’ve never been a chocolate fan. I’m more of a cheese girl. And France is just the only place I can find my fix. We found a shop in Indiana that supplies all of our French dairy needs, and it was a godsend. They have the hookup. You know, brie is the major reason I can’t successfully go vegan.

    On the dessert and candy front, I have to take a moment to give some serious props to the Japanese. Some of the pastry and sweets we’ve found here in Okinawa are to die. They have MUCH better mints and chewing gum here in Japan, as well. I’m going to miss this place SO much when we have to leave.

  23. Holly says:

    Hey let’s all just shit on everything American! That’ll make us cool. Get over yourselves. No one said that Hershey was the bee’s knees.

  24. Koala is not a Bear says:

    Sorry, guys, but I’ve visited the U.S. several times and the U.K. and Australian Cadbury chocolate is hands-down the best. The secret is not just the percentage of cocoa, but the fresh full cream milk, which makes the chocolate velvety and delicious. I was gobsmacked by the incredible range of foods in American supermarkets (how do you get out of there in under an hour?), but your chocolate was a terrible disappointment…

  25. Larissa says:

    let´s talk about gummi bears, shall we? :mrgreen:

  26. 88modesty88 says:

    Hey guys, I”m thinking there should be a chocolate detente here, okay! 8)

    Here in South Africa we get both American and European chocolate. I must say I prefer European chocolate — especially Nutella, which is a chocolate spread. But who uses bread?! 😉

    I eat it with a spoon…

    Oh yeah, Chris Martin should just sing and not talk.

  27. UrbanRube says:

    I had a German boyfriend swear to me that American chocolate was better than Belgian chocolate. But it wouldn’t take long for you all to convince me that there was something wrong with him.

  28. Mairead says:

    Urban – now that’s just crazy talk. 😆 Cote d’Or is good. Actually, I prefer eastern European chocolate to Belgian – there’re fantastic chains in Latvia, Emile Gustav’s and Laima, some of which have cafés that do proper hot chocolate, basically a hot dark chocolate syrup. Now that’s a proper chocolate fix!

    Let’s say we continue to ignore this tedious eejit and stick “Chocolat” into the DVD player – you can’t go wrong with a bit of Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche.:D

  29. RAN says:

    I think someone from Europe or Canada should send a truckload of chocolate to every poster on here so we can compare the differences. Until that happens, I can only speak from experience – I’m not a chocolate fan (I’m more of a salt girl), but when I DO want chocolate, I love American chocolate. When I was in Europe, the only chocolate I laid my hands on was extremely bitter and not good – blech! But… it’s been a while, so I WILL need someone to send that truck. We’ll get this straightened out in a hurry 😉

  30. geronimo says:

    “I was gobsmacked by the incredible range of foods in American supermarkets (how do you get out of there in under an hour?)”

    Me too! Particularly like Publix, have spent hours and hours and hours in there. Standing by my earlier ‘superior chocolate’ comments but complete nonsense re American food/food markets being rubbish. They’re fab.

    Leonidas does some of the best most *swoon-making* Belgian chocolate in the whole world!

  31. gg says:

    True, American candy sucks. When we go overseas I have to stop asap for some digestives and decent chocolate. My Brit husband won’t touch anything non-cadbury and I don’t blame him. American chocolate has such a different texture in your mouth than the rich european choccie. yum!

    Oh, and Chris Martin is a massive whiner and I’m glad I don’t have to see or hear him, thanks to iPod and TiVo. 😆

  32. Amy says:

    WTF? Are Toffee Crisps part of Gwyneth and Madonna’s macrobiotic diet? Surely he isn’t allowed those!

  33. Kaiser says:

    Dr. Grrl – Mmmm…peanut butter M&Ms. Hand them over, I’m in a dangerous place!

    Mairead – Seriously. I’m usually all about the salty stuff, except for the PMS. Those times I’m ready to cut a bitch for chocolate. 😛

  34. bub says:

    Not really a broad generalization.Go to any grocery store. Read the labels. There are aisles and aisles of “food” which is processed, full of chemicals and sugar.
    more than 57% of American adults are overweight (CDC)

  35. Codzilla says:

    So European grocery stores don’t carry processed foods? It’s been many years since I traveled overseas, but I do seem to remember finding basically the same stuff on the supermarket shelves over there than I do at my local store. Mac n’ Cheese, soft drinks, chips, etc …

  36. Baholicious says:

    We send my sister who lives in Florida care packages with Kit Kat, Coffee Crisp, Crunchie and Mr. Big chocolate bars. Oh yes and potato chips: Ketchup, and Dill Pickle. Hmph, leader of the “free world” my eye! 😉

  37. Bina says:

    I wouldn’t turn down a box of Sees candy or Ghirardelli chocolate. Both American from San Francisco. Godiva chocolate covered pretzels are the bomb, too.

  38. elisa says:

    I used to love that song…”Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground. Of course, it came out when I was way too young to understand what it meant =D

  39. Jeanne says:

    I would never discriminate when it comes to chocolate, except I hate cheap chocolate, those cheap hollow Easter bunnies and the cheap Christmas chocolate coins. However my Mexican friend hates the good stuff and loves the cheap stuff. Maltesers better than Whoppers, M&M’s better than Smarties, but nobody is better than Cadbury’s! Love Wispa, Dairy Milk. But I love KitKat and Butterfingers and Reeses. Doesn’t matter really, if it’s dark and sweet….bring it on baby!

  40. what is ever. says:

    Both of my parents are from Canada, so when we would visit, we would cart home boxes loaded with Smarties, Eat-Mores, Mr Bigs, just about anything Cadbury, plus 15 boxes of Shreddies. We were always stuck at customs for a while.

    I also heartily agree on the chips front, I was visiting my friend at school a long time ago, and there was a guy running a stand called “The Crazy Canuk” and he had all the goodies!

  41. whatevs says:

    This guy has annoyed me ever since I read something he said about changing diapers. Said how “rewarding” an experience it is, how “mentally cleansing”. Seriously. You’re wiping shit off your kid’s ass. You don’t need to get all ‘Deep Thoughts’ over it.