Jessica Biel: “Baking is really very mathematical & I’m terrible at math”

I had a total brain-fart when I was going through these new photos of Jessica Biel in LA yesterday. She was photographed out and about in one outfit, and then she added a blazer to go into Jimmy Kimmel’s studio, and then she wore a third outfit for Kimmel’s show. My brain-fart was: “WTF is she even promoting? Her wedding? Her relationship with Justin Timberlake?” But no, Jessica actually has a movie – the Total Recall remake, which comes out… next week? Yes, next week. Honestly, Jessica looks like the weakest link in an already weak film, but who knows? It might make some money. Kate Beckinsale actually looks like she’s doing a pretty good job with her ass-kicking role, but the previews make me worry about Biel AND Colin Farrell. Here’s a clip of Biel on Kimmel – her dress is AWFUL.

Biel has been doing press throughout the week, but she kind of got eclipsed by this Kristen Stewart stuff. Everything has gotten eclipsed by it, except for maybe the stuff with the Jackson family and the Olympics. Biel hasn’t really been saying anything of interest during her junket – she said she enjoyed her “vacation” in Puerto Rico while she was keeping an eye on Justin while he films. She said she wants to start a restaurant, despite the fact that she can’t cook and doesn’t know anything about food. This quote in particular annoyed me: “I would have the bakery component. I say I’m into it, but I’m not a great beaker — yet. Baking is really very mathematical and I’m terrible at math. I’m a really good loaf person. I do loaves — but sweet loaves! — like zucchini loaf or banana loaf or banana blueberry loaf. It’s really good! Please come to my restaurant. It’s going to be called Oh, Fudge.” I hate when women are all, “OMG, MATH IZ HARD.” I mean, really? Is that where we are?

The Enquirer had a slightly interesting story about Biel and her “jealousy” over JT’s ex-girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Allegedly, Biel thinks Camy still wants to get back with JT, and Biel is trying to shut it down because Biel is just so focused on getting Justin down the aisle that she’s willing to overlook EVERY sign that Justin will make a horrible husband.

Dear God… her BANGS. I am filled with loathing for those bangs. She looks so much better without them. I really do think Justin is going to make her be a bangsy bride. Which is so sad, right? And yes, Biel is wearing a “Justin” necklace. Would he ever wear a “Jessica” necklace?

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame.

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71 Responses to “Jessica Biel: “Baking is really very mathematical & I’m terrible at math””

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  1. irishserra says:

    Oh boy.

    • thyphoid mary says:

      Seriously! What ever happened to “just add water” or “fresh from the bakery”. Is it that hard to measure cups of water? Oh wait a minute! She gets stuck on the fractions…teehee!
      - Recipe book: measure one quart of a cup of softened butter. J
      - Justin faking a stupid woman voice while mocking Jess with a Olivia Munn : “OH,fudge! This measuring cup doesn’ t show how much one quart of a cup is! -pouts-I give up! “

      • CG says:

        LOL no kidding! I’m terrible at math (the math requirement literally almost kept me from graduating college) but I can follow a recipe if it’s right in front of me. I know the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon! :)

      • TrustMeOnThis says:

        Commercial baking is all about ratios and ingredients are measured by weight.

        It is true that baking is much more about chemistry than regular cooking. With most cooking you can fudge it (a lot). It’s fine to substitute one thing for another or just not make it how they tell you to, but baking has to be done right or it totally fails. I think that’s what her thing about making zucchini bread meant – breads that don’t rise are much easier.

        She should try crackers. They’re super easy!

      • Tiffany says:

        I agree, Trustme, I think Jessica is making a valid point. Baking is very precise, where when you are “cooking” it is easier to be riff or deviate from the original recipe. I think people are making too big of a deal out of her quote.

      • Pandy says:

        What an idiot. Making her loaves is “baking” ….

  2. brin says:

    I would think she was kidding but she doesn’t seem to have a sense of humor so….

  3. Naye in VA says:

    Ive always kinda had her back when ya’ll been hating on her lol

    But the Justin necklace… I just cant anymore.
    sayonara Biel. Hope life treats you…gently lol

  4. Eleonor says:

    I’m going to say something nice: the outfit of the first photo is cute, she has a beautiful body.

  5. Bite me aka aniston says:

    It’s called self worth ms. Biel get some… On a more positive note great body :)

  6. AmyLynne says:

    I like the first outfit, sans blazer. I’d wear it. Girl needs to chill with the bangs, although they don’t look absolutely TERRIBLE in the casual photos.

  7. says:

    Don’t judge but I just can’t hate on her. She seems so… harmless. I do hate the bangs though- there’s no excuse for those.

    And let’s give it to her: the girl has a GREAT body. Athletic and not too skinny.

    • Toni says:

      Her only crime is being a little beige and having a douchebag fiance. She seems like a nice girl who’s just insecure.

      • sauvage says:

        Yeah, I actually like her. I just find it impossible to hate on somebody who has such low self-esteem.

        She does not exactly seem overly clever, but I really think she is a very nice person.

        Nah, I can’t hate on her.

    • deehunny says:

      Nah, Imma hate. Here’s why: you set up a bad example for young girls out there. There’s an ongoing perception that girls/women cannot do math, and the perception is nurtured at a young age. Since there are more women than men in college, it is very important that women embrace math more than they have in the past.

      Math and science all the way! Girl power

  8. SueD says:

    I think that she’s next in line to spoil her face with surgery/fillers/Botox.

    • slh says:

      She already has. She made her top lip bigger, and it seems that she’s done something to her nose as well.

  9. cupidityrox! says:

    Wendy Williams was right. This woman has to be the most boring woman in the history of hollywood

  10. Amy says:

    Well add me to the long list of women who are terrible at math. I had tutors and everything but it never clicked.

    However measuring ingredients is not that mathematical… even I can do that!

  11. Ming says:

    Baking is so science, NASA is already thinking about flying to Mars with croissants.

    • Relli says:

      Agreed! I got super into baking in this last few years and its all about exact measurements a little extra of anything throw it off. Last year was the year of pie, my poor family could not eat one more bite!

  12. Tanya says:

    baking is all a matter of utensils. a set of teaspoons, tablespoons, measuring cups and the right pans. You can’t screw that up unless you read the recipe wrong or make an innocent error by not paying attention..

    and yuck, bangs and man arms….I have never found man arms on a woman even remotely feminine.

  13. lisa2 says:

    Is this whole name wearing thing coming back, because I just can’t. I won’t dammit.. I won’t.

    I saw her on Kimmel last night and she was so try try try. She wanted so much to be interesting and yes sexy. The short dress that kept riding up higher and higher. It was uncomfortable a bit. But I could just be my perception.

    • Minimi says:

      yeah…so cute…I used to have one just like that (with my name of course)…when I was 6! Oh and the bangs also.

  14. RHONYC says:


    in more ‘hoe-sit-down’ news…..


  15. el kiddo says:

    I swear i always come to celebitchy just for the epic comments. You people are hilarious.

  16. DANDILION says:

    It’s important her mind is open to any joyful appreciation of the world and by the best views of things surrounding her so she never misses an opportunity to feel nothing more than immediate thanks, or trauma, time to rally and grow, move on ahead or she.. flakes out ignores evil and all mean things that occur.. although reality is what you strive for.. there is a small part of you acknowledging.. you get your wishes fulfilled when the time is right, it only takes patience.. she has endless patience.. inner calm, an ace up her sleeve in the gamble of life.. she knows she has the best body and butt in the world., and that luck gifted to her should mean she’s something special.

  17. paola says:

    Oh sweeeet Jesus..that is the dumbest comment i have ever heard in my life. Plus i don’t believe in ‘I am terrible at math’ because i was pretty $hit at it too until i finally put my brain in to it and started focusing and studying it. After that i had really good marks at uni and i realised that nothing is impossible.. not even baking a cake when you find the recipe being too difficult?! *shakes head heavily*

  18. Little Darling says:

    Baking is not chemistry or math…it’s following directions and knowing measurements, and/or reading the measurements. Sure, I agree it definitely takes *precision* but it’s not like you have to add or subtract anything unless you are halving or doubling a recipe.

    Oy, with this one I just can’t. A beautiful body wasted on vapidity and an empty mind.

    Ah, to live in such a bubble.

    • Crystalline says:

      If you are adjusting recipes or making your own, it can get tricky. I have been doing this for awhile to make vegan recipes (I am allergic to eggs, but really desperately love baking), since there really aren’t all that many and the one’s out there need tweaking. It is incredibly easy to misstep, as my fiance will proudly proclaim after my vegan chocolate chip cookies that were immensely dry. I followed that recipe to a T, but there is something wrong with it that needs work.

      • Theuth says:

        Replace eggs with bananas (1 egg – 1 banana, or 1 yolk – 1/2 banana), eventually using 1 spoon of oil (better the sunflower one, or someone which has a neutral taste) to whip them better. Whites can be substituted with yogurt.

  19. hmm says:

    Hahahah That headline ALONE = LMAO!

  20. Hmmm says:

    False premise: baking is mathematical. She’s an idiot. And this idiot is going to be in Wolverine 2. She will ruin my enjoyment. The woman cannot act. Oh, I also forgot- Bimbo.

  21. Agnes says:

    baking is actually all about chemistry. what a dumbass. yeah, you have to add or subtract, or even divide (god forbid), but it’s all about super precise chemical proportions which cause super precise chemical reactions. (that’s why i don’t bake – i am more of a “dump stuff in” type of person, which works with cooking, but not at all with baking.) so, she should start with learning the difference between math and chemistry. there IS one. haha

  22. The Original Denise says:

    Hollywood can never be accused of heralding in the next feminist wave; it is full of dumb, superficial bitches like this one!

    • Resa says:

      That’s what I thought when I saw female fans of Cumberbatch on this site referring to themselves as Cumberbitches. I worry about women, period. Not just in Hollywood.

    • stellalovejoydiver says:

      In Hollywood there will always be dumb, superficial bitches and douchebags, who somehow made it, and then there will be talented, intelligent actresses and actors.
      Especially during the past couple years, I think Hollywood is starting to embrace strong leading female characters, for example Jennifer Lawrence, Rooney Mara, Mia Wasikowa(spelling?), Emma Stone.

  23. Mitch Buchanan Rocks! says:

    My mother told me the old cook books are good to learn how to bake – Amy Vanderbilts complete cookbook is awesome – a great thriftstore find.

    Also this book is awesome because it gives you those little techniques that grandmas know called How to Break an Egg: 1,453 Kitchen Tips, Food Fixes,Emergency Substitutions, and Handy Techniques

  24. Jordan says:

    Remember this is the moron that thinks that she is “too beautiful” to get roles, so she is just saying she is bad at cooking, baking, math so that we don’t feel to slighted by being born average looking without the doormat gene that she seems to be very proud of.

    • anonyma says:

      If he decides what she should wear, the necklace is apparently his idea, maybe the next time she will be papped with Nsync necklace which he wore in 1997. He doesn’t need necklace he has her name in the heart of course or in the co.kring.

      • Jordan says:

        Maybe he finally decided to put a dog tag on his b1tch. That way, if she gets lost, people know who she belongs to.

  25. ssa says:

    Whenever she tries to convince people that she’s a movie star I just think “shut up Mary Camden”

  26. Thea says:

    Maybe she is too beautiful to do math. She does have an awesome bod but she seems simple, uneducated and dull. Even her hair is dull. She was so much prettier a blonde. And Justin is flaming to me. Especially after watching Friends with Benefits..

    • slh says:

      I don’t think Justin is flaming, he just has a feminine voice (part of the reason why his acting is so awkward). Its kind of funny too, because Lance Bass is gay but has a VERY deep voice.

      Jessica seems a lot smarter than Justin.

  27. Aubra says:

    they make measuring cups/spoons you dingbat!

  28. Esther says:

    I think that name plate necklace would be cute if she were a teenager because it just seems to juvenile like when someone writes their boyfriends name on their hand. it’s just not a good look for someone her age and I hope justin didn’t buy that for her.

  29. linlin says:

    You know, there are two kinds of baking. The one, where you follow the recipe and the one where you invent the recipe. For the latter one a lot of knowledge about food, some chemistry and maths are necessary. I do think she talks about the later one, so she has a valid point. (Pastry chefs often make fun of chefs because of that. Like on topchef, where you don’t have recipes, the chefs regularly mess up the desserts because they can’t wing it.)

  30. skuddles says:

    Ugh just stop talking Jessica. Her self-effacing comments are getting annoying… I can’t dress myself, Justin has to help me… I’m sooo bad at math. She sounds weak and dumb. Which is probably exactly why JT is marrying her – he knows he’ll be able to get away with murder in that marriage.

    • slh says:

      I guess you missed the part where she mention she snowboards, canoes, fights, mountain climbs, etc…

      • skuddles says:

        No, I caught that part. It doesn’t make her other comments any less annoying. But then again I just find her annoying, period.

      • JD says:

        I think skuddles meant personality-wise weak, not physically weak. There’s no arguing that Biel’s athletic and physically fit–girl looks so buff sometimes she’s borderline butch.

  31. Ravensdaughter says:

    It arithmetic, not math, Jessica!

  32. anonymoose says:

    She’s also terrible at bangs.
    And those sidelocks hanging down are even worse than the bangs. Is that supposed to be a bonnet made of hair?

  33. Kosmos says:

    Correct….the dress she wore on Jimmy Kimmell is really AWFUL, but I note the way she sits is so obviously trying to show off her legs. She didn’t have to sit completely sideways like that to the audience, so it looks staged to me, sorry. I have never disliked her, but then I don’t know much about her. She seems to REALLY be over the moon for Justin, which we all know by now. Unfortunately, she has never made it big as an actress. I will say again that she should lose the bangs and go back to her former look, which is much more attractive on her face than bangs are.

  34. sauvage says:

    My math grades in school were terrible and my parents had to pay for an awful lot of math tutoring. (Although to this day I wonder if it was not simply my extreme anxiety that screwed up my take on math, because I grew up to be a very analytical person whose brain has been called “working scientifically”.)

    Anyway, even I can handle a measuring cup. And a ruler. And a calculator. Also, my muffins are amazing.

  35. Jackie O says:

    she has a great face and rocking body, too bad her style sucks!

    it’s like she is actually trying to make herself unattractive.

    imagine if she had a good stylist and dumped justin…

  36. Str8Shooter says:

    Since when did ‘math’ problems like adding 2 eggs or a half a cup of water become rocket science?

    She is dumb as a stump. Mensa, you aint missing ANYTHING here!

    • anonyma says:

      Maybe for her it is a rocket science, imagine her normal day if baking and dressing is so challenging

  37. Celly says:

    Really, who wrote that matter should only have farts in the head.
    The analysis perfect for someone who is rotten smell of envy and everywhere where he writes. . Biel is beautiful and without vices, without folly.

  38. AnnieGrey says:

    Jessica’s real personality is fun, I bet. Like in the clip. It seems like she fights against it, because she wants to be this idealized beauty that she thinks she’s supposed to be. If being dumb is part of that, then that’s what she’ll do. (Maybe JT doesn’t like being out-shined.)
    She looked really pretty in the clip with no makeup.