Louis CK’s VF interview is perfect, just like his “absolutely beautiful penis”

Louis CK, comedian and star/writer/producer/director of FX’s Louie, has an interview in the January issue of Vanity Fair. As you remember, the January issue is guest-edited by Judd Apatow, and one of the main VF covers nonsensically features Megan Fox as some kind of “comedienne”. Which is pretty awful, but the presence of Louis CK definitely makes it better. Louis does the famous “Proust Questionnaire” (featured on the last page of every VF), and his PQ is genius. You can read the full thing here, but here are some of my favorite answers:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Not ever having to fill out this questionnaire.

What is your greatest fear?
You think I’m going to tell you that? You think I’m going to let you print my greatest fear in a national magazine? No sir. I will not, sir.

Which living person do you most admire?
The guy I saw yesterday. He was crossing Eighth Avenue against the light. He just sauntered out into the middle of the street with cars and cabs speeding toward him and it meant nothing to him. Like he’s the only living soul and the rest of us were ghosts. I love that man, whoever he is.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I have an absolutely beautiful penis. It’s stunning in every way. God I hate my perfect penis.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
People who say someone is really intelligent because he doesn’t swear. Or use “foul language.”

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, “You hips. You hips need to get it together.”

Which talent would you most like to have?
I wish I could draw. I can’t make a thing in my mind go on paper. I draw like a child. Like a heavily beaten and molested child. Who can’t draw.

What is your current state of mind?
I’m sort of depressed, actually. I wish you hadn’t asked.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
There’s this one girl in Oklahoma City. We had sex on New Year’s Eve. She was 19. I was about 23. She was way out of my league. Still can’t believe that one. I hope she’s O.K. now.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Two nights ago. A hotel room in Portland, Maine. That’s right. Maine. Not Oregon. Maine.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Just please be fun to talk to.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Same. And also sex, please.

What do you most value in your friends?
Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.

Who are your heroes in real life?
I really love Barack Obama. Sorry if that’s like “Ew. The president. That’s lame.” I love Barack Obama. What a great man. I’m so lucky to have voted for that guy.

How would you like to die?
Handcuffing myself to you and jumping into a cauldron of molten bronze.

What is your motto?
Never, ever, ever again agree to do anything for any magazine ever.

[From Vanity Fair]

CB and I were actually discussing how much we love Louis yesterday. I was kind of surprised that she’s into him – usually she only goes for dudes like Matt Damon and Alex Skarsgard. But when I admitted that I would totally have pity sex with Louis (it would be pity sex because he’s so awkward and neurotic and you just know it would be delightfully weird), CB totally backed me up and she went even further, saying that she would have regular (non-pity) sex with Louis. So, basically, Louis should come and visit us because he’ll probably get laid like a mofo. An uncomfortable, awkward mofo who will make me giggle when he starts joking about how perfect his dong is.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

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30 Responses to “Louis CK’s VF interview is perfect, just like his “absolutely beautiful penis””

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  1. sasa says:

    And when you’re finished with him you can pass him along to me.

  2. cmc says:

    Kaiser, my cousin and I have had the same convo! We live in NYC and have been to a couple of his shows, and are single. Louis CK will probably end up getting pity sex from one of us 🙂 I’ll report back if that happens.

    Also, this: “I am really tired of looking at my hips. I’m seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, “You hips. You hips need to get it together.””

    So delightfully gender-‘inappropriate’. Me too, Louis. My hips need to get with the program.

  3. Hautie says:

    There was this brilliant conversation/interview between Louis CK, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld and Rickey Gervais… that is well worth the watch.


    And yes, Louis CK could get it. 🙂

  4. Kloops says:

    Love him. I’m in line for the pity sex too except I don’t think it’d be pity sex either. I’m on his mailing list (waiting for the day he comes to my city) and last time he concluded his email: mostly sincere, Louis.

  5. Bubbling says:

    love, love love him. Wouldn’t do him but he has everything a good comedian should!

  6. marie says:

    ha awesome, being as funny as he is-I’m sure he has no problem with the ladies..

  7. Agnes says:

    Love him! Not sexy-times love him, but he sounds like he’d be awesome to hang out with.

  8. Naye in VA says:

    I didnt put “sex” and him together until I saw him on Parks& Recreation in like the second season, and he just made me awwwwww. But it would totally be pity sex. And I think he’s fine with that.

    • lucy2 says:

      I know, I really loved his appearance on P&R.
      I really love his show too. For a while I wasn’t sure, but then I read a review that said think of each episode like a mini independent film, and it totally clicked. The one where he goes to Miami was great, and the episodes where he meets Parker Posey’s character were so good.

    • NerdMomma says:

      I had a huge crush on him as Leslie’s boyfriend on P&R…when I finally put together that it was Louis CK I was shocked. Then I went back to having a crush on him. He’s sexy to me.

    • claire says:

      Ha! I’m the opposite! I’m totally attracted to him when he’s doing comedy, and so not attracted to him on Parks & Rec!

  9. Aubra says:

    …ok, so I can come outta hiding with my “devistated defeated speaking yet funny ginger love”?

    …good to know

  10. Deev says:

    Love him. I’m finally seeing him live next month. And I would have real, hot, non-pity sex with him.

  11. jinni says:

    I wonder if someone that wasn’t loved by the writers of this site had said ” I draw like a child. Like a heavily beaten and molested child. Who can’t draw.” would this have been overlooked. I know people are going to start screaming about me not being able to take a joke, taking it out of context, or of being too PC. I’m just saying if some else had used this description in an obviously joking manner, meaning making light of child abuse, and they weren’t universally liked by the writers they would have been dragged through the coals and the title of this post would have made sure to point out this quote and it’s insensitivity.

    Besides how does an beaten and molested child even draw? I’m really not getting the funny.

    • Happyhat says:

      That’s the rule of gossip sites, I think. It’s like sports for those who don’t like sports. You pick a team/person and then it’s one rule for them, and another for your chosen ‘baddie’ for whom you’ll gladly take everything they say out of context as a definite evil and inappropriate comment. Like the Anne Hathaway ‘my gay brother’ quote.

      • jinni says:

        I completely get that. I just thought that even the favorites couldn’t get away with making fun of rape/child abuse/abuse considering the way they go after others that have made light of these topics in the past.

    • Naye in VA says:

      Just be sure to bring it up the next time someone gets railed for making an insensitive joke. He may be a comedian, but that joke was pretty try-hard, not funny, and insensitive. And look I STILL like him. Its actually possible to like someone who often sounds like a jerk. Who knew!?

      • jinni says:

        I know all about liking someone who makes jerk comments, so I get you.

        I’m not asking for everyone to bust out the pitchforks or anything on this guy. Just be consistent. For example, if you’re going to hate Kate Winslet for working with Roman Polanski than why not hate Ewan McGregor for doing the same thing, why does he get a pass and she doesn’t? You know.

    • Tiffany says:

      Part of his humor (and comedy in general, really) is to make light out of horrific situations that human beings go through.

      • lucy2 says:

        And I think knowing that and being familiar with his comedy is what OK’d it with me – but jinni’s right, if someone else said it, I’d probably take it in a whole different way.

  12. mln76 says:

    Love him…totally would hit it.

  13. Sweet Dee says:

    Love him! Would hit it hypothetically.

    As for the child molestation joke, it did make me cringe but I still got it, and I still love him. That’s his risky style and while that kind of thing often makes me a bit uncomfortable, I think that no topics for jokes should be off-limits to any comedian.

  14. KellyinSeattle says:

    Wow; I really enjoyed his interview. Maybe he could give me some pity sex.

  15. Alana Fajina says:

    I almost cannot even formulate a sentence right now. So many naughty things I’d do [let him do] and let me tell you; None of those things would be out of pity ;p THANK YOU for starting my morning with a smile!!

  16. Tiffany says:

    I love Louie!!! Thank you so much for doing a post on him. He is so funny. The man has no fear. I don’t think there is any greater example of a sense of humor making a man sexy! I loved the Afghanistan episode, so great!

  17. j.eyre says:

    That was a riot.

  18. Maria says:

    I love his stand ups, this not so much to be honest.

    i dont know if he is sexy but i love his eyes.