I might have moaned a little when I first saw these photos. I can feel your judgment from here, but I don’t even care. MICHAEL FASSBENDER. Destroyer of the Sweet Shop, He of the Monstrous Fassdong, the Irish-German Thunder, has arrived. These are photos of yesterday’s “special screening” (in my pants) of The Counselor. Ridley Scott, Penelope Cruz and Sigourney Weaver were at the screening too but IDGAF. The screening was all about Michael. And a little bit about Javier Bardem. Some general thoughts:
*Michael looked sort of unwashed – I think his hair is kind of greasy? But even when he’s unwashed, he’s still one of the sexiest men in the world.
*I actually like his hair length right now. He’s just one of those guys who doesn’t look right when he’s all cut and polished and pulled together. He’s a Dirty F—k and he looks better when he’s a bit scruffy and his hair is kind of messy.
*Some day, I want Michael to look at me the way he looks at Javier Bardem.
*SHARK TEETH. Present and accounted for.
*I actually like his grey suit.
*God, his blue eyes are hypnotic.
*Michael is such a bro. Seriously! Dudes love him and he loves hanging out with his bros.
*At least he’s not wearing makeup in these photos, at least not obvious makeup. Remember these photos from last year? I’d rather forget them too.
Anyway, I’m actually excited for The Counselor, even though I think Cormac McCarthy is a depressing writer and I’m very worried about Michael’s American accent (he sounds like he’s trying to mimic James Earl Jones). The Counselor will be released in America on October 25th! I hope we get more photos, interviews and more Fassy before then!
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.
Although he gets full respect as an actor, Fassbender doesn’t do it for me (even when evoking a young Ian McKellen). It’s the air of sleaziness and rumored insinuations of abusive behavior (or just general vibe of douchebaggery) that puts me off. I just wanted to come here and note that Javier Bardem has REALLY lost the hot, which is a modern-day tragedy.
Y’all can have both of them. They both leave me cold, on looks alone and their general vibe/ voice/ acting/ other attributes.
No worries you guys, You guys can go back to shipping the weedy narcissist english accountant ( hiddleston) and leave us with the real deal. Happy to take both of these men of your hands.
I love you ladies but I am 100% in agreement with Sadie here.
You can have Lizard Man as well and we’ll all be happy 😉
@Sadie,
Deal!
So true Anna. I understand going for the not handsome in the usual way, kinda guy, but there are limits. Hiddleston and this guy are the line I won’t be crossing anytime soon.
Javier Bardem looks surprisingly nice. Great actor, but born to play the villain.
@TFanty: lovely to see you up and about after yesterday’s celebrations. I came across one of your guests in the November edition of Vanity Fair. Clearly the pic was taken after he had had six Pervy Tombangers, and they managed to remove your legs via photoshop.
I saw that. Bloody paps. The poor man was still trying to understand what happened to him last night.
I have to agree with you here. The rumors of Fassbender’s behavior have put me off of him big time. He is a good actor though.
What rumors?
@Anna the bullshit, unsubstantiated rumors of abuse people keep bbringing up.
Every single post about Fassy someone has to bring up the abuse rumors and every single time someone (or all of us) have to explain why it’s unfair to indict the guy based on unsubstantiated charges that were dropped by the victim.
Also, can we stop saying “rumorS” like he was accused of domestic violence multiple times? It was ONE time and he was cleared.
X2 @originalkitten
Kitten, from what I remember, when they first came up what was explained was that the victim, his ex girlfriend first off, had a history of accusing other boyfriends of abuse (lying about it). Second, apparently where they lived (in California, not sure what town/district), but they had a law that whenever a domestic violence case was brought to their attention, they would investigate it–doesn’t matter if the victim decides to go forward with it or not. The DA investigated, and found nothing.
@ Virgilia-I read the same but for some reason people always gloss over that part.
The thing is, I hesitate to defend him too much around here because I don’t want people to think my lust for Fassy overpowers my disgust for domestic violence. I just truly think it’s unfair to hate the guy for an unsubstantiated incident that he was fairly and lawfully cleared of.
I guess I take it a bit personally because I ABHOR violence against women and I wouldn’t excuse it in any capacity IF it was proven to be true, not just heresay based on one woman’s account.
If you wanna hate on him because something “skeeves” you out about him or for his yellow teeth or whatever, fine, but stop with this BS..
He’s part Irish. Love them. Part German, love them too. Heck, just speaking German makes people 90 percent hotter than they are. But, he leaves me completely cold.
… which would augment my hotness by 90 percent. Wow! There’s hope! Thank you!
(Would I hit 100 percent by throwing in French, Italian and my broken English?)
Oh, I’m sorry, but French and Italian would lower the hotness, I do not like them at all. Broken English is fine 😀
Merde! Merda! Mist!
He didnt do it for me either until I saw him in Jane Eyere…and now I will never be the same.
Ahh, Edward Fairfax Rochester… with a Fassydong. Yes, please!
The Sean Bean effect could also be called the Fassbender effect.
I think they both are Happy because Brad Pitt wasn’t there.
Fassy, I would have to see his Birth certificate.. He doesn’t look in his 30’s whatsoever. Javier, I hate his baby teeth and gums. They are not unattractive but, nothing special.. Brad does it for me, just for his Black Man Swagger alone.
I wish I was Javier Bardem (never thought I’d ever say that…)
Like the fist of an angry God…
Thanks for the laugh
YASSSSSSSSS
He has a weird body and still can’t get a suit better suited to it. I agree about the hair. He looks better when there’s a lot more of it
He’s my part-time dalliance and I would hit him here. Never *that* hard, though.
I’m calling by to flag bear for bleak (sorry, Fanty). I love bleak, particularly when it’s poetic. And I love Cormac McCarthy.
That’s okay. I’m hungover like you couldn’t even begin to imagine. My inner child is so brutalized that a Cormac McCarthy worldview would feel like a Richard Curtis movie to me today. My world is bleak, grey and slightly swaying. Embrace the misery, I say.
Pauvre petite! Are you at work?
Perfect hangover cure: toast and Marmite and a cup of tea with several sugars. Replaces fluid with the right electrolyte balance, dontchaknow.
Brine. Straight from the pickle jar. Ice-cold.
I’m New Yawk now; I have my marmite on a bagel. I can’t face tea yet. I’m gingerly sipping a Gatorade. Because of the electrolytes. It has electrolytes.
@ Anna – brine? Seriously? Wow. That takes courage.
@ Fanty – sympathies. It should not be like this.
On the upside, Anna’s suggestion just made me heave up all the residual alcohol in my system.
1 hour per unit, girl.
Big Mac – best know hangover cure. Trust me, of these things, I know.
@Fanty – see? Brine DID help!
Seriously, you dont want to go up against a Russian on the issue of drinking (even tho this particular Russian is kind of a lightweight)
I’m just sad that nobody got my electrolytes reference.
Bananas. Up your potassium levels. Beet and carrot juice will add energy.
It was the Gatorade reference I didn’t get. What is it?
He looks really good. He’s dirty sexy for sure. I’d hit it 24/7.
He looks tiny next to Javier, LOL
What is that between Michael and Javier in the hugging picture? Is that a “reserved for j.eyre sign?”
Normally I say no, but he looks pretty cute in these pictures so I might just do it for bragging rights.
Javier is a definite, so sexy.
So hard!!!!
Cormac McCarty is bleak but an amazing writer. Fassbender is hot and a great actor. Javier is great too.
I figured you’d post it haha.
Deets! I attended the special screening last night.
I saw The Counselor and frankly I was surprised, confused and pleased at once by the story; also the cinematography is stunning. Fassbender and Bardem performances are terrifc, Diaz acting was solid as a crazy evil bitch and oh my the car-sex scene (spoiler sorry!), Cruz was very pretty to look at and good acting as well but she actually didn’t have much scenes, and well Pitt is somewhat forgettable. It was a strictly promotional event, no critics per se.
Penelope Cruz waved back at me, didn’t get to talk to her, but I shook hands with Bardem, he is so imposing oh my… Ridely Scott was very discreet, like I only saw him from afar as he and Fassbender were chatting. Then Fassbender was very nice and funny answering press questions and joking about their mobile phones on the table. Then with a cineast colleague we were about to leave for a drink, Fassbender walked by, pointed at me and said “Hey… I saw you from the carpet…” I was confused at what he said and laughed because I really didn’t get it, and later my colleague said “well… he was hitting on you methinks! Well done the red dress girl!” and I felt totally embarrassed.
And slightly OT : Filth is amaziiiiiiing, love me some McAvoy!!!!
Once I recovered from my fit of envy and jealousy- I have to admit your comment made me smile. But I’m still jealous. Fassy fan!
Ps everything Kaiser says!
OMG!!! i’m so freaking jelly!!! (yep reverting to a valley girl in my jealousy) What is it that you do if you don’t mind me asking?
I work in film distribution.
I am so jealous, Javier is my man, I can’t wait to see this movie.
You lucky, lucky girl! Sooooo jealous!!
Next time you see him you point at him an say “Hey… I saw you from the carpet”
😉
Hahahaaaaa! Oh well after a thinking I believe it’s probably my loooong braids that got his attention, as to be fair it got almost everyone’s attention last night so… eh.
I ddon’t know if you’re married or not but next time you see him you must take one for the team.
I would hit it, then watch the movie and hit it some more. Yum!
I would SO hit Fassy like a bulldozer. All day. Any time. And it’s not cheating if he’s my husband’s doppelgänger, right? Yes, I’m humble bragging…
Your husband looks like Fassy? You are a lucky, lucky woman!
Damn! Lucky bitch!
Man…he is just pure sex. *sigh*
I would hit it like nobody’s damn business.
THIS. Absofuckinglutely.
(And Kaiser, you kill me. I love it.)
Dear God, yes. Until chafing occurred!
He is my Forever Dong ALWAYS.
He gets a lot of flak for his teeth, but I kind of like that he’s resisted the – American teeth bleached so white they’re transparent – look.
I don’t get that–he’s a ginger and he smokes….it’s not like his teeth have gunk all over them–he brushes them.
I like that he doesn’t have blindingly white teeth. He isn’t a Ken Doll and doesn’t pretend to be.
I would hit both. Repeatedly. The end.
+100000
A Javier and Fassdong sandwich.
I would hit Javier, HARD but Fassy does nothing for me. There is something that is just not right about Fassy, I just can’t put my finger on it.
About the teeth, if you are not going to whiten then stop smoking. Yellow teeth no matter how healthy or even, is not a good look..
WORD.
They don’t have to be ultra white but they cannot be full on yellow.
Happy Friday to me, happy Friday to me, Happy Friday, dear Samantha….happy Friday to me!!!
You just KNOW Michael is a freak in bed.
He oozes it.
I would love to be his lover, get into a huge fight with him, and have incredible, earth-shaking, insane, over-the-top, delicious sex with him.
(Goes off to fan myself)
OMG. Spot on.
My fiancee resembles Fassy..even the teeth. Bought him some whitening toothpaste…much better. I cannot convey in words what this man does for me in bed. I actually waited months to have sex with him because he is deeply intellectual and I assumed he would be a huge disappointment…au contraire. Fassy is very well read and an eloquent speaker. Those qualities transcend into the bedroom. Everyone watch “Shame” and you will understand.
I am confused: who was the person who was great in bed?
Was it well read and eloquent Fassbender look-alike or well read and eloquent Fassbender himself?
Is this a dream?
I’ll imagine it can only be a nightmare for the real Fassbender.
So, Fass dresses left.
I think Fassy is sort of like Root Beer…you either love him or he does nothing for you. I hate root beer…but Fass can bend me over anytime.
Hit it hard… Oh my…
But… No pictures of Penelope? I would have liked to see her!
I would hit till we both caught on fire.
This made me laugh and wince at the same time, well played!
The answer to this question when Fassy is involved is always YES! YES YES YES! He is walking sex appeal. Unf.
I still can’t believe this man is in his 30’s. He looks mid-late 40’s.( Fassbender ).
I’ve thought that about a few celebrities making it big these days. I am always like “Wait, HOW old is this person, allegedly?”
What a hysterical post. Hahahahaha
And I don’t even like him that way.
I love your Fassy posts Kaiser! Thanks for the laughs 🙂
He looks as if he just fell out of some woman’s bed and got dressed for the red carpet…yum!
I’d chow down on a ‘Fassie – ‘Javi sammich..and they would look like they were rode hard and put up wet baby! MEOW!!!
AND..if you look at the pics posted in a sequence, I think they look like they are discussing the possiblity. #9 of Fassy really looks like a “Orly?? U would like to make me a Sandwich? FASCINATING IDEA! Smashing!” Then he of course would follow with GAME ON!!
I would hit Fassy All Day. Every Day.
Dayumn he looks mighty fine here! He really has this magnetic presence about him, doesn’t he?. The way he carries himself and his aura is incredibly sexy. I stumbled across the quote recently where he talked about ‘going crazy and destroying the sweetshop’, bloody hell I was sold right there and then. I wouldn’t mind a piece of him!
I’m curious to watch The Counsellor, especially to see how Cameron Diaz fares in a role different to what she normally chooses. Javier Bardem is brilliant, loved him in Skyfall!
Funny how that particular “sweet shop” sentence is mist-quoted. He mentioned that he had the option to destroy the “sweet shop” not that he would.
I hope to grow up to a be a sensible person.
Yes, I would hit it again and again. I absolutely adore him. He’s one of the sexiest men alive and he brings it every time. Long live the Fassdong.
I am soooooooooo over him! So much so that I don’t care to try to see him at NYFF.
He is scheduled to be on Letterman, next Wednesday and the Daily show on Thursday.
He will be at NYFF on Tuesday (Oct 8th). It’s confirmed.
I’m a bit late here, but just wanted to chime in that there is an unusual amount of heaving bosom-ness & heavy-breathing going on for Fassy! He ought to read some of these comments, it would make him happy.
I get a kick out of the differences in the comments about different hot guys.
Women want to pat Tom Hiddleston on his curly head & dress him up/ride him like War Horse, then put a ball gag in his mouth when he brings up Willie Shakespeare *again*.
With Cumberbatch, it’s all over the place. He veers wildly from being swatted away like a tadpole, to fainted over upon hearing his silk voice. (Yes. I’m a Cumbite.)
But Fassy! This entire board needs a cold shower in the Arctic Circle. Go get him, ladies!
I don’t understand. He’s pure sex, good-looking and one of the best actors I ever watched, STILL I wouldn’t hit so hard. I mean, I’d never say no to him, but he just don’t turn me on that much.
Fassy is sex on a stick.
Sir, you just look amazing.
Nice eyes, nice smile but does not do it for me. He was the worst Rochester I have seen but second time around watching 300 I looked for him and thought yes he is okay but not pivotal. Will wait and see re The Counsellor
I like Javier Bardem. Don’t care about Fassbender.