Lindsay Lohan has been offered six-figure deal to write a tell-all crack-memoir?


Did you enjoy yesterday’s Cracken Mad Libs? You guys really brought it – I loved so many of your cracked-out Mad Libs! YAY! So I say we do it again in this post. Wait for it, I’ll put the new Mad Libs at the bottom. For now, let’s discuss the new crack story. According to TMZ (ugh), Lindsay Lohan wants to write a tell-all memoir. I believe they call that “the TMZ Archives” considering they just publish whatever Lindsay says anyway:

Lindsay Lohan has decided to open the flood gates — penning a gritty, tell-all book about EVERYTHING … her arrests, her drug abuse, her acting career, and her family … and she’s already gotten several serious publishing offers.

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ, the book started as a series of journal entries, which she wrote in rehab as a therapeutic exercise. The book is still in its early stages, and it doesn’t have a clear focus, but she says she wants to open up every part of her life.

Lindsay met with a huge literary agency in NYC Thursday — Waxman Leavall, which has repped tons of celebs who wrote books, including Victor Cruz, Novak Djokovic, Bill Murray, Brock Lesnar, and Cal Ripken Jr. The meeting was filmed as part of Lindsay’s docu-series on OWN. We’re told she’s already received several offers for a book deal — most in the six-figure range.

Here’s the problem — it’s Lindsay’s life as told by Lindsay, which means we’ll be reading her version of events.

[From TMZ]

The last time Lindsay was supposed to do a “tell-all interview,” it was right after she got out of rehab and she sat down with Oprah. If you remember correctly, bitch LIED HER ASS OFF. She told Oprah she had only done cocaine “10 to 15 times” in her life. Add to that her long and extensive history of lying about everything and anything, and this memoir will be a complete mess.

Alright, so here are today’s Cracken Mad Libs – this is “Memoir Title Edition”. Example: “____: My Story, by Lindsay Lohan” could be “Orange Cone, Get Out of My Way: My Story, by Lindsay Lohan.”

Memoir Title Cracken Mad Libs:

____ with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
The ____ Work of a Staggering ___, by Lindsay Lohan
To Kill a ____, by Lindsay Lohan
The Real ___ , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by ___.
Memoirs of a ___, by Lindsay Lohan
The Portrait of a ___, by Lindsay Lohan
Slaughter-house ____, by Lindsay Lohan



Photos courtesy of WENN.

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48 Responses to “Lindsay Lohan has been offered six-figure deal to write a tell-all crack-memoir?”

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  1. Lodi says:

    Memoirs of a Pink Fur Coat!!!

  2. Han says:

    She said 15 times to Oprah? She told Piers Morgan she only did coke twice.
    God bless her, I don’t think she can write an autobiography, it should be shelved under fiction.

    • deehunny says:

      well it will be a damned good ghost writer who is used to twisting the truth around… karl rove anyone?

  3. littlestar says:

    It’ll be full of lies anyway, so why bother?

    • Mia4S says:

      Exactly! Now the real story? The absolute truth? I would read the HELL out of that. This will be the delusional/just want to work/all lies/whitewash version. No interest.

    • Florc says:

      No advance. Cash On Delivery only. Of course, this is all assuming she even knows what’s reality and what’s a cracked out delusion…

      And how about “The Crackedwhore”s Book of Lies”?
      Or “One Crack, Two Crack, Red Crack, Blue Crack”? A favorite of mine.

    • emmie_a says:

      Exactly. She’s a master at the art of lying. Her entire adult life has been one big lie. I don’t understand why anyone would publish her version of a memoir — unless they think Oprah makes her more credible? Personally I think Oprah loses credibility for getting involved with her.

    • Happy21 says:

      I stopped a long time ago posting or even reading the postins about Blohan but I came after reading the header to say just this. Lindsay Lohan has never told the truth about her exploits so I don’t believe for a second this would be any different. If she lives long enough to actually become a functioning member of society then I would say that MAY be the only time she decides to come ‘clean’ about what a mess her life has been for the last 10 years.

  4. g says:

    Look in her nose, looking a little cracky to me!

    Enlarge the picture, of her blowing a kiss, and there seems to be a white substance in the right nostril.

    • Micha says:

      damn, you are right. GOD, THIS CHICK!

      • lovegossipbutnotL&E says:

        Wow! Nice catch! She isn’t even smart enough to make sure her NOSE doesn’t have coke reminates on it before she takes a picture. She is so far gone! 🙁 She can’t use the baby powder excuse to fit her feet in her shoes this time! 😉

    • Sisi says:

      those lips got so freaking big they filled my screen and I yelled & pressed close in absolute panic.


      how am I suppose to sleep tonight

    • teg says:

      gahhhhh…. she is the WORST. I seriously think she sold her soul a long time ago for crack and lip injections. If she “writes” a book, I bet it’s going to be all about how she’s been a helpless victim. Gimme a break.

    • Konkanoodle says:

      That definitely ain’t a booger. ..

  5. Lori says:

    “To Kill a Pedestrian” by Lindsay Lohan.

  6. karmasabiatch! says:

    ERMAGERD. That is hilarious!

    Seriously, how do you get a cracked out, pathological liar to tell the “truth” in a memoir?? If Lilo’s lips are moving, she’s lying. Even with a ghostwriter, how in the world is the person supposed to sift fact from fantasy? Give this chick money and it’ll go straight up her nose. Bad mistake.

    This is just like the Oprah situation. Deja vu all over again. 😉

  7. Patricia says:

    I will read the crap out of that mess, fully aware that it will almost certainly be made of lies. It’s gonna be epic.

  8. Bopit says:

    Blow with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan (the kind for her nose!)
    The Hustling Work of a Staggering Crackfiend, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill a Hilton, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Real Mean Girl, by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by Tina Fey.
    Memoirs of a Necklace Thief, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Portrait of a Terry Richardson Treasure, by Lindsay Lohan
    Slaughter-house DJ: How Sam Ronson is to Blame, by Lindsay Lohan

  9. Hannah says:

    The Great Cokesby.

  10. lourdesdx says:

    Oh my god I am peeing due to laughter right now because of the Mad Libs thing.Kaiser,I adore you.

  11. Anna says:

    If it’s actually a tell-all and she’ll include how she tricked her way out of punishments multiple times and all her drug/sexcapades, I would totally buy the book

  12. Masque says:

    “The Black Kid Did It and Other Lies I’ve Told” by Lindsay Lohan.

  13. paola says:

    ‘I did crack. then cocaine. then i stole some jewelry. Had dirty sex with Gerard Butler, gave him an STD. My surgeon is my best friend. He gave me this amazing lips. And then there was that time where i had to go to court, I was wearing no bra. and they made a fuss of me driving while drunk. I mean.. the nerve! I remember wearing an orange uniform but i can’t recall where, maybe it was rehab or maybe an Halloween costume.’

    Sounds like a bestseller to me.

  14. Nicolette says:


  15. Erinn says:

    Blow with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Life Work of a Staggering Idiot, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill a Career, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Real Cracken , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by Oprah Winfrey.
    Memoirs of a Crack Head, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Portrait of a Habitual Liar, by Lindsay Lohan
    Slaughter-house Lilo, by Lindsay Lohan

  16. bluhare says:

    Memoir Title Cracken Mad Libs:

    Blown with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Incoherent Work of a Staggering Alcoholic, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill an Innocent Bystander, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Real Orange Cone , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by The Miami Chief of Police.
    Memoirs of a Pathological Liar, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Portrait of a Plastic Wanna Be Barbie, by Lindsay Lohan
    Slaughter-house Tea Party, by Lindsay Lohan

  17. Monkey Towz says:

    Breakfast at Terry’s
    In Coke Blood
    Slaughterhouse Five Finger Discount

  18. QQ says:

    Frankly, why pay this a-hole when we can pick ANY gossip/celeb site, check under her name and get more legit info!? …FOR FREE! And amazing pics too!

    • Virgilia Coriolanus says:

      QQ, those pics of her in that pink coat with the white blonde hair are PRICELESS. God.

  19. Nanz01 says:

    To Kill An Orange Cone, by Lindsay Lohan

  20. The Original G says:

    Offered a six figure deal or fishing for one?

  21. MisJes says:

    “To Kill a Baby in a Maserati” by The Cracken.

  22. dcypher1 says:

    Crackie the cautionary tale of Lindsay lohan. How to be a cracken by lilo has a nice sound too. Crack tales how to crack hustle ur way thru Hollywood and other crackfairy tales by lilo is more accurate.

  23. OriginallyBlue says:

    Lol like this chick would ever admit to all the shit she has done or explain how she keeps getting away with her foolishness

  24. Hannah says:

    Portrait of the Artist as a Young Coke-Head.

  25. Lem says:

    High with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Sloppy Work of a Staggering Mess, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill a Career, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Real Score, by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by Shia LaDueche.
    Memoirs of a Liar, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Portrait of a Cracken, by Lindsay Lohan (pictures by Uncle Terry)
    Slaughter-house Whore, by Lindsay Lohan

  26. Lem says:

    Grifter in the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Way not to Work of a Staggering Stoner, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill a Truth, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Real McCraken , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by White Oprah.
    Memoirs of a Con Artist, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Portrait of an Innocent, by Lindsay Lohan
    Slaughter-house Swindler, by Lindsay Lohan

  27. Kimberly says:

    Is there anything we don’t already know about her?

    I’ll putting her soon to be published book in my “Things I will not buy” list.

    Is Oprah even helping her get on the right track?
    But then again, you cannot save someone who does not want to be saved or help change someone who refuses to change, even if it’s for the better.

    I feel sorry for her.
    I miss the old Lindsey, you know, from her Mean Girls days when she wasn’t messed up and actually beautiful.

  28. Virgilia Coriolanus says:

    Coked Out with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
    The ‘Lohan’ Work of a Staggering Genius, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill a Cone, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Real Johns and Blows , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by White Oprah.
    Memoirs of a Cracked Out Starlet, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Portrait of a Cracken, by Lindsay Lohan
    Slaughter-house Crack, by Lindsay Lohan

  29. ya says:

    Peter O’Toole just passed away and he wrote two memoirs (which were both pretty hilarious) about all of his drunken carousing… He does it and gets revered for living an amazing life (which he did), while LL is constantly dismissed as a crackhead and nothing else.

    • Bread and Circuses says:

      I don’t dismiss her as a crackhead and nothing else.

      Lohan is a mean-spirited, lying, stealing, violent, entitled jackhole who parties more than she works and has pissed away every blessing she’s been given.

      And, she’s a crackhead.

  30. Kathryn says:

    Blow(n) Away with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Somewhat True Story: Work of a Staggering Junkie, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill a Pedestrian, by Lindsay Lohan
    Memoirs of a Coke-covered nostril, by Lindsay Lohan

  31. Bread and Circuses says:

    If it came out of a Lohan’s mouth, it’s a lie. So what exactly would be the point of reading a word Lindsay had to say?

    Let’s get a tell-all from Gavin Doyle.

  32. Moi says:

    Ummm I can’t possibly be the only one who sees coke IN her nose right? Good lord, she’s such a fkn mess.

  33. BobbieFisher says:

    My Fortune Is Gone with the Wind, by Lindsay Lohan
    The out-of-Work life of a Staggering Drunk, by Lindsay Lohan
    To Kill a Psychic, by Lindsay Lohan (though I liked To Kill a Career better, but someone did it)
    The Real Good Shit , by Lindsay Lohan, with a forward by her Parisian Drug Dealer.
    Memoirs of a Grifter, by Lindsay Lohan
    The Portrait of a Lady-Lover, by Lindsay Lohan
    Slaughter-ho-user of five kilos, by Lindsay Lohan