Somehow we never published these photos of Amber Heard walking through NYC in late December. These pics were taken right before Amber went brunette. With all of that blonde hair and the little dog, she reminds me very much of Blake Lively. It’s nice to see some “new” Amber pics since we don’t have the photos of Johnny rocking out at a recent charity event as Amber flashes her ginormous ring. She’s even making the “look ma, no prenup!” face in those photos.

Okay, that was an exaggeration. I’ll try and behave.

Today’s Amber and Johnny story is super strange and can be found in a tiny sliver of this week’s Enquirer. Remember how we heard that Johnny proposed to Amber “because she’s such a free spirit“? I keep wondering what qualifies Amber as a free spirit. Certainly chaining oneself to a scarf addict doesn’t compute. How about randomly shoving bulk food from Whole Foods bins into one’s mouth? Hey, that’ll work:

NEVER TRUST A GUY WHO WEARS A DAMN PIGEON ON HIS HEAD DEPT.: Acting like disgusting slobs at a Hollywood Whole Foods Market, Johnny “Tonto” Depp and fiancee Amber Heard got their germ-y hands slapped when the manager caught them grubbing in granola bins with bare paws — then stuffing samples down their blowholes! “Amber started it — she couldn’t resist when she saw those bins crammed with one yummy granola after another,” said an eyewitness. “She reached in, grabbed handfuls to taste, then started feeding Johnny — who began finger-dipping as well!”

Suddenly, the manager approached and snapped: “It’s highly unsanitary to touch food wtih your bare hands. That’s why we put scoopers in there!” Like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar, the red-faced pair apologized, filled plastic bags using the scoops, paid up — and split, pronto as Tonto, Kemo Sabe!

[From Enquirer, print edition, February 11, 2014]

MUNCHIES. A recent story from People makes this story a bit more believable because one of Johnny’s old buddies paints Amber as an uber-quirky lady: “Amber is a female version of Johnny. She’s sort of kooky and outspoken, and while that would intimidate many guys, it is a turn-on for Johnny.” The friend goes on to say that Johnny is “lovestruck” and Amber is such “an old soul,” so the age difference doesn’t matter at all. Well it may not matter at all right now, but in a decade, Amber will be 37 and Johnny will be 60. We’ll see how that plays out if they even make it that far together.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News & WENN