Michelle Duggar’s love tips include never turning your husband down for sex

Jim Bob And Michelle Duggar At The CPAC 2012
It’s Valentine’s Day and the most famous of the most prolific families, The Duggars, have some advice for keeping your marriage hot. It involves the wife never saying no to sex with some very specific exceptions, the husband treating his wife like a queen, and keeping expectations low, among other things. Most of all it’s about the sex, though. This article is accompanied by photos of the Duggars when they first started dating. They were super cute as young kids, and Michelle’s hair was especially glorious before she started shellacking her curls. Here are the Duggar’s tips:

1. Say yes to sex, even when you’re tired. Michelle says a friend gave her advice to live by before she and Jim Bob married in 1984: “She said, ‘In your marriage there will be times you’re going to be very exhausted. Your hubby comes home after a hard day’s work, you get the baby to bed, and he is going to be looking forward to that time with you.’” — she’s talking about sex, just so everyone’s clear — “‘Be available. Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls.’”

At the time, as a young bride-to-be, Michelle says, she couldn’t imagine ever not wanting to “be available” for some quality married nookie. But with kids, she soon realized, exhaustion can easily extinguish romance. So she’s made an effort to follow her friend’s advice — and with no birth control and 19 kids, it would seem she’s succeeded. “That has been such a lifesaver for our marriage,” she tells TODAY Moms.

Seems to be working for Jim Bob, too: “We’re like a newlywed couple every day!” he enthuses.

2. But give it a rest sometimes. It’s not all sexytime at the Duggars. They abstain when Michelle has her period, and also after childbirth: 80 days before sex if it’s a girl, 40 days after a boy. (The timeline for abstinence after childbirth is loosely based on Old Testament traditions, but is more about what works for their marriage than about observing religious law, the Duggars say.) A bit of abstinence, they’ve found, does make the heart grow fonder.

“When you’ve missed it for seven days, you look forward to it even more,” Michelle says.

3. Treat your wife like a queen. Lest you think Duggar romance is all about the baby-making, they note that emotional intimacy is important, too. Even in the whirlwind of raising 19 kids, they do little things like sending each other “I love you” texts, calling each other “Sweetie,” and kissing in the kitchen. Jim Bob seems to put Michelle on a pedestal; and to be fair, she does the same to him.

“That’s key in a relationship, the husband needs to cherish his wife and always treat his wife like a queen,” Jim Bob says.

4. The strong, silent type is overrated. “He shares his heart with me, his struggles, his fears and his dreams,” Michelle tells TODAY Moms. “Many men would not do that, but God’s word says that before honor comes humility. When he learns to humble himself before God and me, it builds him up so much in my eyes.”

5. Perfectionism kills romance. While many of us are trained to be detail-oriented and strive for perfection at work, Jim Bob says bringing that attitude home can be a relationship-killer. Withholding praise makes your loved ones lose that loving feeling. “Expectations ruin relationships,” Jim Bob warns.

6. Make time for date night. Michelle and Jim Bob go out, just the two of them, every Saturday night. Sure, they often end up talking about the kids, but it’s still an important time for them to reconnect. They usually go to Michelle’s favorite ice cream shop. “It’s a really special time,” Jim Bob says.

7. Never stop learning. After 30 years of marriage and 19 kids, Jim Bob and Michelle are still interested in discovering others’ advice for a happy partnership. They recently met an Amish couple who’d celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and asked them their secret. Their answer? The phrases, “I was wrong” and “Will you forgive me?”

[From Today.com]

So these two go out nearly every Saturday night, even though they have 19 kids? How does that work, do they just leave the babies with their older kids? I guess that’s the case, they assign each older child another one to look out for under a type of buddy system.

As far as sexytimes go, why is the wife always making the decision whether or not to say yes to the husband? Doesn’t the wife sometimes want it and it’s the husband’s call? I guess with so many kids Michelle has the weaker libido, although she obviously always says “yes.” After I had my baby, the midwife told me to wait six weeks before sex. That’s 42 days, so the 40/80 rule based on gender of the baby seems arbitrary, like a lot of things these people do. Also, how does it make sense that “expectations ruin relationships” when the man is always supposed to get his expectations for sex met?

Michelle also claims that wives need to accept their husbands as leaders. She wrote an article a couple of years ago, telling wives to be subservient. “Husbands are commanded to govern their wives… Never ask others for counsel without your husband’s approval; reassure your husband that you understand and believe that he is your God-given leader.” Michelle also said that women should seek to make themselves pretty, in exactly the way their husbands want. “How can you become more of the wife of your husband’s dreams?; discover and conform to your husband’s real wishes; explain your hairstyle to others on the basis of your submission to your authority.” That’s why she has that awful hair, it really is.

I’m glad that the Duggars are giving lip service to Jim-Bob treating Michelle “like a queen” and being emotionally open. Maybe that’s how it works for them, but their relationship seems to be based on Michelle never questioning Jim-Bob’s authority or talking back to him. The having sex no matter what thing is just one example of that.



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251 Responses to “Michelle Duggar’s love tips include never turning your husband down for sex”

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  1. Aria says:

    Who are these people again?

    • Zadie says:

      I don’t understand this. I’ve met some very very religious people, but never to this extent. Are people like this common in the US?
      How can women live like this? What kind of an example is she giving her daughters?

      • Stef Leppard says:

        I wouldn’t say it’s “common” necessarily. It really depends on the part of the country you live in, I guess. People in the Bible Belt (the South) tend to be more zealous than people in the Northeast and California. It’s a big country so there are lots of different “norms.”

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        I would say no, people like this are not common in the US. Not unheard of, but not common. Thank goodness.

      • sapphoandgrits says:

        These people are at least as common in the Midwest than the South.

      • FLORC says:

        Not common. And this couple are extremes.

      • Deanne says:

        They belong to a group that’s basically a Christian cult. The group believes that all female members of the family should be under the headship of a male, so Jim Bob’s own widowed Mother would be expected to follow him as her leader. Look up ATI/ Bill Gothard and Vision Forum. The Duggars are involved in both of these groups and they follow strict biblical patriarchy. They are zealots and not a good example of a typical .Christian.

      • MCraw says:

        Married myself, I don’t turn down my husband- if anything, he turns me down! And that’s fine by me too. No one ever told me that, I’ve just observed since childhood many women where it didn’t benefit their relationship to use the exhausted excuse. I’m childless tho, so maybe it’s something I still need to go thru, but that’s definitely one thing that has benefitted my relationship. I guess I don’t like the idea of turning down affection simply because I’m tired. Cuz if I push thru that, I wake up and am knocked out 10 minutes later anyway lol

      • Nerd Alert says:

        It’s called the quiverfull movement. It’s worth a Google, and please skip the wiki page, it’s never a valuable resource.

      • LadySlippers says:

        I’m going to have to agree that’s it’s way more common in the Midwest, the South, and in the American military. There are certain Protestant groups that tend to have more of this than other religious groups, including Christian ones.

        But mind you Zadie, when I say common I don’t mean mainstream or the majority. They are a very loud and vocal minority that gains notoriety because we now favour tabloid type reporting. They’ve been around for years but with 24 hours news and cable TV they have a much louder ‘arena’ in which they can voice their opinions. Most are pretty harmless but some are quite militant with their messages.

      • Zadie says:

        I just googled the quiverfull movement. OMG! Such misogyny. Raising daughters in that movement is child abuse.

      • MrsBPitt says:

        Uncommon…I had to move from the East Coast to the so-called Bible belt for work…trust me, the people down here, quote the bible, go to church 3 times a week, and then go out and and screw each other left and right and have 6 kids with 6 different partners, cheat, lie, steal…then go to church and ALL is forgiven…they read the bible, expect YOU to follow the bible, meanwhile, they’re not walking the walk, at all…

      • SonjaMarmeladova says:

        Teaching your daughters that they are worth less and should obey men, preventing them from getting educated is serious child abuse, IMO. Let me guess, the kids are home schooled and believe in creationism and all that jazz?

      • fruitloops says:

        I just read about Quiverfull movement and these extremely devout Christians could really use some sociology classes or something like that. Having the Bible telling you to have as many children as possible made sense 2000 years ago, or even less, when people died by the age of 50, infant mortality rate was high and a small number of children survived to reach the age of 10.
        They are seriously stuck in a time long gone, someone should introduce them to 21. century and progress of society.

      • mayamae says:

        @Deanne, you’re correct about Jim Bob’s poor mother. She had two children and raised them well. Her crazy son has nineteen, and after she was widowed, he moved her into his house even though she has several small homes. Her job is to do the laundry for that whole family – which is a mighty chore. Also of note, she doesn’t even has a bedroom upstairs with the rest of the family. She has a small bedroom off the laundry room. I’m not kidding. She’s like Alice from The Brady Bunch except she doesn’t get paid.

        @SonjaMarmeladova, yes their children are “homeschooled”. Michelle stopped teaching them herself several years ago. She would teach everyone the exact same lesson ( example – Bankruptcy), to all children 5-16. They used to make a big deal that the homeschooling was complete at the age of 16, then the child would get a GED. That stopped years ago. The teacher is now one of Michelle’s older daughters, who obviously is less educated than Michelle. None of their children have a college education, and it’s not encouraged (I would suggest it’s forbidden). The second oldest girl wants to be a midwife. Instead of enrolling her into a credentialed program that would provide her with a license, she’s taking some un-credentialed program that is religious in it’s content.

      • Janet says:

        Quiverfull is made up entirely of white evangelical ultra-conservatives and they see themselves as the sole hope of keeping white people in the majority in the United States. Non-whites are expected to become the majority by 2040.

      • Sacred And Profane says:

        So, Mayamae, does anyone know what happened to Widow Duggar’s several small homes? Did he sell them or does he rent them out? I’d bet whichever it is, he trousers the money…. What a creep.

        As for the children being raised in this lunacy, the boys have likely simply learned that husband is god, and will go on to live a life just like good old dad. The girls, in all probability, will follow in mama’s footsteps and become the well-taught subservient wife. I’d love to see a few of them totally rebel; become metal heads, or better still, Punks, who thumb their noses at this entire idiocy, and give the finger to the misogyny both father and mother have instilled in them.

        These people…… Ugh.

      • Shan1983 says:

        I really like the dialogue in this particular conversation, and I’m going to apologize ahead of time for deviating away from the Duggars. What I love about Celebitchy is the amount of international readers, and that the comments allow for an exchange about culture, politics, etc that often go unnoticed in the news. I’m extremely saddened and disheartened by what two states (Idaho and Kansas) are doing in the US. Idaho is trying to push through a bill that would allow medical providers and police to refuse help/treatment to the LGBT community based on religious views. Kansas is pushing through a bill with almost unanimous support in the state that would allow anyone that provides services (medical, police, retailers, hotel, restaurant, etc) to refuse service to “gay couples” though the language is so vague that it would be open to any kind of interpretation. It’s infuriating to see so little press about something so horrific, and yet we (the US) is perfectly ok with expressing concern over Russia’s policies. It’s a slippery slope. Religious zealots are dangerous and this is proof. I’m not saying ALL Christians are bad, but there are enough in the US to influence state laws that go against everything our country stands for, our supposed separation of church and state, and the reluctance for the media to bring attention to what a horrific precedent this will set. Fellow Americans, please share that this is happening, and international friends please share as well. Thank you to all who read through this, and in advance for sharing or looking into these states a little more.

      • Janet says:

        Shan, those bills will not stand up ten minutes in a courthouse. They are blatantly unconstitutional.

      • Poe says:

        Like another poster said, it depends on the part of the States you’re in for this to be normal. I live in the Midwest, Ohio to be exact, and families like this would be looked down upon in my area. They wouldn’t be shunned, but there would definitely be whispers in my part of Ohio.

        19 kids is just crazy and unfathomable. I’m pretty sure that’s not good for the body. Whatever tricks their trigger I guess.

      • Delorb says:

        @Nerd Alert, so they aren’t even trying to hide the fact that they expect every man to use his ‘quiverfull’? Disgusting. Dollars for doughnuts, I bet that if a Muslim family did the same thing, they’d be up in arms.

        @MrsBPitt, the hypocrisy of the church (especially the Baptist) is unreal. There are women who sit in the front of the church, just so they can flash the pastor. I’m in Houston, and some of the people leaving Lakewood church are so rude to their fellow drivers on the road…as they’re leaving the church….after hearing the good word. It would be hilarious, if it weren’t so nasty.

        Then there are the people who brag about being a member of a church from their old (poor) neighborhood. A neighborhood that they could care less about. A neighborhood that they never visit to uplift. And as soon as service is over, they race away as fast as they can. One homeless guy had the nerve to enter (as they were preparing food), and asked for a plate. He was rudely asked to leave. After he had gone, the pillars of that church, talked about him like a dog.

      • TinyTurtle says:

        It’s like this all over the country, I was raised in the brethren church in southern california and have been to a lot of other different churchs here and in other states and a lot of the stuff the duggers say is what i heard growing up.

    • Duchess of Corolla says:

      People that I wish would go away.

      Nothing against children, but these two obviously don’t give a fig about how bad their rabbit-like reproductive habits are for the Earth. No one needs that many kids. Period, end.

    • homegrrrrl says:

      I have not idea who they are, but I have literally slapped P*nis away from me when I’m tired o not in the mood. I think she gave him all her energy, cuz mamma looks tired and twice her age. Poor woman!!
      I’m celebrating a solo Valentine’s day, but I’m a single mom of one amazing healthy kid, and tomorrow I’m snowboarding with my best gal pals. Here’s to life w/out P*nis control! Hallaluhah and Praise the Lord!!!

  2. Jen34 says:

    Ugg. These two.

  3. Neffie says:

    I cannot believe this,so she has been pretty much pregnant for about two decades? I am not too familiar with this family , i hope they are not completely living off the state.

    • bluepoppy says:

      They’ve declared their family a church so they pretty much don’t pay taxes.

    • Mel M says:

      They are actually debt free by owning and renting out properties, buying food in bulk, and buying everything else used at goodwill or other second hand stores.

      • please no says:

        yeah: not paying taxes can make that possible: that and shady used car dealerships

      • sapphoandgrits says:

        They are debt-free by being considered a CHURCH by the IRS, so they pay nothing on their TV and appearance money. They are parasites like any other business that pays no taxes. I have been all for yanking tax-free status for any religious institutions for years.

        In addition, they don’t have to hire any help because they make their daughters just about literal slaves.

        Also, they get all those IRS exemptions for all their sprogs. I am also all for not allowing that ta deduction after more than two kids.

        They and the whole Quiverfull movement are disgusting and misogynistic.

      • Suzy from Ontario says:

        From what I’ve heard that before TLC came along and starting giving them money to be on TV they were virtually living in poverty. People from their church gave them bags of clothing and they were living in overcrowded conditions. TLC paid to help them finish and completely furnish the house they are currently living in and corporate sponsors gave them appliances and filled the pantry. The house they are now in is 7000 sq feet, whereas their former home was only 900 sq ft and they lived in it for 7 years.

      • Nerd Alert says:

        Even without paying taxes they were broke before TLC came along. Don’t fool yourself.

      • L says:

        They also have their health care paid for (as a ex state legislature member)

      • fairyvexed says:

        That’s what they say but they never mention the “seminars” they used to give about being debt free—–that in turn never mentioned having a tv show, not paying taxes, getting placement deals from major brands, free medical because Jim Bob got elected once, using your kids for unpaid labor—-and not paying for college. TLC gave them their so – called “debt-free” lifestyle but they don’t talk about that or about just how weird their beliefs really are.

      • Rockymtnprincess says:

        I’m not defending them because I think they are holding society back from evolving but I read somewhere a couple years ago and it stuck with me because I had a little respect for them, it was people or something like that, they have cell towers on their properties that were generating decent income. Of course this was like…4-6 kids ago and before TLC…so finances could have changed but besides tax fraud I don’t think they mooch off the system too much.

    • Delorb says:

      Her children have been essentially raising her other children. Each older kid is responsible for a young child. I truly believe one of the younger kids medical issues are because of her overworked uterus. No scientific proof, but then this is a gossip site.

  4. CaribbeanLaura says:

    The picture of them when they were younger is really cute. That’s really all I have for these people. I have issues with some of their ideals. Serious issues.

    • Leila in wunderland says:

      Same here. My biggest issue is with her telling women to accept their husbands as their God-given authority, asking his permission for every little thing, and the whole patriarchal system going on in their family. If a woman chooses a more submissive role in her relationship, that choice was free of coercion or force, and there’s no emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in the relationship, that’s her choice. I just wish that these famous submissive wives would keep it to themselves instead of telling other women that they need to do the same. And what if not all of their family members are really ok with this patriarchal family system? What if one of them secretly has a problem with it, but feels like they can’t stand up to their family?

      • Belle Epoch says:

        Wait – I thought sex was only for making babies. You mean they are STILL doing it? Without birth control? That can’t be right!

        Did anybody see that Republican senator who said “if you want to have fun, read a book”? He is against birth control of course. And he is terrible at sex.

  5. Alili says:

    Brrr, shivers. These people scare me. And her haircut makes it worst. Re-shivers

  6. paola says:

    I have a tip: always turn down a perm!

  7. Tiffany says:

    On a happier note, Happy Valentine’s Day to all the Celebitches out there. May you love and be loved. * tosses roses and give hugs all around*

    • Frida_K says:

      Yes, same to you!


      • CaribbeanLaura says:

        Same to you!! And Happy Valentine’s Day to all. May we all meet our Celebrity crushes and have a night of passionate love making with them, after which we break their hearts and they pine for us for the rest of their lives!!!!!!!

        *hugs to all*

      • bluhare says:

        Love the way you think CaribbeanLaura. I wish I’d have seen your good wishes yesterday when they might have done me some good!

    • starrywonder says:

      You are sweet! Same to you! And yes these people are sad. Also how in the world are they a church?

    • CarriOn says:

      yay a happy valentines to you and everybody!!

    • Nicolette says:

      How nice! Thanks and same to you and everyone else here. :)

    • Shannon1972 says:

      Happy Valentine’s Day to you and all other amazing CB’ers!! Sigh…I just love Valentines day. :)
      *tosses chocolate truffles and passes champagne*

  8. Frida_K says:

    I can’t wait to read the commentary by the Celebitchy regulars. This should be good.

    Myself, I have nothing really nice to say about this so I think I’ll just sit here and wait for others to chime in on things.

    Must. be. nice. Press. “Submit. Comment.” Now.

    • Hiddles forever says:

      How can you comment on this? Sorry but hubby watches tv if I’m not available because I am sick or exhausted.

  9. Trillian says:

    Her smile looks alot more forced in the recent picture. Like she’s gritting her teeth while smiling. Some of the advice isn’t half bad, when you take out the religion and throw in some birth control.

    • Stef Leppard says:

      I agree. She looks beaten down by life and the physical toll of 20 pregnancies, or however many she’s had. I know she has a couple sets of twins and sadly she’s lost at least one baby. She’s probably the only woman in the world who is praying for early menopause.

      • cubfan34 says:

        She’s praying for no 20. All she knows how to do is give birth.

      • Mrs Odie says:

        Exactly. She’s like an addict. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has had or will have some miscarriages before she’s out of the game for good. Poor brood mare.

      • Shannon says:

        She has had multiple miscarriages. One was very late in the pregnancy, they had a funeral and the pictures of the baby made it clear she was close to term. This happened right before the pregnancy with a very premature and sickly baby. They haven’t had any more since then, probably because Michelle’s uterus gave up. Obviously they are still open to more babies so it’s not like they’re trying to prevent it.

      • Lucky Charm says:

        Shannon, actually the baby/funeral you are talking about happened AFTER the youngest daughter’s birth. They had a seriously preemie baby with a lot of medical issues, then she got pregnant again and miscarried a baby they named Jubilee.

        She also had a miscarriage between Josh and the first set of twins, which is when they decided to go off birth control for good. (Apparently their doctor told them that the reason she miscarried was because she was on the pill.) They blame BC for the miscarriage, yet she had a second one; Anna also suffered a miscarriage, and you know Josh & Anna don’t use any birth control!

  10. FingerBinger says:

    They are such a creepy couple. Who in their right mind would take sex advice from a woman,who apparently, has gotten pregnant every time she’s ever had sex. Thanks but no thanks

  11. Marigold says:

    40 days? 80 days? A timeline based on the bible and not on what the woman who pushed the human out of her vagina (or had it cut out of her) (actually) wants? You’ve got to be f**kin’ kidding me.

    I can’t imagine her insides are in good shape. And I’m not shading her here. I’m totally serious. If she hasn’t had complications, I’ll eat my hat.

    I waited 10 weeks and even then, as much as I wished it could be normal, it wasn’t for a while. It wasn’t intimate and blah blah blah. It was a task to make it normal again, which, thankfully, happened eventually but this is just a whole lot of bullshit on her part.

    • CaribbeanLaura says:

      I believe that there were some pretty serious complications with their last child. This is one of the things that annoys me about them. To have that many children and to continue to have children as you get up in age is not only dangerous for the mother but also for the baby that she’s carrying. I find it to be irresponsible.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        Not only that, but how can you possibly give 19 children the attention they need and deserve? The older ones become mini parents. It’s not fair.

      • Suzy from Ontario says:

        Plus they say they won’t use birth control because God determines if they have more kids, but it’s okay to use modern medicine to save the life of a child who, if left to God without medical intervention, likely would have died. So which is it? Seems like they cherry pick and use God and the Bible to justify their decision to keep having kids but don’t rely on *God’s will* alone to keep those babies alive if there is any medical issues. Birth control is modern medicine as well and is there for a reason…one of which is so women don’t keep getting pregnant every time they have sex. I really hope she doesn’t get pregnant again.

        I think they isolate their children from the real world and Jim Bob, in particular, controls everything from the types of clothing they wear to how they wear their hair to approving the books and tv they are allowed (and not just for the young children). I feel like the older girls really have very little choice in their lives and while it appears they are treated nicely, they are pretty much slaves and will be given like chattel to a husband that Jim-Bob approves of and then will be under *his* command, having as many babies as possible etc. That after years of looking after their younger siblings and their parents home.

        Do they really have choices to do what they want? Are they even aware of what’s out there? Everything in their life is so thickly religious …I’m pretty sure that if one of the girls said they wanted to go to a secular medical school and become a doctor, that would not go over well. I think that’s sad.

        Jim-Bob and Michelle led more normal lives. Michelle was even a cheerleader in school. They made the choice to live like this, but their kids aren’t allowed that same choice. Everything is so extremely rigid and has to be Jim-Bob’s way that I doubt they even think about the possibility of doing something different. I think that’s sad.

      • Leila in wunderland says:

        @Suzy from Ontario: I agree. This is why I sometimes half-jokingly say that some people just shouldn’t reproduce, or even adopt children. :)

        Maybe some couples need to have supervised parenting, to ensure that they’re not filling their kids heads with garbage and raising the next generation of bigots, misogynists, and submissive child brides.

      • Mrs Odie says:

        Remember the funeral for the baby she lost around 20 weeks. Heartbreaking. Her husband, as her God, should choose to stop putting the family through that.

    • ncboudicca says:

      She literally almost died during one of the last two pregnancies. Her doctor told her straight up that she needed to stop, but she – at the time – said that she didn’t feel like the Lord wanted her to stop yet, and Jim Bob said that he would go with whatever Michelle wanted. So, I guess he was okay with her dying and leaving him with 3 billion children. More important to have a “full quiver” than to go against your interpretation of God’s Will by getting a friggin vasectomy and making sure your wife doesn’t die.

      • bluepoppy says:

        IIRC, she nearly had a prolapsed uterus. When your womb threatens to literally drop out of your body… jeez… doesn’t that qualify as a sign to stop already?

    • crab says:

      Her vajay-jay must be so stretched out! If they ever want another kid all he has to do is crawl inside of her and jack-off!

      • GeeMoney says:

        I didn’t want to laugh at what you said, but it was sooooo funny!

        Anyhoo, I don’t see anything wrong with having all of those kids. They live within in their means and they take care of all of them (can’t say the same about the Gosselins), so more power to them.

        However, she almost died having that 19th kid, so I am surprised that she would try to have more. I would just call it a day and recognize that all of the ones that I currently had are a blessing, and be content with that.

      • portlandjan says:

        I’m waiting for her to come down for breakfast, and find her uterus sitting at the table, with a half-empty bottle of Makers Mark in one hand and a letter of resignation in the other.

      • JD says:

        Portlandjan, you made me spit coffee out of my nose! That was funny! : D

      • Hiddles forever says:

        Oh my God, I never laughed this hard in ages!! Nearly passed out lol

  12. Kali says:

    That pic when they’re both young is really cute. She has a bit of a young Elisabeth Rohm vibe.

  13. GoodNamesAllTaken says:

    Oh thank goodness, I was just waiting for your advice on marriage, womanhood and especially sex, Michelle! Let’s see if I have it. Have sex on demand whether I want to or not. Obey my husband because he has a penis and I don’t, and penises have brains. Stay pregnant for 20 years. Have so many children I can’t remember all their names so I will have built in babysitters for date night. Call my family a church so I don’t have to pay income tax. Find a dead animal to wear on my head. Oh sorry, that’s your hair. Get treated like a queen (best part)! Be on TV. Give many interviews that make people vomit. Thank you, thank you so much.

  14. Carol says:

    How does giving it to your husband any time he wants and conforming to your husbands wishes fit in with “treating your wife like a queen”??? Some of the stuff makes some sense but for the most part it sounds like the woman is making way more sacrifices than the man.

    • Lucinda says:

      It’s all in the interpretation. 3 weeks out of the month, she doesn’t say, “Honey, I’m too tired.” One week of the month he leaves her alone. We don’t know how often he initiates or how often she initiates. She makes a good point though. This is one need that only you can fill. Or at least you hope. If you say no just because you aren’t in the mood, your are denying him affection instead of being loving and supportive. That can be damaging to the relationship over time, especially if his love language is physical touch. I could have written this list and I’ve been with my husband 20 very happy years. We aren’t uber religious or have a passel of children. If interpreted reasonably, it’s a good list.

      • Maureen says:

        Exactly. And that’s how cults work. There HAS to be kernels of truth and rationality or else no one would ever buy the propaganda.

  15. Latisse says:

    Meh, I dunno, Duggar is crazy. But that always be available for sex rule is a keeper. The freakiest people I know are Christian, and the wives say they follow that rule and well, they’ve been married a lot longer and seem a lot hotter for each other than my non-rule following friends do. So while I am an atheist, I think when I get married, I’ll follow that rule too.

    • CaribbeanLaura says:

      But what if you’re tired, or not feeling well? Or just don’t feel like having sex? Or tired? Like really really tired?

      • Amanduh says:

        @ Latisse: I’m an Atheist and I follow that rule too. I’ve been tired and my hubby doesn’t force himself on me, so we won’t, but I have never just said “no” for the sake of saying no. To each their own and I know it’s not a popular stance. I just feel bad for my hubby if I reject him; I know my feelings would be hurt if it was the other way around.

      • Amanduh says:

        @ Carribeanlaura: Then just starfish ’till it’s over, lol.
        I kid, I kid…

    • Andrea says:

      Are you joking? You do realize that all of your Christian friends who’ve “been married a lot longer and seem a lot hotter for each other than my non-rule following friends do” are actually acting right? Seriously, I think it’s one of those things about Conservative Christian, they need to act like everything is perfect all the time. There are numerous blogs and facebook post I’ve seen to support my theory. Everything is just too perfect. It actually make me feel bad for them.

      • Trillion says:

        Exactly. They’re not allowed to have any negative leaks about their life. It’s illusion, just like religion itself.

      • Latisse says:

        Um, what? They are not telling me they are having hot sex, I can tell from the way they are around each other. You can just tell if a couple is hot for each other or not. Or if they are 100% sick of each other.

    • Zimmer says:

      Hi Latisee,
      The rule works for me. I rarely deny it, even if I’m not feeling it and I can’t think of any time that I wasn’t glad I said yes. I was raised a Christian, but I’m not much of a follower these days and my mom never gave me that rule.

      And this will sound like ultimate cheese, but today after 20 years of marriage, I was meeting my husband for a Valentine’s coffee date. When we spotted each other from afar, I actually had butterflys in my stomach. I think the rule works, but I believe in birth control!!!!

      • fruitloops says:

        I don’t want to sound condescending but I’m gonna guess that you had a relatively happy life with your husband, who never lost a job for several years or forever and got depressed while you were working two jobs to make ends meet, who never made a poor decision on something totally stupid and put your whole family in legal troubles, who never made a stupid decision and cost you your house, car, etc…
        People are dealt different cards in life and it’s easier to keep the butterflies in your stomach if yours were a bit better than the others and I doubt that it has something to do with not denying sex.
        Also, I am happy for you, I love knowing that there are lucky and/or happy people in the world! :-)

      • GreenTurtle says:

        I support Zimmer and Latisse’s right to do whatever they want in life. It’s not like they’re telling anyone else to follow the rule. I try to follow Laura Bermann’s rule of having sex at least once a week. Has nothing to do with either party having to submit to the other, but it’s a fact that regular sexual intimacy reinforces your bond. That’s what keeps the freaky Christian wives happy, I think. ;)

    • Marigold says:

      That’s because they don’t believe in divorce and/or are usually 100% financially dependent on the man. It has nothing to do with giving into sex all the time. There’s a lot more behind the scenes with these uber Christian marriages. Don’t be so naive.

    • bluepoppy says:

      Hmmm… I don’t know, it sounds like an easy way to end up being taken for granted. Kudos to your friends if it works for them, but I know I’d come to resent a guy if I made myself have sex at his whim.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        Plus, would you want someone to have sex with you if he didn’t really want to? To just fake it? My husband and I are very happily married, and I rarely don’t feel like it, but if I don’t, I feel free to say so and so does he. God, I’m not a robot. How is intimacy based on dishonesty helping your marriage?

      • Marigold says:

        @goodnamesalltaken-yes! I was just thinking if the tables were turned and I found out my husband said yes every single time even though he wasn’t feeling it, *that* would hurt my feelings. I’d rather he just be honest-”tonight I’m not feeling it.” We’re humans. We should keep our egos in check when our spouses aren’t into it all the damn time.

      • Amanduh says:

        …but even if you’re not “into it” at the moment, you certainly get into it once the ball starts rolling!! Speaking from personal experience anyway…
        I think the problem is when you (or your partner) aren’t “into it” for weeks or months. That’s when I feel bad for someone…

      • CaribbeanLaura says:

        @Goodnamesalltaken, That’s what i think too.

      • fruitloops says:

        People here are talking about denying sex like the only reason it can happen is if a woman is not ‘into it’ at the moment. But if I’ve worked for 12 hours every day 5 days in a row and I know that I have to work saturday too my not being ‘into it’ is a huge understatement and no amount of balls rolling will make it happen.
        If I have a migraine at some point in time he can roll his own ball because anything he’ll get from me is a sympathetic gaze as I pack myself to bed in a dark and soundless room.
        And IMO any husband not being able to sympathize with their wives when they’re tired, in a lousy mood, not feeling well or something are inconsiderate and selfish, nothing more.

      • Hiddles forever says:

        @fruitloops ITAWI!!!

  16. Maritza says:

    It works for them and they seem to be a happy family so good for them!

    • Marigold says:

      From what I’ve read above, it doesn’t work for them. She’s had serious medical complications and almost died. Giving in when her body wasn’t ready and being pregnant over and over again does not work for them, obviously.

  17. Christin says:

    Date night should be easy to arrange because the older kids seem to be the ones doing the heavy lifting with the younger kids. I couldn’t watch the show once I saw how much responsibility those kids have, which leaves her all fresh and ready for whatever Dim-Bob wants.

    Well, that last part was a bit ugly, but I’ll stick with it.

    • Frank says:

      I agree completely. It seems so unfair to the older kids that they get burdened with so much responsibility when it wasn’t their decision to have the kids in the first place! These people creep me out.

  18. Wren says:

    Honestly, if you ignore #1 and disregard all the “submit to your husband” rubbish, the rest of their advice is actually pretty good. Treat each other well, don’t shut the other person out emotionally, make time for each other even though life gets busy and exhausting, and be open to discovering new things with and about each other. Sounds pretty good to me.

    The other stuff, well, um, yeah. I don’t know if I even want to go there.

  19. Mel M says:

    I may not agree with a lot of their beliefs, I mean A LOT, but I would rather have 19 Duggars in this world who actually go out and contribute to their community than 19 Kim kardashians who do nothing. Thier kids volunteer their time to different places and do a lot of charity work. They seem a lot more grounded than and well behaved than most.

    • Andrea says:

      That’s the thing, the adult children actually aren’t contributing to anything other than their own family. Jim Bob and Michelle don’t allow them to work or become educated. Some of the sons and daughters volunteer at the local fire department, but outside of that, I’m not sure they do much good.

      • tifzlan says:

        WAIT WAIT WHY won’t they let their kids work or go to university or something?!

      • Mel M says:

        Actually they do and you or some other people may not like what they are contributing to but at least they have direction and purpose. Josh is in DC right now working for some pro life which isn’t for everyone but obviously this family believes in this very much and the older girls are training to be midwives of doulas. There are just too many people in the spot light that just shop or wear certain clothes and get praised for it and that’s really all they do. They have no passion for anything else outside of themselves. Those are not the type of people I want my kids to look up to and aspire to, not that I think they should live the duggar way either but at least there’s a balance to Miley haha.

      • lunchcoma says:

        I wouldn’t want my children to look up to any of the people you described.

        The eldest Duggar daughter is 24. She hasn’t graduated from and doesn’t appear to be attending college, so she’s not eligible to be a certified nurse midwife. She’s presumably training to be a lay midwife. While that’s an admirable profession, the training requirements in Arkansas appear to be an apprenticeship and a licensing exam. 6 years for an apprenticeship and a licensing exam does not sound like a dedication to contributing to the world outside of her own family life.

      • Nerd Alert says:

        Yeah the boys are allowed to do some things, but the girls aren’t. They are uneducated babysitters waiting to be uneducated submissive wives. And the pro life movement is dead, whether you agree with it or not, so that actually is a huge waste of time. Nothing’s really changing there. Personally, I’ll take more Kim Ks than duggars. At least she won’t be spewing 19 creepy little robot replicas of herself into the world.

      • littlestar says:

        So the boys are allowed to go out and do things that help promote their RELIGIOUS beliefs, but the girls have to stay home??? Sorry, that does not make them “good citizens” in my opinion. And for those who are apparently going to college, they are still doing it at home through correspondence. Not knocking correspondence at all, but it’s still making sure the girls are sheltered and kept ignorant.

        And some of them are around 20 years old! Why have none of them had actual jobs?! The kinds where they go out and work for someone who isn’t part of their church or family and make their OWN money?

      • mayamae says:

        @Mel M,

        The Duggars do some charity – mostly for show. First of all, two of the daughters are considered volunteer firefighters. But they insist on wearing skirts, so they’re useless. Also, a daughter can’t leave the house without a sister to ensure good behavior. That really limits anything they can do.

        Jim Bob likes to swoop in with the huge brood in tow, and act like he’s doing something helpful. In one of the more recent tornado zones, the Duggars all showed up – including three of his children under the age of 5, and two grandchildren younger than that. As Jim Bob walked around telling everyone what to do, two of the volunteers were forced to entertain all their small children. It was absolutely ridiculous.

        Jim Bob also likes to proselytize in poor countries. He can be seen walking around yelling English veeeeery loud and veeeeer slowly – that’s how you make Spanish speaking people understand, right? The family always seems to insult the local cultures like ugly Americans.

        Josh has a job with the Family Research Council – named as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

    • please no says:

      i dont rather have more religious wingnuts: it sucks living in a theocracy.

      • Decloo says:


      • portlandjan says:

        The so-called college “correspondence” courses they take by computer are offered by an unaccredited, Christian outfit called College Plus. Even if one or two shake off their indoctrination and enroll in a brick-and-mortar, community college they will find that their college Plus credits are not transferable. And of the online college programs, the only ones that will accept these credits are half-baked and unaccredited ones sponsored by Quiverful and its affiliate, ATI. When I read that they’re “going to college” all it elicits from me is a hollow laugh. The Duggar parents are, quite simply, committing educational malpractice against their kids.

    • Leila in wunderland says:

      Sorry, but I’d take 100 Kardashian families in the world over 19 Duggar parents. I’d hate to be related to either family, but I’d lose more sleep over one than the other.

    • Mrs Odie says:

      Yes, but it’s not an either/or proposition.

  20. dizzylucy says:

    This woman was raised and lives in a tiny little box of a world where she’s never had any actual choices. It’s amazing she feels she should give advice to anyone else.

  21. j.eyre says:

    Well I tend not to say to to anyone when asked for sex so I guess I am right in line with Shelley’s thinking there. Maybe she and I could go lingerie shopping?

  22. Patricia says:

    It seems like many radically religious people are obsessed with sex. Did anyone watch when the oldest boy got married? I have never in my life been to a wedding where everyone was so keenly aware that the couple was going to have sex that night. And all the young couple could do before marrying was hold hands, not even kiss! So they were basically hand-f**king for two weeks before the wedding. It was so uncomfortable!
    These fanatics make sex some huge deal. I’ve seen this first hand when I dated someone in a freakishly religious family. Yes, it’s an important part of a relationship. But they are so controlling with it and obsessed with it at the same time. Chillax! It’s just sex!

    • Mel M says:

      I actually have and it was very strange and no they were not like the Duggars, they looked very normal on the outside.

    • Suzy from Ontario says:

      I know right? They couldn’t even hug! Only a sort of short side-hug!. First kiss was at the altar. Plus in the wedding ceremony there was a big thing about how she was being given to her new husband and he was basically her master and she had to obey him.

    • Leila in wunderland says:

      Not surprising. In their controlling desire and attempts to keep people sexually repressed, extremists show just how much they sexualize everything. Sexual repression can even fuel a little bit of sexual obsession.

      • Patricia says:

        Leila I think you said it very well. The oppression fuels the obsession.
        It’s freaky.
        In this very religious family that I knew the very mention of sex was taboo, the kids were made to feel that masturbating was a terrible sin. Yet, when the parents had sex they were incredibly loud about it. I heard them while I was in the living room more than once. The whole thing was very uncomfortable. I have never known any other couple with children to have screaming loud sex on a regular basis. It was just so weird.

    • mayamae says:

      You said it – they are absolutely obsessed with sex. They had a recent anniversary show in which Jim Bob and wife and Josh and wife answered some questions like on The Newlywed Game. The number of sex based questions was shocking – I think it was like the strangest place you had sex, and maybe even favorite sexual position or how often you have it. The men grinned like fools and the ladies looked demure – but they actually answered. Yuck.

    • Mairead says:

      You see that with committed homophobes – all they focus on is the “butt-secks”. On more than one occasion I’ve heard them (usually women) say ” oooh when I think of what they get up to together, ugh when I THINK about it, it turns my stomach”.
      Naturally enough I would have to wind them up by saying: “Well, you know they’ve found a cure for that whole problem, right?”
      “Oh, yes?”
      “Yeah, stop imaging men having sex!” (Pervert)
      To quote “Dad’s Army”: they don’t like it up ‘em. They do not like it up ‘em!!! :lol:

  23. Brown Eyed Girl says:

    my mom used to tell me the same thing. “Those 6 minutes at the end of the day aren’t worth the twenty minute fight and his resentment later.”

    although some days you just growl the second he comes near you and he knows its going to be a redtube night lol

    I think the duggars are crazy but they seem happy. if it works for them, cool. I like them more than the dysfunctional kardashians

    • Marigold says:

      In what healthy marriage is a fight the result of the wife not having sex once in a while? I can understand if there was a serious dry spell and no communication but saying no here and there shouldn’t cause an argument. He should be a big boy and put his ego and his penis away.

      • sapphoandgrits says:

        Thank you — no means no. It doesn’t matter if you are wearing a ring or not. If your SO becomes anger or resentful because s/he isn’t getting sex on demand, then that relationship has major problems, whether or not they want to admit it.

        Wow. The people in this thread saying they never say no to their husband/BF is shocking.

      • Zimmer says:

        @sapphandgrits Even though I rarely say, “no”, my husband never commanded me not to and wouldn’t think of it. Nor would I accept him doing that. If I do say “no” he accepts that, but to me ‘love’ and a good relationship mean being willing to put the other person’s needs before your own at times. In doing so, one often finds they enjoyed it themselves even when they weren’t originally in the mood. And guess what, if I ask, he also generally agrees even if he wasn’t in the mood.

        I cannot understand why people seem to think compromise is a 16th century concept. I have no problem if people want to marry or not or what kind of relationship they want to have, but if you don’t compromise somewhere, no relationship can last happily at least. It has nothing to do with what sex you are and sex is obviously intended to be a pleasurable experience for both sides.

      • Leila in wunderland says:

        Thank you for being voices of reason here. That sounds like a relationship where the husband is being narcissistic, demanding, disrespectful, and entitled to the wife’s body.

        Since women are so used to the ancient idea that wives are supposed to always be sexually available to their husbands, there are a lot of women who will support this idea. I think that if someone like Ariana Grande or Demi Lovato said in a seventeen interview that girlfriends should always be sexually available to their boyfriends, even when they don’t want to, not a single person would say that that’s good advice and everyone would see the problems with that advice. There’s long been this idea that marriage lessens a person’s- particularly a woman’s- right to say no and have her bodily autonomy be respected, as if she’s in the wrong and ruining the relationship instead of her mate who’s being pushy and disrespectful. In this idea you can also see the old belief that men are naturally sexually aggressive and always wanting sex, while women are naturally sexually passive and not so much wanting sex.

      • Leila in wunderland says:

        @Zimmer: The problem is not with couples compromising together. The problem is that she is saying that wives should ALWAYS be sexually available to their husbands, even when they don’t want to, and that this is being passed around as good advice, a sort of better to reluctantly say yes then to say no and cause a fight sort of thing.

      • Marigold says:

        @Zimmer-shouldn’t that put the other before you work both ways? Like, if I say “you know, I’m awfully tired, maybe tomorrow”, shouldn’t he maybe think “I will put her needs (rest) before mine.”? If you’re always giving in, then you are the only one compromising. Which isn’t a compromise at all. And it’s also not what this Duggar woman is saying, by the way.

      • deehunny says:

        @Zimmer– I have a male friend whose wife’s Father was a Deacon and she grew up very much that way. My friend says after 30 years of marriage, she still has never refused him. Both my husband and I were shocked at that idea. I literally have never heard that idea before at the age of 27. The women in my family are very, er, aggressive, both socially/in personality and sexually (which is not always a good thing).

        The problem here is that my male friend has regularly cheated on his wife in the past and currently will if he has the chance. He has a pension for young women and used to regularly frequent strip clubs. So I don’t think it makes a difference.

        Do I have sex sometimes when I don’t want to? Yes, but that’s because I don’t want to starve my husband out. He’ll “coax” me and I’ll end up being in the mood lots of time after all. Believe me there are plenty of times I have said no.

        @Leila– I very much appreciate your idea here. And you are absolutely right about the idea of women’s rights diminishing with marriage. Now that you pointed that out, I am treated very differently from other people here in Atlanta, like I have to ask my husband for permission to do whatever. It ranges from annoyingly harmless to insulting.

    • Suze says:

      Six minutes. Wow.

      That’s an efficient way of going about it.

      It takes me longer to brush my teeth.

      • Amanda_M87 says:

        Just what I was going to say. Lol

      • sapphoandgrits says:

        It takes me longer to get all my clothes off. IKR?

      • TG says:

        I think the 6 minutes is a joke because obviously these Jim Bob type of men aren’t good lovers since they expect their wives to roll over and take it whenever they want it so there probably isn’t a lot going on other than the stupid man grunting it out in less than 6 minutes. That being said sometimes it is fun when you both are super horny for each other and it is an aggressive moment that only lasts briefly. That can be fun sometimes. I am a modern woman so I think all this submissive wife stuff is bullsh*t.

    • lunchcoma says:

      Six minutes? No wonder the wife isn’t eager for sex for her own reasons and needs to justify it with avoiding conflict.

      • Trillion says:

        I wonder if she’s ever had an orgasm. I mean, a female orgasm is not technically necessary for procreation, so maybe it’s just not part of their game plan, so to speak.

    • Nerd Alert says:

      The options are either six minutes or growling to make him go away and a fight later? That’s sadder than Michelle’s life.

    • Happyhat says:

      I’m all for keeping sex regular – sex begets more sex etc… But absolutely, if I don’t want it then no. I demand respect in a relationship.

      Besides – is it me but…how do you actually do it if you’re not in the mood? Any time I’ve attempted, I’m…well…not lubricated. It’s a waste of time. And I just get irritated. Maybe all you ‘sex regardless’ folk are well up on the KY or something.

      • CaribbeanLaura says:

        IKR. If I’m not into it I not into it, and I think if I feel coerced in anyway, I would put as little effort as possible. I’m vindictive like that. Trust me it would not be a good experience for me or my SO

      • deehunny says:

        yea def some KY. That’s OK though. Sometimes you do it for him and he knows it and appreciates it; but ultimately it is YOUR CHOICE and you can still say no, get off me, this sucks lol.

    • Leila in wunderland says:

      To me they’re AT LEAST as dysfunctional as the Kardashians.

  24. kcarp says:

    I guess you can have date night every Saturday night if you have about 5 older girls available to watch your army of toddlers.

    I can’t stand this woman. I actually like Jim Bob way more than her. She seems so detached from her kids. She is essentially the CEO of this family and in order for the kids to get to her they have to first go through the managers which are the older girls.

    If I was her I would have told Jim Bob to go get a girlfriend if he needs this much sex about 18 kids ago.

    • mayamae says:

      Exactly. In case people don’t know how it goes – here’s a quick summary. Mom weans her baby at 6 months (dictated by the founder Gothard) the baby is then the full responsibility of one of the older girls. The girl sleeps with baby, gets up and feeds the baby at night as well as every other meal, bathes and dresses the child, changes and bathes, etc.

      When they go on trips, every oldest child has a buddy of a youngest child. I’ve seen children younger than ten trying to remain upright with a two year old in a carrier on their back. Jim Bob and Michelle? They are each other’s buddy and stroll behinid this train wreck of a family holding hands.

      The third youngest girl is Jennifer and she’s adorable and very close to her “real mom” Jill. Jill was going on a mission trip once and was attempting to say goodbye to Jennifer while sitting in the truck. Jennifer literally had to be pulled screaming from Jill, and when her parents tried to comfort her she pushed them away and became rigid. When Michellle does give the rare attention to a younger child, she gets an immediate WTF look. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic.

      Long time viewers call the middle group of eight or so boys “The Howlers”, and the four youngest girls “The Lost Girls”.

      • kcarp says:

        That is so sad that they had to pry the baby away. How traumatic. I use to watch and it would seem a new kid showed up every week I have never seen before. I am cracking up about the names.

      • Mayamae says:

        @Jcarp – those names. Very lazy with three extremely similar – Joyanna/Johanna/Janna. Illiterate – Jinger. And cliche twin names – Jeremiah and Jedediah.

      • deehunny says:

        WOW. I assumed that the older children looked after the younger but not to that extent– completely taking over the motherly duties. That’s craziness– doesn’t she feel terrible about stealing the girls’ own childhood?

        I am just waiting to hear about inappropriate touching like the Kate Plus 8 rumors from the former nannies. I’m sure we won’t know for years. All these children confused and completely unattended. So sad.

        @mayamae– can you tell me why they call the Middle 8 boys “the Howlers?”

      • Lucky Charm says:

        @ Mayamae – and two or three of the boys’ middle names are Robert.
        @ deehunny – before Grandma Duggar moved in, one of the older girls (Jessa, I think???) job was to do all the laundry for the family. I think she teaches homeschool now. It is the responsibility of the oldest girls to cook for the family, clean the house, and bathe, dress and care for all the younger siblings. Basically all “mom” does is get pregnant and give birth.

        I have three boys and a girl, and since my boys usually made most of the mess, you bet they were cleaning house, scrubbing the bathroom, helping sort laundry, iron, etc. as soon as they were big enough! As mom I felt it was my job to take care of the house, not place that responsibility onto my daughter so I would have more free time for date night and working out! Although surprisingly, whenever I mentioned having to clean out the kitchen cupboards the kids all had “prior commitments”, haha! It’s amazing how many Tupperware containers and lids went missing (but never as a set!), and some that weren’t even mine got into the cabinets…

  25. JudyK says:

    Ugh. They both turn my stomach, always have, always will. She with her “baby” voice and subservient ways.

    And him…Jim Bob…kinda says it all. He looks like he never evolved from the ape stage.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      I like you. Have you ever noticed that a lot of really right wing conservative born again type men have great big round fat heads and the same haircut? What’s up with that?

      • JudyK says:

        Thank you! Always enjoy your posts.

        They both look like they are stuck in another decade/century:

        Michelle–not sure where to place her. Who has ever worn her hair like that–maybe from the prairie days, i.e., Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

        And Jim Bob…from pre-historic times…it hurts my eyes to look at him.

      • Nerd Alert says:

        They’re trying to look like the queen mum.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        Ha! Nerd Alert, it’s working for them!

  26. Mitch Buchanan Rocks! says:

    She was so pretty before she took satan – in the form of this brainless religion – into her life.

  27. Ruyana says:

    Good grief! Is it her intention to tell girls to grow up to be a blow-up doll? Disgusting.

  28. Karen says:

    That rule better work both ways. He can’t turn her down either.

    Otherwise I hope there’s a I just had surgery/flu/baby clause that she can use, cause damn.

  29. Kiddo says:

    What type of twit would actually take love advice from either of these two?

  30. BeckyR says:

    They seem happy…..more so than a lot of people out there.

  31. sugar says:

    Um Michelle-hon 1982 called and they want their hair back.

  32. Suzy from Ontario says:

    A husband who continues to want constant sex and ignores dr warnings about his wife having another pregnancy putting her health/life at risk is selfish and is being wilfully ignorant imo. I wonder how many kids they would continue to have if they actually had to parent them themselves and allowed their kids to have their own lives, including going away to college etc. If Michelle had to cook, do laundry, change diapers, be up with sick kids, etc. and didn’t have her daughters’ to do most of that for her? Not to mention homeschooling…which her daughter also does, I can’t imagine she’d have enough energy, much less desire for sex (nor would she want another baby…one that could potentially have medical issues due to her age and reproductive history).

    • littlestar says:

      COMPLETELY agree, Suzy. I really cannot stand this family, but because it’s V Day, I’m trying to be in a happy pleasant mood today haha. This woman has never given her body a break. Both her and her husband (especially her husband) are fools. I honestly think Michelle is “addicted” to having babies – and not for the babies themselves, but the attention she receives when she’s pregnant, etc. From what I’ve seen on the show, it seems like she passes the babies off to her older daughters to take care of them once they reach a certain age. How unfair to their daughters that their wholes lives have been taking care of their younger siblings just so their mother’s ego/addictions can be fed.

    • Lucky Charm says:

      I had complications after delivery of my daughter, and with the pregnancy of my son. After my youngest was born, my doctor basically told me that if I got pregnant again I was at very high risk of losing one or both of us (me and baby). My husband felt that it was better to have mom around with four little kids, then to continue having babies and risk the chance of something (not) happening. So he got a vasectomy. Would I have loved to have more kids? Absolutely. Am I happy with the four that we have? Extremely. Now I can get my baby fixes in an even better way – becoming a grandma! :-)

  33. littlestar says:

    The always available for sex rule isn’t too bad, as long as your husband isn’t a sex addict haha. It can actually be healthy for a relationship to never turn down sex. HOWEVER, I’m pretty sure Michelle Duggar does it in a submissive way (and not a role playing submissive way either) and THAT is not healthy. It is interesting that she doesn’t say Jim Bob Doo Little reciprocates either. So basically in their world a woman cannot want sex herself, she can only want it (rather, GIVE IN to it) when her husband wants it, right?

    I wonder if they talk about sex with their children, specifically their daughters, and what they tell them. Nothing healthy or helpful, I’m guessing.

  34. Amanda says:

    I’ve always loved this family. I don’t believe in everything they do, but they’re no harm to anyone. Just my opinion don’t rip me apart.

    • Erinn says:

      The only thing that worries me is the harm their doing to their children. In a basic way, I think they’re harmless. But when you look at the life they’ve set their daughters up for, I worry.

    • fairyvexed says:

      They spend a lot of time promoting religious hatred and intolerance and the systematic destruction of all womens’ rights. How is that not harmful?

  35. Nicolette says:

    So saying ‘I do’ somehow translates into ‘I’ll do you anytime honey’? Sorry, but there are times fatigue, the kids, work, and just life in general make it a little tricky to always be ready willing and able.

  36. mytbean says:

    I’ll bet $100 that Mr. Duggars screws around. And it’s probably really kinky stuff too. Blech.

  37. Lucky Charm says:

    Her smile seemed genuine and actually reached her eyes in those early photos.

  38. Ginger-rose says:

    These two are pigs. Encouraging wifely submission also encourages the risk for domestic violence against women. Plus, JimBob having sex with her must be like throwing a hot dog down a hall.

  39. Cinderella says:

    The fact that he aged well and she did not says plenty. He is a beast.

  40. Dimebox says:

    I have a niece who got involved with a very fundamentalist church whose members were definitely obsessed with sex. Any young couple seriously dating was assigned an older married couple to help them stay pure and avoid pre-marital sex. If she and her fiancé were feeling stressed about sex they would call these sponsors who would rush right over and counsel them. Only now that she is divorced and no longer a member of that church does she admit that it seemed to her that the sponsors were getting a definite vicarious thrill about talking to them about sex, sex, sex, and not having it. I have never seen newlyweds leave their reception (in the church hall) so quickly! And the church members went a little overboard with the bawdy comments as they left.

    • Oceansoul89 says:

      It’s disturbing! I once went to one of this types of churches. My “friend” that invited me kept trying to hook me up with older men. I was 16/17 and most of men were in their mid 30′s….

  41. JessSaysNo says:

    Very very sex obsessed. At that age, its just weird. It’s all just so meaningless and pointless. Have sex if and when you want (men and women both!) and if anyone has a problem with that then they are seriously disturbed. No stupid rules will keep your husband loving you. I think this couple works because she is subservient and he has a God-complex. The hairstyle comment is AMAZING though… but since when is ‘submitting to authority’ a good thing?

  42. Mairead says:

    Oh look, Queen Victoria has been reincarnated..

  43. Palermo says:

    My body is MINE. I choose what to do with it. This couple … shudder

    • Leila in wunderland says:

      Yep. If a guy seriously told me that he wanted me to be submissive to his ‘authority’ and always be sexually available to him, even if I didn’t want to, I would have nothing to do with them. I’ve always had trouble with authority anyway, but I would think that this guy didn’t respect me or women in general, or that he was raised to be ignorant and backward, or a combination of both.

      I think the way this woman was raised is one of the things influencing her beliefs in this area, though. I was raised by a feminist mom, plus I have my own opinions, and even though my dad is more conservative, I’ve never heard him say stuff like this. But this lady was likely brought up to believe that this is woman’s ‘god-given’ role: To dress modestly, (as she has alluded to before), to submit to her husbandly owner and put his authority first, to give her body to her husband, and to have whatever children her husband’s body and desires cause her to have.

      People are free to live and believe as they choose, but when a belief system is pushed on someone by their parents, their education is limited and very restricted, and strict regulations and restrictions are placed on what a person reads, watches, and listens to, who they associate with, how they dress, and their dating and sexuality, I wonder just how much of a choice it can be.

      • Mayamae says:

        @Leila, Michelle was not raised this way. In fact, she used to mow the lawn in a bikini and therefore holds herself responsible for the neighbors divorcing.

        I actually think it’s the converts who are more zealous. Obviously something is seriously missing in their lives to be drawn to this.

      • Lucky Charm says:

        AND she and Jim Bob held hands and kissed while they were dating – before they even got engaged! Things sure changed once they had the twins (Jana and John-David) and apparently for the worse as far as the kids go.

  44. Elizabeth says:

    I don’t want to be treated like a queen; I want to have the power of a queen in her own right.

  45. Janet says:

    Basically, this woman has been reduced to the level of a cow. I’m surprised she can say anything besides “moo”.

  46. Sarah says:

    I can read this and understand their perspective, a couple that has worked at their relationship and raised a large family with their own perspective and way of doing things. This is America, they are free to believe what they want and fulfill the kind of lifestyle that works for them. The only thing I have an opinion about is the fact that she chooses to put herself in pregnancy’s path at her age and after having so many children. She had trouble with her last two pregnancies and her body is clearing saying enough is enough…and when she risks harming herself and an unborn child for a strange belief at that point I’m concerned and think that logic should intervene.

  47. Joh says:

    Interesting how her great smile has turned into a grimace over the years.
    Their lack of intellectual curiosity is a shame.
    Only watched that icky show once, they were in the land of their ancestors, ( Scotland?)
    And one of the brood asked why the natives talked funny. (accents) and Michelle said:
    “God made them that way.” So lazy…..Lazy, lazy, Lazy!……
    Not a word about isolation or separation or anything but “god”.
    Sad , but it explains so much about them….. How can any of that brood offer anything to society but more people…..? And more ignorance……

    • Hiddles forever says:

      These children will grow more ignorant than Scottish sheep… I wonder how the sheep flocks were looking at them whilst in Scotland (I know that Scots would consider those people as nutcases anyway so Duggars were left with the option of just having sheep’s opinions).

  48. Joh says:

    Oh, and I thought I was oversexed!

  49. TG says:

    Now that I have thought about it I am wondering why very controlling men don’t find themselves one of these idiotic women like Michelle. This way both parties would be happy. The insecure controlling guy would feel powerful controlling the idiotic submissive wife and then he wouldn’t have to resort to abuse or murder to control her. My brother was very controlling and abusive to women. He was also controlling of his children. His first wife escaped him. His second wasn’t so lucky. If only he had met a Michelle he wouldn’t be serving a life sentence for murder and his poor sweet wife wouldn’t be dead.

  50. Moi says:

    I actually enjoyed what they said in the interview. I’ve never watched the show, but know who they are. Basically they both hold very high respect for one another. They will be that adorable, cute elderly couple in the future, that I love seeing in the elevators at my work, now. *however, looking past the religious part of it all as well*. I think they are cute and have the right idea. Sorry but the truth.

  51. Cletus says:

    1- that guy has never not looked like a total douche. I bet when he was born, he came out of the womb looking douchey. I would love to see his baby pictures because I have never seen a baby douche before and now I want to REAL bad.
    2- I think she is brainwashed. I do not understand her reasoning. If being treated like a proverbial queen comes at the price of handing over the keys to my ass in every sense of the term, then I hereby abdicate my “throne”. I’d rather be treated as an equal. Or maybe like a Communist.. or a Socialist. Everyone works, everyone shares the wealth. Only without the Secret Police because HELL no.

  52. ZAK says:

    I was raised in a religiously zealoty house hold and it wasn’t fun at all. I seriously doubt his wife is happy.

  53. Deanne says:

    One thing that annoys me is people who say the kid’s all look so happy and are so well behaved. They are taught that it is disobedient to show anything but a pleasant countenance. Showing any emotion other than joy is rebelling against your parents and the teachings of Bill Gothard. Look up blanket training. I’m sure it contributed to the children’s good behaviour. Michelle has spoken highly of it at speaking engagements. You place a baby on a blanket and when they crawl off, you hit them on the leg with a wooden spoon or plastic plumber’s tubing, so that they “learn” to stay put. They have also raved about the method’s extolled in the book “How to Raise up a Child” by Michael and Debbie Pearl. This book has been attributed to the deaths of children in their movement. You basically beat the devil out of your child and the children are beaten more for crying. You only stop when they are broken. TLC sugar coats everything about this family. It’s nauseating.

    • portlandjan says:

      Deanne, the book by Michael and Debit (misspelling deliberate) Pearl is called “To Train Up A Child” and it’s one of the most nauseating, odious pieces of garbage ever published. The blanket training the Duggars used on their unfortunate older children originated with the Pearls.
      Users of the Pearl technique are expected to beat their kids with plumbing line, or tree branches, or belts for even the most minor infractions. They gleefully describe “switching” their 4-month-old daughter, an early crawler, for going near the stairs. Mike proudly tells how Debit switched a 15-month-old that she was babysitting for, because he wasn’t interested in a toy that she insisted she play with. AND the bitch did it 10 times. Tell you what, Debit, if that was my child, or someone else’s that I was responsible for, I would personally snatch you bald. AND nobody would ever find the body.
      The Duggars of late have tried to distance themselves from the Pearls and their writings. However, if you check the Duggar website on the internet wayback machine, to about 2006, there are links to the Pearls’ website on there. Since the Pearls and Duggars are (more or less) business people, I can’t imagine either one allowing the other to poach on their internet bandwidth.

  54. anthrochik says:

    i feel bad for all those who did not get this article… really bad. igot what she meant about expectations. it’s the things we come into relationships.. he’s going to do this She’s going to to that the silly groudrules some people come into a marriage/ relationship with. that do kill a relationship. My ex Bf had this thing that i would cook and clean for him he expected it.. he thought it would happen and when it didn’t there was strife. Now my current partner likes it when i cook and make time for him.. but he does not expect or demand it.. The sex i never turn him down .. and he the like.. He makes sure i am please and i for him. We have a good bond and a deep spiritual connection. Perhaps because we he has seen the beauty in my religious/cultural background.. it works. I see the same for michelle and jim bob .. they have the same background.. and there is no strife. All you need to know that their relationship works for them if you cannot see the beauty it in .. I feel sad for you. not because you are the same or doing it.. it is simply because the openness of mind and viewing from a different perspective to see that there can be beauty in it .

  55. Skye says:

    Wow, Michelle really DID have gorgeous hair before she started crunchifying it. Maybe Jim Bob gets mighty turned on by that crowded roadhouse ladies’ room scene in “Thelma and Louise” and Michelle is catering to her man by going for the same limp, stringy, hairsprayed-to-death look.

  56. Ennie says:

    I cannot comprehend that a religion promotes that women are somehow lesser than men in a relationship, that she has to let him do and decide, that women have to be this or that, that he has to be pleased while there is hardly mention of her needs or desires.
    I do not understand why the wife or daughters have to phish ally please dad in the way they dress or look, as if he were a boss or something. One thing is dress accordingly with age and some kind of appropriateness, and other is wear clothes that are limited to a range because one is a woman and there are limits.
    These things make me think how certain Christian branches act too mug like other certain religions where women are mistreated or diminished in their rights. Extremes touch themselves.
    I am catholic BTW , from a tropical country , and still I do not fully agree with some things in my church, but I am so no narrow minded.

  57. Jenny says:

    I’m amazed Michelle D still looks so young and fresh after nineteen kids. She ought to look exhausted but she looks genuinely happy.

    Also, I’ve been married for ten years now and I can’t remember a time I’ve turned my husband down for sex but that’s completely selfishly motivated because I’m such a h*rny girl and always have been. :-D I’d have even more if my husband was up for it. But I’d never make a rule like Michelle’s because having sex when you don’t really want to seems a bit unhealthy to me. But then I live in a completely different culture than the one Michelle has chosen for herself – secularized, gender equality Sweden (although the gender equality we’re so proud of as a country is a bit of a myth in my opinion), so even coming up with such a rule seems foreign to me.

  58. bettyrose says:

    I know I’m joining the party late, but I still gotta point out that you can’t have hot sweaty rough n’tumble sex with someone who’s not in the mood, so why bother?

    • Rockymtnprincess says:

      I don’t think these two have ever had hot and sweaty sex. They don’t seemed too open minded. They probably just went off the junior high sex ed handbook.

  59. Lygeia says:

    Honestly, I think this is all made up.

    They incorporated their family as a church. A church has to have some kind of theology to maintain their 501(c)(3) status as a not-for-profit with the IRS. It is just easy to write this nonsense about women being submissive so that they seem like a real church.

    The Duggers are laughing (tax-free) all the way to the bank.

  60. skeptical says:

    i’m guessing these lovely family bible studies conveniently forget to include lessons about Deborah, Judith, Ruth, or Jael. Especially Jael. She drove a tent peg through a bad guy’s skull after feeding him and leading him to believe he was safe. Mustn’t be giving the Quiverfull girls any ideas.
    Or Esther. I know some might call her submissive but she also used her connection to her husband to save her people. These women did great things in a time when women were property. They did not just blindly accept their lot. They did what they could to change things.

    • Lauraq says:

      Yes! People forget that the Bible is full of strong women doing God’s work and not taking any crap from a man.

  61. CoolWhipLite says:

    Another one of her love tips must be “never update your look.” They disgust me for so many reasons.

  62. Deanne says:

    One thing that’s convenient for Michelle and her never turn JimBob down policy, is that the burden of caring for the family toddlers, fell to her older daughters They were the ones exhausted from getting up to change diapers and care for their siblings so that their Mother could be well rested and ready for sex with her helmet headed husband. Michelle and Jim Bob use those older girls like slaves.

  63. Zombie Shortcake says:

    Jim-Bob gives me serial killer vibes-Think Trinity from Dexter, the family man.

  64. Lauraq says:

    In a vacuum, I would say this sounds sweet! I also try not to turn my boyfriend down for sex-I will if I’m super tired or not feeling well-but truly that benefits both of us. Exhausted sex can be like going to the gym…at first you’re like, ‘Meh’, but after you’re like ‘OMG I’M SO GLAD I DID THAT!!!’ I think this is because my last relationship was so sexless…we maybe had sex once a month…and part of it was just falling out of the habit.
    If Jim-Bob isn’t lying about treating her like a queen, that’s sweet too. And I actually agree with what he said about having expectations for perfection. Sometimes you just need to let things go.
    Outside of the vacuum, these people are weird.