The New York medical examiner made a determination on L’Wren Scott’s death: it is now officially a suicide. No foul play, no big conspiracy. Just an accomplished, talented and loved woman who thought that self-harm was her only way out. I think that’s why so many people have been paying attention to this story – while we understand the idea that L’Wren was having financial problems, people have come back from worse, and her suicide just came out of nowhere. As we know now, she was planning on pulling the plug on her fashion line this week, and she was scheduled to make that announcement on Wednesday. But I still believe that she could have come back from it – many designers do.
The NY Times’ Cathy Horyn, a tower of fashion journalism, wrote a lovely piece on L’Wren and what she was really like. The picture is of a woman who was very giving, very capable, very discreet and very controlled. She was never silly, never an over-sharer. Horyn wrote at the end:
After my partner died in early February, L’Wren was the first to call and send a note. When we finally spoke, two weeks later, I was surprised to hear how rundown and discouraged she sounded. She spoke of production problems, forcing her to cancel her fall show. Again, I urged her to put her health first.
Besides, I told her: “You’re entrepreneurial — that’s your strength. You’ll have new ideas. Just give yourself a break now.”
I sent her a text on March 12, checking in. She didn’t reply, but that wasn’t unusual. I learned since her death that she was planning to close her business, with an announcement this week. Still, as painful as the decision must have been for her, I wouldn’t draw any conclusions from it about her state of mind. Nor should any credence be given to reports of a breakup with Mick. It’s rubbish.
She was with friends on Sunday night, and, yes, they were deeply concerned about her, but, no, they didn’t think she would do something so desperate. Not L’Wren.
Her death is inexplicable to me, and it makes me angry, too. Angry because it’s the loss of a vital, intelligent woman, and angry because, this once, I don’t want her to be a mystery to me.
As for Mick Jagger and how he’s dealing… the stories are all over the place. It seems like his Rolling Stones bandmates are worried about him, and it sounds like his family is worried too. That didn’t stop the NY Post from publishing a really harsh piece about how the Stones considered L’Wren to be a “Yoko”. The Post’s sources claim that Charlie Watts and Keith Richards were basically like, “L’Wren can’t come on tour with us this time, Mick.” The sources also claim that Mick’s adult children didn’t get along with L’Wren at all and they found her “controlling.”
Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.
Do we really need to know about the ‘Yoko’ stuff at this time. Some media outlets are outrageous.
Agreed, it definitely is not the time. This is so sad and tragic.
Suicides are often done on a whim which is why there usually isn’t a note.
As someone who has struggled with suicidal thoughts and worked hard to try and understand what the hell is going on on my head–the research completely disagrees with you. Suicide is not done on a whim, it is carefully planned and often swirling around the bottom of your thoughts for months and years at a time. You just become incredibly adept at acting out the part of a perfectly cheerful and normal person, so as to keep everyone around you unaware as to the constant struggle you are facing.
Don’t fool yourself or try to convince anyone else that it’s “oh, I had a bad day. I lost a lot of money, my partner left. I’m done, peace out”. It is something that you fight and struggle with every minute until the pain becomes too much…and then it’s time to put the escape plan in place. I cannot and will not judge victims of suicide, because there but for the grace of god go I.
POLITETEASIPPER
In my experience you are 100% correct. You could not have said it better. It is difficult for most to understand what process precedes suicide. It is usually a surprise, but I believe that is all part of the plan.
Bless her and her loved ones. Such a loss.
I have struggled with depression on and off for years and trying to explain it to someone who doesn’t have it is so hard because all they see is the face you put on that the world needs to see (coworkers, family , friends) so that you continue to function in society. It’s the face no one sees when you are at home, alone that is so telling as is the fact that you find more and more reasons to stay home, alone.
PoliteTeaSipper, you are completely right. I can only (responsibly) speak from my personal struggle with my demons/thoughts/depression/anxiety and I know the meticulous planning that occurs over a long period of time. While your “planning” to make your pain stop, you are overwhelmed with guilt because you are aware of the pain you are going to cause others. I think this is likely the reason there was no suicide note. By the time you have decided finally actualize your plan, you are mentally/physically exhausted. Writing a suicide note forces you to personally confront your guilt about your decision, while trying to explain feelings and thoughts you’ve worked so hard to conceal.
As I sunk deeper into my dark thoughts, I became incredibly withdrawn from my family and friends. People knew that something wasn’t right with me, but I could play it off when I needed to and people generally want to believe the “easy” answer you give them. I found it pretty easy for me to put on the mask of a happy, normal person. I was keenly aware of what was expected from me and when necessary I could deliver. I think people with certain mental illnesses are gifted with the ability to pick up on more subtle social cues and can more readily alter their behavior to appear “normal” and blend in. (After I typed that I realized it sounds like I’m talking about a serial killer lol)
Someone’s depression and/or suicidal feelings/thoughts are deeply, deeply personal; it’s really difficult for people to truly understand and it can feels impossible to try to explain. You feel like you’ve been abandoned, and it’s just you and your darkness vs the overwhelming world. It can make you get strangely protective of that dark part of you and you feel compelled to take care of it because it’s your responsibility. It’s like you’re a single parent to a demonic child. You give it shelter and safety deep down inside, you feed and nurture it while it continues to grow, you don’t want to take advice or help from anyone, but particularly not from people who don’t have their own demon baby, and you feel like no one else can possibly begin to understand/help/relate because they don’t understand the intricacies of YOUR demon baby.
There are just so many vicious circles you go through and it just causes you to sink deeper and deeper. Once you’ve sunk down to a certain level, you are utterly exhausted and convinced that you’ve run out of options. I totally agree that random bad days don’t cause the overwhelming majority (I’d say ALL, but what do I know!) of suicides. But a particularly bad day/time can be the catalyst that finally breaks your ability to cope and pushes your long thought out plans into action. There are certain lines that you have to cross to go from thoughts/ideations, to serious planning, to action.
SOAPBOX MOMENT! (Preface: I have no idea if the following is particularly relevant to Ms. L’Wren Scott’s circumstances, but I find important to the larger discussion.) I think this might be a good opportunity to further the discussion about mental illnesses, particularly the stigma and ignorance we collectively perpetuate in our society. It’s not enough to make mental healthcare available (even though that is obviously good and necessary), we need to make it acceptable. There are so many misconceptions and misunderstandings about mental illnesses, even the ones that are more “common” like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. I’m not saying we all need to be psychology scholars, but maybe we could make a difference if we each try to be a little more aware of the facts, more willing to speak up when we hear ignorance being spread, and make an effort to change the way we talk about mental illnesses and those dealing with it. You just never know the impact you can have on someone. Your kindness, understanding, and warmth could go a long way and can make a difference. TANGENT TO THE TANGENT, if you don’t know what someone is going through, don’t pretend to – we know you’re lying! Ask them to explain (if they’re comfortable with it) and just LISTEN. Few things feel better then finding someone you feel comfortable opening up to, who feels equally comfortable actually listening to you without judgement.
I think I might have droned on waay too long! Again, everything I said here is just my opinion from my personal experiences, I’m not trying to pretend to be an expert. It’s important to know that everyone is different, with different chemical balances, and different abilities to handle the pressures of a mental illness. Let’s all just try to be more kind, educated, and willing to listen.
Ms. L’Wren Scott, I’m so deeply sorry that you could not find your inner peace and I’m even more sorry that you did not have someone you felt comfortable reaching out to. May you rest in peace.
You guys are awesome, you know that? We all know what it’s like, and it’s so lovely to see everyone be so supportive and tell their stories. No one knows what my life’s been like lately because I haven’t told them. I’d go out with the one or two friends I still stay in touch with, and didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want to go there. It’s hard to put on the face, and very hard to put it back on when you’ve let it slip.
That’s the other thing. Depression is so isolating. So, so isolating.
All ya’ll who responded here above are truly amazing. Thank you for sharing.
Mental illness SUCKS. HARD CORE sucking. The stigma attached that “EVERYONE KNOWS – MENTAL illness is THE WORST.” A person who is ‘mentally ill’ is considered ‘dangerous’, ‘sick in the head’, ‘not right’, ‘mental problems’, ‘troubled’ – or worse . . . all feel less than compassionate words, more like insults, based on the fact that others are ‘better’ than you . . .
This site is awesome. Love the real sense of community here when folks support others they have never even met. Too legit
For what it’s worth, I think it is usually both planned and an impulsive act. I say this as someone who has attempted suicide before and has a very long history of depression and anxiety.
Of course it is not a complete whim, but it is usually in the throws of a particularly dark moment where conscious deliberation is not taken. An astounding number of suicides occur under the influence of alcohol or drugs. I can say that in my case, it is something I contemplated plenty before hand. I saved up pills in a secret bottle that I carried with me all the time like a security blanket. There was a certain comfort in knowing I had a way out, even if I wasn’t sure I ever intended on using it. But I finally did it when I was drunk and depressed and didn’t think too much about it. I just wanted it to end, and I had made it so that the same type of morbid whim I had experienced previously was accessible.
This was almost 10 years ago now and while I still have periods of depression and will probably always suffer with my anxiety disorder, I’m generally in a good place. I’m lucky I didn’t do more damage to myself. And I’m almost grateful in a way that I experienced such a low point at such a young age (I was 19) since it meant that I was forced to get help and I don’t think I would be nearly as functional today if that hadn’t been the case.
You guys are all right though that the stigma hurts. Even for my current job, I had to go through excessive health screenings and get letters from former doctors to prove I was a functional enough person now (based on nothing other than I admitted during a regular health screening that I had taken anti-depressants). I worked VERY hard to get to where I am, and I still work hard to pull myself back from that place when I can feel the old feelings creeping in. I have to continue to prove to myself that I am able to pull through and that I have learned enough about myself and how to cope. That is one thing. But to be asked to prove it to the world over and over is exhausting and frustrating.
My heart goes out to all of you and to L’wren and those who loved her.
this is a wonderful conversation and I appreciate everyone who is sharing their stories here.
My mom was a county prosecutor for years and she said she was amazed at first at how many one-car accidents the police saw, often during the day with no dangerous weather conditions or alcohol/drugs as a factor. She said that aloud one day to a colleague and he said “well, they’re suicides.” She never realized it until then. As someone who will always be managing an anxiety disorder, my experience has been as ? noted, both planned and an impulsive act. when I was at a really low point, I struggled with the idea of suicide very often, but the day I picked up a razor was on impulse, as it were. I think you can fight and fight and fight those demons and one day for whatever reason they win, and you swerve toward the concrete barrier (or whatever) and it’s over before you can reconsider.
I agree we need better language, better conversations about mental health. I wish we could talk about anxiety, depression, etc., like type 1 diabetes or something — a chronic condition that the sufferer did nothing to cause and often has to manage through a combination of medication and lifestyle changes. It’s an accident of fate.
<3 to everyone here who is struggling and has struggled. It gets better, I swear it does.
Thank you all so much for this wonderful, compassionate, and comforting conversation. I am at the lowest of low points right now, and it is helpful to know that I am not alone. My heart goes out to all of you, and to L’Wren Scott’s friends and family.
i’m so sorry for the place you find yourself, Jadzia. You are absolutely not alone. Much love to you as you find your way back. <3
Regardless of whether people thought she was controlling, It’s sad. I feel badly for anyone who feels that suicide in the only answer. It’s tragic and it leaves the loved ones in torment.
Very sad. Whatever her demons were, she must have been determined to end her life. To hang yourself while sitting leaves wide open the option of changing your mind and getting up as opposed to hanging with your feet no where near the ground. I honestly have not heard of someone hanging themselves while sitting before this. Supposedly she held a dinner party the night before and there was no sign of anything wrong. Perhaps she just was very good at hiding her depression. Maybe the band’s insistence of leaving her behind as they went on tour effected her more than anyone knew. Either way it’s sad, may she RIP.
She did it while sitting? I can’t even picture how that would work. Some article said she hung herself from a doorknob with a scarf and that left me confused.
I wish there had been someone she could have reached out to for help. Poor woman. She was a talented designer.
Apparently it is a common method of suicide. I Googled it, and just the search results revealed a dark part of the world that I really didn’t care to know about.
I feel terrible for her family and friends, and especially the person who found her.
I read she was kneeling forward she would haves passed out pretty quick (saw it on a Law and Order SVU. Michael Hutchence from INXS did the something. (Supposably)
I was in a play once where I was to hang myself. They tested out the harness I was supposed to wear and all was fine. During a dress rehearsal, I was put into a corset over the harness, which made the harness not fuction properly. While dangling there, I was sliding out of the harness so slowly I didn’t even realize that I was slowly being hung. When they went to take me down it was like I woke up from a sleep, had tunnel vision, looked green.
I can’t help but think back to that moment, feeling like I almost died without knowing it was happening. Hearing this story about L’Wren, I kind of hope her experience was similar, that she just slowly faded away and didn’t feel pain or terror.
Tiffany – What a frightening experience. This makes me think there is probably no turning back once a person intentionally begins the process. I’ve noticed that some assume you might be able to free yourself from hanging, but that may not be possible.
Not being able to think or act appropriately is what makes hypothermia so dangerous. It’s a much slower, usually unintentional way to die, but the fact that the mind fades away means the person cannot act or think rationally once the body is in a certain stage.
I cannot fathom how anyone 6’3″ hangs themself on a doorknob? The physics seem impossible.
She did ask for help. Inadvertently, but self harming is a cry for help. “They” seem to have quietly patched her up. Then, left her alone.
I’m not sure but I believe Alexander McQueen killed himself in the same way.
I was talking to a friend the other day, she works in the fashion business for a very famous italian stylist and she told me i’d be amazed to know how many people kill themselves (or seriously think about it) because they can’t keep up with pressure, competition and responsabilities.
I don’t know if this makes sense but I believe the fashion world is very far from the idyllic place magazines and tv wants us to believe.
It angers me beyond belief that the tabloids have to find someone to blame for suicide. Nobody and no single action ‘drove her to it’.
Like many mental illnesses, people cover up their severe depression and nobody knows the extent of it until a tragedy like this occurs. You hide away, isolate yourself, and feel like there’s nobody you can ask for help even though so many people would drop everything for you if you asked.
This is truly sad and the tabloids are not doing justice to her memory.
Yes, other designers have come back from massive financial disasters but you’re talking about a woman who wasn’t mentally stable. With that, all prior comparisons are thrown out the window. No, it doesn’t make sense to us but it doesn’t have to, it made sense to her. I really, really hate the way this has been handled in the media. She has family, f-cking think of them, there’s an over saturation that needs to stop. Let these people deal with their grief. Let this story go and stop looking for reasons or answers when there are none.
I totally agree with you and IzzyB above. It’s not as simple as the media is trying to make it. You don’t take your own life because your boyfriend didn’t call you or you’re in debt. She was obviously in some sort of inner hell of despair, and couldn’t bear the pain. We will never know why she made this choice, and it is beyond cruel to point fingers and try to guess whose “fault” it was. It’s a tragedy for all who loved her, and I’m sure they are all asking themselves what they could have done differently. You’re right, blue marie, there just aren’t any answers that we can ever know as to why this happened. They should show some respect.
Being a celebrity, this kind of coverage comes with the territory. Don’t buy it, and don’t read it you find it distasteful. Common sense. Now if you’re really curious you will buy papers, read blogs and biotch about how disrespectful we are. Unfortunately, due to those involved, it is classified as a NEWS, GOSSIP, etc. item. It’s not going away out of respect to anyone, dead or alive, SAD but TRUE.
Oh no. The “coulda, shoulda, woulda”s are the worst. Sometimes I think guilt is worse than grief.
Professionally, she could have bounced back. She was an incredibly successful stylist (she was on THR’s power list last year with just one single client: Nicole Kidman), she was incredibly well connected, and she was talented. But it made me wonder if the closing of her line was more than just embarrassment at the business failure, but also heartbreak of a personal dream dying. It’s not out of line to guess that for someone who was first a model and then a stylist, that her fashion line could have been a lifelong dream. Or maybe I’m just guessing. Either way, this is just so so so sad.
Closing a business that you created and poured your heart and soul into is like losing a child. I know because I had to do it. It was incredibly depressing. It really did break my heart. I can see it.
I agree with your post. Eight years of blood, sweat and tears, and when you read the NY times fashion columnist’s full article about her that CB has the excerpt from you see how driven and creative and in love she was with what she did.
It is tragic as it seems like all she needed to do was ask for help, it could have been prevented. She must have been in true despair to kill herself in such a sad and painful way. Financial and professional ruin so often lead to suicide, it is heartbreaking as anyone on the outside looking in can see that the person had so much more going for them. It must be so heartbreaking for her loved ones, Mick included, to feel they could have helped her avoid this fate.
This sniffing for a reason is insane, as though there is ever going to be one single, definitive answer that will make the whole world go, “oh, okay. Yeah, that seems reasonable.” As a previous poster stated, it doesn’t make sense to us but it made sense to her.
The medias handling of this has been terrible. From blaming Mick Jagger to this new L’Wren was the Stones’ Yoko. It’s gone way past inconsiderate into just flat out heartless.
Yes, Miffy, yes, I agree. Respect and care are what is needed here. Nothing else.
Poor thing. That is all.
I don’t think it’s true about Mick’s children — his two daughters seemed quite close with her and even Bianca Jagger had wonderful things to say.
Every detail coming out about this lady is making me very sad.
That Yoko angle is beyond ridiculous. These guys have been bandmates for LITERALLY FIFTY YEARS. There is no Yoko with the Stones for the love of god…
Well, Jerry Hall said last year in an interview she liked L’Wren and loved her clothes and said she and Mick had one of the most amicable divorces around. And she said they would come over for dinner and she would go over to their London house for dinner and the families would all spend many holiday dinners together. She said with so many children there was always a lot to talk about.
So the kids were a part of her life. When asked about having children last year, L’Wren talked about what were essentially her step-children and grandchildren she called them.
P.S. Nobody tells Mick Jagger who he can bring on tour. She has always been on tour with him, but let’s face it this time around she was trying to save her company and now the past few weeks trying to ready to close it. It’s not like she was going to be off on the road during all of this. She was depressed and dealing with issues with her business. She was supposed to join him at the end of the month.
It does make sense that she would not go on tour while struggling with her business. I read that her demeanor changed as early as December, which could have been when she realized 2013 was going to end with bigger losses.
As for his band mates allegedly making wisecracks about his girlfriend, I doubt anything was said in earshot of Mick. And I agree that no one is going to tell him who he can take on tour.
What a horrid way to die. Using this method speaks volumes about her state of mind. Almost as if she needed to punish herself. Taking a bunch of pills until you fall asleep and die is one thing, but choosing such a violent way such as hanging oneself is kind of revealing as far as what she probably thought of herself. I hope she didn’t feel like a failure. She was extremely successful and accomplished. Hopefully, at some point in her life, she knew this. RIP.
It’s no where near as violent as shooting your brains out. Usually women do take pills to kill themselves, statistically speaking, but it’s not as sure fire.
I know a lady in her 60s who attempted suicide via gun in mouth, but was unsuccessful. It was such a violent choice. She sent her husband on an errand and did it (she wasn’t even known to handle guns). She underwent multiple reconstructive surgeries and my understanding is she was required to travel across the country to stay in an extended stay treatment facility.
Hopefully she’s doing better, but one never knows. The reconstruction did the job of physically hiding what happened, but who knows what is going on inside.
Having accompanied Jagger on tour for the past 10 years, If he didn’t invite her along on the latest tour, the hurt and humiliation (coupled with the business closure) may have done her in.
My brother hanged himself when I was 17. He had suffered from depression but people can absolutely have psychotic episodes, either from intentionally screwing with their medication (as he did) or a perceived traumatic event that triggers an irrational decision. The brain is a still a very puzzling organ. It’s tragically sad but it can and does happen.
Give Mick some shelter. The storm is threatenin’ his very life today. Have some compassion, folks.
I can only hope that this shocking event results in a foundation in her name to bring more awareness to depression. I’ve suffered with this illness for many years and because of the ignorance of my family have been branded an outcast and estranged. They choose to blame everything and anyone for my illness including drugs, brainwashing and my lovely husband. I am so incredibly tired of the ignorance involved and wish some people would wake the f#ck up.