Amy Poehler appears on an upcoming installment of Sundance’s The Approval Matrix. The show features host Neal Brennan performing a weekly pop culture roundup and interviewing various celebrities. Amy’s episode includes a segment about the difficulties faced by modern man.” Neal appears perplexed by the rise of the sensitive yet brawny nerd who isn’t afraid to cry but can still get down in the weight room.
You’ve noticed this phenomenon, right? This is exactly what’s going on with Chris Pratt’s recent surge in popularity. Pratt french braids hair and visit children’s hospitals. He may be newly ripped but also talks about emotional eating. And women love him for it. Men have noticed too, and it makes them nervous. Neil Brennan brings up the topic of the adorkable Renaissance man. Amy’s response to the topic is incredible:
Neal Brennan: “Girls want actual nerds? Or do they want a guy who looks like a nerd and is strong. I’m still confused. Being cool is, like, passe. And now you have to be awkward and adorkable.”
Amy Poehler: “Well, this feeling that you’re having right now — which is like, ‘I’m supposed to be all things’ — is a feeling that women have every day and have their whole lives. So you’re just starting to experience it now. Like how can I be cool but tough but also sweet. We have to deal with all those juxtapositions every day, but I’m glad you’re finally experiencing it as a white male. But I think it’s tough. Like guys who go to therapy and are not afraid of a good massage. I would also love to be with someone who’s waist isn’t smaller than mine and who just kinda acts like my Israeli bodyguard.”
[From Sundance TV]
Do you hear that, guys? Women have known this “be everything” pressure for ages. We know what it’s like to have to look feminine and pretend to enjoy camping. We’re supposed to stay in excellent physical shape and still love pigging out at restaurants. We’re supposed to be down with raising a family and still maintaining a raucous social life. Dudes are just starting to feel the same pressure to do it all. It’s delicious, isn’t it? I’m glad Amy pointed this out to Neal. Here’s a clip.
Photos courtesy of WENN
YES! Thank you, Amy, spot on observation as always.
I know right? Can we just get her to walk around and drop truth bombs on everyone?
Wow, slap of truth for you right there! LOL Amy is amazing!! I am proud to say my nephew who is 4, loved his 2 year old sisters American doll so much….they bought him a boy one!! You should see him love this baby doll, it’s precious! He loves babies and children! He is a protector and a great big brother. More boys should be given dolls as small children!!
Yeah, gender stereotypes are stupid, let children play with the toys they’re interested in, let them embrace their personalities and be themselves!
Totally agree. We’ve made a conscious effort to not stereotype our 3-year-old son. Yes, he loves trains and construction vehicles, but he also loves brushing the tail of his My Little Pony, and he recently picked out a lovely pair of pink & purple Doc McStuffins sunglasses. I’m proud of how sensitive and loving my son is, and I hope he doesn’t get socialized out of it once he hits school-age.
I love her!
+1000
she is the best!
It’s interesting how she had to defuse the situation by joking after Brennan ‘sensed a tone’. She can point out that women always feel this way but at the same time she has to acknowledge how bad it is for him and all the other men when in fact, it is just so much harder for us.
To quote Ben Folds:
“Y’all don’t know what it’s like, being male middle class and white, It’s a b*tch if you don’t believe. Listen up to my new CD, sham on.”
Words that I turn to when I feel my white girl privilege bubbling up to the surface.
Love this!!
Come on now, we’re better than that; being male, white and middle-class is not some kind of glorious party we’re excluded from. Men experience plenty of pressure and unhappiness, just like everyone else on the planet. Yes, the cards are stacked in their favor but guess who is a big part of making that a reality, yes, I’ll say it, women. Every arrogant man I have ever met has his mother standing behind him telling him he’s the greatest thing since Jesus. Maybe if people would stop exalting sons as the end all and be all we might over come some of these social gender roles. We are all part of this issue, not just the white boys riding the crest of popularity.
Bob – all true.
i dont think its delicious at all. do we all just want to meet at the lowest point and be happy we are all equally miserable or do we want to change the world for better?
I agree with you. I love Amy Poehler and what she is saying is 100% true. But ” I am glad you are experiencing…” part made me cringe a bit. We, as women, experience some malicious stuff but I am not going to be happy when men start experince that shit too. I won’t be glad when men start to have body issues as much as women or when they try to alter their character to appeal to women more. It is not what feminism aims for.
I don’t know… I totally do agree with Amy but it is sad that equality makes things harder for men not easier for women.
Don’t worry, things won’t be harder for men as long as women apply this heartfelt manner of thinking and run to protect the poor little boys every time the hardships of life are approaching.
Men don’t exist on their own in this society, they live and adjust themselves according to what is required of them. Women do the same thing. The difference is most men have balls to have more demands, so women adjusted to them and it was never the other way around.
And equality is also about creating balance. If by creating balance things get harder for men, it means that until now they weren’t carrying their weight.
It isn’t “protecting the poor little boys” to feel that you want no one to suffer injustice. In fact, it’s what true confidence and feminism should be about. Equality. Trying to suppress someone else just makes it seem that we, as women, are so insecure that we must make men inferior. We shouldn’t aim for an “equality” that makes others suffer as much as us (or whoever is the oppressed) but rather an equality where no one is feeling that. If we can only advance by cheering negativity on others, I don’t think that is much of an advancement at all.
@maybe, I do see what you’re saying, but it also think that walking in someone else’s shoes can be incredibly edifying. I agree with your last statement, but if having men experience a little of what women go through every day makes them more sensitive to the pressures we face, can’t that also be a good thing in the long run?
She is clearly being sarcastic when she says “I am glad you are experiencing it…” I don’t know why you keep harking back to that.
“We” – as in, women – have been trying to change the world for ages. And guess what, it’s still sh!tty to be a woman for a lot of reasons. And men don’t care. You can only do so much when only women are listening… so yeah, maybe they do need to feel this themselves to actually do something about how we treat other people. Personally I love seeing the tables turned, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Sadly, I think as long as men don’t experience this for themselves, they will never understand what we’re talking about. So while I don’t wish this pressure on anyone, I am glad that it’s spread around a bit more because maybe then things can change.
Have you never thrown an “You don’t even KNOW how much work it is to look like this!” at a guy? Really? Because I’ve tortured someone with wax and they ran to their girlfriend and told her “I didn’t know how much this frickin’ hurt! Stop doing it!” I’ve also repeatedly been told women shouldn’t wear so much makeup while being pointed at as an example. I told them I was currently wearing 9 different products on my face, not counting skincare. “Honey, it is HARD to look this natural.” I’m not saying men haven’t felt pressure until now but this “being all things” has been a uniquely female experience. Until recently. Maybe we can all stop saying crap like “I want a natural girl who doesn’t spend hours in the bathroom” or “I want a guy who’s tough and geeky and sensitive and athletic and who doesn’t spend more hours in the bathroom than me.” It is so frickin’ exhausting.
@littlemissnaughty:
LOOOL – Exactly!
I totally agree with you. Maybe if men see what it’s like, they will understand what pressure women feel and we can all just knock it off and be ourselves.
I told a 50-something, male, distant relative about how I was spanked by a stranger on a bus when I was 14. He was shocked. SHOCKED. He could bot BELIEVE something like that could happpened to me. I was shocked too, that someone could live to be 55 and not know what life is like for women. Because it was not the only story of the sort I have, and I’ve yet to meet a woman who hasn’t experienced something similar… over and over.
Well, I hope it will be that way and we’ll just stop judging each other. What made me cringed was the fact that she said she was glad. I can’t be glad about someone else suffering because I do. I am probably reading too much into this.
@Qwerty spanked on a bus by a stranger? That is horrible. How did that even happen? What were other people on the bus doing?
I think we all have many many stories like that and sometimes I get irrationally angry at seemingly innocent comments or even compliments. I have a friend who’s got a thing for red/dark nail polish and occasionally comments on my manicure. Not gonna lie, it’s nice to hear a compliment but then it changed and he said things like “Yours are nice because they’re short, I can’t stand these talons.” followed one day by “Oh you’re wearing that nail polish again, it looks great. You should wear it more often!” He kept saying it whenever I was wearing it and one day I was having a crap day and snapped at him “Do you KNOW how much work it is to maintain this sh*t? It takes at least 1.5 hours and lasts 4 days at most. I don’t have the TIME!” He thought I was having a stroke but it turned out, none of his girlfriends had ever laid it out for him in terms of time and money, they obviously wanted him to think all that stuff just “happened” between naps, we’re born hairless etc.. Well, NO. It really did have a bit of an effect on him, especially when I told him about the financial aspect of it.
Now, this is just nails. But I have groping stories too, as does nearly every woman I think. I just thought this one was lighter. 😉
ETA: maybeiamcrazy, I don’t think she meant “happy”. I admit, I am glad indeed glad men are starting to see what it’s like and yes, there’s a bit of schadenfreude involved but honestly, it’s a good thing this is happening. How else would things change? People don’t learn from other people’s experiences.
@Qwerty I am sorry I got your comment completely wrong now I get it. Ignore me please
@Littlemissnaughty dealing with nails are so frustrating. I feel you. And it is not like I feel so sorry for men. I just don’t want to be cruel just because they are men I guess. I see your point.
It’s a very old “observation”. Other women who were also claiming to speak for all women were saying that at least as far back as the ’70’s.
Is this Poehler’s way of auditioning to co-host “The View”?
No, it’s her way of responding to a question with frankness and class.
I’m not being as critical as you think. Normally, Poehler is astute and funny, but I think this statement is a miss. If Goop or Kim Kardashian had said the same thing, it would be easier to notice its utter vacousness.
I will forever love her for this. It’s so true, I want to weep.
She’s right but why the white male part? I’ve never heard her acknowledge her privilege as a white woman so I’m side eyeing that…
How would you expect her to aknowledge it?
I don’t know to be honest.
She could’ve just stated that he was finally experiencing it given his male privilege vs bringing race into it when she benefits from being the same race.
I still remember her refusal to discuss the lack of diversity on SNL.
She does speak up on women’s issues (and I’m grateful for that) but I get tired of white feminists who don’t discuss intersectionality and how it plays into amplifying issues for WoC.
There’s a lack of representation in mainstream feminism that irks my soul.
It definitely does make a difference what colour you are and should be acknowledged more in the mainstream media when talking about women’s rights but in this case I think her point was that HE was feeling it, of all people – a white male. The most priviledged person you can be born as, esp. if you’re heterosexual (I would’ve added that too cause it’s important in this context unless his sexuality is homo-/bisexual/unknown, of course)
Because no other group has had as many privileges as white men? Of course white woman is still in a much better position, privilege-wise, than a woman or even man of color but it’s nothing compared to what white men have. All women, still have to face discrimination, especially in the work environment and are judged for everything while white men can do exactly the same things and be paid much more, judged less or not at all and are not pressured by the society to have it all – have a career but also be a great, always present parent, look amazing, never age or gain weight but also eat normally and do not spend money on beauty products etc etc. The” white” part is unfortunately important because when a white woman, a black man/woman and a white man are competing to get promoted for a higher position with a big raise, it’s still the most probable option that the white man will get it, even if he has lower qualifications than the other two. I don’t know about America but in many countries, there are still companies which for the same amount of work pay much more money to white men than to white women and people of color – my mom works for one. Look t the percentage of white men who are CEO’s, managers, directors, politicians or even something as trivial as the Academy Awards voters etc. Its not that high because they are the best qualified.
@Norman Bates’ Mother
I agree with everything you wrote except for the part that a white woman is in a better position than a black man – not sure about that.
Qwerty –
With the recent Henderson incident, this is a really difficult debate. A thousand years ago when the third Star Trek series was announced, as young feminist I eagerly awaited the announcement of a female captain. Instead, the captain was a black man. That moment and several others in cultural history (including the 2008 presidential campaign) helped me understand something: my observation was that in educated, privileged culture, “liberal” white men tend to feel more comfortable seeing their male counterparts of other races achieve privilege than their female counterparts of any color. It makes sense because one has to do with their dynamics at home and is much more personal.
Having said that, I think being an educated, financially independent woman of any background gives one more privilege than being a young black male walking/driving down the street in typical American neighborhood, where young men of color come under suspicion by police merely for existing. The whole “who has it worse” game doesn’t have any obvious winners.
Yes, men are not at all burdened by antiquated gender roles.
Yes, men are also negatively impacted by gender stereotypes, and no movement has done more to free men of those restraints than feminism.
Thank you! +1 000 000
Fist pump to Bettyrose!
Amy Poehler is the best.
Ha! You are preaching to the choir here. I am currently sick with a nasty flu. So I should be home resting and taking plenty of fluids as the doctor ordered. But as a woman, mother and a teacher it is not happening.
I am laying in bed correcting essays. I am still cooking and cleaning. Still having to answer emails from work. God forbid I get some sleep. Believe me I have tried to just zone out. But the catch-up work afterwards forces me to plough right through the flu.
Now the man-flu that’s another story. I would like to see a man pull everything off whilst sick.
Feel better, poor baby.
Oh, my God, girl, how much I understand you! I hope you feel better soon!
Wow Serenity, I’m surprised by your name as your description of life is anthing but! And it sounds so familiar. Using my vacation to address 5 years of deferred maintenance, get kids ready fir sxhool, catch up unfinished work etc. Been there. Done that.
Hope you feel better.
I feel your pain sister! I am also a woman, mother, and teacher, and last week my whole family had the flu. My husband hid in the basement family room and watched movies & slept for 4 days while I took care of small children (3 & 8 months) and maintained a household in-between vomit sessions. Thank god for me school hasn’t started yet where I live!
Amy Poehler can speak for only for herself. To assume that “all” women feel the same way she does is absolute nonsense. I know it was lighthearted and fun, but so many women – celebrities especially – feel they have the right to speak out for all of us on how we feel or think.
I do not feel like I have to be anything other than me, thanks.
Well your name says it all….lol…lots of snark early in the morning.
I did not see anything snarky at all in an honest comment.
+100.
Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking and feeling.
You beat me to it. I HATE it when anyone speaks for an entire group like this. Maybe I am not in tune with men’s and/or society’s expectations of me, but I don’t feel pressure to be everything. And I’ve never really been judged for it from anyone.
Thank you! Agree. Not that I don’t notice those expectations when they come my way, but I don’t have to fullfill them. That’s still MY choice. And so far, I didn’t experience any problems with me just being myself.
Ah, yes, well, now we’ve heard from “that” contingent.
+1
I had literally just finished the “cool girl” part from “Gone Girl” and had to put down the book (was mostly just scared at how accurate it was) and then I clicked onto this. Little bit scary :S
It really does sound a lot like Gone Girl. Good call.
Agreed, reminds me of the “cool girl” description in Gone Girl. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/584441-men-always-say-that-as-the-defining-compliment-don-t-they
Best part of the book.
Perfect.
I can’t help but love her. I’ve been a fan for a long time and I love her honest answers. I can’t say that the pressure she speaks of is in line with how I feel, but I really like how she expresses herself.
I did find it surprising that she brought race into the equation, especially since she previously refused to talk about the lack of diversity at SNL. That part was interesting.
I love Amy but I think she didn’t want to bite the hand that feeds her so she said “ugh pass” for the snl question. Not her best moment but she did reach out her hands and congratulated Sasheer Zamata and did a few interviews speaking about race and women after that.
She is perfect. I have been stanning her for a long time. 🙂
Bam. She’s awesome.
On point! Amy is amazing 🙂
I had no idea how much I wanted this until I saw it.
I love love love Amy.
This was an interesting contrast to the post today about Goop who describes DVF as “fabulous, sexy, incredibly intelligent woman but also so wise and so maternal which is such a new archetype for a woman, to be all of those things, to be powerful and feminine and sexy and intellectual and a mother and a grandmother”
Amy, I could kiss you! Don’t you just love a genuinely intelligent celebrity?
Amy is the best. Great response