I’m about to give the Fifty Shades of Grey film the highest compliment I can come up with: there are some moments, some shots, where I totally forget that Dakota Johnson’s hair is completely f—ked. They just released a new trailer for the film and it has more panting, more kissing, more lip-biter emoting. And they actually did make Dakota look pretty in some shots. So… good for her. I was worried that her hair was so bad, it would actually distract from the awfulness of the film. The first trailer made Fifty Shades look like a fun movie to hate-watch, and the first trailer became the most watched-trailer of 2014 (I bet The Avengers: Age of Ultron might have beaten it though). Here you go, the second full-length trailer with new footage… this is probably NSFW, although there isn’t much nudity or anything. Just moaning.
Eh. I guess they’re trying to placate the fanbase and assure everyone that yes, there will be lots and lots of sex and Christian Grey kissing virginal white panties. But we already know there’s no todger! BOO! Anyway, I’m not sure what else to say about this mess. Ever since I watched Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson’s awkward-as-hell Today interview, I’ve been worried about their lack of on-screen chemistry. This trailer doesn’t really make me feel better.
Photos courtesy of Universal/Focus Features.
I couldn’t even get through the trailer…Dakota is awful
I wasn’t able to play it. Would you give me a blow by blow please? Abbott read the book and said it was really good.
YOU STOP THAT, MIMIF!
What? I can provide proof if need be, JT SMA cover wanter. 😜
P.S. Are you yelling at me? PASS THE WINE, PLEASE.
how can anyone blow if there’s not a todger to be found? not a jot?
so why should i go watch? what a waste of good money.
it seems to me like it’s going to be a good movie about postmodern architecture with interesting placement of wooden subjects.
@mimif – Abbott made her admission and is now in a program. Your mocking is not helping her recovery.
Is she supposed to be awkard in a cute way or awkard as someone who’s slightly stupid?
She is Bella Swan. So she is a dumbass either way.
I was thinking the same thing. She comes off so…dumb.
Mia: I think E.L James thinks she is “adorably klutzy” but most every reviewer found her downright barely functioning ding dong and worst than Bella Swan which is already kinda scraping the barrel as far as motivations, autonomy, etc
@QQ, Dani and M.A.F. So the actress is nailing perfectly, she seems someone really off.
@elisabeth, I agree. I feel embarrassed for her.
That poor girl. She’s passably pretty, but she has NO charisma. Jamie Dornan, on the other hand….hot diggity damn.
The whole book series was based on a vapid female character. I can see why they cast Dakota – she comes across as vapid and limp from the first minute. Maybe that’s what a “submissive” is. But there is nothing about Dakota that suggests mystery or sexiness or uncharted depth if character. Why would the character of Christian find her remotely attractive? It doesn’t work, although he tried.
If the book is really based on Twilight, that explains the vapidness. Both Bella and Anastasia lack everything to make them interesting.
p.s. He’s hot as hell!
Mia V- the books really are based on Twilight. It started out as Twilight fan fiction on the internet and some dumba$$ somewhere decided to give E.L. James (not her real name apparently) as publishing deal. The reviews on sites like Amazon and Barnes and Noble are better than the book itself.
Belle – that’s not what a submissive is. Generalizations like that is what gives the whole BDSM world such a bad vibe. I don’t practice but I know tons of people who do and you’d be surprised how many submissives are successful career women.
There are plenty of submissives, including me, who are anything but vapid and limp.
I’m a sub in the sack, that’s my jam, but I’m not a complete Bella Swan Bumblefuck. Fifty Shades is so obviously written by someone who is not well acquainted with the S&M scene; please don’t think EL James represents the lot of us.
If there’s no todger, why is he holding his tie like that? False advertising!
I’m lost, what is todger? Haven’t read the books.
Her hair isn’t that bad. Come on! I’m more concern about her acting skills…..It’s a shame Jamie Dornan agreed to star in this piece of cr*p. He’s really good in The Fall and I can see his career going downhills thanks to this movie.
Me too. If they had found someone who could show vulnerability without coming across as a wet rag on the verge of tears it would have been a start. I wasn’t sure about him as Christian, but he has the subtle power thing down. There is nothing subtle in Dakota’s performance. And anyone else feel like the directing might blow a little in this?
Cheese, anyone?
It reminds me of those made for TV movies – soap opera type melodrama. And the words they have to say, wow they are cheeseball. “I exercise control in all things” – it makes me literally cringe. Jamie is a hot man, but I can’t imagine sitting through this movie.
Considering the drivel it is based on, nothing can save this movie; not even hot Jamie whose image from Once Upon a Time I will not tarnished by watching this crap.l
I find Dakota totally miscast. And zippo chemistry with Jamie.
i don´t think she´s miscast. Ana is the worst female book character in history. An empty shell, annyoing and dumb. So Dakota plays her very well.
I agree with the empty shell, but isn’t Ana supposed to be sorta Cinderella-like in her beauty? You know, plain Jane cleans up into stunning beauty.
I read the first book and then threw it away. Are there any horny books with interesting female characters?
Replying to Dany because I can’t reply to Marie-France. Marie, check out The Boss by Abigail Barnette.
Thank you AmyR!
I second The Boss!! The first one is great, but the second is meh and the third one is shit. BUT I had to read the second because the first left me all wtf?? Hate-read the third, don’t do it!!
@Marie France, read the Dark Dagger Brotherhood. A little supernatural (those are vampires) but oh so hot!
@DianaB – Black Dagger Brotherhood is the ultimate vampire series. (Fans self)
I agree. Ana is just an awful character. Same as Bella with Twilight. No one could make those characters seem okay or decent.
I also see that Dakota has picked up her acting skills from the Kristen Stewart School of Lip Biting. Its funny because Ana is based of Bella and it looks like they will be played the exact same way
@MarieFrance–Check out the “The Submissive”.
@PunkyMomma, I’m so with ya on that!!! SO hot!
Yes yes yes, love those BDB books!
Thanks for the tip on The Boss. I just checked it out, and it is currently FREE on Kindle.
I think her awkwardness is genuine. She’s not gorgeous, but her eyes pull you in. Doubt the movie will be a blockbuster but think it will be a cult favorite, a 9-1/2 weeks kind of thing..
It’s like the casting director requested an OK (?) girl and the make up department decided to make her look the ugliest possible.
But what does Charlie Hunnam think of the trailer?
You leave Charlie alone! A GOD! The man is a god!
Yes, let us all please forget that our beloved Jax was ever considering being involved in this sh*t show. That man is headed in a much better direction…like to my bedroom. It’s been a long day, don’t judge me.
Haha! Charlie writing his analysis even as we snark.
Nice! This comment alone made my morning.
Why is it that mediocre movies have trailers so long that you’ve basically seen the movie already. I have no interest in seeing this movie after this. Acting is terrible and no chemistry.
I do not think Dakota was a good choice. She looks older and more experienced than hot Jamie. How is she only 25?
She’s a smoker, from what I’ve read.
Well, i think the director is doing a great job of turning tacky dreck into something at least passable. Jamie Dornan is really bringing it. I guess I’m just impressed that they have managed to turn an absolute nothing into something.
When I first heard they were making a movie out of 50 Shades, I thought, that is just impossible, no way. I literally couldn’t imagine how they could make even a semi-decent movie out of it. So, basically I’m impressed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, and by Dornan. Really impressed.
Also, at least Dakota Johnson looks less depressed and limp than she did in the sneak peak trailer. So, that’s something.
Jamie Dornan has done what he could with what is essentially scriptwriting diarrhoea. I mean, how can you deliver the line “my tastes are singular” as a supposed 27 year old (!?!?), and Still be able to resist the urge to look directly into the camera (shattering that 4th wall) and say “really!? REALLY,? Come ON guys! Who wrote this shit!?” Before walking off set. Maybe there will be something more interesting on the craft services table. Maybe you can get that side of smoked salmon the caterers brought for the crew to write some better dialogue
Oh, and that is some jacked up hair on her . I think it is supposed to make her look awkward and a bit harried and unkempt and vulnerable, like Anne Hathaway at the beginning of Devil Wears Prada. It only really succeeds in making her look like she suffers from depression and has not been able to bring herself to run a brush through it.
I agree, I think Sam Taylor-Johnson did the best she could with the material. Unfortunately they couldn’t write a whole new story as this would be the only thing that would really save the movie, but I think they tried to make it at least look nice. And sound nice with Beyonce.
Wow they both sound awful. The stilted cheesy dialogue is making me gag.
I am thinking they’ll send these two out separately to promote the film- that way Dakota won’t suffer in comparison. Any word as to when Netflix will start streaming season 2 of The Fall? Envy all who can see it today! Happy Jamie Day!
sometime in Jan, 2015
the trailer made it look like Miranda Priestley is about to walk in, at any moment, on little boy Grey doing the nasty, and go “oh honey, no” with one perfectly arched eyebrow.
Ahahah Miranda Priestley would make him run home ASAP with one eyebrow.
Still will not watch it. All the trailer did was show how Johnson simply cannot act.
50 shades of lame.
Read Anais Nin
Or Henry Miller.
Or D.H. Lawrence. Or if you want to be completely nauseated the Marquis de Sade.
Yeah….I am still going to see this train wreck opening weekend. I am so weak *sigh*
Me too. I’ll be sneaking into the theater with my sunglasses and huge scarf on, lest I be recognized.
Jamie is really bringing it. He has the whole psycho control thing down pat. But there is NO chemistry. I found myself cringing every time they touched. She’s as enthusiastic as a wet blanket.
Dakota seems to be in way over her head…what else has she done? She just does not seem believable. Poor Jamie!
soundtrack sounds kool ,that man srsly needs a beard!1
Too bad the gold medal for “most uncomfortable kiss ever” belongs to the Duggar.
Thought they did a good job on the trailer considering what I had expected. The chemistry is a little lacking and what is with the terrible bang trauma on the girl? That is whats recking it for me. All I could thing was … when are they going to do the Christian Gray make over on her to make her into the bomb shell the book describes. I don’t think she can pull it off. Not with those bangs, that’s for sure!
But I am no open to seeing the movie! That MAN is bringing his game!
She is the pia zadora of her generation. I SMELL GILI HERE!
*snort*
I googled Pia Zadora. Thank you very much.
I’ll probably hate watch this just for the soundtrack. 🙂 And Jamie. The rest… well, the books. blaaaaahhhh. Enough said.
This trailer was so, so very bad. My roommate kept singing ‘Red Light Special’ by TLC during the trailer and laughing hysterically. She also referred to Dakota Johnson as Minnesota Jackson. Yeah, she never remembers people’s names. I thought they made some kind of effort with the first trailer to make it look passable, but this looks like the corniest, cheesiest porno without the actual porn. I couldn’t even laugh because it made me cringe. This movie looks painfully embarrassing. Why did they infantilize the Ana character so much? My roommate’s boyfriend pointed out that Dakota looked and sounded like a little girl. Is this sexy? I refuse to believe that women are this stupid and emotionally childish.
HA!! Dakota Jackson will now forever be known as Minnesota Jackson.
Fair warning that I will be stealing this name from your roommate moving forward.
My roommate says you can have Minnesota Jackson if you want. Like I said, she’s really bad with names and tends to butcher them. Anyway, this trailer still looks like crap. CONGRATULATIONS TO THEM ALL!
I thought the same thing, it’s like she’s a little girl. It makes me feel guilty or wrong for watching this. Doesn’t seem right, she is not the right fit for this part but oh well, Jamie is F*** HOT holy crap major hot–I said hot twice. Remember when Celebitchy would have Hot Man Friday– they called it something way more clever but I cant remember, I miss that.
She’s also like a dumb little girl in the book, so they nailed it, I guess?
Ok, I was hoping that the movie would be BETTER than the book based on the quality of people involved. But, based on this trailer, it just looks painfully embarrassing. Something is not working here. I do like the posters, though.
I knew the only reason I liked the other trailer was Beyonce’s Crazy for Love remake. This one looks like hell, the song can’t save this movie trailer. Also, why do we have to see the movie when the trailer shows the whole plot, and couldn’t they have tightened the writing a bit the lines are cheesy. The only thing I got out this trailer is Jamie is a much better actor than Dakota. I hope this doesn’t hurt his career.
I have high hopes that the entire soundtrack is all Bey, all the time. That’ll get me through this shitshow of a movie (which, yes, my BFF and I are already planning to go hatewatch on V-Day w/o our husbands). That and some airplane bottles of booze I’ll sneak in for my 300oz Diet Coke.
Eh, the whole time I watched it, I kept thinking, “That’s THAT scene from Twilight, that’s THIS scene from Twilight…” The whole thing is just play by play Pornlight. And considering how uncomfortable and squirmy I was sitting through Twilight, watching this might be like getting a root canal and cervical biopsy at the same time.
I love how he can’t quite control his accent! He’s adorable
Love me some Jamie (especially with a beard)…Hope this stinkbomb doesn’t hurt him too much. Dakota might be a nice girl but an actress she isn’t. I won’t be watching.
I am going to take a crack at it and say, I understand why Ana is the way she is.
She’s not experienced and is getting by and this handsome man comes along and shows
her something different.
Christian is really controlling, stalks her, and does not like how she talks to other men. I hated how Christian kept on about”Mrs. Robinson”. Sorry, she was a child molester. In the book, Ana would think things and not say them and that mad me. EL James really should not write about 20-something because she is in her fifties and it does not relate to today.
It was a weird book and I don’t plan on seeing the movie. The advertising of this movie is too much.
If you’re interested in what EL James/Erika Leonard/SnowqueenIcedragon was like during her time in the Twilight fandom then Google gentleblaze.livejournal. The article is titled ‘Too Much Wank to Name.’ I read it last year and it was pretty unbelievable. Seriously, check it out. As for the trailer, this one was a special kind of awful.
I must say before I go out for the day…this is the best i have ever seen Beyonce in a movie.
I’m out.
hehehe
Wow that girl is utterly lacking in any acting skills or talent. The guy seems watchable and without her this movie could have stood a chance.
As a woman of 50 I woudnt dream of writing as a 20 something… why woud u think u know what a 20 something wants? Ffs …. I havent read the book but this trailer woudnt persuade me to watch th film thou the guy is defo giving a better performance than th girl. – i always feel like its like if ur a bit older n trying to prove ur still trendy n “with it” n still see urself as sexy u woud pretend this is what ur in to when in reality ud actually prefer to sit in ur jammies with a cup of tea and watch Poirot …or is that just me? …..Blah…
lawd, i’ve said it before, i suppose i’m getting more comfortable with owning it… i cannot wait til this comes out.
I MEAN THAT MAN’S BACK IS SCULPTURAL !! SCULPTURAL I TELL YOU !!
She’s not a good actress… and if it is true to the book, she has to pull off a really unbelievable type of character. He seems better than expected…
I read all the books and this trailer makes the books look much better than they really are.
For the people who will be “hate-watching” this garbage.. just know that you are contributing to its success and the eventual demise of literature.